Situational Insanity
by The Author's Mighty Pen
Summary: John Bates works as a psychiatrist at a lucrative practice that gives him no satisfaction anymore. One day, contemplating suicide after his divorce, he meets a woman in the Grantham men's room. She blows him away and leaves only her name, Anna Smith.
1. The Grantham Men's Room

He opened the door and called out, "Hello? Anyone in here?"

When no one answered he entered the restroom and locked the door behind him. With a sigh he pulled something out of his pocket and unfolded it. Clearing his throat, he straightened the paper and started reading.

"Ladies and gentlemen it's our pleasure to congratulate Robert and Cora on the renewal of their vows. We've all got so much to learn from their flawless example of love, devotion, and…" He dropped the paper on the green granite countertop. "It's bullshit."

"Ow."

He turned to the line of stalls, "Hello?"

"Shit." One of the stalls opened and a small blonde woman emerged, holding a pair of high heels in her hand. "Sorry."

"What…" He took a breath, "What are you doing in the men's room?"

"I was attending the party upstairs but then one of the guys I went on a few dates with awhile back got himself invited and then got himself pretty drunk before the party started only to keep drinking during the party so he's a little…" She waved a hand, "Let's just say I'm willing to put out the idea that hiding away in this men's room is better than being up there."

"But…" He turned toward the door and then the stalls. "Why not just say you're in here when I asked?"

"I thought you were only going to use the restroom and that maybe you were just someone who didn't want anyone to hear you. Like a stage fright kind of thing." She cringed, "I didn't realize you were going to recite a speech and since I didn't know how long you were going to be I didn't want to get stuck in here forever but you'd already asked if anyone was in here and I didn't say anything. And I realize, now, that I probably should've said 'hi' or something but when I didn't you started talking to yourself and I was in no-mans-land so I thought might as well come out."

"And that's when-"

"That's when I slipped on the seat and banged my shin."

"Sorry I made this difficult for you." He shrugged, "I guess I didn't realize that someone else might use this as a way to escape."

"The men's room?" He nodded and she whistled, "Guess the evening's not been great for you either."

"Not really."

"Mind telling me why not?" She hopped onto the counter, her bare feet dangling toward the floor. "If you want to, of course. I've already invaded your private moment and I wouldn't want to ruin the rest of your already shitty evening."

"No I," He scratched at the back of his head, coughing out a bit of a laugh. "I think actually telling someone might actually be a good thing."

"Then I'm all ears."

He opened his mouth a moment, letting out a sigh, and then spoke. "I'm supposed to give this speech for my friend's anniversary party where he and his wife are renewing their vows and I can't do it."

"I heard the moment you said, 'it's bullshit' but I don't want to assume that you said the speech you wrote is bullshit because I only heard a few lines and they seemed alright."

"The words in the speech aren't the problem." He leaned on the counter close to her. "It's more the intention behind them that is."

She tipped toward him, "How so?"

"My friend and I go way back, like a decade or more, but I can't get up in front of all those people and tell them that he's loved his wife passionately or unconditionally or perfectly for the whole thirty years of their marriage."

"Not everyone does."

"But everyone wants everyone to believe they do." He shook his head, "Maybe it's just my jealousy coming out."

"About what?"

"My own marriage took its own spin around the toilet bowl, as it were, and is now no more."

"You seem more resigned than upset about that."

"Vera and I were…" He frowned, "You don't want to hear the sad tale of that."

"Maybe I do." She shrugged, "I told you I ran to a men's room to hide from someone trying to snog me on the dance floor."

"Well then I guess you'll consider it a highlight of your evening that the first man you met had a will for life while I don't."

"Not sure I count sexual harassment as desire for life."

He shrugged, "I guess it's what men who get led around by their dick suppose it means when they accost a pretty girl."

"You think I'm pretty?"

"In another situation I'd go as far as to say you're beautiful and I'd like to offer you a turn on the dance floor." He sighed, "But tonight's not that night."

"Because you've got to give a speech you think is a lie?"

"Because I'm planning on killing myself at the end of tonight."

Her jaw dropped, "Excuse me?"

"I've got nothing to live for and it's the-"

"That's the bullshit." She hopped off the counter and he turned to her.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't know you, sir, but-"

"John Bates."

"What?" She frowned.

"My name's John Bates." He shrugged a shoulder, "If you're going to berate me might as well use my whole name like my mother used to."

"Fine, John Bates, I think that's bullshit and you need to yank your head out of your ass before I do." She let out a breath, "Wow, I guess motherhood's easier than I thought. I was all convinced it had more to do with praise and punishments in equal measure before worrying about whether or not your son's got porn in his room or your daughter's skirt's too high."

"My mother always said it was about love."

"And what would she say to you telling a complete stranger in the Grantham men's room that you'd planning on offing yourself?"

"That I was being a coward." He held up his hands, "I surrendered to that belief a long time ago so it's really not something that'll keep me up at night."

"You wouldn't tell me if you meant it."

"Wouldn't I?" He snorted, "Part of me wonders if you're not a figment of my imagination already."

"Why's that?"

"No chance in hell I'd meet someone like you … in a men's room no less."

"I don't think you put enough faith in God."

John gave a snorting laugh, "That's easy since I don't really believe He exists."

"The universe then?"

"Not one for fate."

She stepped closer, "Then what do you believe in Mr. Bates?"

"I used to believe in psychiatry. I used to believe the study of the mind was the key to all the problems in the world, that it could explain things, but then I watched my marriage crumble before my eyes and knew its failure was my fault."

"And now you're just going to kill yourself?"

"I've got nothing to live for."

"What a selfishly permanent solution to a temporary problem." She flailed a hand in the air, "You've got someone depending on you to give a speech upstairs and you'd kill yourself."

"I was going to wait until after."

"I'm sure that'll be a great comfort to them." She shook her head, "I think you've let yourself get bogged down by all that's shit about life and forgotten there's actually a lot to live for."

"Is there?" John folded his arms over his chest, "Like what?"

"Love, laughter, li-"

"Please don't recite those trite phrases people stencil onto their kitchen walls when they're DIY-ing something."

"Haven't you ever considered there's a reason people actually listen to those phrases?"

"Because the hipster mommy blogger they follow posted it with a nature background a nice typeface?"

"Because there's truth to it." She took a step closer to him, poking a finger in his chest. "Personally I think if anyone here is full of shit it's you."

"Me?"

"Yes you. Going on about how you've got nothing to live for, talking about the lies of your friend and his marriage, and bemoaning your ex-wife to a stranger in the toilets." She paused for breath, "I think you just need someone to listen to you. Someone who'll try and understand."

He met her blue eyes, cracking a bit at the emotion there. "Will you?"

"I'm still locked in the men's with you aren't I?" She smiled, "And while you don't believe in God or the universe I do. I don't follow any hipster mommy bloggers and I don't really save nature photos with trite phrases in nice typeface but I do have two words I received from an author I trust."

"And what words are those?"

She grinned, "Don't Panic… usually written in large, friendly letters."

John snorted, listening as she joined him in laughing. "That's really what you're going to give me for advice?"

"It's what I'd got and it's gotten me through." She put a hand on his shoulder. "I don't know if there's anything I can really tell you that'll change the situation in which you find yourself and I doubt I should. But just know it's not always as bad as you think it is."

"You seem confident of that."

"I'm confident in quite a few things, Mr. Bates, as I hope you learn." She jumped at a vibrating on the counter and checked her mobile. "Dammit."

"He find you?"

"No, my friend did." She typed back furiously. "Making sure I haven't left before the speeches because she's planning on getting herself smashed and needs to make sure I save her from herself when she's had a bit too much tequila."

"A woman after my own heart it seems." John sighed and pointed toward the door, "Best let you out then?"

"Needs must."

They made it into the hall, walking leisurely toward the stairs, her heels clacking occasionally in her hands. John stopped them where the lift met the stairs and turned to her. "I hope you don't think me incredibly weak Ms.-"

"Smith, Anna Smith, and no, Mr. Bates, I don't." She bit at her lip before speaking again. "I think we've all got to stare into the abyss just once and remind ourselves that we've not fallen in yet. There's hope still out there for us."

"You believe that?"

"I'm religious. More than that, as another one of my favorite givers of advice once said, 'I am ever and always shall be an optimist. The hoper of far flung hopes and the dreamer of impossible dreams'."

"What a lovely thought."

"Yes," Anna looked to the ground a moment, "More to the point, I know that you've seen your share of good and bad things. The best advice I ever heard about it is that life is a pile of good things and bad things and the good things don't outweigh the bad just as the bad things don't outweigh the good."

"Take it all in stride then?"

"Every day's a battle but tomorrow's always fresh."

"You're possibly the most cinematically educated person I've heard met."

"It's a hobby." She gathered her breath, and he suspected her courage, "Best go and save my friend from herself."

"And I need to deliver a speech." He held out his hand. "Thank you, Ms. Smith, for meeting me in the men's room."

"Not the kind of interaction I hoped I'd have in the men's room but I enjoyed it all the same." She gave him her hand and gasped slightly when he kissed it.

"I'll forever be indebted to you Ms. Smith."

"Just call me 'Anna' and we'll call it even." She took her hand back, using it to pull her skirt up so she could ascend the stairs. "And give the speech. People need hope and the fact they've been together this long means they're doing something right."

"Like closing one eye and not really looking out the other?"

"It's all about perspective Mr. Bates." She called back, giggling up the stairs.

"Yes I rather think it is." He hit the button for the lift, hearing her continue up the stairs. "All about perspective."


	2. Just a Girl on the Dance Floor

As John exited the lift he noted a gray-haired man anxiously pacing the corridor outside a large ballroom. When the other man saw him there was a notable sigh of relief. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Practicing my speech." John patted his breast pocket. "Wanted to make it top notch for you. It's thirty years worth of stories, anecdotes-"

"Just," The other man help up a hand to stop John speaking, "Tell me it's good."

"It'll be fine." John grabbed his arm, "You worry far too much Robert. The fact that Cora hasn't left you yet is a sure sign you're doing the right things. I'd call that encouraging."

"And I'd say I spent a small fortune on this part and I expect to be well rewarded for it later but that means she can't be thinking over parts of the party she regrets."

"Don't try and pin it on me if she doesn't let you get your leg over later. My speech'll be just fine." John gestured toward the dimly lit rooms, "Shall we?"

They entered the room and John quickly left Robert to the guests trying to get his attention. The congratulations and small talk wafted over John as he weaved between tables toward the microphone. A tall woman with severe cheekbones and a permanent raise to her eyebrow, that made her appear both haughty and judgmental, turned to him. "Took your time getting here."

"You can't rush art, Mary." John pointed to the microphone. "Am I on?"

"We ran systems check but don't hold it too close to your mouth or you'll get feedback and once my father extricates himself from those bankers then the DJ'll stop playing his music."

John almost pivoted a full circle, "There's a DJ here?"

"Of course there is."

"Then why's he only playing elevator music?"

"Papa didn't want anything distracting before he can give my mother her gift." Mary shrugged, "It's a night in this hotel, which I'm sure she already figured out since she caught me sneaking through her underwear drawer."

"Did you tell her you were hoping to find presents in there?"

"I told her I needed to find mine because they got confused in the laundry again." Mary shrugged, "There are benefits to moving back in with your parents."

"I'm sure making sure this night was arranged so you could have a night of fun of your own was one of them."

Mary scowled, "I do hope we're not about to discuss our sex lives, Mr. Bates, because-"

"Ladies and gentleman," They both stopped as the DJ mumbled into the microphone. "We'd like to bring this party to its official start and welcome Robert and Cora Crawley to the floor."

Respect clapping and a few wolf whistles filled the air as Mary sank into the background. John stepped toward the microphone as Robert led his wife to the center of the floor. They waved at some of the people and then Robert nodded at John.

With a flourish, John pulled his speech form his pocket and cleared his throat before speaking into the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen it's our pleasure to congratulate Robert and Cora on the renewal of their vows."

He paused for more clapping, "It's an amazing sight to see two people still so in love after this long. We've all got so much to learn from their flawless examples of love, devotion, and trust. Even more to learn from how they lean on one another."

John's statements were interrupted with coos and ahhhs from the crowd that had Robert and Cora exchanging a quick peck to sate the audience. Looking down at his speech, John's eyes swam at the sight and then he crumpled it in his hand, holding the microphone steady with the other. He looked out over the crowd, dark in the shadows with the light on him, and spoke.

"But that's not what they are." Mutters from the crowd and the widening of Robert's eyes signaled John's hurried continuation of his speech. "Because we're not in a romantic comedy where all of our problems are solved simply in two hours. We're not even in a miniseries that has love reached at the end by simplistic and rather questionable means. We're in real life and that's dark shit sometimes.

"I remember," John removed the microphone, tossing out the cord so he could walk a bit, "When Robert and Cora first met. They were sick of one another after being lab partners in a chemistry classroom and I thought nothing of Cora. But slowly, Robert matured and he saw the person she was. Not an angel, not perfect, and certainly not without her flaws but someone he wanted to get to know better. As someone once said in a rom-com, 'you like because and you love despite' and Cora was the first person Robert wanted to love despite."

John focused on the floor, rubbing a line there with the toe of his shoe. "I wasn't any good at that in my marriage and so there's a degree of fairness in asking what leg I have to stand on in terms of love and, the truth is, I've not got one. I'm pretty much a flightless penguin in this zoo but I know Robert and I know the way he loves Cora. It's the way a human being loves another. Not perfectly, not entirely, but with all the effort they can muster."

Grabbing a glass from a table, John held it up, "To thirty more years of imperfect but earnest love between the two people who find it in themselves to forgive and try again every day: Robert and Cora."

The room joined in the toast and John set the glass back down, leaving the microphone in its holder. As he brushed his hands against his jacket he found Mary right there, her eyebrow raised higher than normal. "I hope you're not round one of the telling-off because I don't know if I should start with your disapproval."

"Who said anything about disapproval? That was the most honest speech I've ever heard at one of these." Mary cast a glance toward her parents greeting another round of well-wishers. "Personally I think you could've been more honest."

"We're in public." John sighed, "And it's bad form to bring my work into my personal life."

"I thought that's what killed your marriage?"

"What killed my marriage was an inability to understand that your hormones shouldn't control major life decisions." John jumped slightly as an eighties song came over the speakers and the lights lowered for Robert and Cora to take the floor. "I don't suppose you'll take pity on me and dance before your mother and father determine my being single is a let down to the tenor of their party and foist someone on me."

"Unfortunately I've got to run and make sure the dessert round is coming on time. However," Mary raised her hand and waved across the room, "I've got a friend I'd like you to keep company for me until I get back."

"Any particular reason?"

"An acquaintance of a friend someone got himself invited to this with a bad gift and has been making himself a nuisance at the bar with his level of intoxication."

"Sounds like a bitter note."

"It's worse when he keeps accosting my friend." Mary stepped away to take someone's hand and draw them closer. "As such, John, I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Anna Smith. Anna, this is my father's oldest friend and my godfather, John Bates."

They just stared at one another a moment before John thrust his hand forward so awkwardly he was in danger of appearing like he wanted to cop a feel. Anna adjusted to take his hand, shaking it somewhere near her shoulder, and smiled. "Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Bates. Mary talks about you on occasion and it's been an experience."

"Knowing Mary it wasn't all good things." John took his hand back, "But I trust it was fair."

"I believe her assessment was that." Anna swallowed, "Would it be too much to ask if you'll take a turn around the dance floor with me? I don't feel comfortable standing in the spotlight."

"Of course." John offered her his hand and they joined the other swaying couples on the floor.

Holding her hands carefully, John directed them to a slightly more spacious section of the floor. In a moment he kept them to the tempo of the song, occasionally guiding Anna in a twirl that sent her carefully styled hair flying out. He smiled to himself as she returned to his hold and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"I do hope you're not laughing at my dancing, Mr. Bates."

"No," He shook his head in a hurry, "I was just wondering where I know you from."

"Oh," Anna nodded, pursing her lips as if in deep, concentrated thought. "University maybe?"

"Only if you took a psychology course and attended a guest lecture."

"Sorry, I was a dance major." Anna shrugged, "The market? Or the shop?"

"I live in London."

"Everyone lives in London."

"Alright," John laughed a bit, "I live in Knightsbridge."

Anna cringed, "You're right, I wouldn't admit to that in public either."

"And why's that?"

"No one wants to sound that pretentious right off the bat."

"I'm sure you live in an equally glamorous location."

"Not sure you count the Canary Wharf as glamorous but we did feature in an episode of _Doctor Who_ and that's something."

"Are we not going to talk about how they filmed that in Cardiff?"

"No, we're not." Anna followed his direction for another spin. "We're off subject."

"Are we?" John shrugged, trying to tamp down on his smile. "I forgot what we were talking about."

"We were working out how we might know one another."

"Ah, right." John sucked the inside of his cheek, "I don't know. I do feel like I know you or that we've met before."

"I've had deep conversations with people on the Tube before and then never asked their name." Anna sighed, "Maybe you're one of those. You do look vaguely familiar, like we meet on public transport."

"I don't think it was that." John swayed them from foot-to-foot another moment before risking a release on one of her hands to snap his fingers. He used his pointer finger to tap his temple, "I've got it. The Grantham man's room a few floors down."

"Right," Anna slapped her free palm against her forehead, "I go there all the time. How could I forget?"

"Not many people remember the toilet."

"But you do."

"I met a beautiful woman there so it's difficult to forget." John nodded over at the DJ, "Do you think she's got anything decent?"

"No." Anna sighed, "Once people bought into Pandora Premium they all think they've got the bomb playlist."

"Did you just use the word 'bomb'?"

"It was hugely popular when I was in primary school."

"And how long ago was that, exactly?"

Anna swatted at his arm as the song ended, "I'll have you know I'm younger than you so for al the age jokes you want to make you've already got your foot in the grave."

"Tell me about it." John eyed the dance floor as another slow song started and the swaying couples continued. "Would I be too improper to invite you to leave with me?"

Anna put a hand to her chest, "What a scandalous suggestion."

"It would be if I had intentions beyond dinner with you." John waved a hand at the tables, "I don't go for catered food, especially since I know Robert skimped on it so he could book a room in this hotel for their anniversary."

"Put your money where it counts." Anna nodded solemnly and then pointed toward Mary. "I'll just tell her I'm leaving so she's not scouring all the restrooms in this building to find me later."

"Spend significant time in restrooms do you?"

"I do since I happened to meet a rather attractive man in one just this evening." Anna winked at him, "Don't go anywhere. I've got great interest in the idea of a milkshake."

John watched her vanish into the crowd and only turned when Robert put a hand on her shoulder. He turned, taking a stable stance when Robert wrapped him in a full hug. Robert's sniffles had John patting his back, trying to gauge where Cora was… or anyone to take his emotional friend.

"How much did you drink?" John asked him, extricating himself from Robert's grip. "You've not been this weepy since you finished two bottles on your own and then passed out on my sofa."

"I'm sorry," Robert wiped at his eyes, "I don't mean to embarrass you."

"it's not that." John assured him, "It's that you've not been like this in awhile and I got a tad unnerved."

"It was your speech," Robert sniffed, trying to compose himself. "You had me going there, for a moment, but your honesty just… it touched me. And Cora, of course, but it was just… it was beautiful."

"Thank you." John patted his shoulder and then turned him toward Cora, "Now, I think you need to go back to your wife."

"You're right." Robert wiped over his face again with his hand but this time it was to make sure he got off all the tears. "How do I look?"

"Like someone who got appropriately emotional at his anniversary party." John steered him around and added a push, "Go on. The dance floor's calling."

Watching Robert find his way back to his wife put a smile on John's face. A hand patted his arm and he shifted to see Anna. She nodded toward Robert and Cora. "Happy you chose to stay and enjoy the celebration?"

"It's much better than I expected, yes."

"I hope so." Anna turned on her heel and they matched pace toward the doors of the ballroom. "And your speech was beautiful. I guess the ending was about what I expected, if not better."

"It was all from the heart, hand to the heavens."

"Even if it was a lie it was a good one." Anna pushed the button for the lift. "Are you a public speaker or something? Give motivational speeches often?"

"Depends on if you consider giving psychiatric advice public speaking." John waited for Anna to enter before following her. "Personally I'm just trying to match medications so people aren't wandering into roadways because they believe they're Moses parting the Red Sea."

"Maybe you're demotivating then." Anna shrugged, leaning back against the wall of the lift. "Helping people come back to reality."

"That's only if you consider this life to be a reality and not a shared delusion we all agree is real."

"Ah," Anna wagged her finger at him, "You're one of those."

"One of what?"

"Cynics." Anna rested her head back against the wall, craning her head back so she had to look over her cheeks at him. "Those who believe they're the only ones not buying into the song and dance."

"I don't really dance."

"I'll admit, it was a sort of awkward shuffle."

At her grin John laughed. "It was the best I could do."

"I disagree." Anna shook her head, "I think everyone has a dance inside them. The dance that expresses their true self."

"I don't think you'd like the true self my dancing might show you." The lift stopped and John held the doors back for Anna to exit. "Interesting that you'd say 'dance' though."

"Why?"

"Most people think it's a song or a novel." John snorted, "Though I don't think people would want to hear me sing either."

"What if it's not any of them and we all express our deepest selves in different ways?" Anna flung out her hand for a passing cab. "But I believe it's dance. The most basic of functions that gives words to the inexpressible."

"I thought the point of 'inexpressible' was that you couldn't express it."

"Okay, pendant." Anna went to open the door for her. "Point is, we'd all choose the thing that means most to us."

"And what means most to you, Ms. Smith?" John leaned on the door before climbing into the cab after her.

"Dance."

"Dance?" John closed the door and leaned forward long enough to pass the address to the driver. "Like… a specific kind of dance?"

"It's not exotic dancing or pole dancing if that's what you're afraid of." Anna shook her head as John hurried to cover.

"I wasn't-"

"No, I think that's exactly where your mind went." She shrugged, "I'm not one for pole dancing. I did it for awhile but I couldn't manage the high heels for landings and almost twisted my ankle once. Plus, it gave me this horrible burn on my arm."

"So you've tried it then?"

Anna half-turned in her seat to stare at him, "If you're about to request a special number then I'm going to flat-out refuse you."

"I wouldn't dream of it." John leaned back, putting a finger to his lips, "If you wanted to offer though…"

She went to elbow him in the ribs but he dodged her. "No fair."

"I'm not going to put up with physical abuse." John held up a hand, "Especially since I'm taking you for a milkshake."

"So it's a date?"

"I'd rather hoped."

"Then you're right on the mark."

They found the little restaurant and John led Anna inside. The slightly frazzled-looking hostess helped them to a table but John politely refused the menus and asked to see the dessert card. Anna tried to argue but John overruled her.

She huffed at him, "I only wanted a milkshake."

"And I think I want dessert."

Her eyes narrowed, "If this is a ploy to have me split something that uses the words 'chocolate', 'fudge', or 'sundae' then you're on the right track."

"Good." John nodded at her, "You said dance means the most to you but you never said what kind of dance you do."

"Performance art, exhibitions, and instruction." Anna pulled at the strap to her dress. "I teach dance classes in the afternoons and evenings four days a week to students from age six to sixty."

"I imagine the range of flexibility there is something."

"It's interesting to watch, that's for sure." Anna giggled, "But I love the seniors group. There's this couple addicted to jive and the Charleston. They're good too."

"You should invite me to a show sometime."

"Perhaps I will." Anna took a breath, "But I do it as part of my obligations to the company I'm in. It's what makes life interesting."

"Performance art?"

"Dancing." Anna smiled, "I was a ballerina until I learned I wasn't getting any taller and then I sort of flitted around. Studied ballroom at University and did a bit of contemporary there but I didn't really find my groove until I took a break from the ballroom circuit."

"Didn't like all the flashy costumes?"

"I didn't like feeling that my head was constantly shellacked in hairspray and grease so it was a helmet." Anna shrugged, "Then I found this company and realized I could do it all."

"I imagine that was freeing."

"Very."

John whistled, "I wish I could find that."

"Why? What do you do?"

"I told you, psychiatric medicine."

"That's not what I meant."

John frowned, "What else could you have meant?"

"There's a difference between doing a job and doing something. If your job is psychiatric medicine then what do you do in it? What's it to you?"

"It was a pretty lucrative practice that I was very good at." John let out a breath, "It's what bought that flat in Knightsbridge."

"But it doesn't bring you joy anymore?"

"How could you tell?"

"All your past-tense verbs." Anna tilted her head to the side and raised her shoulder. "There's bit of rationality that says what we should do is make money and have a big house and do it all so we can one day live our dreams. But then that day comes and we grow to realize we missed the chance to have our dreams along the way."

"Dead at twenty-five, died at seventy?"

"Exactly." Anna tapped her fingers on the table, "What brings you satisfaction?"

"Not my work." John sucked the inside of his cheek, "I wanted it to. I wanted to help people. And in a way I do because these people can now operate in society safely, have relationships with their families, and live more ordinary lives but…"

"But it's not enough."

"No, it's not."

They did not speak, the waitress bringing the menus and John ordering his quickly. Anna scanned it over and over before finally closing her eyes and pointing blindly to one. The waitress wrote it down in a hurry and took the menus back. John's laugh brought Anna to stare at him and she pursed her lips.

"Something funny?"

"I guess you've got a bit of a sweet tooth?"

"Don't we all?"

"Not me… much." John pointed toward the bar. "That was always my vice."

"I like the past-tense in there." Anna sighed, "It does mean I can't seduce you while your inebriated though, and that's a bit of a let down."

"Fancy your chances under that situation?"

"I rather did. When you might make a poor decision about a girl you met in a public toilet."

"Then let me put our fears to rest and promise that you don't need alcohol to have me seduced." Anna's pupils dilated slightly and John swallowed, "If you wanted to… seduce me, of course."

"I can promise that I want to seduce you very much, Mr. Bates." Anna smiled at the waitress as she placed the dessert in front of Anna and then John. "But I think I want this first."

"Delayed gratification?"

"Of a sort." Anna dipped her spoon through the fudge, swirling it before licking over the spoon. "I believe in having my cake and eating it too."

"And torturing me?"

"I haven't known you long enough for that." Anna took another bite, pulling at the spoon exaggeratedly. "But if you think so then sure."

"I've never been one for torture."

"Really?" Anna raised an eyebrow, taking a long suck on her spoon that had John shifting in his seat. "Because I could see you tied to a bed frame with me in some obnoxiously high heels."

John turned to the waitress, "Could I have the bill please?"

Anna stopped, watching the waitress leave before turning to John, "I don't have those heels with me, you know."

"Don't need them." John swallowed, "But only if you want to."

"I think I'll rather enjoy the experience." Anna polished off the last of her dessert on her spoon, "Lead the way Mr. Bates."

The drive to his flat had John's foot tapping nervously on the floor of the cab. He could not stop his blood boiling through his skin or the vibrating sensation taking over his whole body. All he could do was flex his fingers on his knee until her fingers slipped between them. John willed himself not to turn and look at her because he knew, if he did, they would make the driver of their car very uncomfortable.

Soon they were outside his building and John fumbled a moment with his keys in his haste before letting her inside. They took the lift to his flat and when John opened the door again he held his breath. Anna breezed past him, leaving her purse on the island he never used, and walked to the large windows.

"Bit of an exhibitionist are we?"

"They came with the place." John shut the doors, dropping his keys in their little bowl, and then stuffing his hands in his pockets to find something to do with them that was not flexing. "I was going to get some blinds or something but I was at the hospital so much…"

"I like them." Anna pointed behind her, "Gives you a lovely view of the city."

"Came at a good price too." John jerked a thumb back to the door. "They said the whole place was almost destroyed two years ago when some armed gunmen broke into the place. Story goes an assassin or a hitwoman or something lived here."

"You ever meet her?"

"No," John shook his head, "I bought it through a service and never met the owner. Couldn't even tell you if it was a woman."

"But what a story that would've been." Anna walked back to him, leaving the windows. "But I've a feeling you didn't bring me here to show me your impressive view."

"No."

"Well then," Anna waved a hand to the rest of the flat, "Care to show me the rest of it?"

"Do you want a coffee or something first?"

Anna put a hand on his, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "I don't need a coffee but if you need something-"

"I'm fine." John hurried to say and then closed his eyes, forcing his thoughts to organize. "I… I haven't done this in a long time."

"Neither have I." Anna pulled his hand to her lips, kissing over his knuckles. "We'll go slow then."

John fell entirely under her spell. The soft clack of Anna's heels over the wood floors set a steady beat for his heart and soon they were in his spacious bedroom. His jacket and tie flew to the chair, rumpling without a care as Anna slid her hands over his chest. And soon the buttons on his shirt pulled open with a trail of her kisses leading to his navel.

The groan that escaped him gave Anna time to purr against his skin and push his shirt off his shoulder. John hurried to work his cuffs loose but Anna occupied herself with his belt and the fastenings on his trousers. They gaped open and John almost tripped in his rush to get them down his legs.

For all his effort, Anna's smooth motions kept John at ease. With each rise in his blood pressure she calmed him, whispering against his skin or soothing with a kiss. It was almost like hypnotherapy in the way John stood slack in her grasp as her hands removed the rest of his clothing to leave him naked before her.

The glint in her eyes gave John a twitch and he went to hide it but Anna caught his wrist, shaking her head. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, John. This is the purpose of it all."

With a tug and a push, John sat on the edge of his bed, staring at her. Anna's fingers and hands moved swiftly, but with the same smooth grace, to remove her dress. The straps caressed her arms when she pushed them aside, her heels simply vanished, and with a clasp and a snap her underthings joined the pile on the floor.

John could not look away, his jaw falling open as Anna stalked toward him. Her slight hand on his shoulder shoved with the force of a butterfly but John fell back all the same. And when she straddled his legs to put her hands on either side of his head John was sure he died and went to heaven.

Her lips on his, as passionate as their little adventure in the restroom, moved to excite and ignite. The hands holding him moved to caress and then to entice. John's own hands fluttered a bit as they touched her, afraid of marring the beauty before him, but Anna returned each of his attempts with fervor and interest.

But as John began to engage, Anna pulled back. Her lips moved to his skin, kissing over his whole body and shifting down to the edge of the bed. John sat up and then had to hold fast to the sheets on the bed when she went to her knees between his legs. Their eyes met for a moment and Anna bent her body to kiss his tip.

He quivered and shook, fingers loosing blood in their agonizing clutch of the bedclothes, while Anna kissed, licked, and then sucked at him. It was all John could do not to drive into her mouth, to take advantage of the sweet heat, and allow her to do as she would. But he could not stop the buck of his hips or the grunts mingling with his groans at the sound of her appreciative moans.

With a final scrape of her teeth, Anna broke from him and stood. John reached but she shook her head, pushing him back onto the bed again. He slid over the sheets, accidently taking some with him before he could pry his fingers free, and Anna waited until he settled in the middle of the bed before she climbed forward.

Her fingers flittered at her core, sliding over the wetness there and John reached forward to try and help. Anna moved toward his motions, showing him how to do it, and then started her own series of moans. Before she could cry out, Anna grabbed his wrist to lift his hand away. At John's confused look she positioned herself and sunk down.

For a moment they stayed still, neither daring to breathe until forced. Anna rocked against him, her fingers finding purchase on his chest, and John used his hands to grip at her thigh and then her ass. The hold firmed so he could drive into her but only as a way to meet her bobbing gyrations.

In the fog of John's mind a thought flared and he stalled. Anna turned to him, her breath coming in frustrated gasps as John's inability to form word. When he could find enough spit to give words to his dry mouth, John coughed to speak.

"Protection?"

"Pill." Anna hurried to say, risking another move but John stopped her.

"Enough?"

"For me." She paused and John swallowed, nodding.

It took a second or two to find their rhythm again but soon John rutted into her, exulting in the tight, wet cling of her vaginal walls around him. The strike of skin against skin as wet slaps punctuated the air, drove John faster. Anna's own gasps and hisses of pleasure had John fumbling to move his fingers where her nerves bundled.

As he drew his feet up, using them to leverage his hips, Anna leaned back to manipulate where he struck inside her. John grunted and moved faster to take them both to the edge. But it was Anna, her hand meeting his while the other reached behind her to fondle his sack, that took them there.

John finished with a gasp, his whole body evacuating air in a rush as Anna slumped against his knees. His fingers interlaced with hers and pulled her toward his chest so his legs could relax. She came, slipping off him to lay by his side.

With great effort, John turned to face her, "That was incredible."

"Just what the doctor ordered I'd say." Anna smiled at him, putting a hand to her forehead. "I've never had someone respond like you."

"I can't say I remember anyone else enough to do anything but agree with that statement." John shook his head, "It's been so long they're all a blur."

"Mine aren't that far back so I'm very sure."

"Then all I can say is thank you."

"The feelings are more than mutual." Anna closed her eyes, "I hope you don't mind if I just… pass out for a bit."

"I don't know if I could even manage a round two."

"I hope you can." Anna pouted, "I couldn't manage just doing that once."

John grinned and lay back, matching his breathing to Anna's until they both fell asleep.

It was still late, or early according to the digital clock on his bedside as John turned over his shoulder to check it, when John opened his eyes. There was a moment his position confused him but at the shift of Anna's ass against him it all came rushing back. So quickly and clearly, in fact, that he almost bucked backward when he rose to the occasion.

But Anna's whimper stopped him. She side rose and fell like someone still sleeping and she did not move so John carefully tried to look at her. Her eyes were closed and her mouth slightly open to breathe out with a small whisper.

The shift, however, moved John's erection against the skin of her ass and the whimper turned to a keen. John eased a hand around her stomach, feeling for whatever might tell him she was awake. Her leg shifted and latched backward over his, dragging him with the muscles she strengthened in her day-job, to place him between her legs. Anna's body glided over him, spreading her folds over his erection to tease him harder and harder.

John bit into the pillow, his fingers sneaking to the nerves he teased with his tip, and played there. Anna's gasp and immediate moan had him working her faster, shunting against her with a smack of his hips against her ass. It did not take long, wet as she still was from earlier, to bring her over the edge. She came with a cry into the pillow under her head and John slowed his motions.

When her leg tightened and her fingers gripped his wrist, John maneuvered to thrust into her. Anna stiffened and then relaxed, driving herself back onto him hungrily to chase the rise in her body and ease the hum in her blood. John's ears were deaf to anything but her sounds and the rush of his adrenaline as he chased the high. The high he never thought he could find again.

Soon his fingers played between her nerves and her breasts, enjoying the weight of them in his hands, but wanting her to come again. He needed to hear her sounds again. And, under the steady beat of his thrusts and the work of his dedicated hands, she cried out again. The cling of her vaginal walls strangled him to release and John stuttered his final drives to leave his forehead resting on her shoulder.

They did not speak this time, simply falling back into sleep. When John woke it was to the blinding light coming through his windows and an empty bed. He turned, trying to find evidence of her, but when he heard nothing and found no one in his flat, he deflated.

His eyes caught sight of something on his island and he walked to where a pile of his business cards scattered on the surface there. One of them separated from the rest bore a fine script on the blank back. John read it carefully.

 _I have your number and I'll call soon. Thank you for a lovely night._

It was the only evidence it was not all a dream.


	3. The Funk of the Dumped Who Aren't Dumped

John picked another dart off his desk and threw it across the room to strike the board. He fiddled with another, adjusting his legs on the desk, and tossed the next one at the board. It sailed across the room and Robert barely avoided it as he ducked coming through the door. The dart skidded across the floor and John noted the disapproving scowl from the red headed woman in the corridor outside his door. She picked it up, holding it in one hand as her other supported her elbow and she jutted a hip.

"Shut the door Robert, before Gwen decides to let me have it for spending another hour cooped up in here."

"Like six thousand straight." Robert took the chair on the other side of the desk and pointed over his shoulder at the couch and the chairs. "Shouldn't we be over there?"

John frowned, "Why?"

"Didn't you call me to talk about your…" Robert closed his eyes, groaning. "Gwen called me, didn't she?"

"How should I know?" John stretched his arms over his head, remaining in the tipped-back position in his chair to keep his feet on his desk.

"She's your assistant."

"And notice I've no clients. When there aren't any clients then we've no reason to speak."

"That's rather churlish of you." Robert shifted in his seat, "When did you become such a prick?"

"Somewhere in the six-thousand hours I've spent in this office." John waved his arms wide, "Don't you like it?"

"I thought you retiring from this and going into teaching or something more relaxing than listening to rich people moan about how their parents never loved them." Robert pushed back from the desk, walking the room with his hands in his pockets as John kept still in his chair. "Unless you're addicted to the money."

"It's more that I'm addicted to the space." John let his feet drop off the desk, hitting the floor and pushing his chair back toward the large windows facing the city below them. "And there's something toxically satisfying about having to try and dissect how those with everything can still find something to complain about."

"You do realize you're one of those." Robert tapped his knuckles on the desk, still pacing around the room. "You're trapped in this space because you think you're life's so difficult."

"Please don't tell me you're about to tell me how my life is actually some great adventure and I'm missing it." John tapped a hand to his chest, standing to shove his hands into his pockets and stare down at the city. "I'm too old to hear it."

"Horseshit."

John turned on his heel, "Excuse me?"

"I said 'horseshit' and you know it." Robert thrust a hand toward the window. "There's a whole city done there living life no matter their difficulties and you're here, complaining in you lovely office, that life holds no meaning for you anymore."

"Don't try and make me feel guilty for anything by comparing me."

"Why not?" Robert waited, shrugging when John just turned back to the windows. "It's not like you're struggling to eat or get a roof over your head or even to get people to sit on your couch and buy your services."

"And you think it's selfish of me to wallow in my misery?"

"I think you're being a berk for dwelling on it."

"Tell me," John pointed a finger at Robert, turning to face him, "What would you've done if you only saw Cora once in your entire life and then never again? What would you do?"

"I'd scour the world looking for her." Robert made a show of looking around, "Appears to me that you just decided to toss in the towel the minute she failed to call you."

"I didn't throw in the towel." John waved a hand toward his computer, hitting the side of the screen by accident and hissing as he grabbed it to massage the area. "I searched everywhere I could for as long as I could before I had to accept that was it."

"Still sounds like quitting to me."

"Then you can get stuffed." John shook his head, "I'm not having this conversation with you. It doesn't matter anymore."

"See, if you really felt that way you wouldn't be sulking in here." Robert sighed, "Cora and I want you at our wedding anniversary tonight. I know you'll try and say no, like you have for the last two years, but I'd really like it if you'd come."

"Why? I'll just make myself and everyone else miserable."

"If you could manage to pull your head out of your ass long enough to do something kind for someone else then maybe you'd find it in yourself to not be such a self-pitying dick." Robert threw something on the desk but John barely glanced over at it. "Just a thought to chew on, if you're busy chewing yourself out."

He walked to the door wrenching it open and pausing to give John one last look. "You know, I thought when you got your divorce you'd be a happier person. You were free of her and she was gone. But now… you're the same person you were with her but now you can't blame it on her."

John waited and then called out, "You're wrong."

"What?" Robert stopped in the doorway, turning back to John.

"It's not been six thousand hours." John walked back to his desk, taking his seat, "It's been eighteen-thousand-forty-eight."

Robert shook his head, "And I was wrong too. You're worse now than you were with Vera."

The door snapped shut behind him and John turned to the small packet Robert tossed on the desk. Opening it, John leaned back in his chair and frowned at the contents. Flicking through the contents he set it back on the desk but could not take his eyes from it.

After a moment John hit the intercom on his desk. "Gwen, schedule Robert and Cora's wedding anniversary on my calendar for eight this evening. And move Mrs. Shackleton to tomorrow morning like she wanted originally. I'm taking the rest of the afternoon."

He grabbed his things, leaving a confused Gwen still holding the dart on her desk, and flipped to the back of the packet. The lift gave him enough time to study the address and he tucked the packet into his pocket before entering the address into his car's navigation system. It purred to life and he noted the directions before merging into traffic.

The drive itself was nothing at all and John parked in a space close to the building. Getting out he noted the crowd of children staring at his car and waved them over. At first none of them moved but John waved them over more emphatically and one of the children took tentative steps toward him.

Pulling a tenner from his pocket, John held it out him. "For every hour you watch this. And the same to any of your friends who want to help."

The kid frown and snorted, "You know I'd get more to tell someone your car is here and then have them jack it?"

"Maybe. But then I'd have your face and the lojack on my car would alert the police. They'd find your friends, take whatever else they've stolen, and you'd not get anything." John shrugged, "This sounds like a good deal to me."

The kid took the note, "And what about my other friends?"

"The ones who could jack my car?" John turned back to his car and then shrugged, "I guess you could tell them that if they leave it alone, trusting you to watch it, then they'll get to service it anytime I need a tune up. I need good mechanics and anyone who could take this thing apart and put it back together deserves my business."

He dug out a card and handed it to the kid, "In case they're interested."

Walking across the street he opened the door and immediately dodged out of the way of a family of four trying to get through. John pressed himself to the wall and narrowly ducked someone carrying a roll of carpet over their head before he found a makeshift desk. Three people, all holding clipboards, stood next to a woman at a monitor almost as old as the man nurse hurrying to take notes, and whispered back and forth as their pencils and pens scratched notes. He leaned over and thumped his fist on the monitor, catching sight of John to right himself.

"Can I help you?"

"I think it's more what I can do to help you." John reached into his coat and withdrew the packet. "Friend dropped this off and I got the feeling he thought there was something I could do to help."

The man took the packet and then jerked his head toward the door. "Your car'll get jacked if you drive it around here."

"I've got that covered." John put his hands in his pockets, smiling at the women staring at him. "Trick I learned when I was their age. Make it someone's job to protect the car and offer them more by protecting it than giving it up."

"Grow up in a bad part of town did you?" The man tucked the packet away and John shrugged.

"You could say that."

"What, they make you drink milk from a bag at your primary school?" The man snorted and John held his gaze.

"The IRA fought the Army in the streets of my house and I lost my father in a hotel bombing."

The man ducked his head and the older woman at the computer stood up, glaring at the man. "Please ignore Thomas, he's just trying to assert dominance."

"I'll assume you're the one to speak to then?" John faced her.

"Most days. Doctor Elsie Hughes, I run this clinic."

John took her hand, "John Bates. I'm here for psychiatric and therapeutic aid."

"You won't find many willing to take that in this neighborhood."

"Then we don't call it that." John put his hand back in his pocket. "I remember the mentality and, if you don't mind, I'd like to give it a try."

"Give what a try?" Thomas ventured, scoffing, "Giving them all a tenner too?"

"No, making it so it's not like seeing a shrink." John gestured to the people waiting behind him. "These are proud people who've got real problems to worry about. Feeding their children or figuring out how to pay their rent. They want someone to help them solve real problems and that takes a perspective I don't think you've got."

"You don't think I don't know what it's like to suffer?" Thomas pursed his lips and John shook his head.

"Not like them. They need someone who understands them." John stopped himself, "That's why I'm here."

"Well," Dr. Hughes pulled John's attention back to her. "Then I've got a few people you could start with."

She pulled John's sleeve, directing him to the window. "You get those kids to start going to school and you'll do more than I ever could."

John narrowed his eyes at the kids and then smiled, "I think I can manage that."

It took less than a week for John to gather his own gang of loyal children. 'The Batesies' collected one another for school and sent him a text every morning with their group gathered outside their building and a teacher in the background. In the afternoons they met for the sports drills John put them through in the empty lot near the clinic before either doing their work together or meetings with John one-on-one to discuss their home lives.

Soon it was a regular to him as breathing and life around the clinic was the only life he led. This was his real life, sleeves rolled up and jacket tossed to the side as he pitched the ball or helped correct a position, or listened carefully to a whispered voice begging for help in whatever way they knew how. This was where he lived, not in his office. Not anymore.

One afternoon, John pulled into painted lovingly his spot with purposefully misspelled letters as 'John' with a backwards 'J' and 'Bates' with a money sign for the 'S' and a tipped over 'B'. He shook his head, popping the boot to dig out the materials for that evening, and jumped slightly when someone tapped his shoulder. Turning in a struggle, John almost lost the items in his grip but Robert saved them.

"Thanks mate." John managed, getting the bats and boots and kits under control. "Almost lost it all there."

"Yes you did." Robert pointed to the other things still in the boot. "Need help?"

"I wouldn't mind a few extra hands. The kids don't get out of school for another ten minutes and then it'll be a race to see who's here first. It's football and cricket night."

"You're teaching them cricket?"

"They liked basketball and since I refuse to teach them volleyball when the chance someone skins a strip from their chin is high on the pavement." John paused, "What brings you here Robert?"

"I own this clinic." He pointed toward it. "Or, I should say, Cora owns the clinic and I'm here to check on it."

"Cora owns the clinic?" John set the bats carefully against the fence.

"It was her 'call to Jesus', as they say in America, She wanted to do something with our money that would give to the community and she had an acquaintance trying to get one off the ground. Three months later we've renovated the building and I'm out a few hundred thousand pounds." Robert shrugged, "But it does something for the community and Dr. Hughes says they've had a lot of success here."

"I don't know about that but the kids seem alright." John arranged the kits and then tested a few of the balls before tucking the spares into his pockets. "I do get the feeling you're not just here to check on the clinic."

"Dr. Hughes mentioned a psychiatrist stopped by and that he'd been a permanent fixture here six days a week and some Sundays."

"The clinic's closed on Sundays." John grabbed a bat, bouncing the ball off it and trying to keep it from hitting the ground.

"But you're here."

"The kids are here and it gives them something to do." John refused to meet Robert's eyes, making himself finish setting up the afternoon's equipment.

"Gwen said you've been happier around the office too. Taking more appointments and having more success with your patients."

"They're working through their problems."

"Can't I just give you a compliment?" Robert finally blurted out in an exasperated rush. "I'm trying to say you've changed."

"You mean I'm not a self-absorbed asshole anymore?"

"I believe I used the word 'prick' but the meaning's roughly the same I think." Robert shrugged, "I thought you'd donate a day a week here, not move in."

"I haven't moved in."

"John, you've been spending your own money trying to repair things around there. You're paying for their games and equipment and the meals they take the homeless." Robert sighed, "Are you alright?"

"I've never been better."

"See," Robert wagged a finger, "I get the feeling you've just buried yourself in something to try and forget what happened."

"Is there no way to win with you?" John caught the ball, putting the bat back. "One minute you're talking about how I can't get my head out of my ass and the next you're saying I'm spending too much time here. Which is it because I'm confused?"

"I think it's noble what you're doing here but you're still not balancing John, that's what worries me."

"I'm feeling better than I ever have and I'm making a real difference here." John turned toward the fence as the children raced one another for it. "Don't ruin this for me. I'm finding myself again. Let me do it my own way."

"Just," Robert grabbed his arm, "Are you still drinking?"

"No," John flicked a chip at Robert, "Two years next week."

"What about the meds?"

"All gone." John shrugged, stepping away from Robert and toward the children, "I'm a new man, Robert. Whatever me you knew, he's gone and I'm what's left."

But as John turned toward the children a thought zipped across his mind, what exactly was there left? Who was the man standing before these children wearing his clothes and speaking with his voice? Was he the same person? Or was it another mask he decided to wear as he tried to forget the woman who stripped all masks away?

Over the course of the next month they started earning rewards for their good grades and their performance until John rallied them for another set of afternoon excursions. They took two days a week to volunteer delivering meals to the homeless in the area or helping with odd jobs for those about while John funded the materials. And as the community around them blossomed, so did the students.

Six months into his hours of service, far more interesting than his day job collecting checks from the spoiled and the selfish that sat on his couch on a normal basis, John thought he glimpsed a small blonde woman leaving one of the buildings. He tapped a boy on the shoulder and pointed at her.

"See her?"

"The dance teacher?"

John startled, "The who?"

"She teaches dance in the city. Moved here awhile back and gives dance lessons to some of the kids around here."

"Do you take them?"

The boy made a face, "No!"

"Right." John patted his shoulder, "I'll be right back."

He sprinted after her, weaving through the buildings, and almost caught her at the corner. But as John reached out someone hit in him in the back and he stumbled. Barely catching himself on the pavement, John watched the small woman move across the street without a second glance.

John struggled to stand as hands roughly grabbed his jacket and hauled him back. He hit the wall, the air rushing from his lungs so quickly he coughed and heaved to breathe normally, and held his hands up as the man crunched his hands into the lapels of John's jacket. "What you want here? Think you can flash your money about or make us jealous of your jacket did you?"

Without the breath to respond all John could do was gasp and try to shake his head. The man tightened his grip and John slid along the wall, knocking his head on a sharp edge "What if I teach you a lesson about this neighborhood eh? Think you'll learn to stay away then will you?"

"I-"

"Hey!" Both men turned to witness the gaggle of children large enough to crowd them into the wall. "Let him go."

"Scram kid, if you know what's good for you." The man flicked out a switchblade but the leader drew himself to his full height.

"We're not afraid of you or your boss."

"You should be." The man hissed, brandishing the blade.

"We'll tell him the same thing we're telling you now." The leader stepped forward, bringing his bat to bear as the other children held theirs or their makeshift weapons scrounged from building materials or sport equipment. "Let Mr. Bates go and we'll not take these to your head. He's our boss and we say let him go."

The man snorted and turned to Bates, "Seems you've got a little posse going haven't you."

"They're good kids." John managed, freeing himself from the man's slackened grip. "And they mean what they say."

"Right," The man tucked his blade away, pointing at the leader. "You better what yourself of Mr. Carlisle'll come for you in the night."

"Then tell him to get stuffed with you Green." The boy spit and the group around him did the same. "Mr. Bates is under our protection."

"As you wish." Green mocked a deep bow and then sulked off into an alley, vanishing from view.

John turned to the leader, frowning. "That was dangerous."

"No more than Green getting all handsy on you." The boy dropped the bat. "He's got this place wired for Carlisle."

"Does he now?" John brushed at his jacket. "What for?"

"Gets what he wants from the poor." Someone else said, "Kids and teens to carry his drugs and then the desperate kids to sell them."

"Do any of you?" All the heads shook, "Good. And if I hear that any of you decided to get that idea in their heads I'll knock them together. Is that understood?"

"Yes Boss!" They all shouted and John waved them back toward the lot.

As he looked back he thought he saw the woman on the far corner stare at him but he blinked and she was gone.

She haunted his thoughts all that evening and even wandered at the edges of his dreams until John woke himself up three times thinking he was about to approach a blonde woman on the street and have her turn to be her. But each time the person was the man, Green, waving a knife in his face. On the fourth round John forwent sleep and forced himself to the kitchen.

His fingers brushed the same place on the counter where she left the card. The card he kept in his wallet but not had smashed and flattened to the point her writing was no more than indentations in the thicker paper. The edges crimped and one ear folded over but it stayed close to his heart… the last vestige of proof she existed at all.

The office was still empty and quiet when John pushed in that morning. He flicked on lights and managed all three coffee machines in the break room before taking to his own office. Even Gwen's desk was empty he was there so early but John did not mind. Silence soothed him as he tried to forget the dreams of almost reaching her just to have it vanish like smoke.

Shaking himself, John set to writing a few notes and finishing a report or two when Gwen bustled into the room. She traded him a bottle of water and another coffee for his reports before speaking. "Someone's here for you."

"Who?"

"Woman in need of a preliminary consultation." Gwen shrugged, leaving the office as John prepared another page on a notepad.

"How can I help-" The words died in his throat as Anna, looking smaller than he remembered her in the shadow of the large, frosted glass door.

"Hello John. Long time no see."


	4. Since You Went Away

John gaped, trying to work his jaw as Anna managed a tentative step forward as the door swung closed behind her. Her fingers clung to the strap of her bag, flexing on the material as if it would give her the courage she needed to speak. "I don't know what you must think of me but I want to apologize, in whatever profuse or annoyingly dramatic way I need to so you know how sorry I am."

"What… What are you doing here?"

Anna flipped up one of his cards, showing him a worn and dog-eared version of it. "One of your kids, near that clinic, let me borrow his card for your address if I promised to return it."

"You could've used the one I gave you." John forced himself to stand, half hating the flash of a wince that Anna hid as quickly as she evidenced it and half wanting to see it again. "Or, the one you took and promised to use to call me."

"I'm not sure you'd believe me but I was mugged on my way home from your flat that morning." Anna pointed to the sofa, "May I sit?"

"That's the couch I use for consultations and therapy." John pointed to the other side of the room. "I don't think you want to be on the couch for this conversation."

"I've never been on the psychiatrist's couch but I can't say I've ever had the inclination." Anna took one of the cushioned chairs and John managed the other to the tune of her bag hitting the floor. "And it's not the environment I'd want for this apology."

"So that's what this is?" John snorted and Anna's face fell.

"I can't begin to imagine what you must've thought of me."

John opened his mouth, ready for a stream to break forth but only a gust of air managed to puff out. He coughed, "There's so many things I wanted to say, when I saw you again, but mostly I just… I'm just confused."

"And you've every right to be." Anna put a hand forward and John almost shifted out of her reach. "I wanted to find you, to scour every office and clinic in England if I had to, but-"

"But you didn't." John moved his hand from her grip and Anna's fingers closed around nothing. "You left me a note with a promise and then time chipped at it until I see you and I feel…"

"Nothing?"

"Too much." John put a hand through his hair. "Did you know there are ten pages on Google if you search the name 'Anna Smith'?"

"There's at least that many for 'John Bates' too." Anna wrung her hands, "I searched for you but I couldn't…"

She sniffed, rubbing at her eyes. "I'm sorry. This was stupid. I should-"

John caught her hand and forced Anna to look at him. "I wanted you. I wanted everything that night meant to me because I was alive for the first time in so long. I was clean, I was sober, and I wanted to be that man for you for as long as I could be."

Anna frowned, "You barely knew me."

"It was enough for me." John tightened his grip on her fingers. "I lived the last three, almost four, years in a fog wishing, for even a second, I could see you again."

"Me too." Her fingers moved and he thought she wanted to slip free but she only interlaced them. "Please forgive me?"

"I forgave you the moment you came through that door." John gave a nervous laugh, "And that scares the shit out of me."

"I'm terrified." Anna laughed with him, their fingers and hands shifting over one another. "I was terrified from that moment I kissed you in the men's room because I haven't gone a day without some form of you entering my thoughts."

"Do you think," John stared at their hands, swallowing before he forced himself to see her face. "Could we try this again? Properly this time?"

"Do you want me to introduce myself?" Anna's mouth quirked toward a smile and John grinned with her.

"No. But I'd like us to… I don't know, actually know one another."

"Outside of a meet in a men's room and a dance before dessert?" Anna nodded and then jumped, pulling her vibrating phone from her pocket. "Bollocks, I've got to take this."

John released her hand as Anna slid the phone to answer and stepped away. She kept her back to him, pushing her fingers through her hair as one hand went to her hip. Her voice rose in volume and John was almost out of his chair when Anna ended the call.

Turning back to John, forcing her hair back from her face again, she huffed. "I'm sorry about that."

"Sounds serious." John pointed to the phone, standing as well. "Something I should let you get to."

"No, it's not until later anyway." Anna shook her head but her eyes could not settle on anything in particular. "I've got time for you."

"Then might I suggest something a little forward?"

Anna raised her eyebrow, "What is it?"

"Show me yours and then, if we lose one another again, we know how to find each other."

"Tell you what," Anna pulled something out of her purse and extracted a pen to scribble something on the back. "You take this and then you'll have my number."

John took the card, admiring the careful material and the artistic outline of a dancer. "I do hope this is you."

"It might be based on my ballroom days." Anna grinned, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. "But it's also got my mobile on the back so you've three different numbers to use to find me."

"I get the feeling this is a temporary goodbye."

"Very temporary." Anna flailed her hand toward her bag, "That was the studio and we've got a rehearsal they said I wasn't needed for but I guess they changed their minds about that."

"When's the performance?"

"It's tonight, eight o'clock." Anna extended her hand to him, "And bring your kids. I think they'd enjoy it and it's been awhile since we've had a younger audience."

"I'll see who'll come." John took her hand, kissing it and then her cheek. "But I'll be there with bells on if I have to."

"Not sure the bells are strictly necessary but I'll appreciate you being there. That'll be enough for me."

Anna turned to kiss his cheek as well but John, not ready for it, turned to face her. Their lips met and, for a moment, John stood still. But when she went to pull away his hand cupped her jaw and held her steady for a moment.

They broke the kiss, staring at one another. John, trying to slow his breathing to focus on her eyes, spoke first. "If my assistant wasn't out there with whomever I have this morning…"

"I know." Anna covered his hand with hers. "And I want you to. But I think we'd be putting the cart so far before the horse if we did they'd be on different continents."

"Yes." John forced himself back a pace from her, lowering his hands to stop from reaching out for her. "We've got other things we've got to do first."

"That's right." Anna bit at her lip and then glanced toward the door.

"Anna?" John frowned as she flipped the lock on his door and dropped her purse.

"But I don't want to do any of them right now."

John could not open his arms fast enough or get the kind of support he needed to catch himself before he fell. They stumbled and John hissed when his hip impacted his desk. It only cost them a second as John adjusted and returned the multitude of kisses Anna planted all over his face.

Their mouths moved too quickly for them to catch up and John only wanted to breathe if she was oxygen. His arms wrapped around her, practically crushing her to his chest but she returned the motion with her own questing fingers. It took the wobble of the desk for John to pivot and set her on the edge of his mostly empty desk.

Hands flailed and Anna tugged John closer with a leg wrapping his hip and a hand at his belt to guide his motions. They separated only long enough to breathe and John dipped his head to kiss over her neck. Anna's breath hitched and her chest shoved toward him as if she wanted his attentions everywhere and needed to sink into his skin. He responded by running a hand up the leg wrapped over his hip, following it to where her exercise trousers hugged close to her much baggier shirt.

Anna shifted on his desk and John's hand slipped to touch bare skin. She let out a gasp and then slid closer to him to force the hand higher. He slipped, remembering that night so long ago it was more of a dream than a memory.

John broke their kiss and Anna stared at him. Her fingers faltered, reaching for his face, but he caught them to kiss the tips of each one. As he held her gaze, he watched how her mouth curved to pant when his fingers strayed to trace the line of her sports bra. Refusing to let her gaze go, John let her hands settle on his shoulders to free his other hand so he could glide it over her thigh and toward her ass in the tight trousers she wore. Anna twisted into his grip and then caught herself for balance when John's first hand pulled at her bra.

It slipped up enough for him to ran a hand over her breasts and then distracted her with a determined squeeze to her ass. Anna whimpered, biting her lip to stop making a sound while John's hands continued to taunt her. He guided the stretchy material of her trousers off her ass, holding her close to raise her from the desk enough to bring them to her knees. A flick of his eyes caught sight of the thong tucked there and John forced himself to swallow and then breathe.

Anna's hands went to his face, forcing him to hold her gaze, and she shifted so he could remove the thong as well. John's first hand left his massage of her breasts to pull her trousers and knickers away and her trainers to fell away. Running both hands up her legs, John spread them wide on his desk and knelt between them to kiss from her knees to her inner thighs.

"I've imagined this." He murmured against her skin, the sink of her fingers in his hair guiding him closer as her knees settled on his shoulders. "Every night I've thought about what I would do if I had the chance."

"Chance for what?" Anna whispered, her fingers tightening on his skull as John kissed in tightening concentric circles closer and closer to where her nerves called out to him.

"To do to you what you did to me." John licked over the area, exposing it to the air as Anna jumped on the desk and barely strangled back her moan. "To bring you over the edge like I wanted to then but never could."

Anna paused his motion forward, their eyes meeting again. "I'm so sorry John. We've missed so much time."

"The missing's over now." John grinned and then lowered his head.

One of his hands held her hips and then slipped under to hold her ass for the leverage he needed. His other hand balanced Anna as she tipped back on his desk to open herself to him all the more. He sucked and licked as greedily at her as he could, the taste everything he dreamed and more besides.

As she rested on the desk his hand left hers, joining his mouth in the attempt to drive her absolutely mad. She thrashed and writhed on his desk, upsetting the few things there, but John continued to lick and suck and search out each and every part of her that quivered and called for his attention. Each motion drove him to taste more, discover more, and leave her crying out for more.

Finally, when Anna was near to breaking the glass in his large windows, John finally inserted a finger to stroke and pull at her insides. Anna shuddered, groaning low loud enough to give John a second pause to listen for those outside the door. Anna's nails digging into his scalp convinced him to return to his work and he added another finger while wrapping his tongue around her clit. Tugging hard before adding a suck, John crooked his fingers into the strangling cling of her vaginal muscles as Anna shattered.

She gasped and heaved for air, raising the billowy shirt from her body slightly as John got to his shaky legs. Pins and needles set in and he maneuvered to hold himself to the desk as Anna lifted herself enough to stare at him. Her fingers, as lethargic as his own, found his buckle and soon his trousers dropped in a hoop around his ankles. A moment later his boxers joined them.

John helped Anna sit up, leaning over while gliding her over the surface of his desk, and ran his hands over the fabric still covering his body. He wondered, for a moment, if he dared risk exposing them both to whomever might see them through the tinted and mirrored windows but Anna's fingers grazing down his erection forced his hand. With their clothed upper bodies rasping over one another, John thrust forward.

Her legs tightened around him and Anna scrambled to find a better hold at his shoulders. John buried his head between her neck and shoulder, kissing there between breaths as he tried to memorize the feel of her. A fear that this, like the last time, was the only time they could be together like this had him holding to her as tightly as she did to him.

Anna kissed at his ear, her words pushed past the air forced from her chest by their position. "Are you safe?"

"There's been no one since you." John shifted slightly, dragging to the edge and waiting there until Anna turned their heads to stare at him. "You?"

"Safe and dosed daily." Anna ran her hand down his cheek. "You ruined me for anyone else."

"You ruined me too." John blinked, driving forward to try and hide the tears threatening to trickle from his eyes. "I couldn't move on from you."

"I couldn't either."

John held himself still, "I can't do it again if you're going to leave."

"It wasn't something I wanted." Anna rocked her hips and John gritted his teeth to fight the desire to simply pound into her into they collapsed into nothing on the floor. "I don't… I don't want to lose you again. Ever."

All was lost.

John drove forward, his mouth and hands moving as much as possible as he switched between one and the next to hold her steady as he drove mindlessly forward. He chased something he hoped was pleasure but feared could only be pain. His mouth traced the skin and contorting muscles of her neck, her collarbones, tried to use tactile memory to keep an image of the perfect form of her lips in his mind, sought to bring her sensitive skin to life as he kissed and nipped through her shirt and bra, and then dug his fingers into her ass as she did his when they both shifted just enough to hit where they wanted. John grunted at the depth the lift in her hips provided and Anna bit into his shoulder to bury her groan when his pelvic bone rubbed and pressed against her clit.

They clung together like survivors in a storm and finally, when Anna's keening cry muffled into his shirt and shoulder, John released. Stuttering and quivering out their mutual climaxes, John slipped free and fumbled to bring a box of tissues closer. He took a few to Anna and then himself as they tried to appear like they had not just shagged on his office desk.

"I think your assistant heard us." Anna snapped the elastic waistband on her trousers as John fit his belt back into its loop.

"I didn't hit the intercom did I?" John cringed, "That's awkward."

"No, not like that." Anna smiled at him, "More that we weren't quiet."

"Quiet enough that Gwen won't say anything." John held Anna's hands, "I wanted to do that somewhere much nicer."

"Like your bed?" Anna went to smile and then stopped herself, "I didn't mean-"

"I did." John stepped closer to her. "I don't want to sound creepy or needy or like the kind of guy people in my profession warn against but…"

He coughed, trying to find breath. "I couldn't bear it if you left again. I can't manage if this is the last time. I barely held it… I didn't hold it together the last-"

Anna put her hand over his mouth, the waver in his vision reflected in the shining of tears at the edges of her eyes. "Each day I wasn't here, with you, it broke my heart."

"Then please," John removed her hands, "Don't leave this time."

"I've got work."

"I meant…" John laughed a bit, a few tears escaping down his face. "I meant, don't leave me for good this time. Don't let this be goodbye."

"It's not." Anna kissed him again, standing on her tiptoes in what John knew to be en pointe, and then settled back. "I couldn't live without you either. It'd kill me."

"I guess we're both the kind of people I'd warn myself against."

"Then we're perfect for each other." Anna ran her hand down his shirt, settling over his heart. "Part of me just wants to cling to you forever and I don't even know why."

"Just know," John covered her hand, "The feeling's mutual."

They smiled at each other, through the last of the tears running down their cheeks, and jumped toward one another as the intercom buzzed. John reached around Anna to depress the button. "Yes?"

"Your next appointment is here. Should I send them in yet?"

"I'm just finishing with Ms. Smith. She'll be out in a minute and then you can send Mr. Kent in." John faced Anna, "I'll see you tonight?"

"Yes," Anna grabbed her bag as they went to the door and John unlocked the door. "Please apologize to your assistant for me. I'd hate for her to feel awkward."

"I think we're the only ones who'll feel awkward." John adjusted the settings for the fan. "Or whomever comes in here next and figures out what we were doing."

Anna grinned, "It could've been worse."

"Much." John kissed her hands again, clutching it to his heart before releasing her through the door. "Eight pm."

"Yes." Anna nodded at the man she passed and hurried down to the corridor.

John watched her, stepping to the side to hold the door open for Mr. Kent, and did not shut it until Anna stepped into the lifts. With a sigh he turned to the new man, "Mr. Kent, please have a seat on the couch and let's talk about what's been troubling you this week."

Mr. Kent began his story but all John could really focus on was the card in his pocket. The card with her numbers and the address for where he could see her dance.


	5. The Man Lurking in the Shadows

John finished the last of his notes, tapping the icon to save the hand-scrawled words on the digital medium and then emailed them to his larger monitor. It dinged as a redheaded woman entered the office, sorting through a few files and assorted folders, and nodded at the desk. "I've got the information you needed and a drug history for your four o'clock tomorrow."

"How's the rest of my evening going Gwen?" John thumbed the files and tucked a few into his bag, leaving the rest in a locked drawer.

"If you leave now you'll be at the lot in time for the first pitches." Gwen shrugged, "Or you just take them to that performance at the dance studio."

John cringed, facing, "How much did you hear?"

"No more than I'm used to when you live in cramped, estate housing." Gwen went through a few more folders, extracting them from the impressive pile in her arms. "But I'm glad you finally got something out of your system. You were… pretty much the worst for awhile there."

"Thank you very much."

"You're welcome." Gwen took a few things from John, organizing them into the pile in her arms. "And Mary Crawley is here to see you."

"As an appointment?"

"She said it was urgent and wouldn't take two minutes." Gwen shrugged, rearranging the pile and going back out of the room. "I'm sending her in."

John put the last of this things into his bag and snapped it shut as Mary Crawley walked into the room. She swept the room with a slight crease to her forehead and then sniffed. "Why does it smell odd in here?"

"I'm sure you don't want the answer to that question." John took his bag off the desk and walked toward Mary. "What did you need two minutes for?"

"To speak to you about Anna Smith."

"That's right," John pointed a finger at her. "You're her friend, yes?"

"Good friend."

"And you've seen her in the last three and a half years have you?"

Mary cringed, following John from his office. "I' sure this is about the two dozen messages I never returned about her."

"If you think this is anger, Mary, then you're wrong." John locked his office and stuffed his keys into his pocket before turning to her. "This is disappointment."

"I'm familiar with the term and the facial expressions. My father's used them often with me."

"Then maybe you'll understand why I'd rather not talk to the woman who had it in her power to reunite me with someone I greatly wanted to see again."

"It's not as simple as setting up a phone call."

John pressed the button for the lift, not facing Mary. "Isn't it? Because it seems about that simple."

"You're not aware of the circumstances. If you were you wouldn't think this way."

"Wouldn't I?" John entered the lift and Mary crowded in with him. "And what circumstances are you refusing to tell me about that might've lent a machete to my emotional thicket? What kind of situation do I not understand that could offer a good enough explanation as to say why you never returned my calls and it took a card I gave to a boy I'm teaching cricket to get your friend into my office this morning?"

Mary paused, her eyes rolling up into her head as she slapped her palm to her face. "The smell. You had sex in there."

"Grow up Mary." John walked the distance to his car, Mary still on his heels. "And you've neither answered my questions nor told me what you're doing here so I'll assume it's just to waste my time."

"John," Her hand shoved the door closed as he tried to open it and they faced one another. "If you want to take this belligerent, furious, 'wo is me' attitude then do it. We've all got to get our tantrums out once in awhile. But what I'm about to say to you requires an open mind and I don't really know if you're ready to hear it."

"If you'd actually speak then you'd know."

Mary huffed, "I don't need you being snitty."

"And I don't need you wasting my time. I've got cricket to coach and a performance to drag twenty former street urchins to. The clock's ticking Mary."

"Then take me with you."

John eyed her high heels and dress with a label sown on practically every inch of the fabric. "I doubt you'll be playing cricket tonight."

"In these shoes? Heavens no, I'd break my ankle." Mary kept her hand on the door, surprising John with her skill at keeping it closed. "I need you to hear me out."

"Then speak."

"Anna's owned, John."

John blinked, "Excuse me?"

Mary took her arm back, standing straight enough to let her loose dress fall about her. "She's owned by a Mr. Green. I think you might've had a bit of a run in with him the other day."

"Yesterday." John narrowed his eyes, "What do you know about Green?"

"The question is, what do you know about him."

"You can't answer one question with another."

"I need to know your foundation before I give you all the gory details." Mary folded her arms over her chest and John shrugged.

"He pulled a switch blade on me, threatened me to get out of the neighborhood with my fancy jacket, and seemed a little more than interested in stopping me trying to meet the woman I thought was Anna yesterday."

"It was her." Mary looked at the ground, the toe of her expensive shoe running over the paint of the parking lines. "Just so you're aware."

"Then he seemed interested in keeping me away from her."

"He is." Mary finally met John's eyes again. "Did you kids mention that they've got dance lessons in their area now?"

"One of them said it." John shook his head, "I thought she danced for a company."

"She does but…" Mary ground her teeth, "I think she might've mentioned someone getting a bit handsy with her at my parents' wedding anniversary a few years ago."

"The last time I saw her, no thanks to you."

"Yes or no?"

"Yes." John pinched the bridge of his nose, "Could we get to a point where there is a point to all of this?"

"That man is the one who forced her move to that neighborhood. He owns her, in every possible term of the word."

John stopped, his keys dangling from his fingers. "Is she married to him?"

"He wishes." Mary snorted, "He's been chasing Anna for a long time and she rebuffs him but there's no keeping him away."

"How does he own her?"

"Because I made a mistake, a long time ago, and in her stupid nobility Anna saved me." Mary pulled at her fingers before dropping her arms helplessly to her sides. "And now she's the one who's trapped."

"Then get her out."

"If I do then what she did was for nothing."

"What did she do?"

Mary took a deep breath, "Do you remember when that Turkish diplomat's son OD'd at my parents' house when I was sixteen?"

John raised an eyebrow. "I remember the headache it gave your father."

"Right." Mary cleared her throat again. "Well the story the press and the Turkish Embassy got told wasn't… Wasn't the whole truth, if you get my meaning."

"Something else happened?"

"Kemal Pamuk didn't die in his room. He… He died in mine." Mary shivered. "We were both getting high and he snorted a lot more than I did. At first I thought he was just playing around and I pushed at him but he didn't move so then I thought he'd just passed out."

"And you didn't do anything?"

"I was high as a kite, John, what was I going to do? I didn't even know what was going on." She pushed some hair back from her face and clutched her arms tighter about her chest as if to protect herself from the story. "Anna came looking for me and saw what happened. She attempted to help him with the little first aid training we had but it was no use."

"So you just lived with the fact there was a dead man in your room?"

"Anna got me to help her move the body back to his room." Mary shrugged, "Then she gave me something to throw up and try and get all the crap in my system out of it before she called the police."

"And she lied to them?"

"Sergeant Willis wasn't the brightest bulb in the box." Mary shrugged, "They were willing to over look the other drugs, the party itself, and everything that might've implicated me but Anna told them a lie. She maintained that lie and someone found out it was a lie."

"How?"

"I don't know and I don't care." Mary ground her teeth, "Though I've got my suspicions Edith had something to do with it."

"Your sister?"

"I told her she couldn't come to the party."

"And so she told someone that the son of the Turkish diplomat died in your room?"

"Overdosed in my room." Mary held up a finger, "They found he later died in his actual room."

"But your sister still put you and your friend in a terrible position."

"She might've taken umbrage at my complete dismissal of her existence."

"Mary," John ran his hand over his face. "You can't be serious that this whole thing started because you were a bitch to your sister."

"You wouldn't believe how many things have started because I was a bitch to my sister." John scowled at her and Mary continued. "Point is, a newspaper man got ahold of it and I was in a bad place so the story would've ruined me."

"And let me guess, Anna stepped up to help you."

"That's the thing…" Mary pulled at her fingers, "They didn't want me. They wanted Anna."

"Did you throw her under the bus?"

Mary took her turn to scowl. "She's not Edith."

"Then what happened?"

"The newspaper man, Carlisle, he said that Anna had to move her studio, come and dance for some company he owned, and she did."

"What about my card?"

"She told you about being mugged?" John nodded and Mary exhaled, "Green took it from her when they were… making sure she didn't tell anyone about the arrangement. He must've been jealous about someone else's number in her pocket and tore it up before threatening her that if she saw you again he'd gut you."

"Why does he care about me?"

"He doesn't John, that's the thing. He only wants Anna."

"Why?"

"Because he's mad. He's been following her around since Uni and she's rebuffed him too many times to count but since he's not done anything the police are a joke."

"What've you done to help her?" John waited but Mary only looked at the ground. "That's right. Your mistake sold her out to those people."

"Green was at the party, John." His eyes widened and Mary nodded, "He knew what Anna did to help me and he's the one who told Carlisle. He's been working as his lapdog for years and… And he thought he could use it as leverage."

"And what does Carlisle have on you to keep you from releasing the story yourself?"

"He had me sign something that stops me telling the story without facing prosecution. If I say anything then it'll be plagiarism and all those other nasty words thrown about until we're all arguing it out in a courtroom. More to the point, he's got my family's reputation in a vice and the moment it comes out that I was the one in the same room when the son of a Turkish diplomat decided to snort his way to heaven…"

"It'd ruin Robert." John bit the inside of his cheek. "What about Anna?"

"She's been successful with the new company and other than Green constantly being around Carlisle's got him on a leash."

"So he's not touched her?"

"Carlisle can't keep the story to himself if his lapdog decides to take what he believes is his and gets himself tossed in prison for sexual assault." Mary folded her arms over her chest again. "Anna couldn't tell you the truth but when I offered she said that Green would stop me saying anything as well."

"By releasing your story?"

"There was a threat of physical violence but you get the picture."

"I think I'm starting to." John checked his watch. "I'm late and those kids rely on me."

"John?" He faced Mary, "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sure they'll be a day when I could come to forgive what you've done to me because you were stupid at age sixteen. But I don't think I can ever forgive what you've done to Anna." John threw an arm out, gesturing to a distance beyond the carpark. "She's in Hell because of you."

"And she's already forgiven me so that's none of your business." Mary pulled herself straight, indigence giving back her armor. "Let's be honest here. You barely know her and while there are Biblical implications for how you know her, it's still just two days. She's been my friend and confidant for twelve years. Don't think you hold a candle to that."

"I think I hold a candle to how I've treated her in that short time I've known as opposed to what you did to her." Mary dropped her eyes, her shoulders hunching as she stepped back. "That's what I thought. Now run home to your expensive tastes and leave me to try and patch up a possible solution to this."

"What could you even do for her?"

"A damn sight better than you'll do for her."

"John," Mary put her hand on the door again and John, his body half inside, was tempted to slam it so it crushed her fingers. "You can't confront them."

"The hell I can't."

"You'd ruin my father, me, even Anna… everything would be ruined."

"Then maybe you should've thought about that before you snorted something you knew you shouldn't have when you were sixteen." John looked at her fingers and then her face. "If you don't move I'll break your fingers."

Mary released the door, "You can be a real asshole, you know that right?"

"Better than a self-serving coward like you." John got into his car, slamming the door. "And you've made me late."

Mary only stuck up her middle finger at him and John returned the gesture before peeling out of the carpark. His drive across town almost broke a few traffic laws but he avoided most of the cameras and risked the ones he could not. When he parked in his reserved spot he noted the gathered group of kids all checking their phones and watches.

"I'm sure there's not way to properly apologize to any of you."

"I'm sure you'll get time for that later." John turned to see Green leaned against the wall, nodding toward the silent gathering of children. "They've been telling me you got yourself a fan."

"Not sure what that means."

"Don't be stupid. Your suit suggests you've got too many degrees for that."

"I'll still need you to translate just what you mean by what you said." John went to walk toward the kids but Green stood in his way. "Do you mind?"

"I mind very much that you're bothering someone who means a great deal to me."

"I've not bothered anyone."

"Then what about the woman you were following yesterday?"

"I thought she looked like someone I knew but I don't know because you went and knocked me across the skull." John ran his fingers over the area. "Not that you managed to apologize for that but I guess disappointment must be something you're used to giving people."

Green's face contorted a moment. "Think you're clever do you?"

"I think I've got things to do and places to be and you're still in the way."

"Then I'll just tell you." Green poked his finger into John's chest. "Stay away from Ms. Smith."

"Are you her bodyguard?"

Green frowned, "No."

"Her husband?" John waited but Green did not respond. "Her lawyer holding a restraining order or the police or anything that could possibly give me any reason to give two shits about what you say in regards to Ms. Smith?"

"I've got this." Green flicked out the switchblade but John only snorted at it.

"And I'm sure you're compensating for something surprisingly even smaller than that." John shook his head, "It's embarrassing, for you, that you've even got it to threaten me."

"It'll cut you just fine."

"You'd have to actually reach me and I don't think you could."

Green went for it, swiping at John. John jumped back, grabbed Green's extended wrist, and twisted it to spin Green around until his face was pressed up against the wall. John pulled at Green's wrist to twist it while yanking his arm up his back. The other man struggled but John kept him still.

"I'm sure our little meeting yesterday gave you the wrong impression since you must've thought that I can't defend myself. But those kids brought their bats to my aid because they respect me. And when you sucker punched me that gave you an advantage you won't get again." John pressed his elbow into the small of Green's back until the man grunted. "So let me make this abundantly clear for someone who's got a brain smaller than his not dropped balls."

John took a breath, "If Ms. Smith wants anything to do with me, that's on her terms. If she wants nothing more to do with me then that's on her terms too. You'll have no place in whatever may or may not happen there. Do you understand me?" Green did not respond so John wrenched his wrist until he heard it pop. "I asked you a question and I expect an answer."

"Yes." Green grumbled and John released him, stepping back.

"Then I guess you don't belong here and you should go and slink back to whatever hole you crawled out of this morning."

Green held his wrist in his other hand, face twisted into a cruel scowl. "What does she even see in you?"

"You mean what doesn't she see in you?" John shrugged. "That's up to her."

"What is it?" Green hissed. "What does she like about you? What about an old cripple with a sagging face like yours attracts her? You can't possibly make her happy."

"The happiness part I really don't know about but…" John scrunched his face and then shrugged a shoulder. "I don know that I've go a pretty big penis and I know just where to put it and how to use it. That's something I guess she might like."

Green's face contorted further and John nodded toward the road. "You're going that way and you're not looking back. Now, would be that time."

He slunk off and John went over to his group of kids. "Sorry about all that."

"Why?" One of them asked.

"Well… I-"

"That was awesome!" They all spoke in a rush and John endured the slaps to his back and the encouraging comments asking for him to teach them the same moves.

John held his hands up to quiet them. "Maybe but definitely not today. Today we've got a performance to attend."

"Performance?" They looked between one another. "What performance?"

"Have any of you ever watched a dance concert?"

John ignored the groans.


	6. Releasing the Dance in the Soul

He ushered the kids into the row and put his finger over his lips. "If there's a noise then there's no treat afterward."

"What if it's boring?" One of them hissed but before John could respond a hand went to his arm and used him to lean around the row to speak to the boy.

"Then I guess we didn't do our job correctly." Anna smiled at them, waving to the boy waving the card with John's information on it. "It's good to see you all could come tonight."

"He forced us." The first boy complained and Anna clicked her tongue against her teeth before facing John.

"I guess you're just the worst."

"I guess teaching culture and appreciation is the worst." John shrugged, nodding at Anna. "You look fantastic."

"And I think you're just saying that because you've no idea what the costume's for."

"Or maybe I'm saying it because I can see everything when you're wearing it."

She ran her tongue over her teeth to counter the flush in her cheeks and send one rising in his. "How salacious of you. And in front of the children."

"They've all got internet so they've seen it all before."

"What they're about to see they might not find on the same Internet sites." Anna pulled at the body suit. "But it'll hopefully make more sense later."

"Hopefully." John jerked his head back toward the row, "For their sake at the very least."

"How's that?"

"Because if it doesn't make sense and they're all asking me about it I won't have an answer for them and they'll think I'm an idiot."

"Poor you."

"You don't understand what it's like to look the fool in front of a dozen preteens. That shit's terrifying."

"Then I guess you'll have to find a way to bullshit your way through an answer when they ask you." Anna leaned over to whisper, "Or I could tell you so you sound really smart later."

"I'd like that." John noted how close they were, "Might I…"

"Only on the cheek." Anna presented it to him. "And be careful. There's a lot of makeup there so it'll taste chalky."

"I'm pretty sure it'd take a lot more makeup than some concealer to stop your taste coming through."

"Again with the compliments." Anna giggled when John touched his lips there. "But keep it G, I can't have any evidence of it for later."

"Afraid the lights'll pick it up?"

"I know the lights'll pick it up." Anna pulled away, tracing her hand along his. "Although I do wish I could spend a bit more time enjoying your attention."

"If I don't give them all attention they'll get antsy and jealous." John jerked his thumb back over his shoulder at the group growing more rambunctious by the second. "It's like herding cats."

"It's adorable." Anna waved at the group again. "They're like your little flock of ducklings."

"They're not cute like ducklings."

"No, but they are adorable."

John shook his head. "I heartily disagree."

"What? They're all lanky limbs and knobbly knees… It's like watching baby giraffes try to make their way around. It's wonderful."

"Hopefully your troupe up there looks a bit better than knobbly-kneed giraffes."

"We're professionals, Mr. Bates." Anna held herself taller. "If we want to look like giraffes you'll think we're really giraffes, that I promise you."

"Can I promise you dinner later?"

"No." Anna put a finger to his lips to stop an argument. "Not because I would say no to dinner on another occasion, because I won't, but because I've got some plans of my own."

"Do you?"

"I do." She waved at someone else in the audience. "Once the show's over, and you've deposited all of your little ducklings safe at home, I want you to meet me back here."

"For?"

"I won't ruin the surprise, Mr. Bates." Anna slipped from his attempted grip and addressed the kids in the seats. "Be good for him now and enjoy the show."

She walked away, her red bodysuit stretching as she greeted other people in the audience, and John smiled to himself as he sat. One of the boys reached over two others and slapped his arm, to grab his attention, and pointed after Anna. "Are you tapping that?"

"First off, Jerome, you don't 'tap that'. She's a person and deserves respect."

"Do are you doing her?"

"Second thing, never ask someone about their relationship if you're just hoping to get sexual information. A gentleman never shares the details of those sorts of things and the people that do aren't the kind of people you want to be friends with."

Jerome frowned, "So you're not?"

"The point is, whether I am or not isn't anyone else's business. It's not a competition and it's not a game." John sat back, "I'm here because Ms. Smith invited us to watch her dance performance and we're going to enjoy it."

"But you do what to date her right?"

"Of course, but that's not the question you asked." John snapped his fingers at the kids on the other end of the row. "I'll rearrange seating if you're not going to behave."

They grumbled but straightened up as the lights went down. And that was all they needed. Over the next hour, until intermission, John noted the wide eyes and rapt attention as they watched the performance on stage. He tracked Anna's movements when she danced over the stage, flew through the air, and landed in the arms of her partners. When intermission broke the dancing, the kids grabbed for programs and argued back and forth about the content of the dancing until one of them attempted to climb onto the chair arms to demonstrate a move. John grabbed him before he toppled forward and then shushed them as the lights lowered again.

This time the music and light show that went along with the dance almost gave John vertigo but the cooing and awing of the kids was enough to keep him focused. And when the lights went up, before the encore, they whooped and hollered in their chairs. After the encore- which took a bit of hurried explanation to justify- they practically ran to greet the performers and ask them a million questions.

John followed, coats and jackets draped over his arms with bits of rubbish in his hands, and shrugged at Anna as two of the girls tugged on her sleeves to interrogate her. He tossed the rubbish in the bin and started shuffling the kids toward the doors. They tried to complain but John forced them into their coats and jackets and thanked the performers as Anna joined him a minute.

"You really are the Mother Hen, aren't you?"

"If I don't get them home in one piece then the real Mother Hen'll have my head." John counted the heads and then snagged the arm of the errant boy trying to ask a final question. "I think you've made their minds explode."

"It's what we endeavor to do here." Anna smiled at him, gesturing to the kids arguing about a bit of the show. "Why not bring them by the studio? They could give it a go and see if they want to take the path of dance as their form of expression."

"I'm sure if I told them that right now they'd pelt for the stage and try to do it now." John lowered his voice, "I'll tell them later, when they've let it settle."

"Just don't let the excitement die, eh?"

"Never." John nodded at her, "I'll see you later yes?"

"Yes. I've got to get changed and… a bit less like a performer." She dragged a finger over her cheek. "I hate UV paint. It's the devil to get off."

"Maybe you need a different solvent." John wagged his eyebrows at her but Anna only laughed.

"You wouldn't like the taste." She waved at the kids. "Thanks for coming and I hope you enjoyed the show."

They all tried to swarm her again but John blocked and shuffled them out, catching Anna's mouthed 'sorry' as he did. He nodded at her and herded the kids out of the theater, walking them back toward their neighborhood. The whole way they chattered back and forth, arguing the finer points of the performance as they dropped each child at their door.

John waved at the parents or older siblings or even grandparents as each door shut and then worked the kids back to their flats and houses until only Jerome was left. They walked his street, Jerome dancing in place as he tried to replicate a complicated move. He tripped a bit and John dipped to give him a hand.

"Thanks Boss."

"Not a problem." John shrugged, putting his hands in his jacket pockets. "Hey, what do you know about Green?"

"The tosser trying to shiv you earlier?"

"It's 'shank'. "Shank' is the verb and 'shiv' is the noun. You shank someone with a shiv, not shiv someone with a shank." John laughed with Jerome as the boy hurdled a pavement guard. "But yes, that one."

"And like we said yesterday, he's one of Carlisle's men."

"You said he runs the area, right?"

"Much as anyone can run anything nowadays I guess." Jerome worked himself up onto a metal gate and walked along it, John raising a hand to be there for the moments Jerome wobbled in place. "He's bad news."

"That's what confuses me," John offered Jerome his hand but the boy jumped from the gate, landing on his toes on the pavement. "What's a newspaper man want from a neighborhood to run drugs? He makes more than enough with his paper."

"You make more with drugs." Jerome shrugged, waving his arm up the street. "You ask any of the kids here and they'll tell you how much you could make selling anything you got on your list."

"But none of you sell any of it?"

Jerome shook his head, hands going into his pockets. "Not now, but it's only a matter of time."

"Matter of time?"

"Yeah," Jerome pointed at John. "Give it enough time and you'll get tired of hanging around this neighborhood. You'll want to go somewhere else and then what'll be all do? Most of my friends have family who sell or sign up or whatever. They take it, they sell it, and they get nabbed for it. It's what happens in places like this."

"It doesn't have to."

"But it will." Jerome went to walk away but John put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Aren't you?"

"Why would I?" John winked at Jerome, "I've got you all to help watch my car and you're my cricket team. I didn't spend the last six months trying to teach you all how to play just to abandon it now."

"Because we're something to tell your rich friends about?"

"Because you're the only friends I've got." John skidded his shoe along the pavement, "I've not got friends or family. My father died when I was young, my mother passed before I started coming here, and the only friend I do have technically owns the clinic."

"We're your only family?" Jerome huffed, "You've got the raw deal Boss."

"I don't agree." John nodded at Jerome's building. "If you don't get up there you're Gran'll think I kidnapped you."

"She likes you Boss, says you keep me out of trouble."

"I'm trying but I'm not sure it's working." John tried to ruffle Jerome's hair but it stayed too stiff, bouncing under his hand. "I thought you were getting a cut."

"I've got to get it longer so I can get braids."

"Better you than me, I'd look a state in braids." John patted his hair. "It's not really strong enough for those."

"It's white people hair boss, it's only good for shampoo commercials."

"True." John tapped the back of Jerome's head, "Now get inside. You've got school tomorrow and your teachers won't thank me if your grades slip."

"Right Boss!" Jerome went to the doors, pulling out his key and tugging the door open. He paused, holding the glass door with a large piece of wood covering the bottom panel. "Are you taking that woman on a date?"

"I hope so."

"Then treat her right. If not… I'll come after you."

John snorted his laugh, "I promise I will. She'll be safe with me."

"Good." Jerome slipped through the door and John turned back down the street, walking back toward the studio.

When he reached the building, dark now except for a side entrance where a few of the performers smoked with the stagehands, John cleared his throat. One of men, a tall gingerheaded one, turned to him. Pointing inside, John spoke.

"Is Anna Smith still inside?"

"She's finishing up now." The man ducked around the lamppost, pulling out a key on the large metal door and then tugging it open. "Straight through there and make a left when you hit the wall with the ladder. Can't miss it, there's not much else back there."

"Thanks mate."

"Anytime."

The door shut behind John, enclosing him in a dusky, yellow-red light. He eased through the tiny corridor, turning sideways to avoid running into a line of costumes hanging from a rack, and bumped into the wall at the end. He pivoted, noting the sign for the toilets at the end of the hall, and then turned in the other direction to follow noises from a larger doorway.

He stepped onto the stage, noting the lights up in the audience kept the seats visible from the stage while the brighter lights of the stage shut off one at a time to leave everything white-yellow instead of soaked in a blaze. His shoes clicked over the floor and skidded when someone called out to him. Trying to turn in place he saw Anna, standing center stage, waving him over.

"You might want to take off your shoes. This is a barefoot stage."

"Barefoot stage?" John leaned down, loosening his laces to toe out of his shoes and leave him in only his socks. "That's a real thing?"

"Some stages are made to take the pressure of contemporary dance." Anna thumped her bare heel against the wood. "This is one of them. It's a bit different from a ballroom floor or a ballet stage but that's only about as versatile as any stage really."

"I don't know anything about stages." John padded over to her, socks sliding on the wood. "Except for those I've seen from the audience."

"Then let me introduce you," Anna raised her hands, spinning in a circle on the balls of her feet, and landed in front of him. "To the contemporary dance stage."

"It's beautiful." John put his hands in his pockets, first taking a moment to loosen his tie, and nodded at the seats. "The view is stunning."

"I can't see it when the lights are up and it's even worse when all the lights are down." Anna reached for one of his hands, tugging at his wrist to pull it free from his pocket. "Do you know how to dance, Mr. Bates?"

"I'd think you know the answer to that better than I do." John bent his arm when she tapped her palm against the inside of his elbow and then relaxed it so she could manipulate him in her grip. "You're the professional after all."

"I do remember something you said about not believing you had a dance inside of you." Anna put his right arm under her left one so his hand cupped the bottom of her shoulder blade and her fingers gripped at the deltoid. "I also remember that I heartily disagreed."

"You seemed like too kind a person to agree with an insult I cast at myself."

"You make that sound like a bad thing." John left his left hand hold her right as she pulled herself to her full height and rolled her shoulders back. She raised her eyebrow at him, "How well do you follow a lead?"

"Since I've already left my shoes I'll say pretty well." John shrugged, "I'll go wherever you want me Ms. Smith."

"Dangerous of you, to give me that kind of power."

"I trust you won't misuse it."

"No," Anna's voice softened, the grin on her face fading to leave her studying his face. "No, I don't think I would."

And, without music, she guided him around the stage. Their weight feel unevenly at first, John stumbling a bit as he tried to follow the direction of her arms and misstepped when he attempted to anticipate her moves. Anna would only pause until he settled himself again and continue leading him over the floor. After a bit he noted her grip slackened and he took the initiative to guide her over the stage until the lights shut off around them.

She let out a little shriek, giggling to herself as he pulled out his phone and flipped on the flashlight function. He caught her smile in the blue-white light and made a show of looking frustrated. "Is there something especially funny Ms. Smith?"

"I guess we'll have to take your dance lessons elsewhere, Mr. Bates."

"Or reschedule."

"No," Anna shook her head, leading him back to his shoes and snagging her things from just inside the door to put on her shoes next to him in the red light of the corridor. "I've got just the place to continue this."

"I've heard you've got yourself a studio."

"Oh no, this place is far better." Anna found his fingers, intertwining them in the dark. "I'd like to take you back to mine, if that's alright."

"That's better than alright." John paused, tugging Anna back when she started down the corridor. "I hope you don't think I'm expecting… I'm not expecting anything if you're… That is to say I'm…"

"Mr. Bates," Anna covered his hand with her free one, kissing at her knuckles there. "We've not known one another long but I can honestly say I've never talked someone off the ledge before. The fact that I could talk you off one once, even if you thought I then forgot about you, wasn't insignificant to me."

"I wouldn't think so little of you." John swallowed, "Especially since your friend Mary told me about the circumstances."

Anna's face dropped, her mouth opening slightly as if she would speak. Instead she paused, hauled in a few deep breaths, and swallowed. "What did she tell you?"

"That you're being intimidated by a real asshole who's got his eye on you because it's all he can have on you." John teethed his lip, "But that he wants more from you."

"I'm sure you've already figured out he's been intimidating you as well."

"We've had a few run-ins." John shrugged, "It's nothing."

"Is it?"

"Shouldn't I ask you that question?"

Anna exhaled, lifting one shoulder. "I can't imagine you're Mary's biggest fan at the moment."

"No, I'm not."

"She was young and she made a mistake."

"That you're paying for."

Anna narrowed her eyes, leaning back on the brick wall behind her. "Did she fail to mention that her family helped pay for my education?"

John frowned, "She didn't mention anything about it to me."

"Typical Mary, always wanting to play the martyr." Anna held up a hand to stop John speaking. "What she did was wrong and it has affected my life but she's living under that particular axe, not me. All I did was what I could to help."

"You're working for a man who pushes drugs around this neighborhood."

"And you're helping those kids try and avoid it, like I am in my own way." Anna shrugged, "It's not clean and it's not perfect but it's the life I live. Richard Carlisle's a dick, there's no two ways about that, but I've made my peace with my piece of it."

"And you're at peace with Green stalking you?"

"That's become a staple of my existence, John. It's not right and it's not pleasant but as long as I continue to use blackout curtains then I don't care if he freezes his ass off in the car across the street. Besides," Anna managed a little smile. "I've got a room near the top of a building so no matter how good his binoculars are, he can't see up that far anyway."

"It just…" John huffed, "I know that I made a lot of unfair assumptions about our association and about what I felt you did and I… I've been an ass on my own and it's not right that-"

Anna put her hand over his mouth, stopping him with the smile on her face. "I think you doubt yourself far too much for someone who's supposed to give advice to other people."

"It comes with the territory." John muffled through her hand before kissing her palm and lowering her hand. "I just… I want to start us over again but on the right foot this time."

"Because me talking you off the ledge wasn't a good start?"

"I think my putting all of my hopes and dreams into keeping that woman in my life was unfair to you and then I assumed you didn't like me and that was unfair to you again because even if you didn't then-"

Anna replaced her hand on his mouth. "We're going to need a word limit for you. Or," Her tongue swept over her lips, trailing tantalizingly over her teeth to raise John's blood pressure. "Maybe we just need to find another occupation for your mouth."

John's next steps were difficult as all the blood rushed from his brain. She removed her hand, grinning at him, "I guess we're on the same page now."

They managed to get their shoes on, assemble their things, and depart the dark studio without further mishaps. Anna walked close to John, keeping her fingers flicking against his as she walked until he dared wrap her fingers with his. She did not turn to look at him but John caught the trace of a grin over her face at the action and felt the squeeze of her fingers around his before she settled into his grip.

Even with the chill in the air, they continued the walk from the studio toward a building rising up like a monument to a bygone age amongst a confusion of buildings either speaking to the past or hailing toward the future. John craned his head back to look at it and only turned down when he heard Anna laugh.

"What?"

"It's not as nice as yours."

"I wasn't even thinking that." John pointed to the buildings around them. "The city's in constant transition and it's always a bit interesting to see if the old or the new'll win out."

"Around here, it'll always be in transition. It's what you get in places like this." Anna pulled out her keys, unlocking the door and leading John inside. "I'm sure you can appreciate the décor."

"I'm no architect but I've lived in this city long enough to know that there's a lot to be seen as long as you keep looking." John held the door for her, waiting until Anna was inside before shutting the door and pulling it fully closed to lock before following her. "I'd hate for someone to sneak in while we're not looking."

"Or you're worried you'll have to fight someone for me?" Anna pressed the button for the lift. "Unless you want the stairs."

"I'd hate to embarrass myself before we even reach your flat. All out of breath and all that."

Anna raised an eyebrow at him, "And what exactly do you think is going to happen tonight, Mr. Bates?"

"I…" John swallowed, "I thought that… Well you'd said…"

She snorted, covering her mouth to try and hide her laugh. "I'm sorry."

"Are you?"

"It's just… I'm sorry," Anna composed herself, a solitary snort escaping before she coughed. "I'm just… It's more fun to watch you shuffle. You're so tense."

"I'm trying to impress a gorgeous woman and she's taking the mickey out of me at every step of the way."

"It's good to find something to laugh about." Anna entered the lift, waiting for John to join her. "It keeps it all interesting."

"Is this how you intimidate all of your dates?"

"What dates?" Anna frowned, "You're the only person I've been with in a very long time."

John blinked at her, "You said that last time."

"And it's as true now as it was then."

Neither of them spoke, the doors to the lift opening on the desired floor, and John almost woodenly followed Anna to her flat. Her keys knocked against the door and it opened but all John could comprehend were her words still rolling through his mind.

It took her hand tugging gently on his to get him through the door. His feet thudded on the floor and he stopped just inside the doorway, mind rolling like a Ferris wheel in its repetitive motions and skipping back to her words. Her fingers on his cheek drew his eyes to hers and he finally comprehended the worry there.

John put his hand over hers, turning his head to kiss her palm, and whispered in the half dark of a flat lit by the signs and sparkles of a city that never really slept. "You're the only person I want for the rest of my life. I don't know why and it doesn't make sense and it's bound to scare you but I couldn't find another person to desire if I tried."

"Did you try?"

John swallowed and then nodded. "I took every avenue I possibly could to try and find someone but I think you ruined me for everyone else. No one matched your laugh, your wit, or your compassion. I… I don't know you and you don't know me. We're strangers to one another but I feel like we're made of the same starstuff."

Anna blinked at him, "Starstuff?"

"I was going to use that line from _Wuthering Heights_ but it feels a bit overused." John ran his fingers over her hand. "I can't promise you anything, I can't guarantee I'm perfect because I know I'm not, but I know that I only want whatever comes with you when I say I want you for the rest of my life."

"You don't know what you're asking when you say that."

"Maybe not." John closed his eyes, forcing himself to focus only on her fingers intertwined with his and the others still on his cheek. "But I do want to risk it to see what could happen."

He cracked his eyes open, her face shadowed in the entryway of her flat. "Could we?"

Her lips were on his in a moment. The slip of her fingers from his grip almost surprised John but he quickly held at her waist as both hands cupped his jaw to force him to her. His head dipped down, trying to offer her more, but it was Anna who managed to keep them together.

The thump of her bag hitting the ground, her keys clacking against the wooden floor, and her shoes flinging off in another direction allowed her to leap up to him. Not as skilled as her fellow dancers, John still caught her with a shuffle of his hands from her waist to her ass to keep her in place. But once in place she made it nigh on impossible to focus on removing his more complicated footwear when she wrapped an arm around his shoulders to give herself leverage to grind down on him.

John drown in the sensation of her. Her hand in his hair, tugging and pulling until he submitted to her directions so her tongue could delve into his mouth. The arm around his shoulders grabbing his shirt and pulling it to hold herself in place while her hips gyrated to rub herself against his thickening erection. Even the dig of her heels into his lower back and ass sparked John's blood so he returned her affection with thrusts and a tongue wrapping over hers.

Anna pulled back only long enough to gasp, "Sofa" and then went back to adoring his mouth. With a few near misses of her end tables, the bookcase, and the coffee table, John managed to make it to the sofa. A swift turn, that almost unseated Anna and sent him to his ass on the floor, and John was down on a cushion that cradled his ass and Anna's knees when she pulled back slightly.

Her new position of leverage allowed her to haul her overlarge sweatshirt over her head and drop it to the side before writhing against John's shirt. His hands flailed a bit at her ass, tempted to start at his buttons or yank off his tie, but he needed to only follow Anna's directions. That meant he only moved when she tugged his jacket from his shoulders, or ducked his head when her grasping hands interrupted their kiss so the tie could fly off into a shadowy corner of her sitting room, or maneuvered toward her so his shirt could fall off his wrists.

The new position pressed his straining arousal against her center and John tugged on Anna's hips to bring her closer. Her hands, still runched in his shirt, quivered and trembled in time to her gasps as he brought his lips to her neck. Trapped between his chest and thighs, tight enough together to keep them rocking and thrusting toward one another, Anna was at the mercy of his mouth on her exposed skin.

And he used the position to his advantage. His eager mouth traced and tongued over her neck and around her sports bra until Anna's nails dug divots into his scalp. John risked a moment away from her hips to grab at the edges of her bra and nudged her arms away from his shoulders. Their shift brought John up to help Anna escape the bra but also allowed her to press him into the back of the sofa. She only used the position to press her breasts closer to him and John dropped the bra from his fingers to immediately set his lips and tongue to adoring the sight before him.

Soon her gasps and moans filled his ears as John tugged gently on one nipple with his teeth and the other took the caresses of his hands. Against his hips her knees tightened and pressed toward the sofa while Anna bounced against the tent in his trousers. A tent John wanted to solve before he risked permanent damage to himself with a belt and zipper in the way.

Instead, he set his fingers to exploring into her tracksuit bottoms, traced under the line of her knickers he could swear were actually a thong, and then ran a finger back to her end. Anna's fingers pulled the skin of his shoulders into her grip and her whimper threw her head back to expose her neck. A neck John kissed and nipped along while his other hand took over to massage both of her breasts.

One of her hands left their point of contact on his shoulder and wrapped over his wrist, forcing his fingers back under the elastic band of her tracksuit bottoms. John paused, waiting until Anna looked at him, and then only moved when she ran herself along his hand. The damp edge of her knickers ran over his hand and John immediately eased his fingers under the edge before pulling them to the side. She rocked and writhed over his fingers, crying out louder with each edge of his fingers closer to entering her until he finally did.

John's lips and kisses returned to her breasts, his other hand aiding in keeping her within reach of his mouth by running and smoothing over her back, distracting her as he added another finger. But Anna maneuvered herself so John dived deeper inside her with his fingers before crooking them to find that spot to send her sobbing into him as her nails, once again, took their talon-like nature to scratch and tug at his scalp. With his fingers dedicated to her, his lips still attuned to her breasts, Anna cried out her finish.

He cradled her close, fingers easing through her and keeping her orgasm going until she pulled his lips from her breasts. Anna stared at him, her chest rising and falling as she hauled in deep breaths, and then seized his jaw in her hands to pull his mouth to hers again. Their tongues tangled, John submitting to her sucking motions as his hands moved down to hold her hips in place to meet the shunt of his hips against hers.

Anna groaned, pulling away from his lips and shuffling back of his legs. Her fingers loosened his belt and dragged his trousers and boxers from his hips. They caught on his socks but in a moment she had them piled and shoved to the side. John reached for her, dragging Anna between his legs, and slid his fingers between her skin and her tracksuit bottoms.

They slid from her legs, pooling at her feet as John bit his tongue trying not to immediately kiss over her knickers. The knickers that were exactly as he expected: a thong. His hand shifted around to her ass, urging her closer, and John obeyed his temptation. A sweep of his tongue ran over the soaked material had Anna shivering in his grasp until she finally pushed him back.

John ran his tongue over his lips as he watched her yanking the fabric away to leave on the floor next to everything else. She put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back, mounting the sofa and straddling him but staying just out of reach. His fingers wrapped over her hip, holding her but not encouraging her either way, and only dug into her skin when Anna sank down over him.

The immediate clutch of her walls around him forced John's head back into the cushions. He gritted his teeth as Anna slowly rose and fell on him, pausing long enough to slip her hand back around his neck and urge him to look at her. John swallowed, flexing his fingers against her skin and biting his tongue when her eyes rolled back into her head as he flexed inside her as well.

"This won't take long."

"I should hope not." Anna licked over his lips, "It's your turn."

John surged up, taking her lips with his, and pistoned into her. The slick sounds of their hips meeting, thumping the sofa's legs into the floor, barely registered as John tried to hold himself on the edge while his thumb worked down to her clit. A touch there broke their kiss as Anna cried out.

That shattered John's self-control and he drove into her. His mouth tried to ground himself with kisses over her shoulders, breasts, and neck but as Anna met his thrusts and adjusted her angle so he struck against her clit with each movement. John clutched her closer as her walls clung to him, muscles rippling against him until he finally let go.

They came together, stuttering the last ruts of their motions until John collapsed against the back of the sofa. He closed his eyes, trying to normalize his breathing, but Anna's fingers stroking over his chest brought him back to the moment. A moment when he realized she teased wherever he twitched.

Without a word John grabbed her ass, flipping them on the sofa to drape her longways along the length. Anna gasped out and John ground into her, the motion rolling her eyes back. But he withdrew, leaving her scoffing at him, but John maneuvered between her legs and placed his lips on her folds.

Her fingers found new places to dig into his scalp and raked over his shoulders as John licked and sucked at her. His hands adjusted her so he could drink from her better and used his fingers to open her more fully. Anna's back arched against the sofa cushions, depressing them and almost throwing John off balance as he teased and taunted her back to another orgasm, that he stretched until she could only make half-hearted gasping sounds to match the moans and whimpers of his efforts.

Drawing back, waiting for Anna's fingers to tighten on his arm, John repositioned and thrust in again. But this time he slowed. Instead of the rushed, manically frantic meeting, John kept them slow and deep. Each thrust hit as deeply as he could go so they felt each one with a rustle and ripple of sensation that left Anna writhing and John trembling.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, forcing him deeper and encouraging him with her hand at his ass to keep him low and deep, and she kissed his neck. John buried his head neck to her, trading kisses with deep breaths that inhaled the scent of her shampoo on the hair that escaped her ponytail and trailed between them. And when their fingers collided at her clit they both drove her over the edge again. An edge John leapt over after her with a hand on her thigh to keep her closer to him.

He inhaled the scent of her, the sofa, her hair, them, and anything else that tried to hold the attention of his fizzing brain. With shaking arms still holding most of his weight from her, John drew back and brushed hair from Anna's forehead before kissing the exposed skin of her face. She smiled at him, her arms drawing up to her shoulders and then wrapping there as John lifted her from the sofa.

Tucking her close, John navigated the small flat to find her bedroom and laid Anna on the bed. It took a bit more energy, and a stubbed toe, for him to find the bathroom where he located a flannel he used to clean them both up a bit. But it was when he went to pull away that Anna's hand entangled with his.

John stopped and Anna's fingers tightened around his own to draw him down beside her. They shuffled and shifted, finding their spots on the bed, and John laid next to her so he could brush his fingers through her hair. She sighed, an undulating roll of gentle pleasure going through her with each stroke until only her soft, deep breathing filled the room.

Part of John was afraid. Afraid that if he shut his eyes it would all be a dream. Afraid that if he did not watch her the entire night she would leave and he would lose her for good. Afraid that this was a practical joke of his mind.

But when her fingers found his in her sleep, curling around him, John relaxed and let himself drift away surrounded by her scent, her things, and her.


	7. What We Say When We Don't Speak

John opened his eyes, smiling at the sight of Anna staring at him. "It's nice to know you stayed."

"It's my bed."

He shrugged, "But you're still here."

"Yes I am." She sighed, digging her hands under her pillow, and scooted toward him. "And I hope you're not in a hurry."

"I've not got any appointment until one.

"Then you've got time."

John smiled, "I've got time."

He raised a hand, using a finger to barely brush a strand of hair from her face. Following it to her back, he let the flow of her skin guide him through dips and valleys to travel the nuances of her skin. But the journey ended where the sheet lay across her lower back. John paused, fingering under the sheet a moment but did not linger, drawing back toward her shoulders instead. His finger tapped from her skin and he left a kiss on the last spot he touched.

They stared at one another a moment before John slid forward. He placed his lips on her forehead, her cheek, and the underside of her jaw. When Anna went to turn, his hand gently flattened on her lower back and kept her in place while his lips moved lower. A flick of his tongue traced the line of her throat to her shoulders and his hand at her back moved to the other side of her.

His form covered her, keeping off her skin so he could find all the places she shivered or trembled under the minutest of touches. The sheets bunched and shifted under him, tangling about his knees and legs and he positioned himself, but he ignored them and only focused on the sheet keeping her skin from view. In the weak light of the morning that peeked between brightly colored shades, John left no placed on her exposed skin unexplored.

One of his knees slipped between her legs, parting them enough to allow him to position himself behind and over her. His lips continued their tactile trek, admiring each undiscovered territory until her muscles quivered under him. A slight adjustment and her legs opened so his shoulders could settle as he massaged the skin of her legs before admiring them with his mouth.

Anna's sighs and gentle moans filled the room until it was all John could hear. There was nothing else, no one else, but her in that moment and the gentle noises escaping her mouth as she luxuriated under his care. Care John tracked back to the spot between her legs. That cry burned into his memory and nothing could tear the pleasure he experienced in the sound of her ecstasy when his mouth was on her.

Pointed flicked and flat laves had her twisted about his head. His shoulders worked lower, giving him the protection from a sudden jerk that might box his ears, and his fingers finally joined the fray. It took only a few more minutes before Anna shattered around him, her cry echoing about the room and ringing in his ears.

John went to pull away but Anna's hand latched onto his wrist. She drew his arm over her body so John draped over her to put his ear near her mouth. Her whisper left all the hairs on his arms standing on end but it only took a minute to oblige. A moment for his other hand to hold her hip so she did not move as he entered her. And even less time than that for them to find a rhythm. A rhythm that rocked his abdomen against her ass while his elbows dug into the mattress to give him the leverage he needed and she wanted with the rise of her hips to meet him.

They came together, sighing at the end of their cries, and maneuvered so John lay on his back. He stared at the ceiling, hand on his chest as if he intended to measure his heartrate, and just breathed. The fingers of his other hand met Anna's as she interlocked them with her own. He turned when she brought them to her lips to place the softest kiss on his knuckles.

"Thank you."

"For what?" He frowned and Anna shrugged up her shoulder, compressing the pillow toward the headboard.

"No one's been as considerate to me as you've been."

"In regards to sex or-"

"Or anything."

"I don't know." John laughed, "I did take you on my desk yesterday so that's not exactly speaking to my decorum."

"It's more than that." Anna focused on his fingers, turning his hand slowly. "It's… You're concerned for me. You came to my performance, you tried to understand it, you let me teach you to dance, and then you made me your concern. That means the world to me."

"I've told you that you mean the world to me."

"What I think you actually said was that you want me for the rest of your life."

John nodded, moving onto his side to see Anna's face better. "I did say that. And you responded that I didn't know what I was saying when I said it."

"You don't."

"Would you explain it to me?"

Anna took a deep breath. "You know about my troubles."

"In broad strokes."

"Then you're aware that there's not much to be done about them unless I'm willing to toss my friend under a very large bus."

"Maybe it would do her good."

Anna shook her head. "It wouldn't free me. And men like Carlisle aren't the kind to give up just because they lost a piece on their board."

"I do hope you're not about to tell me he's one of those pricks that thinks the world is a chess game."

"We all know it's Shits and Ladders."

John raised an eyebrow. "Isn't the game called 'Snakes and Ladders'?"

"Isn't that what I said." Anna grinned and they giggled together a moment. "And no, he's not that full of himself. He is full of himself but he's a realist. It's what you get when you've got someone who built themselves from the ground up. His empire is founded on his blood, sweat, and tears."

"And more than a few contributions from the nameless, faceless hoards I'm sure." John let his fingers trace over Anna's hand. "What would happen if I did want to risk him?"

"He's not really a worry. He runs the studio and the company but as long as I show up for work every day and do my part he's not all that interested in me."

"What about Green?"

"He's the problem." Anna worked herself onto her side. "He… He won't let it go John. If you keep egging him forward, testing his boundaries, one day he'll snap. The chain'll break and it won't matter who he's supposed to work for. He'll come after you and I don't want that."

"I'm not going to be cowed by a smug asshole like him."

"And I'm not asking you to." Anna put a hand on John's face, running her thumb along his cheekbone. "Just don't provoke him. Carlisle won't stop me living my life because he doesn't want me for anything but the company. He'll stop Green taking it too far if we don't give Green any reason to fly into a rage."

"What would happen then?"

Anna shrugged, "I guess Green'd be on his own. He's just supposed to keep an eye on me but after three years I'm sure Richard Carlisle's confident in his rising star. He's not worried about me going anywhere."

"But he'll still keep the information on Mary?"

"I don't know if he even still has it but he's got enough of the facts." Anna flopped onto her back. "And he's got Green so…"

"We're playing a zero-sum-game."

Anna nodded, "That's the long and the short of it."

"What if it didn't have to be that way?" Anna quirked an eyebrow and John extended a hand. "Hear me out. What if we could offer Carlisle a better story than that one?"

"What's better than, son of diplomat overdoses in the presence of equally high Mary Crawley?"

"I've heard more than a few things in my sessions."

Anna sat up, shaking her head. "As much as I'm sure you hate the situation I won't agree to being a part of anything that loses you your license to practice and gets you tossed in jail."

"They'd only have to be rumors."

"People always find the source of their rumors." Anna put up a finger as John moved to sit up, stopping him with his mouth open to speak. "Please, don't do that. Not for me."

"Are you asking me not to risk it all for you?"

"I'm asking you to be sensible." Anna shook her head again, "I won't thank you for tossing yourself into the fire to try and rescue me. The only result is that we'd both burn and then where'd we be?"

"Charred."

"Not funny." Anna's lip quirked to match John's smile. "Okay, maybe a little funny. But I am serious. Don't go jeopardizing everything you built before I came along just to try and get me out of a jam. It's not a bad jam really and I-"

John put a finger over her lips, waiting to speak until their eyes met. "Everything I built before you is worthless without you."

She moved his hand away from her mouth to kiss him. Their fingers interlocked and John submitted when Anna levered him over her with their intertwined fingers. Her leg hooked over his hip and his free hand decided to explore the place that made her writhe and cry out. The places his mouth could not reach when thoroughly occupied with her breasts and her mouth. The places she tried to mimic on him until they both rutted against one another on the point of climax.

A shift and a slide later had John inside her. They kept their pace slow, gentle, and easy as the lights in the room changed. Nothing rushed them and nothing could disturb them as they came together. Tilting hips matched with bent knees while nails raked and teeth nipped. Kisses and sighs mingled with moans and cries until they settled together.

John went to move but Anna's arms tightened around him. Her forehead settled against his shoulder, sinuously slipped around him to keep them as close as their hands. Hands that, when John finally extricated them, cramped his fingers until he could finally stretch them straight.

Anna kissed over his palm, massaging him until his fingers bent normally, and whispered in the silence they made. "I don't want you to lose anything because of me."

"It would be worth it."

"It doesn't matter." John went to speak but Anna shook her head. "I'm not in need of rescuing and I won't appreciate you tossing away everything in a grand gesture."

"Isn't that my choice?"

"It's my choice to accept it and I wouldn't accept that." Anna smiled at him. "It's not as horrible as you imagine."

"And you keep saying that."

"Because I'm hoping you'll believe me." Anna settled. "I… I know we don't know one another really and so we're both reacting out fear because this is new and we're not sure of ourselves and because we feel something we can't describe but that's no reason to abandon reason."

"I feel like I abandoned reason the day I met you."

"Then let's try and put a bit more of it back into… whatever this is and whatever we want this to be."

"Then," John cleared his throat and sat up. "I'd like to take you out on a proper date."

"A proper date?"

"Dinner, some kind of event, and the moment where I take you back to yours and leave you at the door with only a gentlemanly kiss on your hand."

"Bit late for gentlemanly kisses isn't it?" Anna snorted at his expression. "I'd like that, truly."

"You think of a place for after dinner and I'll find an eatery that won't break whatever odd diet you're probably on to keep muscle tone."

"It's healthy, I'll have you know."

"I'm sure it is." John paused, going to swing his legs out of bed. "You are allowed to eat fun things right? Like chocolate or cake or something?"

"All in moderation." Anna laid back on her pillows, watching him move about the bedroom. "I thought you didn't have to be at your office until one."

"I don't." John pointed toward the bathroom, "Mind if I use the shower?"

"Sure." Anna sat up, "Where are you headed off to?"

"I've got to make plans for our evening."

"That's evening. We're barely…" John heard a rustle from the bed, "Barely at eight in the morning."

John stuck his head out of the bathroom, "I've not taken anyone on a date in a long while and I need to get up to speed. That means I need to get to my office and pester my secretary for help with it."

"She's your secretary and she shouldn't have to do that."

"Gwen's my PA. She handles everything and she'll be overjoyed to handle this since she's been trying to get me out to a few places for awhile now." John turned the water on in the shower and scrubbed through the lukewarm spray. When he came out of the shower, reaching blindly for a towel, he saw Anna standing there. "What?"

"Where are you really going?"

"To make plans."

Anna's face twisted to scowl. "I hope you're not getting ready to torpedo your practice for me."

"I promise," John put both of his hands on Anna's cheeks, holding her eyes steady with his. "I'm not going to do anything to harm my career."

"Alright." Anna handed over the towel. "Just… Don't go to extremes for me. I don't need it."

"Then I'll make do with what I've got." John winked at her. "I'd better hurry up and get going or we'll be eating at Nando's."

"It's not a bad place."

"It is for a first date." John wrapped the towel around his waist to forage for his clothes in her sitting room. "I'm trying to make a good impression."

"You've already made quite a few impressions and they've all been good." Anna groaned as her phone buzzed from the other room. "Don't leave yet."

John assembled himself, toweling his hair one final time before using his fingers as a comb to try and keep it flat. Anna's muffled voice sounded from her bedroom, where she took the call, and John kept himself to tidying up the sitting room. He recovered both of his socks, his wrinkled tie, and almost decided to give up on trying to find his other shoe when Anna tapped him on the shoulder with it.

"All good?"

She shook her head, "I may have to postpone that date of ours. We're apparently performing at a private function. Director can't pass up the chance to impress the elite."

"And they need their star." John took the shoe and jammed his foot into it before checking over his things. "Are you gutted?"

"I was looking forward to a date."

"Well we'll just have to postpone." John teased her hand with his fingers. "It'll keep. I'm sure the place Gwen might suggest'll still be when we do get to go there."

"I still feel bad."

"It's fine." John held up his phone, "I've got your number now and I've been to your place so I know you actually exist."

"I'm not some fairy you made up?" Anna stepped closer, her hands sliding up the front of his shirt. "Some fantasy for late, lonely nights."

"My late, lonely nights aside." John covered her hands with his and brought them to his mouth to kiss her fingers. "Definitely not."

"Then I'll find out my schedule and we'll find a time." Anna nodded back toward her bedroom. "I've got a few hours before I'm needed for rehearsals if you wanted to stay. I'll make it worth your while."

"And as tempted as I am to phone in the whole day and stay here with you, I think it'd be best if I didn't." John kissed her and grabbed his jacket. "Let me know."

"I will." Anna waved him out the door and John shut it with a smile on his face.

A smile he quickly turned to focus as he dug his phone out of his pocket in the lift. He pressed the number and held the phone to his ear while weaving between the older women trying to get into the lift on the ground floor. They dodged one another and John escaped into the cool morning air to hail a taxi.

The ringing on the other end of the line finally resulted in a voice as the cab pulled to a stop before him. "Mr. Richard Carlisle's office, how may I direct your call?"

"Yes, this is John Bates. I received an invitation for a sit-down with Mr. Carlisle a few months ago, when Terrance Sampson was chosen for the Shadow Cabinet and I was curious if he still wanted to chat."

"Let me check with him. Won't be a minute."

"Take your time." John eased into the backseat of the cab and covered the microphone on his phone. "Offices of the _Carlisle Examiner_ please."

The driver nodded and entered the address into her phone before pulling off the side of the street and into traffic.

"Sir?" John turned back to the phone. "Sir, I've got Mr. Carlisle here and he says he'd be willing to meet with you for half an hour if you're wiling."

"Is he available right now?"

"One moment." John waited, focusing on the details of the car about him until the voice came back on the other end of the line. "Mr. Carlisle says that's perfectly fine."

"Then let him know I'll be there shortly. Thank you." John hung up the phone and leaned back into the seat.

"Got yourself a big interview sir?"

"Let's hope it's big." John stroked over the phone, noting the battery level. "Do you have a charger?"

"Plug's back there for you."

"Thanks." John plugged in his phone, noting the blink of green as it edged away from red. "You live around here?"

"No, just drive around here. Usually more than a few people who end up in this area at night need a lift back someplace in the morning." Their eyes met in the rearview mirror. "You're probably the most put-together I've seen lately."

"Thank you." John winced, "I've left my car."

"Did you forget that you drove somewhere?"

"Not exactly. Where I left my car and where I'm coming from this morning are two different places."

"That kind of night?"

"In a good way." John shrugged, "Could I ask a personal question?"

"I'll let you ask and then say whether or not I'll answer."

"You ever thought that you wanted to help someone but they don't need your help? Like, you've got a plan as to how you could help them and you wonder if they'd be alright with it?"

"Guess that depends on how much you trust them and how stupid the plan is." She steered around a corner and eased through the morning rush. "My girlfriend once got it into her head that I needed a deep clean of my flat but I keep telling her it was fine. Then, one day, I get home and it's all spotless."

"Where you upset?"

"It's difficult to explain." They stopped at a light and she risked a look back at him through the mirror. "On the one hand I recognized that she'd done what she thought was a nice thing but on the other I asked her not to and she ignored me."

"So which pissed you off more?"

"That she didn't listen to me. It goes to the idea of trust and respect." The light turned and she worked back into the flow. "Have you got something in mind that might just knock someone on their ass?"

"It's more like a sidestep. Because they shot down my first suggestion and I promised not to do that so I won't."

"But now you're doing something similar but not quite the same?" The driver hissed, sucking air through her teeth. "Not sure they'll appreciate the nuance of that. Splitting hairs isn't really a good angle to take if there's an argument about it later."

"You're not sure?"

"In my experience, if it's a man then you've just insulted their capability and men usually hate that."

"And a woman?"

"She'll be pissed you weren't listening."

John let out a deep breath, "Then let's hope she's not that pissed about it."

A few minutes later the cabbie dropped John outside the towering offices of the _Carlisle Examiner_ , and she whistled. "It's amazing that in this generation of internet news we've still got buildings like this for paper publications."

"Vintage and retro will always be words associated to people who want to feel nostalgic." John dug out his card and swiped it, adding a large time. "For the advice."

"Even though you didn't take it?"

"It'll help me prepare if I need to batten down the hatches in the case of a shitstorm."

"Good luck to you." She waved at him and drove off, leaving John to ascend the stairs to the building.

At the front desk he quickly introduced himself and did not even have time to sit in one of the lobby's chairs before a young woman in a skirt below her knees came through the security gates toward him. Her heels clacked over the floor and when she got closer John realized she was older than he thought from a distance.

"John Bates, yes?" She shook his hand quickly. "I'm Jane Moorsum, Mr. Carlisel's PA. We just spoke on the phone."

"Yes." John returned her shake, "You're not what I was expecting."

"A powerful man running a business doesn't have a blonde with big breasts, a tight shirt, and a tiny skirt?" She laughed with him, "I know. But Mr. Carlisle's rather focused on his work so I doubt he even notices that kind of thing."

"What does he notice?"

"Results." Jane waved him to follow her. "Here, I'll take you up to his office."

"He's not been waiting long has he?"

"Oh he keeps himself busy. People come to him so he works around them."

"He's certainly accommodating to me on such short notice so I'll be sure to thank him."

They rode the lift to the top floor offices and Jane guided John through a large, secondary lobby, past a few glass-walled offices with people diligently typing, phoning, or scribbling away on pads, and to the glass doors at the end of the hall. The glass gauntlet directed John right into the waiting embrace of Richard Carlisle as the man seized his hand and shook firmly.

"I'm so glad you called me Mr. Bates. I was just thinking about that call I made all those months ago and wondering if anything could come of it." He motioned to the seats just off his desk, putting them in matching leather chairs that faced one another. "Jane, could you get Mr. Bates and myself some coffee?"

"I'll actually take tea instead," John leaned over his chair to address Jane. "A Yorkshire brew if you've got it."

"Yorkshire man?" Carlisle swung one leg over the other, steepling his fingers as his elbows rested on the leather armrests of the square seat.

"I'm actually half-Irish but I've always like the taste of northern teas."

"Then coffee for me and tea for Mr. Bates." Carlisle put his hand flat, palm toward the floor, "How do you take your tea, Mr. Bates?"

"Dab of milk'll do me just fine."

"I'll get those for you straight away." Jane smiled at them. "And your calls, Mr. Carlisle?"

"Hold them until the end of the meeting."

"Yes sir." She left the office and John rubbed his hands over his trousers.

"I'm sorry that I've disturbed your morning. I imagine you've got more than enough to do without me bothering you."

"Oh," Carlisle waved off the worry. "I can promise there's nothing I want more, at this moment, than to hear what you've come all this way to tell me."

"Then you won't mind if I tell you there'll be stipulations to what I tell you?"

"I expected no less from the ex-husband of the woman on the arm of Terrance Sampson." Carlisle leaned in to whisper in a conspiratorially low tone. "I'm sure you appreciate that trying to find out what makes a man like Sampson chose a woman… significantly older than him, as his paramour sparks more than a little interest in the tabloids."

"I'll also guess you're not the kind to believe the assumption she's a witch who put a spell over him."

Carlisle laughed. "Women are all witches, Mr. Bates. It's how they ensnare us because, if not, we'd never be smart enough to get one. They're smarter than us and they condescend to notice our existence."

"I couldn't agree more."

"So," Carlisle leaned back in his seat again, "What are you conditions?"

"It'll sound odd so I'll only ask you allow me to finish before speaking." Carlisle nodded and John cleared his throat. "In exchange for what I'll tell you about my ex-wife and Terrance Sampson, I want you to sign a promise that you'll never use what you know about Mary Crawley and that unfortunate overdose in any articles and you'll keep the silence of Mr. Green about it as well."

Carlisle only quirked an eyebrow, holding a level of calm John only recognized at high-stakes poker tables. After a moment his eyes narrowed, "And what, Mr. Bates, do you know about all that?"

"I know that it's how Ms. Anna Smith now works for your dance company." John raised his hand, "I'm not here to put a stop to that or even to the operations you run in that neighborhood."

"And what do you know about that neighborhood?"

"Enough." John hurried to explain, "I work with the clinic there and I manage a cricket team for young kids in the area."

"You're the ambitious patron of the local sports club are you?"

"I wouldn't say that. I'm doing what I can."

"It's admirable work." Carlisle gave a little laugh. "Puts our motives at odds since they don't need me if they've got you."

"I'm not here to deconstruct whatever empire you've got going in there, although I should take more umbrage about it because it's a reprehensible practice."

"But that's not why you're here." Carlisle pursed his lips. "I'll hazard you're here about the debt Ms. Smith's paying on Ms. Crawley's behalf."

"That's right."

"And you want to trade the story I'm sitting on for one you'll tell?"

"That's right."

"And what about Ms. Smith?" Carlisle opened his hands to shrug at John. "Do you want her as your payment as well?"

"She's no one's payment. I'm here so her working for you is her choice, not because you'll ruin Ms. Crawley otherwise."

"Then let me put your mind to rest with the knowledge I never meant to ruin Ms. Crawley." Carlisle nodded at John's wide-eyed expression. "Mr. Green told me the story to get Ms. Smith working for me. I saw an opportunity and signed Mr. Green to silence about his story so I would be the only one to print it."

"So you'll sit on it, indefinitely?"

"I've no reason to print it. All that trauma and scandal isn't really the thing I'm trying to do with my time and talents." Carlisle took a deep breath, "But I'll sign one for you, promising never to print the story and to keep Mr. Green mum about it, in exchange for what you know."

"I'll take that deal."

Carlisle paused, "And you've really nothing to ask on behalf of Ms. Smith?"

"I'd like you to call off your attack dog."

"Oh," Carlisle sighed and rolled his eyes. "He's his own breed in that category. I've nothing to do with that."

"Could you get him away from her?"

"I could but it wouldn't end well for anyone."

"So it's better he continues stalking Ms. Smith?"

"He knows he's not allowed to touch her."

"And if he does?"

Carlisle shrugged, "I'm sure you're aware that a man in my position isn't without some rather disreputable friends who'd help me manage a mad dog."

"Could I get your word on that too?"

"As long as I have your word you won't provoke him. I'm no one's janitor."

John nodded, "From what I've read you left that job far behind."

"And what've you read, Mr. Bates?"

"The building you used to clean at night, to get yourself through school, is the building you now own. There's no limit to what determination can get you." John risked his next comment, "And a few disreputable friends."

Carlisle laughed, "Oh I like you Mr. Bates."

"Enough to sign those forms now?"

"Enough to do you one better." He extended his hand toward John, "The neighborhood's off limits to my people. Keep your cricket team, let them feed the hungry and clothe the naked, and I'll find another place for my operation."

"Deal." John shook Carlisle's hand. "Where should I begin?"

"About your ex-wife?" Carlisle snorted, "I admire your bravery."

"It's not bravery. I'm the scorned man. This is worse than the fired intern giving dirt on their boss."

"That would've been you when I first called. Now… Now it's something else." Carlisle's eyes gazed into a distance only he could see. "Like you've tried to suppress a lie and now it's become too much. The weight is killing you."

"I wouldn't say that but yes, there are things people need to know about one of the most powerful women in the nation at the moment."

Carlisle tapped his fingers on the armrest. "She'll come after you for this. Hard."

"I know."

"I've heard she's rather ruthless in the face of opposition."

John shrugged, "I've faced her before. I can do it again."

"This'll be different. She's a Shadow Cabinet Minister's wife now. She's got more resources."

"She's still the same person and I learned her weaknesses."

"She'll know yours."

John nodded, "It's the risk worth taking."

Carlisle smiled, "I knew Ms. Smith was an incredible dancer but I guess she's a bit more than that."

"She's everything."

"Alright Mr. Bates," Carlisle waved Jane into the room, taking his coffee from her. "Tell me your story."


	8. Touching Each Human Soul

John opened the forwarded file and read over the contents. He cringed as Gwen walked in, a pad in her hand, and pointed at his screen. "You've not read this, have you?"

"That article your ex-wife wrote in retaliation for the load of truth you dumped at the _Carlisle Examiner_ 's doorstep?" Gwen nodded, "Oh I read it. What a doozy. I should print it out and hang it up. Hand out copies on street corners."

"How about you just tell me the damage." John winced, "Who'd we lose because of it?"

"No one." John's eyebrows almost shot into his hair. "If anything everyone wants to lay on your sofa now. And you've got a few reporters clamoring to hear you fire back at her."

"No thanks." John flicked his eyes back to the screen and then to Gwen. "Has Anna called?"

"Not my line but that doesn't mean she won't try your cell." Gwen worried the folder in her hands. "Was it all true?"

"Was what true?"

"All those things you printed about the ex-Mrs. Bates. Was it all true?"

John nodded, "Every word."

"Sir," Gwen cleared her throat. "I worked for you, during those years."

"And?"

"And…" She shook her head. "I didn't notice a thing. You were cranky, sure, but never… I just… I'm sorry."

"It's no one's fault Gwen. It's life and that's what it made me at the time." John clicked his teeth. "Which is why I need to get ahold of Anna."

"She makes you better."

"I know." John turned to Gwen, "If only there was a card to apologize for all the things I've said to you over the last three years that were…"

"Horrible?"

"So succinct and yet not at all encompassing."

Gwen shrugged, "We've all got good days and bad days. I'm just hoping this is to good times to come." The door to the office slammed against the other wall, cracking some of the frosted glass, and Gwen cringed at the sight of the woman who appeared ready to spit lightning. "Unfortunately this isn't one of those times."

"How dare you!"

"Gwen," John stood from his desk as Gwen dodged off the woman's line of attack. "Best to ask my first appointments if they'll accept a slight delay. And get someone in to fix the door."

"Yes sir." Gwen dodged the woman and hurried from the room.

"Hello Vera."

"How fecking dare you!" She slammed a stack of newspapers down on John's desk, almost upending his laptop and compute before he rescued both. "To tell them that pack of lies about me. Where'd you get the nerve?"

"You, actually."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm actually surprised you care." John put his hands in his pockets, pushing from around his desk in an attempt to save the contents on it. "Given the last words you said to me, when I signed those papers for you, were 'do what you want and see if I care'… Although, I guess your reaction says you do care."

"I care quite a lot when my ex-husband goes about trying to sabotage my current relationship."

"It's built on a lie Vera."

"You didn't mind when I was sleeping with him."

"Oh I minded very much. It's why I never had to pay alimony and took you to the cleaners when we divorced." John opened his hands at the office. "Be careful, you helped pay for all of this."

She took her two arms together and swiped everything from John's desk, a few sparks flaring when the force snapped the cord from the desk lamp. John cringed when the desktop computer screen cracked but it only frizzled. The weight of Vera's breathing matched a dragon about to breathe fire down on a city.

"Do you think I care now?"

"It wasn't personal."

"You think it wasn't personal?" She snatched a copy of the newspaper, tearing a bit of it so it hung in tatters as she went to recite lines from it. "This wasn't personal? Telling them I work for a drug cartel and I'm literally in Terry's bed because he's trying to get into the cartel business?"

"No, it wasn't personal or I'd tell them about all the abuse you caused me, instead of the abuse you'll cause the nation." John rolled his shoulders back, "I know it's not technically rape, in this country, for a woman to force a man into sex but I'm a very good note taker and I've got a case for sexual assault to match the injuries from our A&E visits from when we were married."

Vera only snorted, throwing the paper back onto his desk and successfully knocking over his tea, spattering his laptop and sending that fizzing and sparking until the screen went black. "Like anyone would believe that a former Army Captain would be the victim of manipulation, emotional neglect, cuckoldry, and abuse."

"They'll believe it better now that they know the dates of you and… _Terry_ 's liaisons." John nodded toward the mess of his desk. "I'll be sending you a bill for that. And the door, which I do hop smacks you rather hard in the ass on your way out if that's all you've come here to say."

"You think I'm finished?"

"What else could you possibly say to me?" John waited, "Because I've nothing more to say to you. What I told Carlisle was a hundred percent the truth."

"Terry's facing inquiries now."

"Then I guess he should've thought before he jumped into bed with someone who deals with drugs." John paused, "You don't happen to help Carlisle get his drugs, do you? It'd explain how you got your response printed so quickly."

"He didn't wait too long for yours either."

"He called me for mine the moment the divorce was finalized." John shrugged, "I waited a bit before I finally gave anyone the truth."

"Which makes me wonder," Vera stalked toward him, "What made you suddenly feel the civic duty to out me to the world when you'd been silent so long?"

"I had skin in the game."

"Not your skin." Vera narrowed her eyes, "You got yourself in too deep with him or something? I know you were talking about meetings and sobriety but-"

John held up a chip, "Still sober."

"At least you stuck to something."

"Says the woman who cheated on me."

Vera only shrugged, flicking her gaze toward her path of destruction. "I guess, whatever skin you've got in the game, has now become a player. That makes them of interest to me. And you know that I do to things of interest to me."

"In this case," John closed the distance between them, noting the slight tremor of fear in Vera's eyes, "I'd suggest you let this dog lie. As far as I'm concerned we're finished."

"What happens when you respond to what I wrote?"

"I don't need to. I already settled the debt I had to settle with Carlisle the first time around. I don't need to settle it twice."

"And if he comes knocking?"

"Then there's space on my couch but if he comes for anything else, I've not got the time for him." John held Vera's gaze until she nodded.

"For all the things about you I despise, you always were the kind to fall ever-so-nobly on your sword. If you say this is the end of it then I'll accept that. However," She raised a warning finger in his face. "If I get even a whiff that you're going to try and make another shot at me like this one, I'll ruin you."

"And, for everything I know about you, I'm not enough of an idiot to risk that." John opened his hand to the door, "Your exit's there."

Vera only snorted and left the room, her bag almost hitting Gwen as the other woman slipped into the office. She only raised her eyes at the sight of John's desk all over the floor. "Should I get tech services up here too?"

"Probably wise." John nodded, walking over to the destruction and shaking his head. "I'm sure you've got something to give Mr. Carlisle if he ever comes calling for your weigh-in on all this."

"It'd be a doozy but…" Gwen shrugged, "You pay me too much to keep things confidential to do anything but keep as mum about this as I do about the clientele you keep or what you're seeing them for."

John started to retrieve his things from the floor, Gwen bending to help him. "You've certainly done a bang-up job there."

"I've tried." Gwen sighed, "Which… I know this is probably coming at an inopportune time but…"

"Gwen," John looked up from the mess, waving out his pad streaked with tea stains. "Nothing in life comes at an opportune time so you might as well spit out whatever's trying to get out of your mouth."

"I've been thinking about going back to school. It's still a bit of a ways off since I'm looking for some funding for it all but it'll cut into my hours. And I'd need some recommendations and-"

"Are you asking me for the recommendation?" Gwen nodded and John shrugged, putting the pad on the desk and bringing up his dripping laptop. "Of course I'd write a recommendation for you."

"You will?"

"Why wouldn't I?" John helped Gwen put the desktop back in place, his fingers gingerly touching the broken screen. "I do hope you're going back to study tech services so I don't have to call those tossers to get up here from their basement and endure their heckling about what I'm not supposed to do with my computers."

"I'm actually hoping to study psychology. I want to do what you do."

John paused, "You want to try and advise people out of their own minds?"

"You do more than that sir." Gwen pulled at her fingers, "I saw what you did what that man, who started with you two years ago. He was hearing voices and couldn't hold a steady job. You got him the medication and care he needed and now he comes in a suit and barely even has a tick."

"Schizophrenia is one of many misunderstood diseases-"

"That's just what I'm saying sir," Gwen sighed, holding a box of tissues in one hand and his empty mug in the other. "I feel like you do good. Perhaps more than you realize but I see it. And I want to be a part of the solution."

John studied her a moment before nodding. "Alright, if that's what you want, then I'd like to ask for two of your evenings a week. I'll pay for them and, if I have to , apologize to that boyfriend of yours… James?"

"Jai. Jai Hardas."

"Right, the Indian gentleman with the most impressive beard I've seen." John winked at Gwen's rolling eyes. "I'll apologize to him directly for taking two nights of yours a week."

"For what, sir?"

"You'll come with me to the clinic. That way, when you apply, you can list actual experience in the work you want to do."

"But I'm not certified."

"So I won't have you writing scripts or working on anything that would require certification." John got the rest of his things on his desk. "What most people, especially at the clinic, need is someone to listen to them. You don't have to be certified to do that and yet it'll still be experience. More to the point, it'll help you realize if it's what you really want when you're listening with your ears instead of just through the door."

"And the cameras." Gwen paused at John's raised eyebrow. "They're standard, with the space. They'll have recorded what just happened here too… In case you need to present them to your insurance to get your witch of an ex-wife to actually pay for the damage she caused."

"I believe my patients would be more than a little disturbed at what they might perceive as a loss of privacy."

"There's no sound, just picture." Gwen handed over the tissues and the mug. "I'll get tech services up here as soon as I can and I've already got someone on the way to fix the door."

"My first appointments of the day?"

"She's just outside. I'll send her in."

"Gwen," John called after her and the redhead turned, "I am proud of you. Just so you know, I think you'd be great in this job."

Gwen almost blushed. "Thank you sir."

John went back to his desk, trying to sort out the mess just as the woman entered the room. "Ah, Mrs. Drake, how are we doing since last week?"

The rest of John's day was far less exciting than the beginning. But the end of it, after he bid Gwen a goodbye for the evening as the glass fitters finished fixing his door, John drove to the lot. As he exited his car he beamed so brightly he was sure it would break his face in half.

"What are you doing here?"

Anna just shrugged, her overlarge sweatshirt hanging about her. "I had the afternoon free and thought I'd offer something to help mix it up for your little collection of do-gooders here."

"They've got exams coming up you know?"

"Then they'll enjoy the endorphins this'll provide." Anna cocked her head to the side, "I read about what you did."

John cringed, "I was going to tell you."

"Even in light of ignoring my request to leave it all be?"

"I did exactly what you asked and I didn't endanger my practice or bring your name into it in any way."

"I know the last part's a lie because you didn't give Richard Carlisle that kind of ammunition for free." Anna folded her arms over her chest. "What was your deal with him?"

"I got him to promise never to publish Mary's story and to call off his attack dog so you're working with his company was entirely your choice and not because you felt the guillotine might come down on Mary."

"And he agreed to that?"

John nodded, "He's got a scandal bigger than Mary. Given that it was over ten years ago now, who'll care? Also, it means that you can leave the company if you want. It's all your choice now."

"And you didn't have to damage your career for any of that?"

"My computers took some damage when my ex-wife came into my office in a fury this morning but that's nothing new for me." John shrugged, "He also agreed to get his drugs out of this neighborhood so I'd say I won big."

"At the cost of your personal reputation."

"Only if I decide to take the story further."

Anna frowned, "Will you?"

John shook his head, "I'm a man of my word and while I can't trust my ex-wife farther than I can throw her, she trusts my word enough to know that story was the only one Carlisle'll ever get out of me. She'll sheath her claws in my regard if I promise not to try and destroy her twice."

"Could you?"

"Depends on what you want to know about my first marriage."

Anna teethed at her lip before shaking her head. "I think that's a chapter of your book best left closed."

"I agree." John took a deep breath, "Now what's the surprise you've in mind for my little herd?"

"Dance lessons, compliments of my company."

"You're going to teach them to dance?"

"Not like how I taught you," Anna put her finger to John's chest, drawing down the length of his tie. "I don't think I should teach them the horizontal mambo at their age."

John forced himself to swallow. "No, definitely not."

"Then I'll just teach them some basic moves. It'll get them feeling it and, maybe, get them really learning how to dance in my classes."

"Can they even afford them?"

"You're not the only one who made deals with Carlisle when they were put in a position to be manipulated." Anna waved off John's surprise. "I told him I'd dance for his company, Mary's story would be safe, and I'd get vouchers for a number of students in my classes."

"Why do I get the feeling that he gave us concessions so we thought we got the fair shake in our deals with him?"

Anna shook her head, "He's a very skilled businessman and he's shrewd. My bet is that he anticipated our moves every time we walked into his office. He probably plays chess in three-dimensions."

"Probably." John sighed, "But you're free Anna, if that's what you want."

"I'm just happy you got him to call off Green." Anna shook her head, "I'd have endured anything just to keep Mary safe but that little nugget was…"

"A bridge too far?"

"It wasn't what I wanted, no." Anna tapped John's arm. "I think your brood's here. If you want to tell them then…"

John shook his head and urged Anna with him, "Tell them yourself. You're the one they all loved the other night."

"About that," Anna paused, just short of the chain-link fence that gave the kids a perfect view of John and Anna. "I want to apologize for having to delay all your plans for our date. It's been madness and-"

John shook his head, "We're adults. We'll work around it."

"You gonna kiss her boss?" Jerome called out and a few of the other boys whooped and hollered.

"Not with an audience." John tried to fire back but Anna took his hand.

"He's not going to kiss me because I'm going to kiss him." Anna's other hand went to the back of John's neck and brought his lips to hers. John blinked in surprise a moment before his other hand held at her cheek when she teased her tongue into his mouth. She held the kiss for almost a minute before breaking it to cheers. With a wink she turned back to the group. "Just so you know, girls can kiss too."

John had to swallow and find his balance before he could follow Anna to the entrance of the lot. She barely gave him a second glance before addressing the gathering of kids. "So, who wants to learn how to dance?"

They formed a line like ducklings as they trooped off to the dance studio. A few classes went on in the other rooms but Anna took the largest of the studios and turned on the lights, leading them inside. "First rule, shoes off. This is a barefoot stage. You've got to feel the floor."

"Feel the floor?" Jerome's face scrunched, "What's that mean?"

"I'll show you." Anna waved at their shoes, "But those come off first."

"Is she serious boss?"

John nodded and toed off his shoes before stuffing his socks inside them and emptying his pockets. "She's the boss today."

After that the kids fell in line. Anna guided them through basic stretches, exaggerating them for laughs and fun until all the students then followed her around the room in a series of slightly ridiculous motions that left them all breathing a little more heavily than they expected. But each motion had them following Anna's instructions exactly until John watched them move in a synchronous motion like a well-trained flock. When she finished, all of them sweating, Anna clapped for them.

"You're all much better than you think you are. In fact," She put a finger to her lips, "We've another show in a few months. Perhaps you'll all think about performing for us."

"We're not professionals boss lady." Jerome raised his hand, from his half-collapsed state on the floor. "We don't dance like you."

"That's why you'll not dance like me. You'll dance like you." Anna shrugged, "To music of your choice."

"Can you show us something?" One of the girls spoke up, her voice small as Anna turned to her. "Can you show us how you'd dance?"

Anna pursed her lips and then pulled her hair tighter. She wrapped it up and out of the way before walking over to the large player in the corner. It started a simple song that Anna used to guide short motions back in front of the kids.

"How many of you have heard of Afshin Ghaffarrian?" The blank looks provided the answer she needed. "He's an Iranian dancer. Since dance was outlawed in Iran he, and a group of students, had a secret dance club where they practiced and performed. He eventually found asylum in Paris until just a few years ago."

Anna stretched a moment until the music tapered off. "This is something I learned from a class I took with him as the teacher."

John and the rest of the students watched, enraptured, as Anna danced. To his credit, and theirs, for knowing nothing of contemporary dance, they all kept their silence as she danced. Her movements flowed like water so her body took on a liquid state instead of a solid one. But the most impressive part of her movements was how she made her actions appear so simple while the technique held all the complications of years of study.

As she finished, in time with the music, the thunderous applause from the students put a smile on her face. Anna bowed dramatically for them before urging them up. "Come on, show me the dances you've all got."

Her performance spurred them all up and John could not help but smile as he watched each of the students dance as if no one watched them. He occasionally caught Anna's eye, between her careful study of their motions, and she winked between the smiles she gave him. And they were only interrupted by a knock on the door that had all the kids stopping.

"Sorry Anna, I've got a class in here in fifteen and-"

"Not a problem. We were finished." Anna waved to the man, who nodded and ducked back into the corridor. She turned back to the kids, "So, what do you all think about performing?"

They all cheered. After collecting the shoes, socks, jackets, and various accouterments of the kids- even going back briefly for a few forgotten articles that led to ten minutes of staring at the ballroom dancers running through a waltz- Anna helped John walk them all home.

She waved with him to all the parents and siblings as the kids shuffled inside, immediately babbling about their evenings. Her laugh brought John from his study of her, "What?"

"Just… You get this every night?"

"Most of them." He shrugged, "It was how Robert helped me pull my head out of my ass after…"

"After I left you without a word?"

John nodded, "Got me out of myself, anyway, and that was a good thing."

"You've done good work here."

"I've done something here." John paused, just next to his car. "There's a quote somewhere that says we should be the heroes we wish we had when we were younger. It's the kind of thing I wish someone had done for my neighborhood when I was younger. The kind of person that could've saved all the kids I grew up with from dying in drug overdoses or by becoming drug dealers themselves."

"You grew up in a neighborhood like this one?"

"Very close to this one, actually." John leaned on the boot of his car. "Probably why Robert passed me the information for it when I was… down and out."

Anna sighed, "I don't know if I could've done this had I been in your shoes."

"You've… You've never really told me about what you did after…"

"After I left you in a lurch?" Anna took her spot next to John, leaning on the car. "Most of my time was spent dancing for Carlisle's company and trying not to think about you, if I'm being honest."

"You took active steps to not think about me?"

"As many as I could. I changed my diet, I increased my dancing, and I even deep cleaned my flat more than a few times trying to focus on anything as menial as I could manage so I could keep myself occupied."

"Any particular reason?"

"Other than you being a pretty incredible catch?" Anna let her head shift from side to side before answering. "Because I felt like the worst of people because I left a man who was absolutely fantastic without another word."

"I don't mean to make you feel bad about-"

"Hey," Anna held up a hand, stopping John from continuing speaking. "I don't think you're trying to make me feel bad about anything. What you're saying is… It's about making sense of it all. And there's not much sense I can make about it all because there's not much sense to make of it."

"We're the victims of something beyond ourselves." John shrugged and pushed off the car. "I do believe, however, that I owe you a real date."

"You're serious?"

"As the plague." John stepped back, sweeping his hand to motion to his car. "If the lady likes the car available."

"I think it's more about the man available." Anna motioned to her clothes. "I'm not exactly dressed for going out."

"Depends on where you think we're going."

Anna frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I'll assume that you've got a place you could go dressed like that without even digging into your contact list."

Anna managed a little grin. "I think I've got a place."

"See," John clicked the fob to open the doors and pivoted around Anna to open the passenger side door for her. "The lady's chariot awaits."

"If only you know where the chariot is going, then might not be so excited."

John's eyebrows rose and Anna only laughed.


	9. In the Name of Inspiration

John stopped the car and blinked at the building. "No, no, no. If I'd known-"

"You said I could choose." Anna hauled her sweatshirt over her head, leaving it on the seat as she pulled her tight sleeves down to her wrists. "And this is the kind of place you need to go to find the dance I know you've got hidden inside you."

"Not sure you want to see that dance."

"Oh I think I do." Anna nodded at him, "Come on, you only have to stay for an hour and then we'll get a milkshake or something."

"Is that your promise?"

"Yes." Anna put a hand on the door. "Are you ready?"

"I think so." John removed his jacket and loosened his tie before taking it off. "I don't know how bad this'll make me look but…"

"Not sure there's anything you can do, at this point, that would make me like you less than I do so… No risk for you really."

"But if there's no risk, there's no reward." John took a deep breath, "Alright, let's do it."

"Please sound a bit less like you're about to face a firing squad." Anna pushed open her door and stretched her arms over her head as John got out of his side. "Why don't you like dancing anyway?"

"Other than stepping on the toes of every girl I ever attempted the activity with in secondary school?"

"You didn't get my toes at Robert and Cora's anniversary." Anna shrugged, meeting him around the front of the car to thread her arm through his as they worked through the crowded lot toward the large warehouse structure practically vibrating with music pumping a bass beat through it while bright, neon lights danced and flashed from inside.

"I might tonight." John blinked, "That combination is going to give me epilepsy. And the music…"

"Okay, Grandpa, if I knew you were going to be this cranky about it I would've settled you down with a jumper and some infomercials." Anna dug into her pocket to pass over the quid needed for the man at the door to haphazardly stamp their hands. "It won't be that bad."

"If I can hear you by the end of the night-"

"Then I'll dance naked on a light pole for you."

"What?" John's eyes went wide but Anna only laughed.

"Your hearing's fine, come on."

She dragged him through the crush to the bar and slapped the surface to get the attention of a ginger-headed woman with a full sleeve of tattoos and a nose piercing attaching a string of chain to the topmost piercing of those that ran the length of her ear to a sizable gauge in it. Anna grinned at her and signed something out with her fingers. The woman nodded and brought two glasses of scotch before heading off to another end of the bar.

"If she's deaf because she works here-" John started but Anna only rolled her eyes at him and sipped at her drink.

"Ethel's just deaf and that's why she works here."

"Then how did slapping your hand on the counter-"

Anna pointed her finger around her glass, the others holding it steady, to direct John's attention to the woman. "Watch her hands."

John watched as Ethel's hands never left the bar. Those shouting for her attention were quickly nudged or talked down and shown how to slap the bar. The bar, John finally noticed, was not glass or wood but a flexible plastic that carried the vibrations of the hits. Ethel's hands followed the vibrations to the patrons and studied their mouths before returning with their drinks.

"She reads lips but she likes if you can sign." Anna shrugged at John, "We went to school together. She had an abusive mother who used to hit her, when she was younger, and one day hit her too hard. Perforated both eardrums after one of her… Sessions of discipline, as she told Child Services."

"That's horrible."

Anna nodded, "My granddad was half-deaf when I was younger so he taught me how to sign. Just rudimentary stuff but Ethel really appreciated it, when we were in school, so I actually took it as a course at University. Got pretty good too."

"I'd say yes but I really have no way to judge." John sipped at his drink before finishing it and tapping the counter. Ethel came back over and John adjusted so she could clearly see his mouth. "Two more of these and the bill please."

Ethel nodded and walked away as John turned to Anna. "Alright, I assume you've got a plan for this place."

"I got you here didn't I?"

"No, no," John shook his head and wagged his finger at the same time, the mischievous grin on Anna's face tipping him off. "I may not know you well and I haven't known you long but I do know that you never do anything half-assed."

"I barely have any ass as it is so that's for the best."

John opened his mouth to answer and then snorted, "The ass you have is fine. But we're not talking about asses."

"You've got a nice one too, by the way." Anna faced Ethel as she arrived with their drinks and handed the bill to John. She stayed for a second before giving an odd laugh at the end of Anna's finger gymnastics. Nodding and pointing to John, Ethel spoke to them in a voice that, while completely understandable, modulated oddly. The result, like her laugh, of trying to speak and react with sounds they could not hear.

"It's a nice ass. Not the nicest I've seen but good enough for you."

"Thank you." Anna smiled at Ethel as John handed over the money for the bill. "Once you've settled that and finished your drink I'll let you in on the plan."

"So there is a plan." John swallowed back the rest of his drink and leaned on the bar with a satisfied smile. "Then what has the devious Anna Smith planned for an evening in this epileptic factory?"

"That we don't speak."

John blinked at her, "Excuse me?"

"The purpose, as I said, is to unleash the dance in your soul." Anna put her fingers over John's mouth when he went to argue. "If you keep talking you'll talk yourself right out of it and trap that dance inside you."

"I told you there was good reason for that decision."

"And I think this is open to experimentation." Anna paused, "I thought you were some kind of doctor."

"I am."

"Then think of it as scientific research." Anna opened her hand toward the floor. "Now that you've got a bit of liquid courage in you, allow the evening's libations to give you the strength to stride, silently, out onto that floor and dance with me. Dance like no one's watching, because here they're not."

John took a breath and then sighed it out, "Alright, what are we feeling for then? Just to make sure I don't miss it."

"If you're asking that question than you've already missed it." Anna put her hand back over John's mouth. "We'll not talk so we can better feel. We'll communicate through touch and sight instead."

Anna drew back her hand and extended it, palm up, to him. John studied it a moment before taking her hand. She raised it above her head and led them through the crush toward the speakers practically shaking in place from the volume of the music thundering through them to pump the dance floor. Not with a melody, musically speaking, but with a sound that they could use for rhythmic entrainment. A beat to follow that would set the heart, the breathing, and the rhythms of the body in line with all the strangers dancing around them.

John barely noticed bumping into anyone after the first few moments when he realized that was all anyone ever did in an environment like this. Dance, drink, and collide with strangers who neither noticed or cared as they repeated the same process in a never-ending circle like a club scene snake devouring its tail. They skirted to a place barely big enough for John alone but Anna made it work as she turned herself to face John. Again, as he opened his mouth, she covered it with a hand a shook her head before swaying to the music.

Watching her was, for John, the human equivalent of a snake watching the hypnotic motions of the man with a flute moving back and forth. A relationship he almost laughed out loud to himself about when he remembered snakes were mostly deaf creatures intoxicated more by the motions than the music. Just as the music around him set the thump of his blood while leaving little room for actual melody or music, John gave over to the sinuous enticements of the woman in the almost skin-tight clothes moving as if she had no bones at all.

If she were the charmer and he the snake, John would follow her motions. If he were the charmer and she the snake, then he would succumb to the inevitable bite. And if they were both changing positions between the two with each passing beat of the song, as he suspected, then perhaps they were both just slaves to the beat. A beat no long heard but felt.

Although John could claim no special powers over dance granted him by his epiphanies in the crowded club, he did find himself hard pressed to leave at the end of the promised hour. Anna tapped his shoulder and then displayed her phone, as if leaving the decision to him. John only shrugged and took her hands in his to try and mimic the dance moves she taught him not so long ago. The distant beauty of her laugh, lost in the crush, had John pulling her closer so they could dance better in the tiny section of space allotted them. A space they used until Anna checked her phone again and had to nod him toward the door.

John followed her back out of the club, the loss of the beat allowing his hearing to return until, when they reached the car, he went to speak as he opened Anna's door. But, again, her fingers went over his mouth. She drew them back slowly, their eyes meeting in the brief instant before John's mouth took hers in a kiss and arched her back around the configuration of the car.

Anna's arms wrapped around his neck, holding him close to her until John finally broke the kiss. They went for a second, sloppier, shorter one that had John breathing hard against Anna's ear to speak for the first time since the bar. "Can I take you back to mine?"

"Yes." She breathed back, her fingers stroking into his hair. "Please do before I tear this door off and then the headliner out of your car shagging you in it."

John tried not to groan too loudly as he opened the door for her. She slid into her seat, winking at him as John almost tried to scoot himself over the bonnet of the car in an attempt to get to his seat faster. Instead he rounded the front, deciding that inevitably falling on his ass or face would delay proceedings longer than walking around the vehicle.

But once he was inside it, John did not hold back. He pressed to the speed limit through the city, guiding expertly through the streets with their odd hour rules, and parked in his building's garage before he risked another word to Anna. No words, however, were necessary, as she leaned over the gearbox to pull his lips to hers in a kiss.

Smoother, directed, and far more controlled than their earlier endeavor, Anna pulled back as her nails grazed hair behind John's ear. "Take me to yours."

John went to move but paused, swallowing. "I… I need to…"

Anna's hand went to his cheek, her thumb rubbing a slow circle there so his eyes met hers. "I won't disappear this time. I'm here to stay now. You don't have to be afraid that I'll leave again."

He turned his face to kiss her hand and got out of the car. It was as if their silent game was back on and they did not speak from the car to the lift or from the lift to his flat door. In a second they were inside and the silent game continued. They both knew exactly what they wanted and that they now need only communicate it by feeling and motion.

It was like a dance. John pivoting Anna around to lift onto his counter, the same counter where she left her note so long ago, seemed almost as natural as when her fingers in his hair brought their mouths together again. When she lifted her hips and he removed her tight leggings and knickers, it was nothing they were not both ready for. Their motions, easy and practiced as if they rehearsed for an audience of one, orchestrated each step in their unspoken choreography. John's trousers and belt opening to drop so he could force his boxers down his legs or Anna sliding to the edge of the counter at the slightest of touches by John's fingers at the base of her spine signaled the next moment. And then, just as Anna tried to hook her knee over John's hip to bring him closer, he changed the dance.

Her little gasp of surprise quickly altered to one of pleasure when one of her hands flailed for the edge of the counter and the other dug furrows into John's hair. His knees did not thank the change in pace when they knocked against the wood floor but John hurried to focus on other matters. Namely Anna's fingers digging into his scalp while his dug into the flesh of her ass to keep her in place as his tongue skirted and skated over her damp folds to leave them dripping.

She bucked against him, steering with the hand threatening permanent attachment to his scalp, and John risked his hold on her skin to slide two fingers inside her while his tongue drew back to swirl and suck at her clit. With the kind of sounds Anna allowed to escape her throat, the back of John's mind managed to express heartfelt gratitude for a lack of neighbors. Something he continued being grateful for when Anna's screeching climax rebounded off his walls to grow and echo in direct proportion to how long John tried to keep it going.

But Anna's merciless hold on his hair tugged him to stand. So, shaking on knees wobbling with pins and needles, John moved toward her. Anna crashed their lips together, knocking their teeth a bit but the sloppily delivered kiss was nothing compared to the way her hand maneuvered between them.

John almost tensed, ready for a bit of torture in response to his actions, but Anna's tongue only traced every hollow of his mouth while her hand wrapped slowly about him. He bucked for a moment, drawing back from the kiss with confusion furrowing his brow, and noted the shine on Anna's hand. Her smile stretched to a leer and she drew back her hand to take it between her only legs. John's hand flew to the counter for support as he watched her move that same hand, now bearing traces of her, back to him so she could leave her slick shine over his pulsing erection.

The groan he allowed out almost matched those still escaping her mouth in gasps. His fingers firmed on her hips and he slotted them forward as if placing puzzle pieces in their proper places. Anna's legs tightened around him and her arm ran over his shoulders to give herself leverage to start sliding up and down him on her own. John covered her swollen lips with his own, following her lead until she flagged, and set a punishing pace that left the control of the way their bodies snapped together entirely in his hands.

Anna's head tipped back, her fingers forming claws to hold herself to John's shoulders, and he abandoned her lips for her neck, covering it in kisses as he tried to increase their pace, to strike harder, deeper, faster, and better. But primal instinct took over and his carefully constructed choreography fell victim to desperation. A mindless response to biological imperative had John thrusting helplessly until Anna shivered and rippled around him. It triggered his response and he barely held himself standing against the counter as his orgasm hit.

Their breathing huffed and mingled in the air, the only grounding principle being Anna's fingers slowly stroking into John's hair. He leaned his forehead on her shoulder and kissed gently at her neck before her other fingers found the underside of his chin and lifted him to look at her. "You surprised me there."

"I thought you deserved a little more." John smiled, kissing her slowly so as to try and reduce the swell of her lips. But Anna took him deeper and John moaned into her mouth when her hips twisted. "I can't…"

"Sure you can." Anna spread her legs, gliding backward to leave John holding the edge of the counter as she moved off it to the side. He watched her move, hauling her shirt over her head to leave it and her other discarded clothing handing over the back of his barstools. Her bra snapped clean off and Anna took John's wrists in her hands to turn him. His lower back nudged against the counter and John immediately wrapped his hands around the edge to try and find a point to ground him as Anna set to removing the rest of his clothes as well.

When he stood before her, naked as she was, Anna appraised him. The glint in her eye had him shivering, a slight twitch at the base of his spine signaling that, perhaps, he was not as finished as he presumed. But with Anna kissing over his neck, her fingers over his mouth to stop him speaking or responding, John could not imagine it otherwise.

Her kisses continued, tracing with her fingers to follow the contours of his body in a swirling pattern. A pattern that, in its way, could be a dance. A dance Anna maintained with brutally slow efficiency so that when she went to her knees with her hands tracing down his legs to steady herself, John could only force his gaze to the ceiling until her kisses guided down the length of him.

John bucked helplessly into her mouth, letting out half-groans through his gritted teeth as Anna let her tongue trace and suck over him as if trying to find out how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie-Roll Pop. But when the careful motions seemed exhausted, Anna took him into her mouth. Her tongue, again, proved a dexterity beyond what John could imagine as she continued to stroking along him. However, it was the sucking sensation of her mouth as she strived to move lower and lower, taking more and more of him, that had John jerking and whimpering. When her fingers played over the weight between his legs instead, John's half-grunting sob for her name pulled Anna back.

A final lick, a sucking motion to the very tip of him, and a kiss there had Anna rising from her knees. She tried to kiss him, to bring their mouths together in the slow motions she already began but John could not manage it. With his body practically afire there was no finesse or care to his motions. Something he caught in Anna's eye when he spun them back around but placed her hips to nudge against the counter and his chest spanning the length of her back.

The giggle she allowed to escape in time with the shift of her ass against him, left John struggling to breathe. He buried his head in the crook of Anna's neck, holding to the counter as he tried to breathe and bring blood to his brain so he could establish rational thought again. An endeavor Anna seemed determined to prevent when she raised a leg to stand on the barstool and John's sudden jerk had his arousal running along her still-dripping folds.

"Are you going to make me wait?"

It was barely a whisper. A clear question and invitation but it floated past the internal struggle beating an insufferable tattoo in John's brain. One he answered with a hand on Anna's raised thigh and the other on her opposite hip before he thrust hard into her.

Anna's head went back, resting on John's shoulder so he could look over her. In the dark of his flat, lit only by the lights from the window and flashing signs in the distance, John could see the terrain before him. Her breasts rising and falling with her attempts to fill her lungs with air. The peek of their actions between her legs. And the shadows and crevices of her body lit in the half-light.

His hand on her hip ran over the area, running between her breasts to her abdomen to the crux of her thighs and back. All the while he held perfectly still inside her as Anna tried to twist and roll her hips back on him. But John did not move until his hand settled back on one of her breasts. In time with his kneading squeeze there, John withdrew and thrust deeply inside her.

It took a bit more mechanical obedience that John usually needed, given the difference in their heights, but with a slight bend of his knees and moving her other leg to stand on the barstool as well, he managed it. Anna followed the necessity, one of her hands now holding to the back of his neck while her knees bent to push the barstool securely against the underside of the counter so it did not rattle and shake with each of John's drives into her. Her other hand curled around the back of his neck, replicating his affectionate assault on her breasts, and John's other hand moved from spreading her thighs around the barstool to between her legs to care for the delicate nerves already swollen from their first round.

They moved back and forth, almost challenging one another until John was sure the verb for his actions would be encapsulated in the term 'pound' while Anna met each of his motions with half-muttered urges for him to continue. She shook around him, shattering and losing her hold on his neck to grab the counter for better support, but John continued. It spun her climax out until his own could urge another from her with a beautiful cry that his grunt could not match.

His body stuttered its finish, almost upsetting their delicate position, but John withdrew carefully and helped Anna back to her feet on the floor. John sagged back, holding to the counter as his chest struggled to fill adequately so he could blink away the spots threatening at the edges of his vision. He met Anna's expression, the hint of mischief at the corner of her eyes almost enough to have him taking a third round in his kitchen, but he bent for his clothes instead.

"I think we'd best try to get some sleep."

"Why?"

"You had a text or something on your phone earlier and-"

"Oh," Anna waved it off, gathering her things to follow his pad to the bedroom. "Just a change in rehearsal times, again."

"Not well organized?"

"Just worrisome. This new director's stressing about our performances and he's a bit neurotic but we adapt as he needs because he is brilliant."

"Just scattered?"

"Exactly." Anna dropped her clothes in the chair as John tried to decide the state of his clothes before letting them all land in his hamper.

"You know," John turned to her, "They say that it's a thin line between genius and insanity."

"As a dancer in a world of self-possessed choreographers and very hypertensive directors, I know the truth of that." Anna sighed and looked at the bed. "I'm almost afraid to get in there."

John stopped, his hands pulling back the covers. "If you're not-"

"I'm staying," Anna put up a hand, crossing over to him so that same hand could hold his face. "I promised you, this won't be like last time."

"But you said-"

"I'm afraid that if I get in that bed I'll never want to leave it." Her fingers traced up toward his hair, brushing it back. "I like being with you too much."

"You can be with me," John kissed at her palm before holding her arm to kiss a track down it as he lowered Anna back onto the bed. "As long or as much as you like, Ms. Smith. The choice is yours and I'm at your disposal."

"Dangerous words." Anna trilled, "It might give me unfettered power over you. That kind of promise is…"

"It's yours." John placed Anna's hand over his heart. "For as quickly as this moved or how much we still don't know about one another, this is yours. It'll always be yours. I think it's always been yours."

Anna's fingers curled against his chest and she pushed. John followed her urging to lay back on the bed as Anna straddled his chest. Her fingers, gentle and light, traced his hair and face before she brought their lips together.

Unlike their meetings in the kitchen, all swift and almost animalistic, her work was slow. Their hands sculpted and smoothed instead of gripped and grabbed. Their kisses traced and teased instead of pulled and pierced to leave them both hazy and almost sluggish in their motions. But when Anna rose above him, her knees pushing into the mattress and tightening on his hips, John could only watch in awe as Anna sank down so slowly he almost did not comprehend the motions until her hips met his.

The pace she set, with rolling motions matching the gentle waves of a pond under a gentle breeze, guided John's motions. He rose up, holding her close as he set to kissing over her. Their lips met intermittently but her fingers took their well-worn positions in his hair when he traced her neck with his lips and tongue. His track continued further south, encouraging her to change to rocking motions that took him deeper when she spread her legs about him.

John wrapped his lips around her breasts, caring for the one not in his mouth with his hand. Anna undulated in his hold, twisting to meet each of his motions until John responded to her soft keens to use his free hand to hold at her hip. His knees came up behind her, holding Anna in the tight angle between his chest and legs to better thrust into her with the newly established fulcrum of his feet and hips. But Anna surprised John but sacrificing a hand in his hair to snake between them. Between their ambitious intentions, they came almost in perfect sync with one another, burying the ends of their climaxes in a determined but finesse-less kiss.

His arms, weak and shaking as they were, wrapped around Anna's quivering body to bring her with him as he lay back on the bed. She shifted, forcing them onto their sides as they disentangled from one another. John could only watch her, his fingers trembling as they tried to stroke through her hair.

Anna caught his fingers and brought them to her heart. "This is yours too, you know."

"Is it?" John could barely whisper, almost afraid to speak.

Anna nodded, "I think it was from that first moment in the Grantham's Men's Room. Because it's not felt right since you came back into my life."

"Mine either."

"I guess…" Anna sighed, "It's ridiculous to say this, but I think it's because I love you Mr. Bates. For all the time we've not had with one another and, as you said, all the things we still don't know about one another, I love you. And maybe it's not ladylike to say but…"

She snorted a laugh, "Given our current positions I don't think I could consider myself much of a lady."

"You're a lady to me." John leaned forward, placing a kiss on her forehead before drawing back. "And I've never met a finer one."

Anna only smiled before snuggling closer to him and struggling with the covers until John helped pull them over the two of them. His fingers ran over her back, tracing the lines of her muscles and bones there until her even breathing urged him to consider sleep. Part of him was afraid, afraid she would vanish again, but the pull of sleep proved too strong and he only held Anna closer to him before he succumbed to sleep.


	10. From Breaking to Broken

John blinked his eyes, frowning at the empty spot in the bed next to him. The flash of fear through him had his body snapping in half to sit straight up. But the scene, through the open bedroom door down the straight shot of the corridor to the kitchen, gave him a perfect view of Anna's bare ass as she moved around his kitchen in just an apron.

He grinned and worked himself from under the covers, padding as quietly as he could to the kitchen so she squeaked when he wrapped his arms around her from behind. A kiss to her neck had Anna sighing before she squirmed against him. She giggled then, shifting on purpose. "And what, Mr. Bates, do you have for me here?"

"An invitation to the sofa?" John moved against her. "Especially when you're nude in my kitchen again."

"I'm wearing an apron."

"And it's doing a shit job of actually covering you."

Anna turned in his arms, "Then I guess you'll have to do something about that, won't you Mr. Bates?"

"Perhaps I will." One of his hands snuck under the apron, sliding along her leg to reach the crux of her thighs. "Unless you want me to stop. I'd hate to distract you."

"All evidence to the contrary." Anna leaned back into his when John's fingers ran over her. "I'm sure I could wear a burlap sack and you'd still try to seduce me."

"If you'd worn one instead of just this apron, we'd know for sure." John kissed over her neck, trading soft nips between the tease of his teeth on her skin until Anna shivered under his assault. "But since you're only partially covered, I can't claim to know for sure."

"Do you want me to take it off?" Anna's words hitched toward the end of her sentence when John's fingers finally entered her.

"No," John removed his fingers, pivoting around her so he could lift Anna up and against the wall. "Then how could I justify kissing the cook in the kitchen?"

"Any way you like." Anna bent her head to kiss him before moaning into his mouth as John spread her legs wide over his hips to thrust into her.

John broke the kiss, his forehead pressing to Anna's shoulder as his arms held under her thigh and ass. Her fingers scrambled over his skin to stretch it across his shoulders as John ground into her. The little whimper Anna managed helped regulate John's breathing so he could begin driving in and out of her with a rhythm she guided with tugs on his skin.

With the wall acting as a fulcrum, John used the angle to sink even more deeply into Anna so they both cried out at the sensation of her muscles flexing him to better hold and grasp at him. Each measured thrust met with the constricting threat of a stranglehold but John pushed through to leave Anna's voice escaping her mouth in moans and wisps of sighs. Her fingers continued to hold at his shoulders before seeking other places on his body where she might find a better hold until her nails dug their bunkers into the flesh of his ass.

Allowing a grunt of pleasure, John responded with a grinding motion that changed the angle and their speed. It almost upset Anna's hold but her teeth grabbed for his ear and her whispers worked better than any physical advantage John could hope to exploit. The heat of her breath against his hear, the scorching soak of her clenching internal muscles, and the illicit thrill of the material of the apron running over his chest and hers to leave them both writhing as their sensitive skin ached at the touch.

"Do you always take women against the wall like this?" Anna moaned to him, the lock of her ankles just above his ass spreading her legs even wider so he sank even deeper. John could only mumble and moan into her shoulder as Anna's voice pitched differently but persisted. "I can imagine this apron's an aphrodisiac for you."

"Never." He bit into the tougher fabric to stop himself marring her skin as his hips sought to increase pace and depth, despite the tremor in his legs.

"Then I'm the only one who's had your arms flexing around her as you hold her legs open? I'm the only one who's bruised her ass on this wall? I'm the only one you've spread wide to take with fury and passion and primal urges against the wall in your kitchen?"

John bit harder into the apron, one of his fingers shaking as he sought Anna's clit. "Only you."

"The only one you'd want walking naked through your kitchen?"

"Yes." His voice barely made it out of the material of the apron as he tried desperately to kiss at her neck or breasts or skin but found himself entirely focused on bringing her to the abyss that already called so elegantly to him.

"The only one you'd want-"

John silenced her with a hard kiss before sending them both over the edge. They trembled and shook together, setting their hearts racing for a moment when they almost slipped to tumble onto the floor, but John got them both standing. Or at least standing until he lifted Anna onto the counter. The apron was off in a second and, after a quick inspection that no burners were going, John laid Anna back to spread her legs off the edge of the counter.

"I'm sure you understand," John's breath traced over her skin as he kissed at her thighs and licked at the threatening drops of sweat from their exertions. "That speaking to me like that's got consequences."

"If these are the consequences then I'll gladly repeat whichever part was most enticing to you." Anna tried to sit up but only just caught herself from falling back when John licked over her in a long stroke. "Bleeding feck."

"You were saying?" John taunted, moving his mouth to suck hard at her. The combined taste of them only tempted him further and John lost all hope of slowly teasing Anna to the edge. Instead he attacked her with gusto, eating her out with all the skill and desperation of a drought-stricken man gorging himself at an oasis.

"The only one…" Anna's voice caught, barely pausing John's motions as his shoulders held her legs apart before he slung them over his shoulders to simply bury his face between her thighs. "The only one you'd eat on your counter."

"First and last." John ran his tongue over the length of her, failing to clean the mess he left there before returning to sucking hard at her clit. His fingers explored over her folds before opening her again to relish in the squeeze of her muscles.

Anna writhed against him, her knees tightening toward his ears but John only worked hard until she shattered under him. Her entire body spasmed and her legs loosened their hold on him. Careful of her delicate state, John helped her off the counter to carry her to the sofa. She only managed a soft giggle at the moment as John laid her carefully on the cushions.

"You're an expert at aftercare, Mr. Bates."

"You should see me when I tell you to call me 'Sir'." John grinned at her, settling himself under her legs so she stretched the length of the sofa with him as her footrest. "I might even manage a corset."

Anna laughed, swatting at him, and settled onto the sofa. "Don't tempt me. I can already picture it and I'll never get that image out of my head."

"Maybe I don't want you to get rid of the image." John stroked his fingers over her legs, noting where Anna twitched. "Have you thought that, maybe, I'm trying to slowly ensnare you with a combination of sexual seduction and obnoxious hilarity to convince you that I'm the whole package?"

"I'm amazed at the confidence that a man with the package you already have," Anna slid her leg to brush over John so he groaned, "Would go to the trouble of trying to sell yourself to me in the middle of your ridiculously expensive sitting room on a sofa that might cost more than my entire flat."

"IKEA reclaim."

"Sure." Anna snorted, continuing sliding her leg over him until John could not help but buck his hips into her motions. "Because you shop at IKEA."

"I take good care of my things and I believe in frugality. My mother raised me in estate housing." John paused as Anna's motions did. "I know a bit about working to keep what you have."

"Then," Anna sat up, maneuvering herself to straddle John's legs. "I should work a bit harder to make sure I keep what I've got right in front of me."

"Should you?"

"Oh absolutely." Anna's hands moved between them, holding him delicately before experimenting with touches and strokes until John almost bucked off the sofa. "I think you should be a bit more careful."

"How can I when you're-"

"Trying to arouse you?" Anna leaned forward, leering at him as her lips started kissing around his jaw. "You make it easy."

"Do I?"

"As someone who's had liaisons with men who needed a twenty-four hour turn around," Anna left one hand on him while the other held the back of his neck to tease her fingers into his hair. "This is one of the easiest things I've ever done. Combine that with how wonderful it all is…"

Anna rose up on her knees, aligned herself, and slid easily down John until he could go no deeper, "Deliciously wonderful, by the way"

"Is it?"

"Can't you feel it?" Anna tightened around him and John almost threw his neck out arching it into the cushions behind him on the sofa. "How wonderful it is?"

"Yes." John groaned, his hands settling on her hips to follow the roll of her body and try to meet her motions. "But you were saying."

"Right," Anna put her hands on his shoulders as she rode him with increasing speed at each word she spoke. "Combine all that with how wonderful it all is, I think I'd be a fool to try and find anything better."

"Why?" John paused the rock of his hips into her, drawn to Anna's face when her fingers traced delicately over his skin.

"Because you're the best thing I could ever hope to find."

John closed the distance between them to kiss her as Anna wrapped her arm around his shoulder to bring them close enough to grind down on him until John broke the kiss to grunt. She tried to grin at him, shifting her knees over the cushions to sink even deeper onto him. It changed her angle and when Anna leaned back to gasp and whine as her bobbing motions now put John exactly where she needed him to be, John leaned forward and wrapped his lips over her breasts.

The tug of his teeth on her nipple had her fingers digging hard into his hair to rake over his scalp. John arranged his hands on her thighs to urge her wider so each rise and fall she attempted would send him deeper. And he helped her find the angle she wanted with an arm around her lower back to support the bend she attempted when she wanted to move against him with gyrations instead of a bounce that strained the legs of the sofa.

The huffing sounds, mixed with keening whines, pulled John away from her breasts. His intentions immediately left his mind when he noticed the sight of Anna sliding over him. Just the sight of them moving together had John thrusting harder, pressing deeper, and glorying in the way Anna moaned louder as he hardened and thickened inside her.

"Delicious." Anna managed before her nails clawed at John's shoulder as the scorching strangle signaled her finish. His fingers responded on instinct and followed the last of her motions to urge her climax further until it triggered his.

They held to one another, stuttering and finishing together as Anna drooped over his shoulder. His hands soothed over her back as his fingers traced the lines of sweat to mix the lines and leave her a series of tracks only visible when the morning light caught the sight through the windows. Kissing at her shoulder had Anna turning to meet his lips with a delicate hand at his cheek.

"You are one of the most giving people I've ever dated. I'll just toss that in with all the other compliments I slathered all over you this morning."

"I'll take whatever lovely compliments a beautiful woman deigns to toss my way." John grinned at her, "I'm sure I could come up with a few compliments for you too, if you want."

"If I want?" Anna put a hand to her chest. "What fool denies the chance to have someone compliment them?"

"Any number of my clients." John confided, his fingers brushing Anna's hair back. "But, since you've been so generous this morning, I'll not deny you."

"I'm anxiously awaiting your response."

"Then," John raised his head, his fingers now lightly tracing over her back as he kissed softly at her neck. "I'll start with your eyes. They are, without doubt, the most intoxicating shade of blue I've ever seen."

"Really?"

"Absolutely." John shifted his lips higher. "And your hair. I just want to run my fingers through it."

"I'd love that." Anna shivered as John acted on his suggestion. "It's like a scalp massage. And you can continue it as long as you like."

"But if I'm too busy with your hair," John whispered toward her ear, shifting Anna closer so she writhed against his erection to harden it as he continued to slowly grind against her. "I'll not have any spare hands to hold your ass. Or caress your skin, which is softer than anything I own. Or use my fingers to bring you to orgasm, which may be my favorite activity."

"That's your favorite?" Anna moved to grin at him but squealed but John flipped them on the sofa, managing to land with Anna's back on the cushions.

"Should I have picked something else?" John moved against her, rolling and his hips to leave her keening and holding at him. "I have some other qualities of yours I could mention."

"No, I'm-" Anna's fingers raked over John's shoulders. "Please just-"

"It'll be my pleasure." John's hand shifted over her thigh and moved to enter her in a single thrust.

"Three times in one morning." Anna moaned, her back arching as her knee notched around John's hip to drag him closer to her. "How impressed are you with yourself right now?"

"Not as impressed as I want you to be." John rocked into her, moving an arm under her leg to lift it higher. "But I woke up in a good mood."

"Any particular reason for that?"

John kissed between Anna's neck and jaw. "Could have something to do with the woman stark naked in my kitchen."

"I wasn't-"

But whatever argument Anna almost formed about an apron was lost when John changed his angle at the same time one of his hands pressed to her swollen and overexcited clit, Anna came clutching and pulling at John. He was not far behind, the sounds she made combine in perfect synchronicity with the reactive flex of her internal walls pulling him over the edge, and he tried to bury the unmanly grunt in kisses over her shoulders and neck. Anna returned those she could as her body went limp under his and they just lay on the sofa for a moment.

When John could manage to even his breathing, he pushing himself up to stare at Anna. She smiled at him, her still shaking fingers flicking hair from his forehead. "I wasn't starkers."

"Finally found the words?" John kissed over her cheek and face, trading between her lips to feed Anna's giggles before joining with them. "And, if I could, I'd even consider a round four this morning."

"My we are sure of ourselves."

"Well," John moved a shoulder as they separated from one another, "I might need breakfast first but you're possibly the best aphrodisiac I've had since puberty hit and I'd hate to waste that."

"Nor would I but, like you said, I'd like food." Anna paused in her attempt to escape the confines of the sofa. "And maybe a shower."

"Round four in the shower?"

Anna raised a warning finger at John, "You walk a fine line Mr. Bates."

"I'll take that as a yes." John gave her a hand, "But what were you making in the kitchen that had you so… unsuitably dressed?"

"I had hoped for pancakes but you don't actually have food here."

John shook his head, "Not much for cooking but I do know more than a few places in the area for their cuisine. I'll treat you… If you're hungry."

"After our morning aerobics, I'm famished." Anna looked over the sofa, "I'd wash that before you have guests."

"I might just keep it as is." John shrugged as he moved toward the bathroom. "Keep it as a badge of honor."

"Like you're at Uni and showing off your conquests?"

"Given you'll be the only woman who'll ever be on that sofa for that reason, it's not much of a notch in the bedpost, is it?" John paused, raising a finger, "Unless, we're going to just notch the bedpost with the times we're together, in which case-"

Anna chased him into the bathroom, the two of them laughing together.

As it turned out, the shower just served as a chance to finally scrub efficiently at someone else's back. Although Anna was not opposed to some teasing, their mutual exhaustion only left them in the throes of taunting until a rumbling growl from John's stomach matched one from Anna's. And once they finished breakfast it was about getting to their mutually busy days.

John found he did not seem to mind, much, when he could drive Anna home and kiss her just outside her building. Even being a bit later to work than he planned was nothing but a quick apology to the waiting patients who, as it happened, seemed far more interested in the about-face of John's moods lately. The petulant psychiatrist was replaced by a far more compassionate and joyful individual. Even if it rubbed some of his patients the wrong way, Gwen approved and told him so as they exchanged patient files during a lull.

"Still seeing that dancer?"

John blinked at her, "How'd you remember she's a dancer?"

"I'll assume your aerobic activities can't be entirely limited to the missionary position given the way you keep shifting in your chair." Gwen made a note on a file and handed it over to him. "I won't ask you for details."

"I'm grateful." John finished his notes in the file and handed it back to Gwen. "How are your classes, by the way?"

"Jai was a little miffed that I'm not home as often but he sees the value in it." Gwen paused, "It's been a bit of a cultural eye-opener, honestly."

"How'd you mean?"

"Most of your clients are white, middle-class people. About even between men and women but if we're being sticklers then it's more men than women."

"And your point?"

"People of cultures not considered 'western'," Gwen made the air quotes sign, "Think that therapy isn't what you do. It's been documented that men, in general, find it an affront to their manliness."

"Is this a conversation about toxic masculinity?"

"Not quite but I believe there's correlation."

"Just as long as you remember that correlation doesn't necessitate causation." John took another file from Gwen. "But you were saying about cultures."

"Right," Gwen made notes before closing the folder in front of her. "If you notice, poorer classes don't seek therapy."

"Hence my work at the clinic."

"Exactly. They've not got the time or the money but it's also that no one thinks to extend those resources in that direction. Also, because the vast majority of poorer communities are made up ethnic minorities or blue-collar workers, it's not seen as something you do. Therapy being for 'rich people with no real problems' as they say."

"People say that?"

"Not out loud. But it's like the _Billy Elliot_ of mental health."

"Right." John finished his folder and leaned back in his chair, "So then, Ms. Dawson, what would you suggest to help resolve that?"

"I think there are great strides in… not normalizing mental health but making it as serious as someone with asthma or cancer. It's something that needs treatment instead of hoping it just goes away on its own." Gwen bit at her lip, "I think the work you're doing in that community is a start. You offer the opportunity for people to talk to someone they wouldn't normally see and a chance to get out of themselves."

"And what do you think of the work you're doing at that clinic?"

"It's been nice, to just be an ear for someone. Most people just need to feel heard, like they matter, and that's been very fulfilling."

"Don't be embarrassed by that." John stopped her, when Gwen's head started to dip. "Even if it feels selfish, to think that way, we're all the beneficiaries of our service. It's the best way to get out of ourselves and, by default, we gain from it."

"I don't think you've always gained from your work, sir."

John snorted, "Definitely not. But part of that has more to do with attitude than from actual service. Treat it like a job and you'll lose your soul. Treat it as a chance to really serve your fellowman and suddenly the world is ten times brighter."

"Is that what you'd hoped for, when you wanted to be a psychologist?"

"I think so but I'll also admit I just wanted the money from rich people with no real problems." John winked at Gwen, "And that's my cue to go help some kids learn how to play cricket better."

"You should've just stuck with rugby."

"I'll not be responsible for the inevitable broken bones of that decision." John handed over the files. "Tell me how your exams go. And take whatever time off for that you need."

"You'll never manage here without me."

"I'll get some temp help. There's got to be a service or something for that."

"I'll arrange my own replacement."

John put a hand on his chest, "You make it sound like I'd die without you."

"Maybe you would." Gwen shrugged and got the files into her arms. "I'll arrange for the temp for next week."

"Then I'll be off."

The drive to his parking place- now officially painted in a multiplicity of colors with the same poor spelling made to look like graffiti- was nothing. So much so that John started to go about the afternoon as if it were like any other. But when he reached the empty lot, no children waited for him. Instead, a group of three men leaned on the fence until he entered. Then they all stood straighter and John recognized Green in the center.

"Come to learn to play cricket?"

"A gentleman's game being taught to children?" Green shook his head, "You're better off trying to teach them how to use more than a single spoon during dinner. A useless skill they'll never use."

"You don't seem to have much hope for their futures."

"They're nothing to me. Their futures are nothing to me." Green closed in on John, who laid the cricket gear on the ground but kept a grip on one of the bats. "And they shouldn't be anything to you."

"Why not?" John shrugged, "Your boss isn't taking an interest in this neighborhood anymore."

"I heard you had something to do with that."

"It was the least I could do."

"Why? Because you think they need you?"

"Because I could do something and, for most people, that's enough impetus to act." John shrugged, "If one less neighborhood in London has a drug problem, I'll sleep a little better at night."

"Then it's a good thing that drugs mean just about as much to me as the snot-nosed little shits you babysit here every evening." Green lowered his voice, ducking his head like he wanted to share a secret with John. "What, does it get your rocks off to be with kids? Wish you could take them home with you?"

"I understand what you're implying and it's disgusting." John shook his head, "What's the reason you brought your pestilential presence here anyway? There's no one for you to frighten away."

"Except I already did." Green opened his arms, "Your crew's all flown."

"So we could have this useless conversation?"

"So I could warn you away from Anna Smith?"

"Didn't I almost break your wrist the last time you suggested something that ridiculous to me?"

"This time I've got help." Green nodded toward the two hulking thugs just looming over him. "They're not much for brains but they know how to work."

"Feeling big now that it's three-on-one. Feel a bit more fair to you?"

"Feels like I can get you to finally listen when I tell you to leave Anna to me."

"Then you've not listened when I've told you to bugger off." John shook his head, "She doesn't want you. If she did, she wouldn't be bothering with me."

"I do remember asking what she was doing with a man like you."

"You also called me a cripple with a sagging face but I'm trying not to judge." John shrugged, "It's the price I paid for the tools I have."

"Oh yes, something about a big penis, was it?"

"Yeah, it was." John looked over the three men, "Why, want to take a look at it. Get some measurements for comparison?"

"No." Green nodded at the two men. "Cripple him."

John raised the bat, "Now, now, I think you're all forgetting one of the most basic equations in physics."

Green frowned, "What?"

"Force equals mass times acceleration." John gestured with the bat at the men. "This doesn't look like much but I do know that if I apply enough force, your mass will accelerate."

The two other men looked confused and lunged for John. He sidestepped one and swung the bat hard into the side of the other. It knocked the man off course and John barely brought the bat up in time to catch the knuckles of the first man aiming a fist for him. His knuckles cracked and the man howled out in pain before John turned the bat to bring the blade of it between the man's legs.

His knees went together and he dropped, putting his head at the perfect height for John to perform an American baseball swing to knock the other man across the jaw. He tumbled to the ground just as a set of arms locked around John's shoulders. Struggling against the hold, John tried to use the bat to advantage but it just kept his hands from helping. So John used the end of it to smash down on the man's foot.

It triggered the man to side hop and lose his grip on John as he cried out at the pain rushing through his foot. John broke the grip and jabbed the handle of the bat into the man's gut to double him over. Then it was short work to use a cricket swing to crack the flat of the bat into the man's nose. His body hit the ground hard enough to leave him gasping for air at the swift exit of breath from his lungs.

John turned to confront Green just as a crack echoed through his leg. It took his body a moment to recognize the source of the pain, shocking acting as a momentary time-delay, before John's leg gave way. The jagged streak of sensation ripping through his nervous system to shout warnings and alarms to the brain left John crying out in agony on the ground.

The second hit, just as hard as the first but an underhanded swing like a golf maneuver instead of a low maneuver, cracked something in John's knee and he could only seize and writhe on the ground. His vision blurred and he gasped for air as his body sent mixed signals. His rational mind immediately compartmentalized the pain and tried to justify the pain while his primal brain just screamed in agony. It was not until the sight of a crowbar came into existence in front of him that John could even organize a thought beyond instinctual reaction.

"This'll be the last time I warn you," Green tapped the metal against John's forehead. "Leave Anna to me."

John could not even answer the man as black dotted his vision. Green's voice warbled and wavered in his ears as the flush of blood took preeminence in his consciousness. Fluttering his eyelids in an attempt to blink and focus what he saw, John wanted desperately to succumb to the tempting beckon of unconsciousness.

"Do you understand?" John frowned just before a slap to his face brought another flash of pain. The difference in location forced his brain to reengage and he noticed Green still over him. "I said, do you understand?"

"Feck you." John managed.

The contortion of Green's face, with the crowbar still at the edge of his vision, might have given a clear-headed John some measure of pause but with his brain delirious from the mixture of chemicals sending so many signals, all he could do was loll his head with the words. Even the threat of the raised crowbar was nothing to an almost unconscious John. But there was no third jar of pain to try and bring him back to the threat of Green. Instead there was only the klaxon of sirens and a sudden freeing of weight from his chest at the sound of a tackle just feet from him.

"Sir, sir can you hear me?"

John tried to narrow his eyes, to squint, to do anything to recognize the blurred face over him. "What?"

"Sir? Sir, can you hear me?"

John could not even shake his head as the darkness finally welcomed him with open arms. Arms he turned into like a comforting embrace. Arms that wrapped him so tightly he could no longer see or hear. Arms that kept him safe from the pain.


	11. Moving the Heart

A lance of sensation raced through his leg and John bolted upright. It took less than a second to regret the maneuver as the pain only intensified as he tried to move his leg. He grabbed at it as he laid himself back to the pillow that slid to his lower back. Muttering a string of curses and well-chosen words, John tried to focus himself away from the pain now dancing along his leg as his fingers rubbed against the plaster holding it immobile.

He tried to twist and a line moved over his arm, alerting him to the myriad of wires and beeping machines keeping him in place. His fingers barely closed over it when a voice spoke from the door, startling him enough to drop the line and try to move his leg… which only launched another spasm of lightning pain streaking through the nerves in his leg. John turned to see Robert standing in the doorway with some takeaway bags in his hands.

"Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you."

"You didn't just…" John shifted, using his hips and other leg to get himself back into a comfortable position. "What'd you say, just now?"

"If you felt like some chips. Extra vinegar and salt, just like you like them."

"They let you sneak those in here?"

"I didn't have to sneak anything in. I strolled right along and no one stopped me." Robert set the bag on the little table attached to one of the sidebars on John's bed and rotated it so it landed in front of him. "I also thought that the first thing you ate when you finally decided to rejoin the living should be something worth eating but that was just me."

"That makes me think I've not been among the living for a very long time."

"They put you in a medically induced coma when they brought you in." Robert dug into his bag with one hand, pointing toward John's immobile leg with the other. "Apparently whomever shattered that did a nasty job of it. They had to replace your entire knee with a titanium piece. Ball, socket, the works."

"What?"

Robert nodded, "You've still got me as your emergency contact and your executor so I made the decision when they realized the bugger had gone and shattered it so thoroughly they were picking pieces out like egg shell in an omelet."

"And now it's titanium?"

"Yep." Robert nodded, chewing for a moment before extending a cup to John as he sucked deeply from his own. "You'll get a little card and everything for the airport security lines, or any security where they detect metal, and you'll be just like that song by Sia."

"I didn't know you liked Sia."

"I'm not a fan, usually, but that song'll become your anthem."

John pulled the straw, dragging the plastic against the lid until Robert's face twisted. "Sorry."

"That was annoying when my daughters did it, and they haven't since they were five. The sound's not improved in the intervening years."

"It's not as soothing or distracting as I'd hoped." John ripped his bag and folded back the sides to expose his chips. "So my knee, isn't mine anymore?"

"You're not the Terminator or anything but your knee, such as it was, isn't there anymore."

"Did they get the man who did it?"

"They got the three men with you at the lot." Robert paused, "What were they doing there anyway?"

"I don't know. I was there like always and they ambushed me."

"Apparently you did a number on two of them with a cricket bat." Robert cringed, "Something the Constables who've stopped by every day since the incident would like a bit of clarification about, when you're up for it."

"It goes about as it sounds. They came at me, I defended myself, and someone capped my knee with a crowbar."

"They claim you attacked them."

"Because I'm the idiot who attacks three men in an empty lot with a cricket bat I just happened to have with me?"

Robert shrugged, "It's what they've said. I vouched for your character-"

"Thanks for that."

"Anytime," Robert waved him off. "And there's a host of kids who've been telling the police all about you. A couple of them claim to've seen what happened and they've given some… Rather interesting statements, all told, but you can ask them about that yourself."

John paused, swallowing quickly enough to make himself choke a bit on a chip. He sucked water, trying to clear his throat, and coughed for a moment before he could speak. "Are they here?"

"The kids?" Robert nodded, "They've all been running shifts in the lobby until you woke up. They've had Dr. Hughes watching them, Cora did for a bit, and then Mary's friend… that blonde woman you were obsessed with after my anniversary dinner three years ago."

"Anna?"

"That's her name." Robert snapped his fingers. "I've been avoiding trying to call out to her because I thought she was Annette or something and I didn't think that was right."

"Are they still out there?"

"I think so. They were when I got back with the chips." Robert paused at the look on John's face. "Don't tell me you're about to ask me to bring in that herd of kids so they can see you."

"Or steal me a wheelchair so I can see them."

"Given the layer of plaster around your leg, I think the latter option is out." Robert sighed, picking up his rubbish. "This is the thanks I get for bringing you chips. For all my hard work and effort I'm overturned by an amateur cricket team."

"It's not that I'm not grateful for the chips Rob but-"

Robert held up a hand, "Just find someone else to be your emergency contact next time. Cora gave me an earful for being the one to choose to replace your knee. Said I wasn't to do the same to her and then gave me a two hour discussion on what I am and am not allowed to do if she's in a similar position."

"And?"

"I could've avoided it."

"Sorry?"

Robert rolled his eyes and took John's bag. "I'm sure you will be when you have to have that conversation with whomever marries you next."

"Who says I'm getting married again?"

Robert raised an eyebrow, "Anna's not left that lobby since you got here. Women don't do that for men they don't like… In case you were curious."

"Tells me a lot about my ex-wife."

"What more could you need to know about that woman?" Robert shuddered, "I heard through the grapevine that she paid you a visit after that article went… What's the word they use now, virtual?"

"Viral and yes, she did." John shrugged, "It wasn't anything I hadn't seen from her before and, as far as I'm concerned, we've made peace?"

"You made peace with her?"

"We're at a ceasefire, if you prefer." John waved a hand, "You realize you're using up my visiting hours and those kids have been waiting for three days."

"Is if the kids or the beautiful woman you're excited to see?"

"It can't be both?"

Robert only shook his head and left the room, dropping the rubbish into the bin by the door before he left. John leaned back on the pillows, trying to look around his room before the realization that it had nothing to offer but gray walls and a window covered in blinds. Even opening them revealed the window to his hospital room looked onto the concrete wall of another building. It was only the door opening to a cacophony of noise that distracted John from what he feared would be, in coming days, irreparable boredom.

They all crowded around the bed and he tried to follow the streams of conversation but the tug and pull of almost twenty kids sent John's head spinning. It was not until Jerome called for them all to shut it that order finally reigned. The boy with his hair now tightly braided to his head turned to John, tapping a finger on the plaster monstrosity that doubled the size of John's leg, and shrugged.

"It's not a nice look for you Boss. Makes your head too big."

John laughed with the rest of them and answered their questions one at a time about the true order of events. A few of the kids piped up about having to talk to the Fuzz and how it frightened their parents or grandparents or siblings but _they_ were not scared. He listened to their stories and accepted the gifts they all tried to give in until a nurse came into the room in an absolutely tizzy about 'visiting hours' and 'limits on visitors in a room' and 'fire code' and 'regulations'.

The kids filed out in a line, guided by Jerome from the back, as they left John with a pile of assorted items scattered over his bed. Most of them were useless for anything but the bin but John admired each one as the kids handed them over before thanking them profusely until their beaming grins engulfed their entire face. It was not until Jerome was the last one in the room that John finally breathed a sigh of relief and motioned toward the bric-a-brac now littering his bed.

"What is all this?"

"Not sure?" Jerome shrugged, "I think they all watched too much TV and thought they're supposed to bring you something but the gift shop doesn't have anything for less than ten quid and most of them can't scrape their savings together for anything bigger than a candy bar. Well… They could but then they've gone and bought all those candy bars and they weren't going to bring those."

"Not sure I'd want what would inevitably be half-melted or half-eaten candy bars." John shuddered, "Or maybe both."

"I agree." Jerome whistled, "Rough deal here Boss."

"Did you see what happened?"

Jerome nodded. "Saw the whole thing. Told it all to the Coppers when they showed up but I don't think they believed me."

"Because of your hair?" John moved Jerome's head around, "I thought your brother was going to do these?"

"He got busy."

"You should've waited for him. His are good. These…" John pretended to click his teeth at Jerome and laughed as the boy shoved at his arm. "Did they believe you though, the constables who interviewed you?"

"I don't know." Jerome shrugged. "They're not usually into believing people in my neighborhood about anything. They get suspicious about drugs and other stuff so they're not the trusting type."

John only nodded, "But where was everyone? I wasn't that late was I?"

"You were a touch early Boss. But…" Jerome bit at his lip, "I was the first one there. Or, about to be. When I rounded the corner there the three of them where. I warned everyone else off because Green on his own, maybe, but with those two bruisers I wasn't going to get in the middle of whatever that was."

"Wish I'd been smart enough to follow your lead." John sighed, trying to ruffle Jerome's hair but the braids proved too sturdy for him. "At least you kept the others safe. I wouldn't want them involved in this."

"What is it that you got yourself involved in?"

"Nothing that couldn't be worked out if Green wasn't a total dick."

"Did you steal his girl?"

"Lesson one," John held up a finger, "You can't steal a person from another person. We've all got the right to choose. If she'd wanted him, she would've chosen him. Since she didn't want him, she didn't choose him."

"And he's sore about it?"

"I'd say he is." John cringed at the sight of his leg.

"But he's Carlisle's man and Carlisle's cleared out. Left us all free and clear of that kind of trouble."

"This isn't Carlisle's decision." John nodded at the scattered offerings over his bed. "Mind helping me clear out the rubbish?"

Jerome and John sorted through the gifts, John saving the used books and well-read comics to the side to try and stave off the waiting boredom before accepting the remote to the television from Jerome. "Which of these books did you bring? I think you dropped it but now I don't know which one it is."

"That one." Jerome pointed and John selected the decidedly thicker novel from the rest. "My gran's read it a hundred times and says it's one of the best books ever written so…"

"Your Gran's a Brönte fan?"

"Adores them." Jerome shuddered, "No idea why."

John stacked the books carefully on the bedside table and nodded toward the door. "Is Anna out there?"

"Been there since she found out you were here." Jerome winked at him, "I could send her in. You pretend you're dying and she'll admit how she feels and-"

"Hold it right there." John shook his head, "There's no need for that. I'm already pretty sure I know how she feels."

"She told you?"

"Sort of."

"Well she's been teaching us all steps to this new dance she's doing. Says she wants us in a show for their next performance."

"Did she?"

Jerome nodded and then demonstrated a strut move before locking for a few paces into a pirouette. "She says I've got good rhythm."

"As someone with no rhythm I can't say one way or the other but you look cool." John waved him out, "Go on or the nurse won't let her come and see that I'm alright after all of you got your chance."

Jerome huffed, making a 'pfft' sound before rolling his shoulders back. "I get it. I guess bros ain't before-"

"Don't finish that sentence the way I think you will." John held up a finger. "Broken leg or not, if I hear you talking about women like that again I'll make sure you never do again."

"And this is why my Gran wants to marry you," Jerome opened the door, sidestepping to avoid Anna as she came in. "You're busy teaching me manners."

The door shut and Anna made a face, "Should I be worried about my prospects if you're marrying his grandmother?"

"I've only met her once and she thought I was the police."

"Not the best of meetings. Then again," Anna narrowed her eyes as she closed in on John's bed, putting her finger over her mouth. "You look vaguely like someone I met in a toilet once so you never can tell about first impressions."

"You really can't." John waited a beat, "Did you figure out which toilet it was, that you met the man who looks like me?"

"Give me a second." Anna pursed her lips and then snapped her fingers, a grin taking over her face. "Grantham Men's Room. I'm sure of it."

"Spend much of your time in Men's Rooms?"

"There was a rather tricky situation in a bus bathroom once." Anna rolled her eyes, "But the bloke and I managed. He was a gymnast and let me tell you, I've never met anyone that flexible since."

"Nice," John gestured to his leg. "Because I was just about to impress you with my moves and now I see there's no point."

Anna cringed, sitting on an open space of bed after they managed to lower one of the bars. "I can't help but feel responsible for this."

"I do hope you're not serious."

"I'm the one with a rabid dog after me."

"Rabid dogs tend to bite those who challenge them." John shrugged a shoulder. "Had he actually been your dog and you'd sicked him on me that would be a different story."

"It would be." Anna twisted over her shoulder to look at his leg again before shaking her head and taking his hand. "How bad is it?"

"Robert didn't tell you?"

"He doesn't even remember my name half the time and I've been Mary's friend since we were in secondary school." Anna's fingers stroked over the skin of John's hand. "And I don't think he knew how close we were until he realized I hadn't changed my clothes in three days."

"I had wondered what that smell was." Anna swatted at him and John tried to deflect. "I'm sorry. I take it back you smell incredible."

"Thank you."

"Better than antiseptic and all-purpose cleaner anyway." John sighed, covering her hands with his. "I'm going to go mad in this room."

"Maybe your secretary can arrange your patients to visit you here." Anna pointed to the chairs. "A bit of a change in position but you could work it out couldn't you?"

"Some of them are terrified of hospitals and would see it as a ploy for me to try and commit them."

Anna frowned, "You've got patients that bad?"

"I've got some afraid they're that bad." John sighed, "I'm going to go mad here. Staring between that wall and a TV screen."

"You're not one of those luddites who doesn't believe in TV are you?"

"Please," John put a hand over his heart. "I believe whole-heartedly in streaming services. I just know that day-time television is never-ending reruns of game shows, bad soap operas, and infomercials."

"Afraid you'll buy some kind of counter-top roaster or something?"

"That's the reason they're on during the day. They know the people watching then have poor impulse control and even worse spending habits." John nodded toward the pile of books. "Worst case scenario I try and chug through those."

"They gave you some good ones." Anna reached over John to pick up the stack of books. " _Harry Potter_ 's a global phenomenon."

"They gave me the second one."

Anna frowned, "Have you not read them?"

"I did the audiobooks once. Jim Dale's rather a master at them and I never wanted to read them because the one time I tried I could only hear the voices in his voice and after Dame Maggie Smith performed as Professor McGonagall I just thought of it as a betrayal to her abilities."

"She is a force of nature." Anna held up the book. "The second was always my favorite. It's where it all started to get interesting."

"Agreed." John nodded to the stack. "Jerome's grandmother gave him that one. He says it's her favorite."

" _Wuthering Heights_ is a classic."

"It seems to appeal to the Northerners more than anyone else."

"It's the moors, dismal winter, and somber attitudes." Anna placed it on top of _Harry Potter_. "As Northerner I get it."

"You're not morose or somber."

"Guess I've been in London too long."

"Just long enough I think." John let his fingers play toward Anna's wrist and noted the hitch in her breathing before she held up the next book. "Never read it."

" _Mortal Engines_ is a rather brilliant dystopian fiction before that bubble formed and burst with the _Hunger Games_." Anna made a little noise of surprise. "Ah,, they included that one too. But it's the second one."

"Movie's better."

"Shame on you, Mr. Bates, for ever saying the movie's better."

"You don't think the movie's ever better than the book?"

"You do realize that the scope of what you can know, do, and say in a book greatly outweigh what you do with a movie, yes?" Anna mimed taking a chainsaw to something. "That's what happens when you make a movie out of something."

"So you regret something like _The Lord of the Rings_ or _Harry Potter_?"

"Absolutely not because they got people interested in the source material." Anna winced, "I do regret _The Hobbit_ though. That was…"

"Embarrassing?"

"Excepting for the wonderful work of Richard Armitage, for whom I've always felt a close personal kinship-"

"As a fellow Northerner?"

"As one of the only good things to come out of that BBC series of _Robin Hood_ that Mary always called 'Robin Wondertights' and I just called 'Robin Hood Went to the Thrift Store'." Anna shrugged, "They underutilized him."

"I think the entire cast of that show was underutilized. Especially in the third season." John shuddered, "What a waste."

"Joe Armstrong came out alright." Anna held up a hand, "I also liked Aiden Turner. He was one of the dwarves."

"Weren't they all dwarves?"

"Not all of them." Anna looked at the last book, "One of your girls left this for you. No man I know would read it."

"Why not?" John craned his head. "I've never heard of it."

"The author's Australian. I read one of hers…" Anna paused, " _The Forgotten Garden_ , I think it was. Good book. This one… I had at least nine questions left unanswered by the end of it."

John took the book from her. " _The Clockmaker's Daughter_. Bit of an ostentatious title isn't it? Kind of like that fake book from the movie with David Tennant. _The Decoy Bride_ , with Alice Eve and that woman from _Trainspotting_."

"What was that book called?" Anna shook her head, " _The Optometrist's Wife_ or something like that?"

" _The Ornithologist's Wife_." John snapped his fingers, "I knew it sounded ostentatious."

"The main character is the daughter of a clockmaker so it's actually a factual thing, not just for show."

"No one picks a title like that just because they made a random fact that a girl's the daughter of a clockmaker." John snorted, "Did you ever read that one someone called _The Illusionist's Mistress_? Talk about ostentatious."

"Was it a good story?"

"It was alright, why?"

"Then it doesn't matter what the title was." Anna stacked the books back on his bedside. "You'll be out of here in two to five, tops."

"How'd you know that?"

"Because it may surprise you to learn, Mr. Bates, but knee injuries aren't uncommon in my line of work." Anna pulled out her phone and quickly texted something out so John's phone, buzzing on the other table, picked it up. "That's the physical therapist and physio he used when he busted his knee."

"How long until he was on it?"

"Four to six weeks for mobility and anywhere from six months to a year until he moved like he never broke himself in the first place."

"Good thing my line of work doesn't require me to actually move too much on this." John patted the plaster. "I could do my work from a wheelchair if I needed to."

"That would make things more interesting." Anna scooted off the bed, leaning toward John's ear. "Imagine what I could do to you if you were at my mercy on a regular basis."

John choked and twitched but he caught Anna's smile when she looked down. "I… I'm sorry it's…"

"No need to apologize." Anna kissed his cheek. "I'm just glad all the other parts are still in working order."

"You're cruel. What you're doing is cruel."

"I'm sure it is." Anna leaned over the bed. "But you'll be okay, won't you?"

"I've got the names of the doctors to fix me after I get out of here, I've got a lift in my building… both of them, actually, and I've got those books to read while I'm here." John covered her hands, pulling them to his lips to kiss them. "I'll be more than fine. Better because you came to see me."

"Even if I smell like I haven't showered in three days?"

"What smell?" John grinned and they both laughed. "And I'll be fine. Especially since Jerome told me you're getting all of them into a dance class for a performance or something."

"They've got good rhythm, the lot of them. I saw it the night I gave them the lesson for practice. They're good."

"I want to pay the cost of the lessons."

"John-"

"No," John shook his head. "Don't talk me out of it. I've got the money for it, they don't, and I won't pull it out of your pocket."

"And what if I've got a bit in my pocket for it?"

"They'd be playing cricket or rugby or going 'round the neighborhood delivering meals with me." John shrugged, "You're babysitting them for me and I want to compensate you."

"And who's compensating you?" John could not answer so Anna nodded, "I understand, I do, and if you want to pay for the lessons then I'll take your money. But only the cost of the lessons and nothing else. Any costumes or shoes or whatever I'm covering it and I'll not argue."

"I won't argue." John sighed, smiling as he looked at her. "How did I get lucky enough to find you?"

"I guess because someone in the universe didn't want you to be alone."

"It's that simple?"

Anna nodded, one of her hands running over his cheek. "Because I heard a man trying desperately to practice a speech for his friend's anniversary when he planned on ending his life and I thought, 'that's the saddest, loneliest man I've ever heard' and I couldn't bear for you to be that man."

John caught her hand, kissing her palm. "I'm glad you bothered."

"And I'm glad you picked that toilet to practice in before deciding you weren't going to commit suicide." Anna leaned forward, kissing him slowly and breaking the kiss far too quickly for John's liking. "If I stay too long we'll end up in a very difficult position to explain to any passing nurse."

"Best not then."

Anna nodded. "I'll be here, when you get out, so don't forget to text me."

"What about for the next six weeks of therapy?"

"I'll manage what I can because you'll be, you know, an old cripple."

John snorted, "And you're going to tell me that an old cripple like me could make you happy?"

Anna held his face between both of her hands, "Yes, you make me very happy." She kissed him again, with a bit more force before breaking away. "Now, get some rest, read through these books, and start imaging how buff your arms'll get pushing around your own wheelchair."

"Are you already imagining that?"

"I'd like to imagine you bench-pressing me but that's a fantasy." Anna winked, pushing away from the bed. "Until you get out, Mr. Bates."

"Until then."


	12. Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'

He held tightly to one wheel, keeping it in place as he maneuvered his other hand to practice a turn in the space. The woman in scrubs, with her hair tied loosely back on her head, stood to the side and watched as John maneuvered his chair through the obstacle course constructed entirely of small colored cones. Each represented an object in a traditional space or structure and John maneuvered his way between them as best he could, the strain in his hand matching the beading of sweat on his forehead as he worked.

"Hit a green, five points John."

"Hit it with what?" John craned his neck to see and lost his hold on the wheel, sending his chair sliding into a purple cone. "Shit."

"Don't get frustrated. And you didn't hit the green." The nurse picked her way over to him, resetting the cones with nudges of her foot before stopping in front of him. "It's all about distraction. You're managing more now so you've got to be aware of the space you take up. You're used to being up on two legs, taller than most, and only managing a space about two feet by one foot."

"That's generous of you Sybil."

"Shut it." Sybil shook her head. "But now your dimensions have changed. You've got to learn to manage these spaces with revised parameters the way you did your old ones. Even better, in some cases."

"But I learned those when I was toddling at six months. Not as someone pushing toward fifty."

"Old dogs and new tricks." Sybil clapped her hands and moved out of the cones again. "Finish the course and we'll run it again."

"Again?"

"Yes. And then I get you on the treadmill and see if I can walk you a bit farther than yesterday."

"This is torture."

"Torture would be leaving you in that chair." Sybil snapped her fingers, "Finish up and then back to start or you won't get a lolly."

John frowned, maneuvering his chair again. "You didn't give me a lolly last time either."

"We only had watermelon and you said you hated that flavor."

"What about a nice Scotch instead?"

"I thought you were a chip-holding member of AA?"

"Yes and no." John eased around the representation of a corner and saw the end of the maze in sight. "I only drink socially now. Literally in the presence of other people and they perform the cut-off."

"No sneaking drinks?"

"I did that when I was lonely." John shrugged and quickly grabbed the wheels to stop them jerking away from him. "And I'm not lonely anymore."

"I was curious what your connection with a dance company was when Anna referred you to us."

"She said she knew someone who benefitted from your services and got to dance again." John steered through the 'finish' and sighed. "Done."

"Round two." Sybil snapped her fingers, pointing back to the start at the other end of the gymnasium. "And this time we're doing Route Blue."

John huffed and rolled himself to the other end. "Did you work with him?"

"Who?"

"The dancer who broke his knee or something and came here for therapy and physio so he could dance again."

Sybil frowned, "It wasn't a man."

"What?" John paused, about to start the slightly harder route indicated by little blue flags dotted between the cones.

"Anna was the one who came here." Sybil nodded, "Yeah, it was about two years ago. Bad knee injury. Started her for an ankle sprain and then something happened that almost popped her knee."

"She injured her knee?"

Sybil gave another nod, pausing in the middle of the second down motion. "Actually, it was a bit like yours."

"She told me a fellow dancer came to you."

"We've seen our load of dancers and, given Anna's skills, I wouldn't be surprised if we'd seen a lot of her fellows come through here." Sybil dodged through the cones, almost dancing herself to reach a point where she could monitor John's progress. "I used to dance you know."

"Really?"

"Yep, ballet." Sybil moved into an en-pointe move in her trainers before coming down with the hint of a grimace. "Toe injury. Never healed quite right and I realized I needed a new dream occupation."

"And this one jumped out at you?"

"It seemed appropriate." Sybil waved her hand at the cones. "If you'd proceed, we don't have all day."

John finished the session, sweat sticking his shirt to the back of his chair, and carefully maneuvered himself into the provided showers. Hand holds and foot rests dotted the structure and he could clean himself to satisfaction despite his wrapped leg. It took longer than with two fully functioning legs but John emerged, rolling himself to the lobby where Anna flipped idly through a magazine with a bemused expression. Her little laugh gave him a smile, despite the running thought of Sybil's comments earlier, and he barely nudged her with his chair to get her attention.

"Good session?" She folded the magazine back onto the pile of months-old quarterlies and stood to push John's chair out of the building but he maneuvered it out of her reach. "I see we're getting bolder."

"Sybil says they might have me strong enough for crutches in a few weeks and the best thing I can do is work this chair to get my arms ready for them." John nodded to the door, "If you don't mind."

"It'd be my pleasure." Anna pushed the button for the door and led the way from the building before skipping down the stairs as John managed the ramp with carefully controlled motions. There was only a minor slip that had Anna's breath catching and her foot forward as if to help but John recovered and rolled neatly to her side. "You are getting rather good with that thing."

"No more bumping around my flat or banging into walls, that's for sure."

"Sybil's the best." Anna motioned back toward the building, weaving them between the cars in the lot toward hers. "Known her for years."

"Since you injured your knee?" John noted how Anna's fingers topped rifling in her purse a moment, her shoulders hunching with the freeze to her movements. "She told me you were the one she helped."

Anna straightened and nodded at John. "I'm not sure if you noticed in our… nighttime encounters before your injury, but there are some spidery-white scars all around my left knee from when they put the cap back together."

"Why'd you tell me it was a bloke you referred here?"

"Because if you knew I needed their help then you'd ask why and I'd have to tell you the story and…" Anna sighed, "I was hit by a car."

"Sybil said your injury was like mine."

"Blunt force trauma isn't exactly an art form." Anna sighed, leaning on her car to face John. "The crack lines in my knee were fixed. Not easily but they were, unlike yours, because it wasn't focused force used to shatter my knee cap. It was the bumper of a car that decided the zebra stripes weren't really there for anything but guidelines and lights are for other people."

"Then why not tell me?"

Anna chewed on her lip, "Because Green was the one driving the car."

"What?"

"It's…" Anna waved a hand, "It was early in my working for Carlisle and it was late. It was also the first time I knew Green was tailing me. But I told Carlisle, over the phone from hospital, and he had Green lay off but…"

"You never told the police?"

"I did and since he drove off it was technically a hit-and-run but I think Carlisle hushed it up. Didn't want his favorite bulldog out of commission for a moving violation."

"But you…" John remembered the conversation. "You were laid up for a year."

"No, I was laid up for five weeks. It took a year for me to dance again and…" Anna stopped, her fingers caressing her knee a moment. "Now I can tell when it's going to rain and I think I better get you in the car before we both get soaked."

"Anna," John reached out a hand for hers, sliding his fingers over her skin to get he attention. "I don't want you to think you can't tell me anything."

"I didn't want you to try and defend my honor from that chair."

"I could get a bit here to hook on a lance and-"

Anna bent down, kissing him thoroughly and brushing back his hair as the first fat droplets of water bombed from the sky. "You are, without doubt, the sweetest man I've ever met."

"Only for you."

"Then the sweeter the better." Anna turned back to her car and unlocked it to open the door for the passenger side. "In you get."

With her hands on the handles and the brake kicked in place for the back wheels, John used a hand on the oh-shit-bar to rotate his body to sit sideways on the seat. A swift turn and lift of his leg later, he leaned back in the passenger seat as Anna shut the door. The door behind him opened as lightning split the sky and a crack of thunder signaled the larger drops to fall like a planned air-offensive.

He tried to twist himself to open the back door but Anna had the door open and his chair inside in less than a minute. When the door closed he watched Anna slide over the roof of the car before she slipped into her seat. Water splattered her hair to her head and she clawed her fingers through it to pull it back from her face before sighing into a laugh.

"It's practically raining sideways." She turned to him and John could only gaze at her rain-streaked face. "What is it?"

"You're beautiful."

"I'm drenched and a mess."

John shook his head, "Doesn't matter to me."

"I get the feeling, Mr. Bates," Anna leaned over the gearbox toward him, "That I could wear a burlap sack and you'd still think I should walk a runway somewhere."

"No," John shook his head, earning a raise in Anna's eyebrows. "I'd think I could take that burlap sack off you far easier than I can manage what you're wearing right now. Even crippled, as I am."

"You're not crippled." Anna dragged a finger down his jaw, "All the parts that need to work still do so I think you're just as able-bodied as anyone."

"Not as able-bodied as I'd like to be."

"Well," Anna feigned a pout, drawing back slightly, "Then let me correct whatever impediments you think lay between us."

Rain lashed the roof of the car, swirling over the windows as if the vehicle submerged underwater, and John swallowed hard as Anna hauled her shirt over her head. Her fingers gently peeled his shirt from him to join hers on the backseat of the car as she settled just out of his reach. The grin on her face had John almost pouting himself but then his mouth watered to drop open as Anna slid her tracksuit bottoms from her legs to leave herself sitting in the driver's seat in nothing but her knickers and bra, stretched out as if displaying herself for him.

"Are there any impediments now?"

"I… No, I don't…" John coughed, trying to marshal his thoughts as Anna twisted around the gearbox to straddle his legs. Her hand reached down to the two levers to push his seat back and lean the back until John was almost parallel with the floor. "None at all."

"Good." Anna brushed loose hair behind her ear and over one shoulder as she crouched over him. "Then, if you've no objections, I'll continue."

"Just…" John met Anna's eyes as she paused, "Won't you find it difficult to drive like that?"

"Cheeky."

"Not yet." John's hands moved up Anna's legs, squeezing her ass for a moment so she groaned. "But I could be persuaded."

"Since you were worried about impediments," Anna's hands moved his from her ass up her sides to her breasts. "Why don't you make yourself useful?"

"I aim to please."

"And you will." Anna grinned at him, "Just do what you would do otherwise."

"Except in a car with a leg I can't move?"

"You won't need your legs for this." Anna's hand brushed John's hair back, wet strands holding while others fluttered. "Just your skills."

"I can manage that."

"Good." Anna put her lips near his, "Because I'm going to kiss you now and I'd enjoy it if you'd let me have my way with you."

"I'm not really in a fit state to attempt to refuse you."

"That's what I wanted to hear." Anna's lips ghosted just over his a moment before taking to tracing the contours of his face. "I've wanted you so much recently. More than usual, probably."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"So did my hand because it just wasn't what I needed." John moaned, deepening the sound when the spread of Anna's lips into a smile moved over his cheek to his neck. "I tried reliving every little detail of each place I've had you, where I wanted to have you, where I could have you and… It just didn't do it for me."

She placed a final kiss near his ear, her teeth nipping at the lobe before tugging it between her teeth. "Do you want me to tell you about those places John?"

"Yes." His hands, frozen in place over the material of her bra, twitched. "Please tell me everything."

"Then close your eyes." Her hand covered his eyes and John tensed a moment before relaxing into her hold. "Because you'll need to use your imagination and that's best done when your eyes are closed."

His eyelids fluttered shut, the little laugh that vibrated through his skin from Anna's throat pimpled his skin but John's fingers flexed and almost surprised him when the resounding groan from her chest encouraged him further. So he massaged a bit harder and Anna's knees tightened hear his hips as she ground closer to him. Her voice, duskier now to match the determined thud of the rain still hitting the metal of the car.

"When I saw you again, in your office, I saw every surface of that room. You took me on the desk that day and I loved it. Most tables and desks I've had are too rickety and would break apart in minutes. But yours…" Her little growl triggered John's instinctual grab her breasts and Anna only pressed herself closer to him for more. "Yours held me just fine. But I wondered if it would hold you."

"What?" John's voice, trying desperately to match the seduction in her own, only rung tinny and high in his ears. Like an adolescent boy about to lose his virginity while puberty still held sway over his voice box.

But Anna continued as if she heard no difference. "Could I lay you on that desk and ride you in front of those windows? Would your neighbors across the street think twice about the sight of my naked torso and bouncing breasts reflecting the pleasure you'd give me? Would they know I was holding you at my mercy when I came with a shout your secretary would hear?"

John could not form forms, barely even managed a sound in response to her little giggle to match the sliding motion she used with her knickers against the loose material of his gym shorts. "Or those sofas. Could I tell you all my secrets on them and have you prescribe me treatments of you? Would you spread me over them to eat me out or would you loom over me? Would you even look me in the eyes or would you just want to bend me over the arm and let me stain the leather?"

Her voice only edged deeper as John surrendered a hand holding her breasts to return to her ass, guiding the angle of her rocking motions. "Yes."

"To which part John?" Anna whispered, a catch in her voice when John tweaked a nipple before abandoning it to slide a hand down her abdomen toward her knickers. "Be specific."

"To all of it."

"Would you think about it? Even if you scrubbed that sofa clean and sprayed whatever smells you think encourage calm, would you think about how you'd had me there? About how our scent would always be there?"

"Yes."

"Then should I tell you that I wanted to lay you out on the stage. In the dark or in front of a hundred people it wouldn't matter." Anna's kisses moved over John's face, butterfly touches as he tried to chase her lips with his but his lack of sight proving his defeat in the endeavor. "I'd spread you out like a feast and devour you there. Take you to the edge, until you couldn't stand it, and then take your finish."

John edged his fingers along her knickers, peeling them back enough to slip between the material and her skin to feel over her. Anna paused, her body shivering with what the little trill in her voice told John was desire, and then edged forward to force his fingers closer to her. Following her guide, John sank two fingers between her folds and guided himself toward her entrance while massaging the swelling skin between his questing digits.

The retelling of her imaginings when quiet and John turned his head slightly to find her cheek. A delicate run of his lips along her cheek brought him to her ear and John swallowed hard before he attempted to speak. "Did you imagine anything else, Anna? Were there any other salacious thoughts you've turned to since I've been in hospital? Anything else that helped you cry out my name in the dark?"

"Everything helped," Her lips pressed frantically to his cheek as John's fingers deepened, exploring inside her while his thumb pressed and molded around her clit. "But none of it was enough. I just felt empty without you there."

"Then we'll fix that, shall we?" John crooked his fingers, sliding them down the wet muscles to find the spot that had Anna sobbing into his ear. In the next moment her body shuddered and rocked on him as her hands tightened around his shoulders. Clinging muscles tightened around every part of John and he delicately wrangled his fingers free of her as he opened his eyes.

All glass surfaces in the car fogged, dribbles of condensation rolling down the windows as the rain spluttered and took to another torrent. John blinked at Anna, watching as she shoved a hand toward her hair, half of it bunching under the brute force of her palm until it settled as she did on his lap. The lazy smile she managed, matching with utter perfection the hazed expression on her satisfactorily glazed eyes, had John leaning forward to kiss her.

"Are we all better?" John managed, pulling back only enough to adjust and press a series of carefully coordinated kisses to her neck.

"Not quite." Anna's fingers wrapped his wrist, tugging his hand from between their bodies and bringing his glistening fingers to her mouth. "But we will be."

Before she would wrap her lips around them, John jerked his arm toward his body. Anna, in her surprise, came with him and then moaned when John kissed her between his fingers. Their tongues met, spreading the taste of her between them before John sucked one of his fingers into his mouth. Anna beat him to the second.

For all the patience his condition instilled in him, John's free hand could wait no longer. Wrestling his shorts down his legs and snapping himself twice with the elastic band of his briefs, he shoved them unceremoniously out of the way. They caught on the hard plaster but neither of them cared when Anna's hands took their positions. One went to his shoulder, to hold her steady or him John could not guess, and the other wrapped around him.

Her teasing from earlier left him practically aching and the clamp of her hand around him almost sent John's head through the rest behind him. But Anna proved a tad more merciful and rose up on her knees before him. It only took a slight tug and she slid down the length of him as far as the constraints of the car would allow. They paused a moment to gather their breath and then began.

John risked whatever injuries he might incur to bend himself forward and put his mouth to her exposed breasts. The bra she wore kept them contained but any skin he could find he did and his fingers did the rest. Manipulating her through the material until Anna cried out and dug her fingers into his shoulder.

The motions between them, restrained with John's incapacitated leg and the roof of the car just a hair's breadth above them, Anna draped herself over John's prostrate form and used rolls and rocks of her hips as opposed to more vertically inclined motions. Every twist and gyration dug John just a fraction deeper and his hands at her hips and ass encouraged her faster.

She set the pace, however, and John could only follow her lead. But Anna's kisses, when she wrestled his mouth from her skin, proved just as generous as the undulating flex of her vaginal walls around him. It took almost no time at all for John to grunt and growl toward his finish, animalistically feral in his expression of desire but Anna's motions quickened until her hand snaked between them. With her fingers brushing him between caring for her own crying nerves it was moments until John tumbled over the edge of oblivion.

His echoing shout, unintelligible and guttural, echoed around the car as the breathy whimper of Anna's second finish just danced over them. She settled onto his chest, holding close to him as their bodies stuttered and shuddered through their finishes to return to rest. A rest that only served to remind them of the layer of humidity they brought to the car with the fogging of the windows and the heat their passions produced.

Anna reached behind John's head, retrieving his shirt and using it to wipe over both of them while her other hand finagled the controls to bring the windows in the car down a touch. The breeze that swept over them, matching the chill rain, had John shivering. Different shivers than the residual sensation when Anna lifted herself clear of him and wiped him down with the same shirt before restoring his briefs and shorts to their proper place.

He wrestled the controls of his chair to bring himself back up as Anna tied her hair up before cleaning over herself and restoring her clothing. It took John clearing his throat for Anna to turn to him, a ponytail now swinging at the back of her head. "What?"

"That's my shirt."

"Yes it was." Anna balled it up and stuffed it into the cupholders. "It'll wash."

"I need to wear a shirt."

"I doubt it."

John pointed to his chest, "As enthralled as you are with this, it's not an Adonis statute and most people don't find the sight of their future attractive."

"Then," Anna twisted back around her seat, digging through the backseat of her car before retrieving something. She handed it over and turned the key to start up the car as the rain calmed to a spritz that fluttered and spat at them. "Use that."

John unfurled it and scoffed. "I truly hope you're not an Arsenal fan."

"Why not?"

"Because it's so incredibly average." John shook his head, "I can't wear that. On principle, if nothing else."

"Says the man who just claimed he couldn't walk around without a shirt on at all." Anna shook her head, steering out of the carpark and onto the streets. "It's a shirt and you needed one."

"I'd rather go naked than wear it."

"I'd like that."

John leveled a finger at her, "I'll not encourage you but I can't wear this shirt."

"It's either that, a towel, or your shirt which is covered in something other than Arsenal colors." Anna stopped at a light, facing him. "Your choice."

John grumbled and pulled the shirt inside-out before sliding it over his head. "I'll try not to think about how you got this."

"It didn't belong to an ex-boyfriend, if that makes you feel better."

"It does, a bit." John settled into his seat, turning to her. "Whose was it?"

"My father's." Anna pointed to it as she pulled forward with the green. "If you notice, the name's from the seventies."

John pulled at the top to read the name and had to haul it over his head and turn it around to finally see the name. "Liam Brady?"

Anna nodded, "Dad's favorite player."

"He was Irish."

"Might be why I like you so much." Anna winked at him. "He played from '63 to '80. Made two-hundred-ninety-five appearances and scored fifty-nine times."

"He made three-hundred-seven appearances, actually. He started in two-hundred-ninety-five of them." Anna raised an eyebrow at him and John shrugged as he replaced the shirt, wearing it the right way out. "He was Irish and I loved football as a child."

"Even Arsenal football?"

"I loved Irish players in football and Man U." John held up two fingers. "There are only ever two kinds of players."

Anna snorted a laugh and drove on through the lightening rain. They arrived at her building and she parked in the underground spaces, using the placard John carried in his bag to get them one of the handicapped spots. With a bit of maneuvering John got into his seat and settled his gym bag on his lap as he steered himself toward the lifts.

"I still think you're being too kind by putting me up at yours."

"You'd be alone at yours and with that dip in your floor you could fall and break yourself in half." Anna reached around him to get the buttons, pressing the 'up' before John could. "And those windows…"

"Afraid I'll lose control and just roll out to my death?"

"Don't tell me you've not thought about it." Anna shuddered, "It's terrifying."

"Falling's not the way to go." John eased out of the way as a couple exited the lift and then rolled to the back to turn before Anna joined him inside and managed the buttons to her floor. "Too much time to regret it on the way down."

"I'd hope my body would die of shock before it could die from impact."

"Think about how you'll die often then?"

Anna shook her head, "It's one of those things Mary and I used to do. We'd wonder about the worst ways to die. We had a list once, the top ten worst, and I think her first one was being chewed apart by a wood chipper."

"Too many times watching _Fargo_ I think."

"Maybe." Anna shrugged, "I said burn to death. I mean, unless you could go like Agnes Nutter and take a whole village of ignorant savages with you then it would suck. Suffocating first and then maybe living through your skin burning off you before your blood boils in your veins and you cook."

John closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I do hope dinner's nothing you cooked in an oven now. I'll never get that image out of my head."

"The one about Agnes Nutter?"

" _Good Omens_ aside, I think the image of being cooked on a pyre's a bit much for me." John waited for Anna to step out of the lift and hold the doors before he wheeled himself to follow her. "I don't want that."

"It's all steamed for dinner."

"Good."

They enjoyed dinner together, John managing his chair better in the tighter corners after all the times through Sybil's maze. He insisted on helping Anna with the dishes and provided the low hand for dishes and pots in low cupboards as well as the unloader and loader for the bottom of the dishwasher. When it hummed and rumbled with the rush of superheated water and the digital clocks in the house beeped toward double digits, Anna stopped John's maneuver toward the sitting room where she made for his sleeping arrangements on the sofa's pullout.

"What?"

"Since you don't really need to sleep so far away…" Anna bit at her lip, her eyebrows raising. "Mind a little adventure?"

"I can't get my chair around your bed."

"Then it's a good thing I only need you to slide over the surface of it."

John swallowed, "Are you sure?"

"I've got a surprise for you and I'm not showing it off in my sitting room while you kip out on a pullout bed that creaks when you roll over in your sleep."

"You hear that?" John winced, "I'm sorry if it's-"

Anna stopped him with a kiss before drawing back to hold his cheeks in her hands. "I'd like to seduce you, Mr. Bates, and for that I need you on my bed and not out here. This is a delicate process and requires a more gentle hand than that sofa-bed'll allow."

John nodded, "Then I'll get myself to your room and-"

"Wait until I call for you." Anna drew herself to her full height, almost towering over him with the chair keeping him seated. "It's a surprise."

His fingers drummed three different tunes in their entirety on the arms of his chair before Anna called for him. Whatever nerves came out as sweat on his palms, John cursed them when his hands slipped in their attempt to steer his chair toward Anna's room. But he managed to keep himself steady and hit nothing as he bumped the chair just short of the end of the bed. A tight three-point turn and he moved himself close enough and sideways to lift clear of the chair and land on the bed with a bounce that almost unseated him but his good foot caught himself on the floor.

"Anna?" He observed the room, too small for her to hide, and noticed the cracked door to the bathroom. "I'm here."

"Please take off your clothes and get yourself to the middle of the bed." Her voice wafted from the bathroom through the slit in the door and John obeyed her instructions to rest back on the soft bed he missed when he creaked and grumbled on the pullout sofa in her sitting room.

But a second later John could not even manage the breath for a gasp of surprise when Anna emerged from the bathroom. Heels that would have put them on almost equal footing if he could stand stretched her legs forever and matched the deep sable of the ensemble that caught the light with the glossy material of her bra and knickers, barely covered by a sheer dressing gown that did not even touch the black garters she clipped to the garter belt at her waist. A small turn, to manage some small detail, left John groaning when he realized the knickers were no more than a thong pretending at more substantial underthings.

"I'm so glad you appreciate the view." Anna grinned at him, turning as her knees rested on the end of the bed.

"How could I not?"

"You never know." She slid forward, her knees working over the duvet to settle herself on his abdomen. "But I thought, since you're an invalid, I'd bring the seduction to you."

"I thought the car was a nice touch."

"That was pure impulse." Anna arched over him, her hand brushing his hair back to kiss his forehead. "I planned this."

"Then earlier was good practice."

"I heartily think so." Anna eyed over him. "I had this detailed plan about how I'd kiss all over you, probably torture you a little, and then just have my way with you but… under the circumstances…"

John almost didn't breathe, "What circumstances?"

"I've already thoroughly seduced you and so I can't torment you." Anna reached across her hips and pulled the strings of the thong to let it flutter from her body. John shivered when the delicate material pulled over his skin as Anna dropped it onto her bedside table. "You're already seduced by this outfit."

"It's glorious."

"Perhaps a bit too glorious." Anna put her hands on his chest, shifting herself back a bit to rock her ass against him. "Perhaps, in future, I'll make it like strip poker and you'll have to remove a piece at a time."

"Yes."

"Or," Anna bit at her lip, running herself over him so John groaned at the slick slide of wetness coating him. "I'll have you replace the pieces as you see fit."

"Whatever you want."

"Be careful about giving me too much power." Anna warned, lifting herself up. "You might give me too much power."

"Never."

"Good answer." She sheathed him in a second, throwing her head back to send her blonde hair bouncing on her shoulders. "I hope you've got the leverage you need because I think I need you to move now."

John could only obey.


	13. The Gentle Caress of Water

The callouses on his hands caught the wheel and he expertly turned around the corner of the ramp to follow the trail of kids moving ahead of him. Blue light, shimmering in the dark auditorium, shined through the walls of the aquarium before them as John got himself into one of the designated spaces with Jerome next to him. The boy leaned over, whispering as the rest of the seats filled, "How much longer you gonna be in that chair Boss?"

"I get out tomorrow, according to Nurse Sybil. Then I'm on crutches until they think I can handle a cane." John tapped the soft cast on his leg. "Then it's a permanent knee brace to keep my titanium limb from breaking apart."

"You need a brace?"

"Doctor recommended it, given the possibility for further damage because of my age." John shrugged at Jerome's confusion. "I'll look more like a robot."

"But robots are indestructible."

John frowned, "Is there a question in there?"

"No Boss, just a fact." Jerome settled in his seat, pointing toward the tank. "What's your girlfriend's play with this?"

"Her dance company's got something going with the aquarium." John shrugged, "Something about the new manatee exhibit they've got on."

"What's a manatee?" One of the other kids leaned around Jerome but he shushed at them.

"It's a sea cow."

"A what?"

Someone behind them shushed them and before any of the children could respond, not counting Jerome's rude gesture, the lights dimmed. All attention diverted to the large tank of water before them as the blue light brightened to throw them all into a mix of light and shadow. John barely heard the gasps of glee from the kids with him or the coos from the audience as the large behemoths of the sea floated weightlessly in front of the glass. All he saw were the dancers as they descended from above to swirl in the water.

Distorted, as if played through the water instead of speakers that lined the durable carpet-covered seats of the aquarium's auditorium, came the haunting melody. John frowned and craned his head back slightly as someone behind him whispered about the possible origins of the tune. Whispered arguments about Rachmaninov or perhaps even a Debussy. But Jerome's snort from his side drew John's attention and he leaned toward him.

"Something you want to add?"

"It's Ezio Bosso's _Music for the Weather Elements._ "

"What?"

"The music, it's Bosso's _Music for the Weather Elements_. Specifically his fourth piece, _Rain, in Your Black Eyes_."

"And how would you know that?"

"Ms. Smith was practicing in the studio when I was teaching some of her students how to pop and lock." Jerome glared back into the darkness when someone tried to hush him. "Anyway, I Shazam-ed it on my phone. Found the album."

"That good?"

"It's peaceful. Helps me sleep at night." Jerome settled back into his seat and John turned his attentions back to the dancers moving through the water around the sea cows as they danced with one another.

For a man as large as John, and as awkward as he could be in his chair, the sight of beasts the size of lorries moving with such grace captivated him. The dancers, Anna one amongst the five moving with the three manatees, flitted and darted through the water around them but the faster movements only enhanced the inherent grace of the manatees. Tiny bubbles betrayed the air tanks fitted carefully into the dancers' suits but only added to the swirl and motion as they timed their motions for the eleven minutes they choreographed to the music.

When the music faded, on a strong note left to shudder and fade like a modern-day mic drop, John clapped as loudly as the rest at the resonance of the discordant note. It reverberated around them as if to shake them to their very bones and only encouraged louder applause as the dancers emerged from the top of the tank to wave at the audience. Their breathing apparatus pushed aside and John grinned at the impressions the mask and breather made on Anna's face but met her eyes all the same. She smiled back and they shared a moment between them despite the audience and their insistence on recognition for their applause.

The kids cheered loudest of all and Anna urged the other dancers back into the water for an encore. Jerome did not know the piece this time and John was just as lost but enjoyed it nonetheless, despite the far less contemplative attitude to the piece meant only to satisfy the crowd with entertainment. It kept the others in the auditorium happy enough to cheer and applaud effectively until news that the show was over. They all filed out as if their temporary appetites were sated and left John with the children in the empty room.

They waited until Anna, still dripping slightly from her hair, came to meet them with the other dancers. Then it was a torrent of questions and compliments and infatuated insistences that they would apply themselves far more if there was even the hint of a chance they could swim in a tank. But even their interest wand slightly and John dismissed them to explore the rest of the tanks with the orders to return to the exit in an hour.

Anna giggled, watching them all go. "Bit like being a mother hen, isn't it?"

"More like herding cats actually." John reached out for her hand, kissing the back of it and tasting an odd combination of brine and chlorine. "You were lovely."

"You'd say that no matter what."

"Possibly but because of you, Jerome told me about Ezio Bosso."

"Did he now?" Anna let a grin pull the edges of her mouth up. "I saw him sneaking a peek at our rehearsals. He thought he was being sneaky but I know how to pop and lock too."

"Do you?"

"Of course. Hip-hop, you might be interested to know, has helped my rhythm and is especially beneficial to both my Paso and Jazz skills."

"You dance the Paso?"

"I dance everything." Anna pulled a pose and laughed with John as he rolled toward the manatee tank to watch them swim lazily along.

"You didn't tell me you were planning on this."

"Didn't know if I could. I still had to get my diving certificate and I wasn't doing too well in my SCUBA classes." Anna grimaced, "It wasn't a surprise for you so much as a surprise for me when I did pass."

"Afraid of water?"

"No, I just…" Anna shrugged, "I kept breathing in water and choking myself in the goggles. They plug your nose you know so you've got to breathe out the tube and then breathe in through the respirator and I wasn't getting the order right."

"Says the woman who dances everything."

"Dancing is about how to move your body." Anna waved at the tank, "This was… Did you ever hear that story about Tobey Maguire when they filmed that upside-down kiss scene in _Spider-Man_?"

"No."

"Apparently the rubber of the suit, because of how it pulled down, covered his nose so he couldn't breathe through his nose when Kirsten Dunst kissed him. So he had to breathe sideways out of his mouth, with water falling into the little bit of his nose that was uncovered and almost drowning him upside down." Anna tapped the tank lightly with her knuckles. "This was a bit like that for me."

"I'm glad you managed all the same." John gazed into the tank, his face drawing to a blank expression as he watched the manatees flip and spin in the water. It so engrossed him that it took a moment for him to hear Anna's voice when she spoke to him. "Sorry?"

"I didn't take you for a manatee fan."

"I think they're beautiful but they're not really my thing, usually." John sighed, nodding at them. "But watching how they move… Makes me miss having two functioning legs."

"Your leg will function again."

"But not the same." John shrugged, "I told Jerome that the doctor's going to have me in a permanent knee brace. The risk of further damage being what it is."

"It's just a brace, not an amputation."

"But it makes things different."

"I'd hope so." John's forehead furrowed and Anna reached out a hand to take one of his. "You'll feel different because you are different. No matter what you think you are now, it's not who you were before. The man who walked into that lot on his own two feet won't walk the same way again. Nor should he."

"He'd like to."

"And I'd like to dance moves like I did before a fender damaged my knee but I can't without twisting a lot of muscles and risking popping my kneecap." Anna held his hand and used her other to stroke his skin. "Whatever people say, we're different because we're not supposed to be the same. How boring would that be, and how boring would we be?"

"You think it's that simple?"

"It has to be. Overcomplicating it'll only make it all worse." Anna pointed at the manatees. "But I could get you into the tank, if you wanted."

"No, I wouldn't want to ruin their dance."

Anna's lips pursed, as if a deep thought percolated in her brain. "Ruin it?"

"I'm also not SCUBA certified and I don't have that gods-awful contraption that straps above my knee to cover this plaster so I can shower and bathe." John cringed, "It'll smell awful when they take it off tomorrow."

"They'll wash it and then wrap you in a soft cast for the next stage." Anna's lips stayed pursed and her eyes narrowed. "Have they said if they'll let you remove it for showering and the like?"

"They're giving me a boot, actually. Say I'll have limited mobility but they want me to strengthen it a bit so it doesn't atrophy further and allow me to wash." John shuddered, "I'm just imagining this chicken leg dangling in there."

"It'll look a bit more like a bone but…" Anna crossed her arms over her chest. "Would you like to go swimming?"

John blinked at her, "In general or…"

"I've access to a rather large pool. They use it for University diving but I've got a friend there who'll let us use it since the team's not practicing tomorrow." Anna shrugged, "You could feel weightless and graceful again."

"I can?"

"Water makes you weightless." Anna dragged her finger down the glass of the tank as the manatees approached them, holding heads of lettuce between their flippers as they munched leisurely on their vegetarian meals. "On land they'd be nothing more than lumps of fat and flesh. But in the water they're graceful and weightless. Gravity has no hold on them there."

"Probably why God put them there." John gave a little snort, "There are enough lumbering beasts on land for them to feel a bit crowded if they joined us."

Anna laughed with him, kissing the back of John's hand before putting it back on the arms of his chair. "Will you come?"

"Since I can't drive myself, I'll be at your mercy."

"Well then," Anna trilled, leaning over to whisper in John's ear. "I might find something rather daring and salacious for us to do in the large showers for afterward, if you're at my mercy."

John shivered and coughed, moving his hands to try and cover his lap. "We're in public, I'll remind you, and it's a bit more awkward for me than for you."

"I know." Anna winked, "Best go collect your chicks before they get lost here."

"I'd ask if you'd help me round up my cats but I think you might have another show to get ready for."

Anna nodded, "Two more today and two tomorrow."

"Then when-"

"Tomorrow night. I'll get us late night access to the pool." She kissed his cheek, "I'll collect you tomorrow night."

"I'll be waiting." John watched her leave and took a deep breath before wheeling himself around the building to find the various members of his brood.

And despite age and experience, or the lack of it in the sphere of long-term relationships still under the definition of 'dating', John spent the next day in a tumult of nervous tension. Even receiving his crutches, ones that rubbed the wrong way at the callouses his weeks in a wheelchair offered as their gift, and testing them under the watchful gaze of Sybil was nothing more than mechanical reaction. All his thoughts were consumed by the promise of time with Anna.

Time that, by this point in their relationship, should have been rather basic. But as John worked himself onto the bus and the Tube and back to his office, the thought percolated to… confusion. The hour with a client whose name he struggled to remember throughout the session ended with her leaving in a bit of a huff but still scheduling a follow-up when, in her words, "the doctor was feeling more himself."

"I've a feeling she's not talking about you getting better on those new crutches." Gwen left the door between the waiting area and John's office open as she exchanged files. Her eyes caught the half-written notes and only left the desk long enough to close the door before holding the proof in front of a resigned John. "May I ask, with all due respect, what the hell this is?"

"Confusion mostly." John tossed his pen onto the desk, snorting to himself as it bounced before settling with a lackluster defeat. "I'm suffering a mid-life crisis in what I think might be a romantic entanglement."

"I thought you and your dancer friend were… being flexible."

"Ha, ha, Ms. Dawson." John pointed to the seat in front of his desk. "How long until the next appointment?"

"Twenty minutes or so." Gwen closed the file and left it on her lap to interlace her fingers and lay her forearms on the desk. "Why don't you tell me what's going on here Mr. Bates and we'll try to sort through your troubles."

"I see what you're doing and I'm both shocked and not amused." John pointed at Gwen but she only shrugged so he sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Is it normal to still be nervous about something as basic as a date when you've been dating for awhile?"

"And she's stuck with you through thin and thin?" John nodded and Gwen winced a second as if trying to work out the kinks in a thought. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" John tried to laugh, "That's not exactly helpful."

"What do I know about it?"

"You've got yourself a boyfriend and you've been dating him for awhile so…" John opened his hands to her. "Advise me. How do I date in a modern age?"

"You've got that part down so I don't think that's what's making your notetaking for file maintenance absolutely shit today. Maybe a year ago, when you were still funked over her dumping you."

"She didn't dump me. We weren't dating. At the time it was… The equivalent of a one-night stand."

"But you didn't know that when you slept with you and you didn't think that was what it would become until after so your hopes, in that instance, were set to expectations, not disappointment."

"Then, if we're dating now, why am I still nervous?"

"Lingering worry that she'll abandon you now that you're a gimp."

"Not funny and no, I don't think so." John tapped his crutches where they leaned on his desk. "These would indicate literal steps in the right direction away from that so I can't be worried she's not into me because I was in a wheelchair."

"Okay so the worry might be something else." Gwen paused, biting the edge of her lip before speaking. "Maybe it's the change in your relationship."

"But our relationship's not really changed."

"Couldn't that be your problem?"

John opened his mouth, shut it, and then opened it a bit more slowly. "When my kneecap broke-"

"They find the chucklefecks who did it?"

"The two I put in hospital were arrested for intent to battery but I think they're on probation or something." John waved a hand, "They've not pressed charges and the police've mostly left me alone since but that's not the point."

"Sorry," Gwen waved him forward, "Please continue."

"Okay…" John took a breath and let it out with almost enough effort to force his bottom lip to vibrate. "She was there. She was there for three days. Even Robert wasn't there for three days."

"And what does that mean to you?"

John rested his head back against the top of his leather chair. "I… I don't want to lose her. I don't want to sacrifice whatever made her stay and wait for me to wake up and I'm petrified I might."

"Even with your growing mobility?"

"Given my one and only marriage went down in flames-"

"A fact for which I can, in hindsight, be grateful happened but did not end in flames here when she stopped by." Gwen winced, "How's that all going?"

"One thing, when you certify to do what I do, is not to interrupt with tangents. You want your client to come to their own conclusions and not distract them from that purpose."

"Noted." Gwen nodded at John and opened her hand toward him. "Proceed."

"Given the failure of my marriage, my lack of dating life before and after that, I'm… I'm not exactly the best example of success in relationships."

"You've only had one relationship so I'm not sure it's a great example of your relationship ability." Gwen shrugged, "One example does not a statistical reference make, just so you know."

John gave a laugh, "Alright. But before I married Vera I had a series of…"

"One-night stands?"

"Some of them were three-night or…" John frowned, "Is the phrase 'booty call' still used by people?"

Gwen snorted her laugh, covering her mouth with a hand as she struggled to breathe through her incessant giggles. "I'm sorry… It's like talking to my father about things. I just… I can't."

"Thanks." John waited a moment, handing over the box of tissues for Gwen to dab at her eyes and restore her appearance. "But I've not really dated anyone. Not seriously. Before Vera it was fun, it was exciting, and it was short-lived. They were fun adventures but nothing serious."

"Until your ex-wife?"

"She was the first person to ever press me. The first person to challenge me and I thought that was depth." John shrugged, "It's what happens when you're not sure what a serious relationship ought to be and then too embarrassed to escape an abusive one."

"So you're afraid then?"

"Simplest terms, that about cuts it."

Gwen puffed her cheeks to exhale. "Welcome to the real world."

"I can feel your sympathy from here, and it's heartening." John put a hand to his chest, "Really, just warms my soul."

"You're the one who told me that what people need is straight-talk, not pandering or delicate caresses." Gwen held up a finger and closed her eyes as she repeated John's words, "This isn't sex, this is therapy and we're here to get them fixing their problems instead of worrying about their feelings."

"Makes me sound heartless."

"A bit unemotional but not heartless." Gwen jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "Some of them need that because they've not had anyone be honest with them in years."

"I'd like to think so." John ran a hand through his hair. "So how do I not screw this up moving forward?"

"You asking for my opinion or for me to help you find your opinion?"

"How'd you make it work with your boyfriend?"

Gwen gave a little shrug, "We just learned together I guess. First ,we met when I was working my part-time job at Uni because he was in the department and I was one of the office assistants. He talked to his professors all the time so I was always having these half conversations with him in the office. Then, one day, he just asked me if I wanted to actually finish a conversation with him. So we went on a date and that turned into more dates which turned into us being together and then we moved in together. It just… I dunno, we both moved in that direction and we did it together because we wanted to be together."

"So…" Gwen took the file from her lap and stood, "The question is whether or not you and your dancer girlfriend want to move forward together."

"How do you just know that?"

"You don't, you have to actually have that as a conversation."

"Isn't that what kills relationships?"

"That's the lie everyone tells themselves so they can avoid hard things." Gwen pointed at John, walking backward toward the door. "You're the one who tells your clients that and you've got to follow your own advice."

"I hate that."

"Isn't that what makes doctors bad patients?"

John only waved her out, "Go on. My next appointment is here."

"I think you're the next appointment you've got." He pointed toward the waiting area and Gwen just shook her head. "Just talk to her about it. You'll feel freer after that."

"I'll keep that in mind."

John struggled to focus through the rest of the appointments but finished his day to hobble back to his flat. Managing his path toward his freezer, John wrestled two ice packs from the icy interior before maneuvering himself onto his sofa. Sinking into the cushions allowed him to raise his leg to the coffee table as he held the ice packs in his aching hands. The ice had his fingers flexing as he ground his teeth for a moment until his nerves relaxed under the numbness.

He breathed out as his neck sunk into the sofa. "Talk about it." His teeth clacked against one another. "Talk about it how? How do you tell someone how much you love them and want to move forward with them? I mean… She already knows that I love her but… What comes next? This isn't a John Hughes movie so I can't give her my letterman's jacket or anything. Do I ask her to keep the key I lent her? To share a car? What comes next?"

John resettled, resting his hands palms up to keep the ice off his trousers as it wet his hands, and closed his eyes. "What comes next?"

"You could invite me to live with you." John opened his eyes and banged his leg on the table as he flinched. Anna giggled, her hands pushing into the cushions around the indentation where John rested as he rubbed over his leg, and nodded at him. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"I'll live." John sighed, using one of the ice packs in his hand to press to his throbbing heel. "What are you-"

"Doing here?" Anna dangled the key. "You lent this to me so I could help you out and never asked for it back."

"Yeah just…" John shifted on the sofa as Anna rounded the edge and sat on the coffee table, running a hand over John's leg. "I've been a mess all day."

"Why?" Anna tried to laugh and smile but her face fell at what she saw on John's face. "What's wrong?"

"I…" John took a deep breath. "I had a long… ish, conversation with Gwen today about why I'm nervous about our relationship."

"Oh?" Anna leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees. "Were you worried about our relationship?"

"I think I was worried about me in our relationship." John leaned forward, "I know that we've already said how we feel about each other and that's not changed for me but I'm worried that I'll ruin it."

"You're worried that you'll ruin it?" Anna reached for one of John's hands but drew back when she closed over the ice pack in his hand. "That's cold."

"Sorry." John dumped both icepacks on the coffee table next to his still-propped leg. "My hands are a little sore."

"I understand." Anna took his damp hands, massaging them slowly. "But you were talking about why you think you're worried you'll ruin this."

"You are my first real relationship, my marriage included since… I'm sure you've read the article so you know all about that."

"I do." Anna dragged her thumbs in circles around John's palms. "But that doesn't scare me."

"It scares me because I don't know if I'm doing this right and…" John sighed, "I don't feel like I've shown you the love you've shown me and I don't know if I deserve what you've given me."

Anna scoffed, "After I didn't call you back for three years you're the one afraid of letting me down?"

"I wasn't the one who waited three days for someone else to wake up."

Her fingers paused on his hands, "That's what you do when you're in love with someone. In a way, without sounding creepy, it's also what keeps someone holding onto the slimmest of hopes that even after three years someone'll come back to you." Anna smiled at him, "You realize that it's been almost four-and-a-half years since we've met, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then," Anna rested his hands in her lap. "Know that I wouldn't still be here if I wasn't interested in continuing this."

"But you are interested, in continuing this?"

"Of course I am." Anna moved from the coffee table to the space on the sofa. Her hands still held his as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "You are, without doubt, the best man I've ever met."

"You don't dream about better men at night?"

"I couldn't." Anna slapped at his chest. "Because there aren't any."

"What if it spoils everything for you?" John shrugged, "Green's still skulking out there somewhere and I'm convinced he's not just going to walk away from what he believes is his, entitled prick that he is. Staying with me could ruin you."

"I doubt that but," Anna moved, pulling her leg up so she could sit on the edge of the sofa to face him. "The only ruin I'll ever recognize is to be without you."

John tried to smile but could only blink at the tears blurring his vision. "I don't… I don't know how to express how I feel about you."

"There are three words you could use." Anna paused, dragging her tongue over her lips. "Or, four. Two if you're feeling simple."

John frowned, "What words?"

"The three would be 'I love you', but you've said those to me before." Anna swallowed, bringing his flat key into her hands again. "The four could be, 'move in with me' or, the two, 'move in'."

"Those aren't particularly polite ways to say that, referring to your last two phrases." John wiped at his eyes, Anna's fingers smoothing over his face to chase any lingering tears of joy.

"Then say 'please' with it."

John swallowed, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay." He nodded, turning his hands in her grip to hold hers as he looked into her eyes. "Will you move in with me please?"

"That was seven words?"

"It was the right number." John grinned, "It's the number you'd get if you had six seasons and a movie."

Anna took his face in her hands to kiss him thoroughly before pulling back. "Yes. I'll move in with you."

John sighed, "Thank you."

"You never need thank me for doing anything."

"But I do."

"Then, to thank me," Anna stood, holding his hands. "You're still coming swimming with me."

John nodded. "Of course."


	14. Bionic Men with Titanium Dreams

John lowered himself gently into the water and let out a shaky breath. Anna swam over to him, smiling. "It's not even cold."

"It's nothing to do with temperature and all to do with familiarity." John edged himself away from the stairs and tried kicking with his right leg. "Been awhile since I used this thing."

"You'll get used to it." Anna kept pace with him, swimming slowly. "We all spent the first nine months of our lives swimming in fluid you know? I think it's why most people love water so much. It's a comfort thing, like the fetal position. Reminds us of the first time we felt truly safe."

"For some people it was the only time."

"Now, now," Anna wagged a finger at him, pushing toward deeper water. "We're trying to stay positive here."

"You forget," John attempted a slow stroke in the water, his leg underperforming as it tried to kick and move with any skill at all. "I work helping people address those frustrations on a daily basis."

"So do I, in my own way." Anna moved in front of him and took John's hands. "Now, I'm going to make you dance with me."

"Given how I've seen you move and the grand total of two times that we've danced in the past, I think you might be attempting the impossible."

"Just because our first exercise with this was the dancefloor shuffle and the second was an aborted waltz doesn't mean this won't be better."

"Past is prologue."

Anna put a finger over John's mouth. "I want you to forget all that and just relax. Just hold my hands and move with me as you follow my lead."

"That's it?" Anna nodded and John gave a little snort. "Why?"

"So you feel light and nothing'll restrict your movement."

"I thought you liked my movement restricted." John teased but moved as Anna directed, cutting smoothly through the water. "Allowed you to be in control."

"Our adventure in my car aside-"

"What about your bedroom?"

Anna bit at her lip, "That I want to do again."

"Not the car?"

"Maybe in a backseat… Or a bigger car." Anna shrugged slightly, "Bruised my knees a bit in the endeavor."

"But you enjoyed it?"

Anna stopped them, "I've never had any complaints in that regard, just so you can stroke your ego whenever I'm not there to stroke it for you."

"There are other things I prefer to stroke when you're not around."

"Focus on swimming." Anna swatted at his shoulder and led him around. "Honestly, Doctor, that kind of talk is beneath you."

"I stand corrected." John grinned, "But one day I'll make sure you're under me again and I look forward to that."

"Until then," Anna tried to chide him but noted the dart of his eyes to where her nipples perked up through her swimsuit. "Focus."

"You've my complete attention, Ms. Smith."

"Good." Anna led him through a series of moves, helping John's leg reacquaint itself with motion. "Sybil's done an incredible job with you."

"She's lovely and a brutal task master."

"The best nurses always are." Anna let a little smile quirk at the edges of her mouth. "She had me crying a few times, make no mistake."

"And that's who you recommended to me?"

"She's the best." Anna paused, "She's also Mary's sister."

John stopped in the water, "You entrusted me to Mary's sister?"

"I'm sure you can tell they're nothing alike."

"Good thing."

Anna frowned at him, "For as much as you blame Mary for what happened to me, I do hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her. I did and, in all technicality, it happened to me."

"You do realize that while it's easy to forgive slights against ourselves, it's almost impossible to forgive slights against people we love?"

They paused in the water, their legs kicking slowly to keep them in place. Anna put a hand to John's chest, holding herself closer to him, and gave him a sad smile. "She made a mistake. Yes, it had consequences that reached far and wide but it's in the past. I forgave her because she's my friend. If not for the fact she's the daughter of your friend, I'd like you to think about forgiving her because she's my friend. One of the best I've ever had."

"She's the best friend you've ever had?"

"Yes, because she didn't turn tail and run. She stayed with me through all that mess with Carlisle and Green. She was the one who got Sybil to put me back together after I was hit by a car and covered the costs of therapy." Anna took a breath, "If we're going to be living together, moving forward in this relationship, we've got to make peace with the parts of our lives we may not like."

"And the people too?"

"I'm sure you've got some smarmy and slimy individuals in a closet you'll have to pull out when you're in black tie for something you need a date to."

"Douchenozzles aren't the same as your best friend."

"True, but I think it would behoove your professional career if I didn't kick one of them in the nuts at some cocktail party."

John laughed, his voice echoing around the swimming hall. "You're not wrong. Although I probably wouldn't give you the chance."

"You wouldn't?"

"You need your ankles and feet to dance." John held up a hand, "I don't need this to do my job so I could risk breaking my hand trying to break a nose or a jaw if they dare insult you."

"You're going to be my caveman?"

"No, that's disgusting." John shrugged, "But I will defend you. I believe in respecting women. And while, in some situations, that means I'd hand you a cricket bat so you could bash the shit out of someone, that also means I'd bash the shit out of someone for you."

"That's oddly romantic."

"Thank you." John mocked a bow as they started moving in the water again. "Even if we're moving forward with our relationship, and moving in together, I… I don't want you to ever feel like I own you. You're not mine."

"I am yours, John." Anna held his face in her hands. "I think I've always been yours and I'd like to always be yours."

"I want that to always be on your terms."

"What about your terms?"

"I read, in a book once, that relationships are supposed to be about healthy give-and-take." John took Anna's hands from his shoulders to kiss first one and then the other. "That, to me, means that since I proposed we move in together, the next step is yours. The ball's in your court."

"I already said yes."

"Then I've only one request about it all," John cringed, "Please don't be mad that I'll basically be watching the moving process."

"You'll be director of this enterprise." Lights flickered in the corridor outside the pool and Anna sighed, "I guess that's our cue."

"I thought you said we had access to this place as long as we like."

"But the custodial staff have their obligations." Anna took John's hand, pulling him through the water toward the stairs and retrieving his crutches for him as he hopped up the stairs. They toweled off his arms and hands before John carefully maneuvered them back to the locker rooms. "Probably want to get home to their families and lives."

"More than likely." John trailed Anna into one of the showers as she gathered their things from the lockers. "How'd you know about this place?"

"I told you I've got a friend on the diving team who said we could use it."

"You've got an awful lot of friends."

"I'm a lovely person to know." Anna winked at him, "But actually it's one of our choreographers. He's the one who worked with us to get the SCUBA certifications and the gig with the manatees."

"What's he doing as a choreographer then?"

"Everyone needs a hobby I guess. And he says he gets bored spending all day telling people how to perfect another of a dozen different ways to tuck your body so a judge can't dock a tenth of a point for splashing."

"It's why I think watching something like the Olympics gives everyone a warped idea about what realistic sportsmanship is."

"Your little cricket team's pretty good."

"I'm not trying to have them play for England." John slipped from his crutches and sat on the bench in the large shower stall. "They just needed someone to give them something to do that wasn't vandalism or drugs."

"And you don't think that's significant?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then," Anna leaned over him, her fingers slipping under the elastic band of his swim trunks to ease them off his legs. "What are you saying?"

"Just that we forget how hard people work for things. How long they've trained and how much they've sacrificed." John swallowed as Anna went to her knees to work the trunks off his ankles. "What it means to them."

"Well, for right now," Anna gently pushed his legs apart, careful of his thinner and paler leg. "Let me show you what you mean to me, please?"

"Ball's in your court."

Anna only grinned and leaned forward to kiss the skin over John's heart. Her fingers pushed through the wet hair on his chest, changing the grain of it as she smoothed over him in time with the kisses she pressed closer and closer to his abdomen. Her hands outpaced her lips to run down his legs and the delicate tickle of her touch over his scars distracted John long enough that he surprised himself with the volume of his voice echoing off the shower walls when he cried out as Anna's mouth closed over him.

Her tongue and teeth moved carefully, matching the tempo of her touches on his skin as John's fingers delved through her hair. The pool water left it wet and stringy, hanging down her back in chaotic rivulets his fingers tried to separate to leave the water-darkened strands hanging more evenly down her back. But his fingers could only grip at the back of her scalp for a second as Anna dragged her mouth along him for a particularly thorough suck of his skin.

"Anna…" He almost whimpered and Anna drew back, leaving a final sucking kiss at the tip. "If you don't…"

"I think I understand." Anna worked her swimsuit off her body with as much grace as one can manage in such a situation. It did not matter to John as he watched her saunter over to him and carefully straddle his legs on the bench.

"You'll get bruises, like the car."

"Maybe." Anna only shrugged slightly as she adjusted to slip John between her folds and run along his length. The water from the pool created friction with their moisture deprived skin but Anna slid forward to seat John barely inside her. "Some things are worth the possibility of pain you know."

"Yes." John could only breathe as he bucked his hips to sink even a fraction deeper into her. "Could you join us please?"

"I can." Anna readjusted and seated John fully inside her as her arms wrapped his shoulders to hold them close together. "Better?"

"Much." John's hands could not stop smoothing between her shoulders and back, edging down as far as her ass to urge her to move into a rhythm. She lifted up, turning them on the bench so John straddled it and she straddled him, and John groaned out when he seated even deeper inside her.

Anna's nails scored over his shoulders, gently caressing his skin when she drew back before digging divots into his muscles when their bodies thudded together to send John to the end of her. John tried to satisfy himself with kissing over her neck and shoulders as his hands found permanent hold at her ass, molding the flesh as they moved together. But soon the tickle of her nipples brushing his chest was too much and he held tighter to her ass to keep their hips together as his head forced their chests apart. Whatever surprise Anna might have had quickly turned to cries and whimpers of ecstasy echoed in the clawing of her nails into his scalp when his lips closed over her breasts.

His limitations in movement was the farthest from his mind as John continued to move. Without the leverage he needed, it was up to Anna to keep the rhythm to her desires and John could only follow her. Moving for himself, however, John encouraged Anna faster and deeper and harder with harder sucks on her breasts, nips of her skin, and the trail of kisses he used to trace the barest hint of the swimsuit line still hinting toward red.

The huffing of her breath on his skin and the replacement of the chlorinated water with sweat signaled their bodies exertions were ready for fruition. John left bruises on Anna's ass and hips to match those reddening on his shoulders and scalp as he put his good leg to floor to attempt the leverage he needed to bring Anna out of herself. Abandoning her breasts to take her lips in a furious kiss she matched by tangling with his tongue, John snaked a hand between them to brush over her clit.

Anna flexed around him, clinging so tightly it threatened to stop John's thrusts. But he pushed through, grunting into her skin to match the rising pitch of her moans, and rubbed harder with his fingers until she writhed and shattered around him. The twitch and quiver of her muscles as they undulated through her finish encouraged John to follow her.

Their bodies slowed, the gently thump of their final shuddering motions completing the expenditure of energy, and John kissed at Anna's cheeks and forehead and finally her lips when her hands firmed on his cheeks. She dragged at his lips, pulling back to smile at him. "You never need worry about satisfying me, Doctor. Ten out of ten, would recommend."

"I almost feel like a male escort now."

"Well," Anna eased back, careful of his leg, and encouraged John to shift so she could turn on the showerhead. "Then I'll take a turn playing nurse if we're going to entertain thoughts of alternative occupations."

"If you were my nurse we'd both be up in front of the ethics board within a week." John shook his head, shivering as a blast of cold water hit him before the pipes grumbled to warm the water to tepid. "University showers."

"They suck." Anna agreed and hurried to soap herself down. "But come on, the quicker we're finished, the sooner we get warm again."

"Is that an invitation Ms. Smith?"

"Just get yourself not smelling like a pool, please?"

"As you wish."

Getting rid of Anna's flat turned into a blessing in disguise as they put it on the market. With John still moving on crutches he took the obligation, in the afternoons after he finished at the lot with the kids, of packing the boxes according to detailed instructions Anna left him. Or texted or emailed or left in rambling messages that always had John smiling. Each box turned into a three-dimensional Tetris exercise that sometimes left John so frustrated he popped a line of bubble wrap he then had to replace. But other times he sealed the boxes with a satisfied grin that had him writing his nicest on the boxes to specify the exact contents.

But Sybil, when she heard about the flat from John in an attempt to distract him from a run on the difficult course she now used PVC pipe to create, volunteered to take over the lease. John paused for breath and raised an eyebrow at her through the twisting bends of the multi-colored pipe. "You need a flat?"

"I'm… Okay, this is going to sound so embarrassing but I'm still living with my parents. It's cheaper than trying to get my own place but since I want a more… active social life I need to get out."

"Yeah, I can't see Robert overly excited about you coming home in the small hours." John worked a corner and almost lost his balance but recovered by jamming the end of his crutch into the floor to pivot off the rubber. "Or his frustration at realizing his baby-girl isn't a baby anymore and happens to want a more active social agenda."

"Try explaining that you are an adult and that getting a little buzzed or having a one-night stand is fine as long as you consented and were safe?"

John lost his balance then and toppled into the PVC pipe. Sybil helped him up, ducking and jumping through her self-made hoops to get him untangled from the mangled mess of her creation. She cringed at the sight of John and immediately inspected his leg.

"I landed on the other one." John assured her, resetting his grip on the crutches to get himself upright. "And about like that, I'd imagine."

"What is it with men and realizing that women what to be sexually liberated? Is it so wrong to want to experiment?"

"It's more about Robert still seeing you as a seven-year-old in pigtails sitting across from him at the table." John reasoned, breathing out as he tried to ignore the twinges of pain still echoing through him. "For me it's… I dunno, I don't like hearing too much about other people's sex lives."

"That wasn't even detailed John."

"Still…" John cringed, "I'm not one for PDA."

"Not surprised." Sybil immediately stood straighter, drawing her shoulders back. "Mr. Buttoned-Up, that's what you are."

"You make me sound like no fun."

"No, just… A victim of your time?"

"Not much better." John sighed and nodded toward the end of the course. "I make it there and then we call it a day?"

"Be my guest."

John got to the end of the course and almost collapsed onto the padded bench at the end. Sybil took his pulse and vitals before scampering off for a moment. When she returned, to see John holding a cold bag over his knee, she held a package in her hands. "For your good work."

"I do hope that's a nice Scotch."

"I'm not drinking with you so, no, it's not." Sybil handed it over and then took over manipulating the cold bag over his knee. "You ice at home?"

"With that little formula you gave me." John nodded, opening the wrapping paper carefully. "Salt, alcohol, and water. Keeps it cold but also lets me reset it so it doesn't just sit like a block on my knee."

"How about your hands?" Sybil inspected one and then the other, forcing John to juggle the half-unwrapped package. "It's been a week so how's the pain?"

"Still sore. The callouses rub differently and so my muscles aren't as used to it as I like." John winced, "Makes it hard to hold a pen sometimes."

"I get that." Sybil tapped his shoulder, "But these are coming along nicely."

"I'm still workout out as I can." John shrugged, "You said that trying to get a bit more fit would take the pressure off my knee for recovery."

"I didn't think you were listening."

"I take this very seriously."

Sybil snorted, checking his knee and pulling his leg into stretches as John finally exposed the box. "To better satisfy your dancer friend?"

"You know her name, why do you call her that?"

"Makes it a little less awkward when I run into her at family functions and I don't have to immediately have the image of her and you in a bed together." Sybil shuddered, "Shouldn't've said that. Now I'll never get it out of my head."

"It's not always a bed."

"John!" Sybil tried to swat at him but John held up the box in defense. She took it from him. "Your permanent brace."

"I thought I wasn't getting it yet."

"You're doing better than you think you are and I want you practicing at home with only this."

"You mean since my knee's not even really mine anymore?"

"Still a part of your body now." Sybil demonstrated how to apply the brace and fitted it. "How's it feel?"

"Like it's trying to correct a limp."

"It's not that ghastly." Sybil stood, offering her hands to get John to his feet. "Do a quick walk from here to the end of the course and beck. Tell me how it feels."

John finished in time to see Anna coming into the gymnasium. She smiled at him, holding up two thumbs as John returned to the bench and allowed Sybil to do a final check. "I thought Robert was getting me today."

"I finished early." Anna shrugged and patted Sybil's shoulder, "How are you?"

"Doing well." Sybil twisted to look up at Anna. "I hear you're getting rid of your flat and you need a tenant."

"You volunteering?"

"I need a place to take men so I stop having to battle over the general mess that is a man's flat." Sybil stood, "And a place my parents won't give me the third degree over my evening activities."

"Then it's all yours for the low cost of helping me move boxes on Saturday." Anna winked at John, "I've already got it all packed up thanks to a professional."

"Then I'll get Mary and my dad to help." Sybil nodded at them, "See you both Saturday then."

John waited for Sybil to leave before showing Anna his brace. "What do you think? It's new."

"Very dashing." Anna made a show of inspecting it as John packed up his bag before working the strap over his shoulder. "You're almost a full robot."

"You've been talking to Jerome."

"He's interested in seeing how much of a robot you are." Anna paused, waiting for John to get settled in his crutches and then keep pace with her as they left the building. "He also volunteered to help on Saturday."

"How does he even know about Saturday?"

"Because I told him when he asked how our relationship was going." Anna opened the car door for John. "Honestly, I can't tell if he's curious because he's worried you'll abandon them for me or because he's happy for you and I. It's confusing and I don't know if I can figure it out."

"I try not to delve too deeply into the psychology of teenagers." John settled in his seat, "They've too difficult. Adults are easier."

"Probably because no one helped them work through their drama and trauma as teenagers."

"That's not fair."

Anna only stuck her tongue out at him.

But Saturday rolled around and John woke on the sofa at Anna's flat. She slept in the chair, her bed already sold to a neighbor a floor below. He moved carefully toward her kitchen to get breakfast going with the leftovers and remains in her fridge before washing the last of the dishes just as Anna's eyes fluttered open.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting us energy before we're moving today."

"You're not lifting and carrying any boxes, I'll remind you." Anna sat up, folding their blankets into the last of the open boxes before changing her clothes out of a suitcase open on the coffee table. "I'm not having you break yourself or any of my stuff in this attempt."

"I'm just doing what I can now." John dried the dishes and tucked them into a box at his side before taping it closed. He tossed the tape to Anna for her to finish her box before zipping up her suitcase. "Good thing Sybil needed a furnished flat."

"She's in for a surprise when I tell her that the entire collection of my furniture is hand-me-down. Some from less reputable sources."

"We can honestly tell her that the only place we've had sex in your flat was your bedroom and that bed's already gone so…" John shrugged and nodded toward the smorgasbord of breakfast. "If you're hungry."

"Very." Anna nodded and took their plates to the sofa as John worked his way through the maze of boxes to join her. "It's almost like that feeling before you fly. That gut-deep anticipation."

"You're only moving across town."

"Oh I'm definitely leveling up, in terms of living conditions." Anna dug into the food. "It's just…"

"You're nervous?" Anna nodded and John covered one of her hands with his. "Me too. Despite everything, it's a bit terrifying."

"It's a big step forward."

"At least we're doing it together."

Anna grinned, "Most definitely."

Within an hour a man with an Irish accent knocked at their door. John stared in confusion at him until Anna introduced him as the truck driver… and her company's choreographer. "Meet Tom Branson, genius extraordinaire."

"So you're the bloke she'll leave me for when she realizes I've got no creativity to my name?" John shook Branson's hand as the other man laughed.

"No. Anna, for as lovely as she is, isn't my type." Branson shrugged and inspected the flat. "What's first?"

Before they could answer, a troop of kids entered the corridor and John pointed at them. "Mr. Branson, meet my company."

Introductions exchanged, Anna took charge of guiding the moving of the boxes from her flat to the truck. They waited in turns at the lift, with John taking the first one down to organize the interior of the truck. And with the kids all working as hard as they could, the truck was almost full by the time Sybil, Mary, and Robert all drove to the curb. So they just turned their car toward John's building as he and the kids got the rest of Anna's things from her flat.

John dismissed the kids, paying each one just enough for the promised ice creams- for them and for someone else- before they scampered away. He gave Branson the directions to his flat, even handing over Anna's spare key so he could get the help on the other end into the flat, and went to retrieve Anna. There she stood, in the doorway of her flat with her arms around her waist as she gazed at the eerily empty space.

Anna jumped slightly when John put his hands on her shoulders. "You alright? Do you need another minute?"

"It's just weird." Anna shrugged, leaning into him as her hand found his. "You think about what brought you to a place and then what pulls you from a place."

"Good things, in this case."

Anna turned in his hold, kissing him soundly. "The greatest of things."

They took Anna's car to John's flat, parking it in the other space set aside for his number in the building, and then the lifts to his floor. There they entered on a red-faced Robert. But instead of the red blush of exertion he bore the frustrated expression of barely-contained irritation at the sight of Sybil and Branson flirting with one another as they carried loads of Anna's boxes into John's flat. Mary was on the inside, directing the orientation of the boxes but gave over to John as Anna separated to help bring more of the boxes up.

With the flat empty of the others, John put a hand to Mary's shoulder to stop her joining them. "Anna thinks I should give you an apology."

"For?"

John let out a breath, "She's forgiven you for what happened. And it didn't happen to me. For as much as I care about Anna, which is quite a bit, it's her decision about how she feels about what happened. It's her life and, for what it's worth, I'd like to bury the hatchet."

Mary eyed him and lowered her voice as Robert huffed and puffed another box into the flat. "I'll take your apology, John, if you'll take mine. What happened to Anna… All of it… You've no idea how that still weighs on me."

"I think I might because I've made some mistakes in my life I wish I could take back and correct." John extended his hand to her, "I'm not saying we'll be friends but I'd like to think we could rely on one another."

"I'd like that too." Mary shook his hand. "To new beginnings, I think."

"Absolutely."

"You both want to stop dithering and help with the rest of these boxes?"

Mary jumped at her father's voice and joined him in the corridor to help bring the rest of the boxes up as John dug for a box cutter and started organizing Anna's things in the kitchen.

By late afternoon they were done. Mary forced Robert home when Sybil jumped at Branson's offer to drive her back to her new flat- taking Anna's keys- before taking her home. Anna volunteered for the shower first, taking her suitcases of clothes and personal accouterments as John finished the kitchen and moved to the sitting room. And by the time he had the last of her books alphabetized between his and the stack of dissembled boxes collected at the front door, Anna came from the shower.

"Your turn."

"You'll be surprised but," John sniffed at himself, "I'm still fresh as a rose."

"You slept on my sofa last night and got through half my boxes." Anna shook her head, "You'll feel better after a shower and, while you're in there, I'll order us some food."

"But I've got the kitchen all set up." John feigned a pout but accepted Anna's gentle push toward the bathroom.

"If you say you really want to cook after today, I'll call bullshit on that."

True to her promise, when John finished with his shower and joined Anna on the sofa, their takeaway laid out over his coffee table. They shared the food and debated over which streaming service before finally giving up at finding something they both felt like watching. Instead they tucked the leftovers into the fridge so John could back Anna into the counter.

"Would you like me to propose an activity for the first night in _our_ flat?"

Anna grinned, "I do hope you're about to suggest something very inappropriate for children."

"It's used for having children."

"Then I accept your offer."

They giggled and wrestled with one another to John's room. For the brief moment he acknowledge it, John noted how appropriate it felt to have Anna's things there. Her clothes next to his in the closet or her drawers bearing the signs of use and wear already. The room already felt lighter with her presence.

But Anna pulled his attention away from how she added to the general atmosphere to bring their world closer. Their clothes pulled aside, his crutches leaned against the wall, and John laying back on the bed as Anna crawled over him put it all into perspective. A perspective that had John stopping Anna from shifting forward toward where he already stood proudly ready for her.

"What?" She gave a smile but John urged her forward. Her hands wrapped around the top of the headboard as she adjusted to John's guidance so her knees were on either side of his head. "John?"

"If you want me to stop, just tell me."

Anna made no such request. John's mouth on her clit signaled a whine from her. His tongue running back and forth over her folds left her shuddering above him. She writhed when John's fingers entered her and he sucked her clit hard. And when he wrapped his tongue and lips over her folds while crooking his fingers inside her, Anna screeched her pleasure at him.

John continued, each taste of her only encouraging him to seek for more. She clung to his fingers, the flex of her vaginal walls threatening to cut off circulation to his fingers but John did not care. All that mattered was Anna above him and when he used his tongue and teeth to nip around her clit again, he knew she was close. A final, hard suck there while his fingers pressed deeper inside her did it. She fell over the edge and her knees tightened around his head. But all John could do was stare up at the unadulterated pleasure on Anna's face.

She slumped slightly, leaning back over him as John stroked smoothly to bring her down from the high. Anna slid down his body and John shifted on the mattress to prepare for her to ride him. Her maneuver, however, surprised him as she turned to her back to John and sheathed him in a single stroke.

The change in positions had John groaning and digging his fingers into her hips. Anna gyrated over him and John tried to match the buck of her hips as she used the springs of the mattress to bounce her motions. But all John could do was surrender to her enticements… until he realized another option. With a scoot and a surprised yelp from Anna, John wrapped an arm around her waist and skidded them to the end of the bed.

Touching his feet to the floor, putting more weight on his good leg, John kept Anna close with the arm around her waist. He peeked down, forcing himself to take a deep breath at the wet sheen she left on him as he took in the sight of her spread around him. Her fingers tilted his chin to bring their eyes together and John took Anna in a kiss as they started to move again.

The angle, the position, and Anna's obvious interest was enough to speed John's motions. He listened carefully to his body, adjusting his positions when he got the barest hint of a twinge from his leg. Despite the worries, however, his body cooperated and he used his fingers at Anna's center to give her another climax. A climax that allowed his own so they slumped back onto the mattress together.

She giggled against him, dragging them back to the pillows before turning on her side so John could put a pillow between his legs to prop his right leg over his left. "Where'd that come from?"

"Which part?"

"Either."

"You're the one who wanted to show me your back." John reached around her to drag a finger down it. "With that view of your ass how could I not try and bring you over again?"

"I'll take it." Anna gave him a little smile, giggling a bit nervously. "We've done it, you know?"

"Done what?"

"Moved forward, together." Anna interlaced their fingers. "Next step… who knows. But we've got this far."

"And we'll get to the next step together too." John tipped forward to kiss her. "Best get some sleep. We've got a lot of unpacking to do tomorrow."

"Spoilsport."

"I didn't say we had to sleep yet."

Anna giggled into another kiss.


	15. Tribes of the World Breathe as One

Moving his hand over the head of the cane. "It'll wear another set of callouses into my hand."

"But it'll just be one hand instead of two." Sybil pointed at the course. "Ready for another go?"

"Taskmaster."

"Therapist." Sybil snorted, "Shouldn't you know how that tastes?"

"Ha, ha." John started the route, back to the colored cones. "How goes it with Branson anyway?"

He caught the blush of red over Sybil's cheeks. "It's fine."

"Just fine?"

"I thought you didn't want details."

"Enough said then." John let out a breath and set himself to the course. "Where do you come up with these anyway?"

"My sister's an interior designer and she gives me prospective floor plans her clients discard." Sybil shadowed his motions, her arms crossed over her chest. "Keeps me busy and I find it works better than winding cones set-ups that my colleagues prefer."

"I sense a hint of professional disagreement."

"We're usually referred by our clients. We get more clients based on those we've had before and there are…" Sybil shook her head, "It's not really important but there are those more than a little butt-hurt because I get more referrals."

"Perhaps they should step up their game." John shrugged, flexing his fingers around the head of his cane to try and find a more comfortable grip. "Does this get more comfortable?"

"Which part?"

"This." John held up the cane. "Because it's got this grip and it's supposed to fit around my fingers but it's not comfortable."

"Are you whinging about your cane?"

"I'm not whinging."

Sybil gave a laugh, "In the words of one of the most underutilized characters slain in the act of fan service, 'You're lips are moving and you're complaining about something. That's called whinging' and I agree with him."

"You've no sympathy, you know that yes?"

"I'm about to Sandor Clegane you and hope you'll make it through this course without trying to give another complaint."

"I don't need to try to complaint."

"You're worse than my father."

"I can't see that being remotely true." John worked himself to the end of the course and sat down to take the cane from his grip and examine his reddening hand. "This is normal, yes?"

"Get yourself some tiger balm or something." Sybil pulled his other wrist into her grip and checked her watch. "Your pulse is good, just so you know."

"I wasn't worried about my heart."

"Your hand'll be fine. Our human bodies are so durable."

"At my age the warranty's starting to fail."

"Boo hoo." Sybil dropped his wrist, "Just make sure you're getting all your steps in and, if your knee starts to act up, get it iced and raised. I don't want to have to start this whole thing over again. I lost enough cones to your wheelchair the first time and I've not got the money to replace them."

"Do I strike you as the type who'd ruin what I've got?" John patted his knee brace. "I've got kids to keep up with."

"Not your kids." Sybil pointed at the course. "Let's run it again."

"I'll be late."

"Then walk it faster than my grandmother does with her cane." Sybil clapped her hands together, "Chop, chop, quick march let's go."

"Did you ever think about joining the Army?"

"Waah, waah."

John finished the course, shaking out his hand at the end of it, but got himself out to his car. Sitting in his own driver's seat held the familiarity of picking up a toy from childhood, where all the memories triggered and muscle memory responded normally but the mind tried to trench itself away from it all. His hands closed over the wheel, the fingers of his right hand twinging for a second, and he drove away.

The parking spaces near the dance studio, however, were few and far between. Colors, styles, and makes of cars clashed and yet formed a fitting mosaic to match the cacophony of sounds echoing from inside the building as children's dance classes, parents issuing their litany of 'final warnings' to their less obedient children, and the steady thud of overlapping beats. John smiled to himself as he handled his cane to get himself into the building, dodging sprinting toddlers chased by beleaguered parents on their last legs for the day.

Nodding to the girl at the front desk, John turned down the corridor to follow the familiar tones of his brood. A slip of glass on the side of the door away from where they all practiced allowed John to spy on them as they danced. Anna stood at the front of the class, clapping her hands in a steady beat as she counted aloud. Most of the kids moved in perfect synchronicity with her motions and sounds so their bodies shifted and rolled as one. Others of them failed to stay on beat and gave their own grunts of frustration until Anna paused her clapping.

"Let's take five yeah?"

The kids split, some of them still grumbling while others continued to practice with one another. John took it as a cue to slip into the room, sitting on the bench to remove his shoes before he walked-slid over the floor to where Anna frowned at her phone screen. His quick kiss to her cheek went unnoticed by the room and she only shivered slightly before speaking.

"I was about to call you."

"I thought you were picking a new song for them." John nodded at Anna's phone, noting the music options before she darkened the screen. "Although I don't mind if you decide to call me 'Big Daddy Easy' or anything."

Anna bit at her lip, "So many ways I could go with that and yet…"

John grinned and dipped down to kiss her again, this one noted by the group to an incessant chorus of catcalling. He waved them off before turning back to Anna. "How are they doing?"

"They've got a good grasp of contemporary dance but some of the beats aren't landing for all of them." Anna shrugged and folded her arms over her chest. "It just takes practice."

"What've you got them doing?"

"It's a mix." Anna pointed at Jerome and John noted how the boy demonstrated the popping and locking motions he moon-walked in John's hospital room a lifetime ago. "Jerome's helping me put it all together so it mixes contemporary, hip-hop, ballroom, and some of the tribal dances we'll be doing in our 'Around the World' production next year."

"And he's helping you with that?"

Anna nodded, "He's skilled." She lowered her voice and John brought his head down to put his ear to her mouth. "I want to get him a scholarship to a dance school. A place I think he could use his innate talents."

"He's already got an ear for music."

"Exactly my point." Anna wagged her finger, "He needs an education that fits his skills. I'd hate to see them wasted until he gets to Uni."

"There are opportunities at Uni."

"Yes, but someone with his skill should be augmenting his level to compete at that level then, not playing catch-up."

John stuck his hands in his pockets, "What do you want to do about it?"

"I want him to come here, first of all. Then I want him teaching some of the younger student classes with me. It'll perfect his form and give him the teaching experience he needs. More to the point, we've got guest lecturers and dancers in here all the time. If he's exposed to that then…"

"Ask him about it. Jerome's not shy about telling you what he thinks."

"I-" Anna stopped herself as Jerome jogged over. "What's up?"

"I think we could use a change at the bridge. Something a little more… Transitional. Can I show you what I mean?"

John grinned as he watched Jerome demonstrate what he meant. Anna copied the motion within a second and they worked it over together before going back a few steps to see how it would fit into the suggested segment. It was like watching a painting in motion as the two people of equal height of diametrically opposite in every appearance move in perfect synch with one another. All of John's skills, in that moment, were used to keep his jaw shut as he watched the beauty of their movements before his eyes.

The dance lesson went for another hour, John leaving and coming back to pass out snacks and drinks as the kids wended their way home in twos and threes. Jerome was the last to leave, escorting two of the youngest kids, and bid Anna and John goodnight so they were alone in the room. Passing over one of the remaining snacks, John gave a little laugh.

"It's like being a parent, isn't it?"

"Not quite but close." Anna opened the bag, "You're good with them."

"Not as good as you and Jerome."

"That's different. That's getting on someone's level in one thing. You…" Anna gave a sigh, speaking through the crisps. "You are there for them. They trust you and you love them. It's beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you dancing." John whistled, "It was…"

"Was what?" Anna paused, a crisp in her fingers.

"Like that painting, of the ballerinas. Art in motion. Or like watching a painter try something, change their mind, and then perfect their stroke until they got exactly what they wanted from the painting." John winced and sat down, stretching out his leg. "It was grace in motion. Elegance and eloquence and…"

"Another adjective that starts with 'E'?"

"If I can find one it's yours." John dug his palm into his leg.

"You alright?"

"Just the first day with my weight on my leg and…" John gave a little sigh, "It's not exactly easy, is it?"

"Like re-learning how to ride a bike." Anna gathered her things, dropping the crisp bag into the rubbish before extending John a hand. "Let's go home yeah?"

"I know it's been a few weeks," John waited for Anna's free hand to weave through the crook in his arm before they walked in step outside, "But I still think that's the loveliest sound."

"What?"

"You saying 'home' and referring to me when you say it."

"Softie." Anna shoved at John with her shoulder and he barely budged. "You can't honestly tell me you've never had this kind of elation before."

"It was different then." John nudged back at Anna before he separated to unlock the car. "I told you, and you've read the article, we were young and passionate and more than a little stupid and we weren't ever really in love."

"I seem to remember that the phrase you gave Mr. Carlisle in the article was 'sex-crazed lust' but I'll try not to judge you too harsh for that." Anna slid into her seat, reluctantly relinquishing her hold on the bag John insisted on tucking into the boot for her as he rounded the car.

"Thank you for not judging me for that." John shuddered as he settled into his seat, his cane tucking between it and the door. "It was one of those things where you enjoy the high and you never want to come down."

"Last time I did that it was an aerobic dance troupe on the other side of London who uses wire work on the sides of buildings." Anna rubbed at her abdomen. "My sides hurt just thinking about it."

"This was… a different kind of aerobic."

"I'll say." Anna dragged her tongue over her teeth and John coughed before attempting to put the car into gear. "I've seen what you can do, aerobically speaking, and I've never been disappointed."

"I'll keep that in mind." John shook himself to focus on the road. "We were both Irish in London, I looked good in my Army uniform, and she was witty. Never let it be said that my ex-wife didn't know how to put together a zinger."

"I doubt your marriage dissolved because of a few ill-timed jokes."

"It dissolved because I fell into genetic alcoholism and we got meaner the more we drank together because I think we both realized that we weren't actually any fun with one another if we let ourselves be sober." John fingered the chip dangling from his keyring. "It's why I'm proud of this. Took me years to drag myself out of that hole and get on the road to recovery."

"But I've seen you drink since." Anna wagged a finger at him, "You had Scotch with me and we've had a nice glass of bubbly on occasion. Or wine, with dinner."

"That's social drinking and I never drink more than the lightest weight in the room, to keep myself focused." John shrugged, pulling to a stop at the light. "Drinking, before, was mostly an escape. Now I drink socially because it's more awkward to try to explain why I'd say no to the offer."

"I think people would be inspired by that."

"But I don't want to splatter my life story about it, because there are always questions and I hate answering them."

Anna frowned, "Now that you mention it, you never did talk about your drinking in that article you helped Carlisle write."

"It's not something I want anyone to know."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"I was never black-out drunk. Just drunk enough to dull the senses which, as anyone who considers themselves an expert in moderation or tolerance will tell you, meant that the longer it went on, the longer it took me to get to that point."

"At which time you were an alcoholic?" John nodded and Anna sighed into her seat, "I hope you don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way."

"My lack of honesty's changed your opinion of me?"

"Not one bit." Anna turned to him, her hand covering his on the wheel. "There's nothing you could say to me that would change how I feel about you or what I think about you. Not one bit."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Okay, if I found out you were some kind of psycho, sure, but that's outliers. I'm talking about everyday human frailty, of which we're all guilty in no small part." Anna's thumb bumped over his knuckles as they drove. "But something like this, that's not going to change anything."

"Then what were you about to say that I might take the wrong way?"

"Just that I think I've more respect for you now than I did when I got into this car this evening."

"Me telling you that I used to be a raging alcoholic increased your respect for me?" John gave a little laugh, managing a turn to get them to his building. "Makes me wish I'd told you ages ago."

"It's not like that." Anna took her hand back, "It's… we've reached a point in our relationship where we can be vulnerable. You've told me something that you've not told anyone because you don't like where it leads. Despite your reservations you told me anyway. That's no small thing."

"Is this going to be a tit-for-tat type thing?" John maneuvered into the parking space, the front of his car aiming toward the exit as he parked defensively. "Now you're going to confess a dark secret?"

"You're assuming I have one."

"Everyone's got something they keep to themselves." John turned off the car but did not move from his seat. "The Japanese believe that we all wear three masks. The first is the one you show to the world. The face that everyone believes they know. The second is the face you show to your friends and family. The deeper side of yourself that people who say they know you talk about."

"And the third?"

"That one, they say, you never show to anyone because it's the truest reflection of yourself. It is who you are." John chewed on his bottom lip, "I think about that sometimes and realize that I'm afraid that I wouldn't even know myself under all those masks. That I've no idea who I am."

"What do you mean?"

"I define myself by my relationship with things." John ticked on his fingers, "I'm a psychologist and I work as a psychiatrist but those are what I do. I'm a friend, a son, a mentor… even though I detest that word, a coach, and a boyfriend but those are all things I am to other people. I don't know what I am to myself."

"Is it such a bad thing to define yourself based on any of those things?" Anna shrugged in her seat, "They represent very big accomplishments. The years of schooling you endured, the efforts you go to for those kids, the way you love me. To any of us, those aren't nothing."

"I didn't mean to imply they were." John let his chest drop with his exhale. "It's just… If all those things were stripped away and I was left with nothing else. No one and nothing, who would I be?"

Anna did not respond immediately but she took a deep breath before she did. "I think we don't need to answer that question."

"Why not?"

"Because for as much as philosophers and climate change nuts like to think that one day we'll have wiped ourselves out and be left as the only survivors on a meteoric rock, I think we'll always be defined in relation to something. Be that something God or man or animal or mineral or a modern major general."

"Now you're making fun."

"Am not." Anna reached over to take his hands. "Whatever your third face is, John, it's not going to be the Phantom of the Opera mask. This isn't like watching Gerard Butler reveal he experienced an allergic reaction to fish. It'll be a bit of a surprise but not a shock."

"Not a shock?"

"Of course not." Anna grinned, "The surprise'll be how well you actually know the face under there."

"You seem very sure."

"I've no reason not to be." Her fingers stroked over his, "I like the face I've seen and I consider myself an expert on the second face of John Bates."

"You do see me in the morning before I get all gussied up for work."

"I'd like you to get a little more gussied up for me." Anna shrugged, "But seeing as you get me in leggings or track bottoms or overlarge sweatshirts more often than not, I guess these professional button-downs and your perfectly creased trousers aren't really anything about which to complain."

John brought her hands to his lips, kissing over them before freeing his own. "I happen to like the Anna I see every day, thank you very much."

"But don't you wish we had an excuse to get all fancy, like the night we met, and have a night on the town?"

"Now that you mention it," John purposefully pushed his door open and delayed the conversation by rounding the car to retrieve her bag from the boot before he came to her door. He opened it slowly and noted Anna's narrowed eyes. "There is a chance for us to get dressed to the nines and put on our dancing shoes, if you're willing to dance at my speed."

"I'd dance whatever speed I needed to so I could keep dancing with you." Anna pulled herself close to him, "What's the offer?"

"There's a function next week. Fundraiser for the hospital where I do some work and Robert's planning on doing some hand-shaking for money so Dr. Hughes's clinic can keep running so he wants me along." John paused, "Feel like getting all fancy for something like that?"

"I do." Anna threaded her hand through his left arm as John took control of his cane with his right. "A fundraiser is no mean feat you know."

"Having attended a few I can honestly say I hate them all."

"Maybe you just needed some decent company." Anna stretched forward to get the button for the lift. "I could be that company you know."

"I intend on you being that company." John led them into the lift and leaned on the wall as the door closed. "Any plans for the evening?"

"Other than a shower and something more substantial than crisps, not really." Anna hugged herself closer to John's arm, "Why, got something in mind?"

"Just planning on getting my feet up." John covered her hand on his arm. "And spend time with you."

"Aw," Anna leaned her head on his shoulder… or what part of it she could reach. "This is why we never have to go out to dinner or anything. You spoil me just fine at home and I love it."

"Now you make me sound like I never do anything fun."

"It's got nothing to do with what people think is fun." Anna shook her head as the lift doors opened. "It's got more to do with… How to put it? It's got to do with how you treat someone in your life. I don't need a rollercoaster or sex on the beach or long walks into some Caribbean sunset to be happy."

"Not that I'm opposed to the idea of walking, when I can walk better, but I'll have to veto rollercoasters." John shook his head, "They make my brain rattle in my skull and I get horrible vertigo now. Age, you understand."

"I forgot, I'm dating a fossil." Anna rolled her eyes, "Must be your generation and something about exaggeration and drama."

"Hey, when you're my age you'll understand."

"I'll never be your age, I'll be young forever."

"I certainly think you've stayed young." John kissed Anna by their front door. "Angels don't age, or so I've heard."

"Charmer." Anna paused as John dug in his pocket for his keys. "You only answered two out of three of those romantic, adventurous options."

John paused, key almost in the door. "Did I?"

"You did."

"Oh," He turned the key in the lock, opening the door so they could step through, and closed it before leaning down to whisper in Anna's ear. "If we could keep others away and not have to worry about sand, I'd be all for that one."

Anna shivered, "There's a beach around here."

"I'll not be getting radiation poisoning from coitus, thank you."

"Spoilsport."

"Would you want our children to have three sets of teeth?" John smiled and then his expression dropped at the surprise on Anna's face. "I'm sorry, that was out of… I don't know why I just said…"

"Do you want children?" Anna closed her eyes, shaking her head. "With me, that is. Do you want children with me?"

"I…" John let out his breath and nodded. "Not now, I think, but someday. You're… You're the only person I think I've ever met where I wanted children."

"Even after your herd of cats?"

"Because of them, probably." John took Anna's hands, "I've seen how you are with them. I know how much I care about them and… I want to have someone I can care about. Someone to rely on me like they do but who goes home with me."

"Even with all the slammed doors, the accusations that you're ruining their lives, and the inevitable sex talk when they already know more than you?"

"That's a little far down the line."

"Okay," Anna took a breath of her own. "What about overflowing nappies, screaming to stick forks in the electrical sockets, coloring on the walls, and late-night feeds? Are you ready for that?"

"No, but no one is and anyone who says differently is lying." John gave a little laugh. "It'd be a challenge. The biggest and most impressive of my life but I'd do it for the chance to do it with you… If you wanted."

"Then it's a good thing that, someday, I do want." Anna went onto her tiptoes to loop her hands around John's neck. "And I want that with you, one day."

"Best let my leg heal first, or else you'll be the only one chasing whatever children we have all by yourself."

"I'll keep that in mind." Anna edged closer to him, her bag hitting the floor with a thump John barely heard. "How strong is your leg, by the way?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Because we can be adventurous in our own home." Anna tugged John back just enough to put her back to the wall. "If you're healthy enough for sex."

"My doctor said I should be fine, but to tell him if my erection last more than four hours."

Anna laughed, her leg coming up over his hip. "I'm going to guarantee that you'll not have to worry about that now… or ever."

"Then we might as well continue." John adjusted his weight and put his hands on Anna's thighs to lift her against the wall. "If you still want to be adventurous."

"Absolutely."

Using Anna's position, John brought their mouths together for a kiss. A kiss Anna immediately deepened when her hands framed his face to bring them closer together. Her other leg came up to hold herself against him and John slid forward just enough to better to explore her mouth. An exploration Anna moaned into as their tongues tangled.

John's hands caressed her legs as they tightened around his hips. The fabric of her leggings dragged on the callouses of his hands and Anna broke their kiss at the rasp of the material. It only took her a second to lower her legs to the ground, kicking her shoes to the side and shuffling out of her leggings as they caught on her ankles. John closed his eyes as he tried to control his breathing at the sounds of Anna adjusting her clothing. But they flew open when Anna's hand slipped into his trousers to slid over the front of his boxers.

"I think I need to invite you to participate."

"I…" John swallowed, "I can't move like I want to."

"Then it's a good thing I'm flexible." Anna pulled her sweatshirt over her head, dropping it to the floor before stepping out of her knickers. "Can you lift me again or should I-"

John lifted Anna, trapping her hands between them as she tried to loosen his belt and get his trousers down. But John distracted her with another assault of kisses. Her fingers continued to scramble and finally managed to shove John's trousers out of the way before getting his boxers lowered. Their hands knocked against one another as John risked his hold to try and help her.

There was no grace or finesse to their motions, and none especially from John when Anna's fingers firmed around his arousal. He bucked and stuttered in his motions. His loose hand flailed forward to hit the wall as a third point of support as Anna's knees tightened into John's hips. With a slight maneuver, John shifted forward to literally play into Anna's hands.

He broke away from the kiss, his forehead lowering to Anna's shoulder as his hips bucked into her. The fingers of Anna's other hand dug into John's shoulder to hold herself closer to him as she loosened her grip. John's hand snuck between them to try and return the favor. It only took a few flicks of his wrist to have Anna writhing against him so the material of her bra rubbed against the buttons on his shirt and almost pulled them loose.

They fumbled and moved against one another until John finally got his hands along her thighs. Her hands went to his shoulders, holding tightly as John carefully moved forward until he nudged her entrance. It only took a slight angle of Anna's hips to open herself for John's thrust. They both groaned together for a moment before John finally started moving.

His hands opened her legs a bit farther, thrusting harder as he tried to chase the sounds Anna's mouth buried in his neck. Her breath huffed against his skin as her nails dug into his shoulders before raking down his arms. The material of his shirt dragged against his arms and John shifted into the hold before sliding his feet for a better position.

It only took another adjustment, bringing them closer and spreading Anna's legs wider, to send her clutching at John as she cried out against his shoulder. A twinge echoed in John's leg at the same time a tingle worked at the base of his spine. It only took him another moment or two to follow the urging of Anna's flexing internal muscles and join her. Their shared blissed ebbed as they shuddered together and John tried to maintain their position so he neither dropped Anna nor slipped onto his face.

"Well, Doctor," Anna's legs untangled themselves from his hips to seek better purchase on the ground as John grabbed for his cane. "I can see you can handle yourself just fine."

"I live to please."

"Mission accomplished then."

John grinned and kissed Anna over their mess in the entryway. "It does make me very sure that I need to get off my feet before I have to go back to crutches because I overdid it on the first day."

"And I definitely need a shower." Anna bent to get her things, but paused when she saw John's face. "It's not an issue."

"I just want to help more but my mobility-"

"Like I said," Anna put a hand aside his face and kissed him. "I'm flexible and I can manage. Besides…"

"Besides what?"

"You can order takeaway from a sitting position." Anna winked and took her things down the corridor, removing her bra as she went. "There could be something waiting for you if there's something waiting for me."

"I'm never one to drop a hint."

"Just as I thought."


	16. Stand with Strength United

He fumbled the tie again and then groaned, "You don't happen to know how to tie one of these do you?"

Anna leaned out of the bathroom, fixing the back on her earring but denying John a better view. "Do I look like the doting wife or daughter in a movie?"

"No?" John frowned and then shook his head, taking another go at the tie. "But if you know of a YouTube video that does this or something, I'd be grateful to hear about it so I can look it up in the two minutes we have before we need to leave."

"Why didn't you look it up before?"

"Because…"

Anna leaned her head out of the bathroom door again. "Your wife used to tie those, didn't she?"

John nodded and finally managed a bow, shrugging at the limp and slightly mangled nature of it. "She trained herself to be the perfect social wife. It was her goal to do nothing more than plan social functions and…"

"And spend your money I'd imagine." Anna opened the door to the bathroom to give John the full effect of her dress. "Will I do, Doctor?"

"If I say we should just call it a night and stay here so I can just do you instead, would that suffice as an answer?"

"It's perfect." Anna walked over to him, her fingers holding the trailing wine-maroon material as it swished and wisped over the floor despite her towering heels. "But we're going because I didn't get myself into this dress just for you."

"But you would?"

"Don't go fishing for compliments." Anna wagged her finger at him, "It doesn't suit you to sound so needy."

"I'm needy for you." John put his hands on her hips, fingers tracing the deep dip of the back of her dress. "I'll beg if that'd help."

"Maybe later." Anna winked, putting her hands on his arms. "Weren't you just saying we only have two minutes?"

"To go where?"

"Doctor Bates," Anna swatted at him, untangling herself from his hands to walk out of the bedroom, "It doesn't become you to be forgetful."

"I'd call it repression." John followed her, tucking himself into his jacket and straightening it before helping Anna into her coat. "These aren't my favorite functions. Never have been and probably never will be."

"Because of your wife?"

John shook his head, "I'm just not social."

"I know a group of kids who'd disagree."

"Kids are different." John shrugged into his coat and stopped as Anna touched his tie with a beleaguered sigh. "That bad?"

"It's a little wilted but I'll try to distract everyone from this."

"Well," John tentatively reached a finger to the crown of braided hair that circled her hair before tracing the line of her neck to the tempting dip toward her cleavage. "You already distracted me."

"That would've happened with a burlap sack."

John smiled, "I guess I'm besotted with you."

"Not a bad thing to hear." Anna kissed his lips quickly. "Come on. This is the first time I get to be at one of these without performing and I plan to enjoy all the little nibbly bits I can try in a single evening."

"You'll make yourself sick."

"It'll be worth it to have you holding my hair back."

"But it's all up and beautiful."

"Alright," Anna leaned over to hit the button for the lift. "Then you'll just get me water and a cloth and rub comforting hands on my back as I expel my stomach contents into a porcelain toilet bowl."

"How vivid and slightly disturbing." John maneuvered his hand around the head of his cane. "Dressed like this I feel a little like an old-timey movie."

"You look very dashing." Anna put her hands on his left arm, bringing herself closer to him. "And I'm honored to be the eye-candy on your arm."

"When do I get to be the eye-candy on your arm?"

"When Carlisle decides that the studio needs a fundraiser."

"When would that be?"

Anna snorted, "Probably never."

They drove to the reception hall, joining the line of cars for the fundraiser's valets. The customary exchange of key and ticket had John tucking the latter away into his pocket before offering Anna his left arm. "Ready?"

"I ate a big breakfast just for this."

John snorted and they walked up the few steps to join those thronging the doors with greetings and general chatter. Lines eventually formed as John collected another ticket for their coats before following the flow into a large meeting room of glass, marble, and exposed steel struts.

He craned his head back to examine the ceiling before shrugging, "They always hold these at art museums."

"Gives people something to do if the talk is boring." Anna immediately darted her hand out to take something from a passing plate. "Nice."

"I think that's just cheese."

"And?" Anna popped it into her mouth and smiled at him before chewing. Her eyes widened a second later and her pointed across the room.

John turned and offered Anna his arm again before clicking his way over to where Robert stood with Cora on one side and Dr. Hughes on the other. And despite the relative brevity of the walk, Anna managed to snag no less than six different hors d'oeuvres on her way. Each one sampled quickly with a minute facial expression as to their ranking on whatever list Anna assembled in her head but John enjoyed watching her eyes. Almost too much as he hurried to stop short of running into Robert where he practically held court with a small gathering of possible investors.

They peeled off one by one as Robert spoke to them and John diverted his attention from his occupied friend to Cora with an extended hand. "Lovely to see you looking so gorgeous tonight."

"You are a charmer." Cora extended her hand and John kissed the back of it. "And such a gentleman."

"I figure this gives me a good disguise." John tapped the cane.

"I think he's a gentleman all the time." Anna and Cora exchanged French-style cheek kisses. "But I did have to twist his arm a bit to take the invitation."

"He always hates these things." Cora sighed, dusting at something on Robert's shoulder as he and Dr. Hughes continued speaking to one of the gaggle in suits. "It's difficult to be a private person in this sphere."

"Hence why I've nothing to do with it usually." John nodded his head toward Robert and Dr. Hughes. "But we all sacrifice what we can for a good cause."

"I hear you've given up more than a little free time for yours." Cora folded her arms over her chest. "Robert tells me you used to be at the lot across from the clinic every day of the week."

"Until I got injured it was about all I had to do with my spare time." John shrugged, "We all need a hobby."

"Hobbies like that can attract the wrong kind of attention." John's blood chilled and he noted the contortions to Cora's face as Vera joined them, accompanied by a man with a receding hairline. "The kind of assumptions people could draw from those associations…"

"Excuse me?"

Vera shrugged, taking a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. "I'm sure you're aware of what people might think if they know that a man, such as yourself, was spending all his free time with underprivileged children. People might cast aspersions and… think things."

"People usually don't think things unless it's suggested to them." Anna's voice broke through John's white-knuckled grip on his cane. "Most people, yourself probably not included, tend to think the best of people until proven otherwise."

"Then they're fools." Vera sipped her drink, her eyes narrowing on Anna. "How much did he pay to bring you along for the evening? I imagine there was a catalogue involved and some kind of false charge on a card. Or maybe it's a straight cash transaction. One with the possibility of tip at the end of the night."

"The pleasure of my company is free." Anna snaked her hand through the crook of John's elbow. "Not like how much you had to pay for yours."

"I don't know what you mean."

"That article, about your seedy side hustle, wasn't enough to sink Mr. Sampson's seat in the House but I'm sure it did you more than a little damage where your pocketbook was concerned." Anna gave a measured smile at the twitch in Vera's jaw. "I know a thing or two about the consequences of one's actions."

"Paid off your share of policemen have you?"

"Prostitution, in case you were wondering, is legal so there wouldn't be any policeman to pay off if they wanted my services and if I worked in that industry."

"John managed to gain your company for free?" Vera almost guffawed at that, nudging a tentative Sampson at her side. "Did you hear that Terry? John Bates found himself a date for the evening."

Sampson did not seem to know how to react and John almost felt sorry for the man. But instead he turned to Cora and nodded at her. "Sorry to spoil your evening Cora."

"I don't think you should be the one apologizing." Cora eyed Vera and Minister Sampson. "I'm so glad I didn't vote for you in either election."

"Oh yes, the grand Lady Grantham making moral judgments." Vera scoffed, "After what happened at your daughter's birthday and then that little dalliance of your husband's… I'm sure you're on shaky soil when you go for the high ground."

Cora lifted her chin, refusing to respond, and nodded at John and Anna. "I hope you two can enjoy the rest of your evening… somehow." She leaned over to Robert, whispering in his ear, and John noted the jolt to Robert's posture before he excused himself from the possible investors to follow his wife away from the crowd.

"Why do you have to ruin the lives of everyone around you?" John hissed at Vera. "If you've got something to say to me you say it and be done with it. There's no need to pull my friends into this."

"Yes, because they were always your friends, never mine."

"It wasn't as if you took any particular care to try and be kind to them. Or even obey the basics of decency when they were around." John went to say something else but stopped himself with a bitter laugh. "Never mind, it's not worth it. It never is. I'll just rile myself up and you'll cackle your victory."

"You make me sound almost demonic."

"I'd never be so rude as to insult you public." John turned to Anna, "I think there are other hors d'oeuvres to enjoy and they're not here."

"I agree." Anna nodded at both of them, "In your case, I'd charge for my company if I had the chance as this has been an absolute waste otherwise."

They went to leave but Vera's voice stopped them. "And what about the children, John? All those children only supervised by you?"

John half-turned toward her, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the children you keep company every afternoon." Vera shrugged and John barely noted the way Sampson seemed to shrink back from her. "I've a source suggesting that you've not been proper with them."

"Are you serious?"

Vera's lips pulled back in a maniacal smile. "Come now John, I'm sure you understand the value of information. Even information that's only half-truths can do a lot to make or ruin someone."

"What, want me to apologize that your boyfriend there almost spent a night in jail because of what I said in an interview?" John shook his head, "It was over a year ago and I told you then, I've no interest in follow-up. We're done."

"And I warned you," Vera came nose-to-nose with him, "That if I got a whiff that you might be back to your exposé writing that I'd find out the skin you've got in the game and make sure you pay."

"John?" Anna's fingers tightened in his jacket. "Let's go."

"She's your skin, isn't she?" Vera cocked her head toward Anna. "And the secret you were trying to bury, someone else knows it and unlike Richard Carlisle, this one wasn't bought with a story about me."

"Green." Anna barely breathed but the expansion of Vera's smile chilled John's blood until it stuck like ice in his veins.

"That's right. Turns out he thinks you're a bit of a tosser and wanted something done about you." Vera stepped back, straightening. "I'm what he needs and he's got the information I need. To bury the Crawley family and their pompous presumption that they're better than me. Plus, I can bury you too."

"I've not done anything and the Crawley family doesn't need whatever dirt you'll kick in their direction."

"Too late to try and convince me otherwise." Vera finished her drink, thrusting it into the hands of another waiter, who almost fumbled his tray. "The article's already been written and it's in the papers as of Monday."

"You didn't." John paled and Anna's fingers almost clawed like talons into his arm. "What've you done?"

"I've made sure that I've got the last word." Vera practically spit at him before jerking Sampson to her. "I'd imagine your practice'll take a steep nosedive with this little 'reveal' and there are some constables that'll want a piece of you… If there's anything left after the parents of those children get to you."

Vera and Sampson wended their way back into the crowd, Sampson's shoulders hunched as he cowed under Vera's force of vitriolic personality. John's jaw just operated on a broken hinge so he could not drop it but it would not fully close either. Instead he tried to focus on breathing until he could face Anna.

"I never-"

"I know." She released her grip on his arm, rubbing over the spot before putting her hand gingerly over the one on his cane. "I think we made a mistake in being here tonight."

"She's planned this long before now." John managed another deep breath but it only rattled in his chest. "She played her ace before she told me about it. She wouldn't risk it otherwise."

"How'd she even find Green?"

"I'd imagine with her contacts, and the kind of people who used to run over Jerome's neighborhood, it wasn't hard to dig him out of whatever gutter he crawled into after he destroyed my knee." It twinged at his words but John could not be sure it was not just his mind playing tricks on him. "He wanted a way to get at us and this is it. He's burned the house down now."

"Mary'll be ruined, her family'll be devastated, and you…" Anna could not find the words so she only huffed, "This could ruin you John. Accusations like that, even if they're not true, will sweep the papers and destroy your reputation."

"I know." John closed his eyes a moment, trying to focus, "But… There's nothing to be done about it now."

"Maybe…" Anna's fingers tightened over those on his cane and John noted the direction of Anna's gaze. "Maybe there's another way to stop her."

"How?"

"Beat her at her own game." Anna shrugged a shoulder, "It might be possible to nip her in the bud before she actually plays her trump card."

"How?"

Anna nodded across the room and John noted Carlisle standing in conversation with some others in fancy dress but looking utterly bored by them. "He took your deal once. I'm sure he'd jump on the chance to bury Vera early. To beat a scoop and steal her thunder."

"You think?"

"He publishes daily. If he gets your story now then it's published by tomorrow. That's a full day before Vera's interview hits the fan."

"With all the shit it'd bring with it." John took a breath, "I don't know how we'd save the Crawleys though. I can only speak for me."

"Then I'll speak for them." Anna swallowed, "And we'll have to get him to put his bulldog down so it'll work."

"I'm sure he won't be as attached to Green once he knows Green sold him out to Vera." John adjusted his grip on his cane. "Let's see if we can't stop a train wreck."

They crossed the room, keeping as much distance as possible between them and Vera, to land in front of Carlisle. His eyes lit immediately at their presence and he quickly introduced them to the cohort surrounding them. "Apologies, everyone, but we're in the presence of rather spectacular talent here. May I introduce Anna Smith, one of the chief dancers at the Dark Swan Dance Company."

She smiled at them, nodding her head in gratitude for their comments and compliments. "It's a pleasure to dance for the Dark Swan. We've got an amazing choreographer and our season'll be something."

"I should hope so, with all the time and energy they all pour into their work." Carlisle edged toward them, lowering his voice as those around him went back to their conversations. "I'm sure you're not here as an expression of gratitude."

"You were looking bored." John risked and Carlisle shrugged, draining his glass to hand over to a waiter. "And we've got something to offer you."

"Nothing comes for free." Carlisle pulled at his cuffs, "I remember what your offer was the last time we met and then you refused my offer for follow-ups."

"I told you my conditions at the time."

"And do they still stand?"

John almost ground his teeth, "There's been a shot across my bow and I need to get ahead of something that could destroy my career, my philanthropic pursuits, and the lives of a lot of individuals caught in the midst as collateral damage."

Carlisle's eyes brightened, "Do tell."

"Perhaps in a more private venue?" John barely nodded toward the room's occupants. "But it would have to be major news by tomorrow."

"Our online forums'll have the story out by midnight if you let me record you." Carlisle patted his pocket. "Phones being what they are these days. Then the printed interview would hit the papers by tomorrow."

"Would that be enough to stop something publishing Monday?"

Carlisle's eyes narrowed, "I'll guess this is the work of your ex-wife and since she didn't use my paper then yes, we'll beat them to the punch. That's how my paper always wins. We publish faster than anyone else."

"That's enough for me." John turned to Anna, "Are you sure?"

"Whatever it takes to get that woman out of our lives."

"Then this way." Carlisle led them from the main room and into a corridor before pushing open a door to expose a conference room. "We always use this one when the board of the museum meets."

"I didn't realize you were such a patron of the arts."

"My interests extend far and wide, Doctor Bates." Carlisle sat down across from them and pulled his phone from his pocket to put on the table between them as Anna and John took their seats. "Start whenever you feel like it. We're already recording and the microphone won't miss a word."

John swallowed, "Then, to start, I should say that this is in response to the aspersions and allegations Vera Bates, current romantic partner of the almost-disgraced Minister Terrance Sampson. Accusations that would have people believe that my legitimate philanthropic interests and community support work have more nefarious implications. That… That I won't abide."

Anna's hand settled over John's as he continued through the interview. Carlisle only interjected a few comments and questions when John found himself fumbling for the right words or struggling to explain the details. When he spoke about his former alcoholism, his work with the kids, and finally the personal details of his rather destructive marriage, Anna's fingers interlaced with his.

Her account was no less harrowing. She danced around the reasons for her current employment, the awkward shifting of seats reflected from Anna to Carlisle, before detailing how Vera acquired the details she planned to spill about the Crawley family. Carlisle's finger looked about to end the recording when Anna spoke about Green but when he folded his finger back John gave a sigh of relief at the signs of the man committing to putting his dog down.

The interview finished as the clock hands danced toward the same settings as the fabled Doomsday clock and Carlisle quickly typed out a message on his phone as he sent the recording. It only took the ding for John to heave a sigh of relief and Carlisle to stand while tucking the phone into his pocket. "I do hope neither of you take this the wrong way when I say I hope we never meet again."

"Since I've nothing else to offer you," John stood, giving Anna a hand to bring her up as well, "I doubt we will."

Carlisle nodded and looked at Anna, "I was serious about the expectations I have for the season."

"If I am anything, Mr. Carlisle, it's a professional."

He chewed the inside of his cheek, "You've made a dangerous enemy of Green by doing this. I hope you both realize that."

"You're the one who's now relinquished his leash."

"He cut that rope when he gave Vera any information at all." Carlisle shivered, like a dog raising hackles to prepare for a fight. "If I had the inclination to do it, I'd hunt the bastard down myself but I think this'll force him to let sleeping dogs lie in my direction."

"So he can lash out at us?" John bit into his cheek. "How very kind of you."

"He's been lashing out at you for a long time, Doctor. I'm sure you know how to handle him. Especially now that he can't recruit two bulking men to try and help him break your leg."

"Shattered my kneecap, actually."

"Whatever got you that cane." Carlisle patted a hand to his hair. "I've a party to get back to and a ludicrous amount of money to contribute to a cause I only feel half-heartedly about. If you'll both excuse me."

Carlisle left the room and John snorted. "What a wonderful man."

"He's a dick, no two ways about it." Anna put her hand over John's on the table. "Are you alright?"

John tried to nod and then shrug but all he could do was slump. "I don't know. I don't know if I did the right thing and I…"

"I know." Anna's fingers closed over his, stroking lightly on the skin of his palm. "I don't know if I did either."

"We'll face it together." John notched his cane over the back of one of the chairs to put his hand alongside Anna's face. "Whatever comes, I'm not afraid. Not if you're there with me. I've got nothing to fear with you."

"I feel the same." Anna tucked herself closer to him, "So let's not be afraid."

"Any prescription for that?"

"Maybe." Anna slid her hands up his jacket to curl them into his lapels and tug him toward the table with her. "You did say you had some thoughts, at the start of this evening, about me in this dress."

"I did." John put his hands on the table on either side of Anna's legs as she slid herself over the edge to sit on it. "But I had plans that involved our flat and a rather lovely bed we have."

"It's not like we can't use it later." Anna's fingers pulled apart John's tie. "I just want to use this time appropriately."

"Should I lock the door?"

"How much do you want to share this with other people?"

"Not at all." John kissed her quickly and darted to the door, hopping slightly on his leg, to flip the lock on the door. He returned to Anna as she hiked up her dress slightly to reveal her legs and heels. "Now you're just teasing me."

"That's kind of the point."

"What should I do with you?" John's hands skated up her legs, "I'm open to suggestions, if you've got any."

"Whatever you want, Doctor." Anna grinned, her fingers holding to his lapels to remove his jacket. "Just remember that we've got to go back out that door when we're finished and get through whatever crowd of people are left at this thing."

"I'll try not to muss you then." John let his fingers continue up Anna's legs, his mouth falling open in time to the grin on Anna's face. "It would seem, Ms. Smith, you forgot your knickers."

"Difficult to forget what you intentionally left off your list." Anna's legs hooked around the backs of John's to bring them closer on the edge of the table. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Test out how well this titanium piece of me works." John flipped the rest of Anna's skirt back to manipulate her legs farther apart. Her arms went behind her to lay diagonally back over the table while John almost went to his knees. "But maybe not tonight, since we've still got to get home later."

"Good plan." Anna waited, moving from her hands to her forearms to increase the angle of her lean as John settled in one of the rolling chairs before putting Anna's heels on the arms. "Quite the balancing act."

"You're a dancer, you'll manage." John tipped himself forward, "And remember, we're in public."

His mouth closed over her skin in a second, one of his hands holding the back of a thigh while the other ran over her skin, and Anna laid back on the table so her hands could cover her mouth. John watched her, eyes flicking up to catch the expressions running over Anna's face as his tongue and lips continued their adoration of her clit and folds. Her legs tried to close around his head but his hand on her thigh kept them apart while her hips bucked into him. John dove deeper at that and searched to go even deeper when the fingers of the hand not covering her moans and whimpers of pleasure dug into his hair.

The screech of her finish muffled in the skin of the back of her hand but John only pulled back, fingers caressing slowly free of her flexing internal muscles, when Anna's breathing calmed. He studied the slowing rise and fall of her chest as his lips placed a final kiss on her clit. When he pulled back, Anna's fingers falling from his hair, John offered his hand to hers so Anna could sit up.

She was on him in a second, their lips crashing together as she sucked mercilessly at his lips to relieve him of her taste. One of her feet tried to kick his chair away and John stood quickly to avoid landing on his ass on the floor. The surprise of the motions left him entirely, and literally, in Anna's hands when she opened his trousers and wrapped a hand over him the second his briefs were out of the way. In less than a minute Anna angled herself and brought John close enough to partially sheath him.

The groan she tried to hide in his shirt, the material crunching under her fisted grip at his side, had John grabbing the edge of the table to stabilize his position. Anna shifted her hips as she tried to take John deeper and he pulled back just enough to realign them and strike deeply. Her head went back, lip almost white where she bit into it, and John held at the side of her neck so his kisses could attack the other side as he started to move.

There was a bit of fumbling together, John's shoes sliding over the carpet and Anna's dress catching under her ass to skate over the smooth top of the table. But they found their rhythm and their fingers interlaced on the edge for leverage to hit those spots that had them both trying to keep the volume down. Their breaths caught and their moans melded until John took his kisses from Anna's neck to meet her lips again.

Anna used a hand at his shoulder to angle her hips so John slid deeper and he groaned into her mouth. His other hand snuck between them and contorted at the wrist to rub at her clit where it caught between them. She swept her tongue inside his mouth at that and shifted to trap his hand between them so her motions took on a shameless writhing against him to find the finish she craved. And a few seconds later she broke from their kiss to cry out into the fabric of John's shirt. He hid his grunting end in the skin of her exposed shoulder.

The gentle caress of her fingers at the back of his neck brought John back to the moment and he slowly eased back. Anna smiled lazily at him, shivering with a flutter of her eyelids when John ran his handkerchief over them both to try and restore their appearance. She tried to brush through his hair so it sat flatter on his head but only ruffled it further, leading to a series of giggles from her.

"Sorry."

"It's fine." John pulled out his phone to use the dark reflection in the screen to try and assess the damage. "It's not the worst sex hair you've given me."

"Is it bad enough that people out there will notice?"

John shook his head, tucking his phone back in his pocket as he replaced his jacket. "It's not like they've ever seen me when I've had sex."

"Not sure how to take that."

"As a compliment, maybe?" John shrugged and helped Anna off the table. "But I'll leave that up to you since your opinion is the only one that matters."

"I'm flattered." Anna patted her hair, "Do I look mussed to you?"

"You look lovely."

Anna put a hand to her chest, feigning a blush. "My goodness Doctor, keep speaking like that and I'll come over all insensible."

"Maybe that's my intention."

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Doctor." Anna moved to the door, her fingers on the lock when John moved behind her, covering her fingers. "And where, Doctor, do you plan on putting whatever it is you've got in your pocket?"

"Right where it goes."

Anna turned over her shoulder to look at him, "Ready again already?"

"I finally got a good look at your ass in this dress and since I know you're not wearing anything else under there, my mind flashed to any number of salacious scenarios that I wanted to try."

"Should I worry about which gutter your mind's in?"

"You're the only person on my mind." John whispered in her ear, his hands stroking up her sides in her dress. "It's your choice."

"How can I say no?" Anna leaned back into him, her ass rubbing decisively over the front of his trousers. "When you've already gone to all this trouble."

"Very easily, if you'd like."

Anna's hand covered his and pulled it around her body, through the slit in her dress, and rested his fingers on her clit. "I'd like something else, if you don't mind Doctor."

"Calling me that'll get you whatever you want."

"It's why I do it." Anna put her other hand on the door, holding herself steady as their fingers interlaced to run over her clit and toward her folds. "Please proceed, as quickly as possible."

John's other hand carefully worked the skirt of the dress around Anna's hip, covering their hands at the front as he revealed her bare ass. It only took him a second to wrestle his trousers back open so he could run himself along her skin. Anna shuddered under him, a groan accompanying the buck of her hips toward him, and she spread her legs so John so thrust forward.

Their position tightened her entrance and John grit his teeth to keep from immediately thrusting into her. The enticing squeeze almost strangled him as he adjusted to sit solidly inside her so they pulsed together as their blood beat in sync. A position he intended to hold for as long as he possibly could. But when Anna's fingers firmed over his, drawing him closer spread her legs just a fraction more so he slid deeper, John gave over to it.

Gave over to the moans and whimpers Anna left soaking into the wood of the door. Gave over to the punishing pace her sounds encouraged. Gave over to the flick of her fingers over him when they ventured further back as he tried to dance at her clit with all the skill he could still manage. Gave over to the way his eyes hazed at the sight of her back and the addicting way she took him in each time he drove forward. Gave over to the clench of her vaginal walls around him until the stickily wet slap of their skin coming together overwhelmed his ears. And then gave over to the end.

They slumped over against the door, holding as steadily as they could as their bodies slowed and stopped moving. John's heart still thundered against his chest, beating in time to the echoing thump of Anna's through her back. Their fingers separated and John tried to wipe them down again before stuffing the used handkerchief back in his pocket.

Anna restored her skirt and turned to lean against the door, watching with half-lidded eyes as John tried to correct the obvious wrinkles and rumples of his black-tie. "Should I apologize?"

"For mussing me?" John shook his head, "This is, without doubt, the most fun I've had at one of these."

"Then I'll accept your gratitude." Anna grinned, her fingers flipping the lock open. "Let's go home."

"Let's."


	17. Inner Demons and Darker Shadows

The whispers started the moment he entered the office. John sighed and moved down the corridor, ignoring the furtive looks, and knocked his knuckles against the glass of the office door. Robert looked up and waved him in.

"You're still my most popular client." Robert pointed toward the chairs outside his office, where the occupants craned their necks to try and see John. "I think half of them took me on because of you."

"I guess that's a consolation for being the talk of the town." John sighed into the chair opposite Robert's desk. "How's the blowback been on you?"

"Not great but we're all coping." Robert shook his head, "I just wish Mary had told me what happened then. Can you imagine how this secret's weighed on her?"

"I can imagine it did a lot to make her a bit more sympathetic to the information Vera revealed about you."

Robert cringed, "None of my children are speaking to me at the moment. They can't understand why Cora's not speaking to me at the moment either but…"

"When they've got people they love so much they'll forgive them anything, they'll understand it then." John shrugged, "I can't say I was understanding when my wife stepped out on me but we didn't love one another."

"I think the circumstances of the affair hit them more than the affair itself." Robert shook his head, "In the middle of her breast cancer treatment… What was I thinking? How could I-"

"It was years ago, Robert. And, if I remember correctly, there was a night when your wife almost fell into the same trap with a skeezy art critic."

"Don't remind me." Robert shuddered, "I'm glad your ex-wife didn't know about that one. Not that I've any clue how she figured out mine but still."

"She's classy, my ex-wife. Scrapes the bottom of whatever barrel she needs to so she can try and get one over anyone she thinks wronged her."

"What did we ever do to her?"

"You were born into a title and you have a name that means more than hers does or mine ever did."

"Your name's meaning a bit more now." Robert leaned over the desk, "Is that why you're here?"

"No, Carlisle's lawyers have been very good at blocking anything." John sighed, "It's a miracle Anna spotted him at the fundraiser or we never would've gotten ahead of all that."

"That's the other thing," Robert shook his head, "What kind of woman makes those kinds of accusations about someone like you?"

"Someone upset that I found someone else. Misery, as they say, loves company." John shook his head, "I'm actually here about something else."

"Something with the practice?"

"No. I had a few people who stopped seeing me because of what they read but no charges filed, no investigation, and most of my patients trust me so that's all settled." John took a breath, "It's about Anna."

"What about her?"

"I want to make her my beneficiary."

Robert blinked at John, "Come again?"

"I don't think I've changed my will and given my recent brush with violent assault I think I need to plan for a future where I might not be so lucky." John shrugged, "Vera's on war path so who's to say she won't decide it's worth it to hit me with a car and then run over me until I'm not breathing?"

"Sounds extreme, even for her."

"Maybe but I won't take the risk."

"And you want Anna as your beneficiary?"

John nodded. "Whatever money's left over I do want to give to the lot across from the clinic. Make sure it stays a place the kids in that neighborhood can go."

"Don't want all your hard work to go to waste?"

"I'd rather not."

Robert leaned back in his chair, "Don't get me wrong when I say this John, but are you sure? I know Anna's a wonderful person, you seem to be getting on well, and she's fantastic but you're not anything official."

"What'd you mean?"

"You're dating, and that's wonderful for you both since you both look exceedingly happy, but that's all it is."

"You think we're not more than that?"

"I think, legally speaking, I'd feel more comfortable helping you amend your will is there was more to your relationship."

"Just for legal reasons?"

Robert sighed, "John, leaving your earthly possessions and money to someone is a big thing. Not just because there's a possible influx of cash into someone's account but because you're telling them they're the keepers of your soul in a way. You're giving them the responsibility to get rid of your clothes, to decide what to do with your flat, your practice, and the bric-a-brac that lines every house. They have to go through your books, your movies, the broken whatevers left in attics…" Robert shook his head, "That's not a small thing to entrust to someone."

"And you'd rather it be someone I'm more attached to than just dating?"

"I think the emotional investment of something more than that is critical."

"You think she's not invested?"

"That's not what I said so stop twisting my words." Robert took a breath, "I don't think Anna's Vera so I'm not worried that she's playing you for a fool or anything. My worry is about her. If you're only dating and you do die, then she was just the girl friend living with you until you died. How does she explain her grief to people when they'll only see a live-in girlfriend mourning a dead boyfriend?"

"Why would their opinions matter?"

"Because she'll have to plan your funeral, arrange for your embalming, and then make decisions about the symbols of your existence." Robert shrugged, "She deserves more than half your wardrobe if you're giving her that level of responsibility… but that's just my opinion."

"Which you expressed very ardently."

"John," Robert swallowed hard, "I had to bury my father and my mother. I had to sort through their things with my sister. Do you remember?"

John nodded, "Yes."

"Would you want Anna to have to do that with nothing more than just the 'I love yous' you exchanged across pillows or tables?"

John chewed the insides of his cheeks before shaking his head. "No. I couldn't do that to her."

"Then," Robert sat back, "When you're ready for me to write you a prenup or something, come back and talk about altering your will then."

"I'll alter my will now because I don't need a prenup." John sat straighter in the chair, "After this I need to go buy a ring."

"John-"

"No, you're right Robert." John smiled, "If I want to give her that level of responsibility then I need to take some for myself."

"I didn't mean it had to be now."

"We're not getting any younger."

"You're talking like you're on death's door."

"I've been too close to that before and I won't risk it now." John tapped Robert's desk, "Let's change my will so I can buy a ring."

Robert grumbled and gruffed but he managed the paperwork for John to sign. When he did, laying the pen down with a flourish, Robert could only shake his head. "That's possibly the most unromantic romantic thing I've ever done for anyone, just keep that in mind."

"It's not like I'm going to tell Anna I changed my will and then open a ring box." John chewed the insides of his cheeks. "Sounds too legal."

"And not something you want to share over a candlelit dinner."

John pushed down on his cane to stand, "Thank you Robert, for giving me another great idea."

"What did I do now?"

"Dinner." John shrugged, "It's been a bit since we went out to dinner and I think she'd like a nice night out. We'll dress up, dine, and then I'll pop the question."

"Did you just use the word 'dine' in a sentence?"

"It's proper grammar."

"It's proper for a hundred years ago." Robert waved John off, "Get going before your saccharine plans drool all over my desk."

"Jealous."

"Cora and I resolved the issues over that… indiscretion a long time ago." Robert shifted in his chair, like a bird soothing ruffled feathers. "It's the girls I've got to win back over."

"Did they ask why you didn't tell them before?"

"Cora told them it was none of their business, since she and I worked it out ourselves, but you know them. They think everything is their business." Robert raised a warning finger, "That's what waits beyond marriage you realize? Children and their judgments of you."

"You know what they say. You're an adult when you realize you're human and you're a caring adult when you realize your parents are humans too."

"Mind telling my daughters that?"

"That's your issue, not mine."

"Much help you are." Robert nodded at the door. "Go on, get your ring."

John winked at him and left the office.

But the process of buying a ring was far more complicated than he anticipated. Than most men anticipate when they peruse ring stores with the helpful clerks and employees behind counters of glass display cases. And John trotted through five before he finally stopped in front of the ring.

It looked so like his mother's. The claddagh intertwined with a sapphire set as the heart between the hands twisted into a series of Celtic knots. The ring next to it, stainless steel and matching the platinum of the claddagh, had three bands interlacing as if they twined for infinity.

His fingers settled on the glass above the rings and he almost jumped when the voice of the woman at the counter finally entered his thoughts. "You've got Scottish heritage, don't you?"

"My mother was a Keith." John nodded, pointing at the two rings. "Those please. They're exactly what I'm looking for."

"I'm sure she's a lucky lady." The woman pulled out the fabric-felted stands so John could examine the rings more closely. "Do you have her size?"

"No but she's got very fine fingers. Like a pianist's or a cellist's." John shrugged, "I think I should wait to size them until I know she'll say yes."

"With rings like these it'd be hard for a girl to say no." She pulled out a calculator and flipped it to show John the tally. "Alright?"

"Perfect." He reached into his pocket for his wallet, "Do you do sizing as well? If she says yes and we need-"

"I've met very few men who went to the trouble of buying a ring for someone they weren't sure was going to marry them." She paused, "Women too, now that I think about it."

"I'm just… nervous, is all." John shrugged, "It might be that it's not the right time and she wants to wait and-"

"Let me give you a piece of advice." She patted her hand on the air above the rings. "If she says she's not ready for these, or seems in any way hesitant, the answer's probably never going to be yes."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because if she wants you she'll say yes. Even if she doesn't want to get married right now or…" She paused, "Unless this is a man. The rules still apply but I'd hate to think I was making assumptions about-"

"It's a she."

"Okay, but what I said still stands." She shrugged, "If she's sure about you then she'll say yes. The wedding might not be tomorrow but she'll say yes. If there are any doubts in her mind at all she'll say no or hesitate. That's just how it works."

"You do refunds?"

"Full return, if needed." She winked, "We also do insurance."

"What about an exchange?"

"I'm sure she'll like these but, if she doesn't, then you can exchange them." She wrapped them in two midnight blue boxes. "If she says these aren't good then you should rethink asking her to marry you."

"Over a ring?"

"Because it means she's got no taste." She passed the bag over. "You do."

"She's the one who taught me the taste I have." John took the bag and tucked the receipt inside. "Wish me luck."

"May I only see you again when you're sizing these rings."

John nodded at her and left the store, clutching the bag close to his chest.

Hiding the rings was almost as traumatic an experience as buying it. John searched high and low in their flat for a place Anna would not look but with the stepladder they acquired when she wanted to put pots above the stove, John could not use his height as an advantage. All shared space immediately evaporated until John could only tuck the bag into his briefcase for work. The briefcase he then hid in his car before going back to their flat.

Anna's late rehearsals left John with time to stew while attempting to focus on his patient files. The ones spread over the desk in the office they shared together, even though Anna's desk appeared far more fascinating and fun than his own with the sketches of costumes and foot-tracking patterns set to specific song intervals as she attempted to map the number she and Jerome now composed together for the performance. John tried to peek at it, to understand the shorthand tallies and cutoffs but he only understood half of it before turning back to his work.

Work that had him focused enough he startled enough to scoot back in his rolling chair when he heard Anna's voice from the entryway. Grabbing his cane, John walked to the door of the study and leaned on it as he watched Anna's routine in the entryway. The routine he always tried to spy on until Anna shooed him away.

The way she shed her shoes and stored them in the hall closet that became hers except for the three coats John had to his name and some forgotten snow boots. Or how she rolled her neck and limbs before measuring her steps to the sofa to continue stretching out slightly. Or how she left her burdens in the entryway to lighten and brighten in their sitting room just three steps away.

She noticed him staring, one of her hands still on the back of her neck, and her body sagged in disapproval. "Were you watching me again?"

"Can't help it." John smiled, shrugging his shoulder at her. "My gorgeous girlfriend is home."

"Thank you for that." Anna padded over to him, her thick socks sliding ever-so-slightly on the wood floor. "You been busy?"

"I had the day here. Had to work over some files and I had a meeting this morning so I decided it was best to give Gwen the day."

"No appointments?"

"Moved them to tomorrow."

"And the kids?"

"They've all got to get ready for their performance." John took one of Anna's hands and kissed the back of it. "How are they, by the way?"

"Were you trying to understand the step sheet in there again?" Anna nodded to the study behind him, the twinkling lights of the city shining through the large window directly behind the door as shelves lined the walls behind the desks that faced one another flush against the window.

"I took a gander but it got me nowhere."

Anna wagged her finger at him, "I told you, it's a surprise." She went on her tiptoes to kiss him, wrapping her arms over his shoulders. "And they're doing fine."

"You wouldn't just say that would you?"

"I'm a professional and this is a professional exhibition." Anna shook her head and disentangled herself from him. "Why?"

"I just worry about you and them." John bit at his lip. "How's the blowback been on your end… After all this?"

Anna shrugged, "Carlisle did his part. No one at the studio believed the allegations and the kids rallied to your defense. I heard a rumor about eggs and other projectiles being lobbed at some cars but I don't know more than that, in case anyone asks."

"I'll keep that in mind." John took both of Anna's hands, leaning his cane against the wall. "Do you have time, tomorrow night?"

"For?"

"I want to take you out to dinner."

Anna grinned at him, speaking through a laugh. "What?"

"We don't go out often, for various reasons, but I thought that it's been awhile and I want to show you how much you matter to me."

"I'm pretty sure I get that at night." Anna twitched her head to the side with a grin, "Or in the morning. Or the shower or the counter or-"

"Alright, I get it." John kissed her quickly, "But this is different."

"Why?"

"Because I want us to still do spontaneous things. To make the idea of surprises matter because you're worth surprising. And I want us to do fun things because we feel like doing fun things." John paused, swinging their arms slightly before stopping them. "I never want us to be boring together. Or to each other."

"Are you afraid that I'll think you're boring?"

"No," John shook his head. "But I want us to live life to the fullest. To still be grounded by our jobs and our hobbies but to remember we're the foundation of all that, not the afterthought."

Anna's face sobered, "You don't want to be an afterthought."

"I don't want you to think you're an afterthought to me."

"I don't." Anna put her hands on either side of John's face. "I never think that and I never will."

"Then you'll go out with me tomorrow night?"

"Of course I will." Anna kissed him again, "I'm going to take a shower though, because I'm feeling gross."

"You might want to pull out that dress you wore to the fundraiser."

Anna's eyes sparkled, "Any particular reason?"

"It'll be a classy place." John stopped as his pocket vibrated and he slipped it from his pocket. "Go shower, I'll take this."

"Yes sir." Anna saluted and John waved her away as he slid his thumb over his phone to answer it.

"John Bates."

"Think you can screw with me like that and I won't retaliate?"

John frowned and checked the caller on the screen before sighing. "I do hope this isn't the one call you get from where you are. It'd be a waste since I won't bail you out or help you."

"Think you're funny do you?"

"No, I think I played a hand I warned you I had before you got to finish playing the hand you warned me about too early." John sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. "I never wanted this Vera. I told you that the first time, remember? When you stormed into my office and wrecked my desk and door. I told you then that I did what I had to so I could protect someone else."

"That prostitute from the fundraiser?"

"She's not a prostitute. And even if she were, what would it matter to you. We're not married and it'd by my reputation on the line."

"Except this time it wasn't just you, was it?" Vera's voice hissed like sizzling poison over the line. "This time you sunk me."

"Says the woman who prepared an article where you tried to insinuate I was…" John stopped, "You know what, I don't have to listen to this."

"You do if you care about those kids or yourself or your little whore."

"Don't call her that or threaten them." John gritted his teeth. "You think where you are now is bad, imagine what happens when the people you'll roll over on find out. Imagine who could let them know what a liability you are."

The pause at the other end of the line crackled with the ice of fear. "You wouldn't dare."

"You're the one who threatened me first so you tell me, based on what you think you know about me, what do you think I'd do to protect those who matter to me and mean the world to me?" John waited, pressing his advantage. "What do you think I'd do if it came down to a choice between you and them? Do you think I'd hesitate to throw you under whatever bus might come my way?"

"Don't do it John. If you do… I'd be dead before I can ever cut a deal."

"Then you get whatever resources you were about to foolishly devote my way and you use them. Get out of our lives and don't attempt to come after me again. And, while you're at it," John gave a little snort, "Get rid of Green too."

"I don't know where he is."

"He's the one who told you all that in the first place."

"Doesn't mean I kept tabs on him."

"Is he going to be a problem?" Vera did not answer and John's fingers instinctually tightened on the phone. "Vera, is he a problem?"

"He wasn't happy when your article published first."

"Does he hate Carlisle or us more?"

"Who knows, the man's mad."

John sighed, thumping his forehead against the glass of his flat window, gazing down at the twinkling city. "Did you help him?"

"What do I care about that weasel? He gave me what I wanted and we parted, end of story."

"What did you give him for what he gave you?"

Vera's teeth clacked, "I might've… I might've given him access to something."

"Information?"

"Machinery… of sorts."

John stopped, "My pistol. The one I brought back from Afghanistan."

"You weren't supposed to have it and I got rid of it for you."

"You gave it to Green!"

"No, I sold it to someone else and, as if by happy coincidence, the Marakov came back into my hands." John could almost see her shrugging on the other end of the phone. "It may not've even been yours, you know."

"That's not comforting."

"At least if he shoots you it won't be with your own gun."

"He has a gun, Vera that's-"

"Who's got a gun." John turned to see Anna, her hair knotted above her head and wrapped in a dressing gown. "Who's got a gun, John?"

"Is that your-"

John ended the call and held up the phone. "That was Vera."

"What did she want?"

"To threaten me and then realize that mistake." John sighed, shoving his phone into his pocket. "Before realizing another one."

"Who'd she give a gun to?"

"Take a wild guess."

Anna closed her eyes, her shoulders slumping. "Green."

"He can't get into the building." John closed the distance between them, limping without his cane, and put his hands on her arms to try and soothe here while his heart thundered. "He can't get us here."

"But we're not always here, are we John?" Anna looked up at him, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I-"

"What?"

"I brought him into our lives." Anna gestured toward her leg and then his. "First me, then you, and now-"

"Us." John took her hands. "Whatever's coming next it's about us. We'll fight him and we'll win. He's not beat us yet."

"He might with a magazine that holds twelve rounds." John blinked at Anna and she shrugged, "Tom's a gun enthusiast… Part of his family's IRA background."

"Another thing I'll pretend I don't know." John tried to laugh and they both managed weak ones. "It's going to be alright."

"We're not like Carlisle, John. We can't hire bruisers to protect us."

"Then let's hope he's dumb enough to go after Carlisle first and let the bruisers to handle him." John kissed Anna's hands. "I won't let him tear us apart."

"That's not what worries me." Anna took a breath, "I worry about him taking you from me. Or me from you."

"He won't." John shook his head and then kissed Anna's attempt at an argument away. "He won't. Trust me."

"Okay." Anna smiled and stepped closer. "I trust you."

"Good."

"Now what about dinner tomorrow night?"

John grinned, "It's a surprise."

"Then I'll get one to match." Anna eyed him, "You'll like it, I can already tell."


	18. Striking in Fear, Seeking for Pleasure

"Are your eyes closed?"

John sighed, his fingers interlaced between his legs as his elbows settled just above his knees where he sat on the edge of the bed. "Same as they've been for the last ten minutes."

"Someone's sassy."

"Someone's been making me wait, in the dark, for the last half hour." John snorted, "Literally."

"So you're ready then?"

"Yes, I'm ready."

"Good." The click of heels sounded on the wood, "Then open your eyes."

John did and blinked at the midnight vision before him. "Anna…"

"Like it?" Anna did a slow twirl, holding the edge of her skirt up so the material flared off the floor. He noticed her high heels, the length of her legs disappearing under her draping skirt with no trace of a slit, the deep plunge of the back covered by a diaphanous cape of a cover that wrapped almost like a poncho toward the front to drape over the bodice of the dress. A bodice that pushed her breasts up while leaving the barest straps over her shoulders as if attempting to pretend they offered any support.

"How could I not?" John stood, "When… Where'd you get it. When did you get it? How'd you hide it all this time?"

"It's one of Mary's old ones. She gives me her things sometimes and when she was getting rid of this one a few months ago I knew I needed it. So I found a tailor to alter it to fit me. We've been working on the alterations so it stayed at her shop."

"And you did all this without me knowing?"

"Of course. It's not a surprise if you know." Anna pulled at the skirt so it fell like water. "This one compliments my eyes."

"And your skin and hair and-"

"Okay," Anna put a hand to his chest, "If you give off a full list this dress'll be on the floor and we'll never get to dinner."

"Not sure if I'd be too gutted about that."

"Me either but you made the reservations so…" Her fingers ran down his jacket. "It's up to you."

"Really?"

"Really."

John took a breath, "We can't miss a reservation for this place."

"No?"

"No." John shook his head, taking her hand to escort Anna to the entryway where they got into their coats. "It cost me a few favors and I'll never get another chance to do this."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't have any more favors to get us a reservation like this one."

"Then we'd best be going, good sir." Anna slid her arm through the crook of his and walked by his side to the lift. "Where is it, anyway?"

"Patmore's Daisy, heard of it?"

"It's a legend. No one gets a table there." Anna's eyes narrowed, "Which kidney did you sell for it?"

"The one I didn't need." John put the hand holding his cane to his back. "It was a quick surgery and I think they sold it for a good price."

"Only paid you half?"

"Pfffttt, a third, if that." John shrugged, "It's what you get for dealing with shady people. One kidney short and not even the market value to show for it."

"If your kidney is worth three times what they paid you for it, then this restaurant had better be fantastic." Anna held closer to him as the lift doors opened and a shock of cold air hit them. "Maybe staying inside wasn't such a bad idea."

"Too cold for you?"

"This dress isn't exactly built for keeping in heat."

"Then it gives me an excuse to cuddle you close." John brought Anna closer to his body as they walked to his car. "I'm warm enough for the both of us."

"I think you're enough for me and that's enough for now." Anna went onto her tiptoes to kiss him, extending only slightly further than her heels.

"Did you borrow those shoes from Mary too?"

"Mary's feet are proportional to her body so no."

"Is that the ladylike way of saying she's got big feet?"

Anna put her finger over her lips as John opened her door for her. "Don't tell her I said so. She's a bit… Defensive, about it."

"We've all got our insecurities." John closed the door and stumped over to his side of the car. "I will break this cane in half the day I don't need it anymore."

"But it makes you look so dashing."

"It gives me away, barely fits between me and the door, and if my hand is even the slightest bit sweaty or wet or lotioned or whatever then it slips in my grip and there Humpty-Dumpty goes again."

"You're being dramatic. It was one time."

"It was enough."

Anna nodded, "You're right, we're all going to take a minute to bemoan the fact that you're mostly fine leg doesn't always cooperate with you and so you have to use a cane." She held up her hands as if addressing a room, "Everyone, please pull out your violins as we perform the worlds saddest song, 'woe is me'."

John could only laugh as Anna put her forefinger and thumb together, rubbing them back and forth as if she played the violin for him. "I see you brought yours with you."

"I never leave home without it." Anna dropped her hands, using both to cover his on the gear stick. "It's a miracle you're walking. It's a miracle you didn't lose your leg. And you're a miracle for having stuck through all those months with Sybil putting you through ridiculous paces."

She leaned over to kiss his cheek. "It's good we're celebrating that."

John kissed her back, his free hand cupping along her jaw so his thumb could stroke her cheek. "That's not why I wanted to take you out to dinner."

"Then why?"

"It's a surprise." John started the car, putting it in gear and forcing Anna's hand away from his on the gear stick. "And I try not to ruin surprises."

"But a secret's only fun when everyone knows them."

"Says the woman who hid that dress from me."

"Well…" Anna shrugged, "You'd just want to take it off me."

"No argument there." John grinned, "But my lips are still sealed."

"I could try to unseal them."

"Weren't you the one who thought we should enjoy the evening at Patmore's Daisy?" John waited at the entrance to their building's parking, the car's engine rumbling under the bonnet. "Make the decision now because I'm fine with either."

"You'd be fine missing the reservation?"

"I was the moment you walked out of the bathroom in that dress but I figured you'd want to wear it out so you could be seen in it. However," He leaned toward her, "I'd be fine with you trying to figure out what the surprise is and then enjoying the forms of torture you'd come up with to get me to talk."

Anna sighed and settled back in her seat. "As blue as my thoughts are at the moment by that suggestion-"

"As blue as your dress?"

"Bluer." Anna grinned as John swallowed hard, her finger running down the column of his throat. "I think I'll take diner first. Don't want to lack the energy for later now do we?"

The wheels squealed as John got them out of the garage.

And to their pleasant satisfaction, Patmore's Daisy was just as they hoped. A restaurant bustling with all the warmth and glow of a familiar kitchen while serving dishes best described by a Mary Berry Cookbook. The servers greeted them in white-tie and tailcoats, their gloves immaculate as they served and extolled the virtues of each individual dish that John or Anna expressed the slightest curiosity about. In the end, John was not sure if they picked the meal or he did but no matter whose hand played heaviest in the equation, it spoiled him immensely.

At the end of the third course, whisked away with an almost unprecedented speed, John sipped at his water as Anna leaned her head back. "Room for dessert?"

"We may have to take it to go." She rubbed over her stomach, "This dress felt much roomier an hour ago."

"But you still look amazing in it."

"Charmer." Anna let her fingers slowly turn the stem of her glass. "So are you going to tell me what surprise brought on this splendid occasion?"

"Yes." John reached into his pocket and removed a folded paper. "Be warned, this isn't all of it."

"I should hope not. Looks a bit light."

"Just read it."

Anna frowned but took the paper from him, unfolding it to read the contents. "Last Will and Testament of John Bates?" She put it down, "If this is a joke then it's not a funny way to try and tell me you're dying."

"I'm not dying," John reached across the table for her hand. "I wanted you to look at the part where it says who's inheriting my things."

Her eyes darted down to read the paper more closely before widening. "Me?"

"And the community where Jerome lives. I've portioned off some for all the regulars with a yearly stipend for the lot and the-"

"John," Anna dropped the paper to take both of his hands in hers. "What's this all about? Why are you making a will?"

"I already had one because that's what I was told responsible adults did and Vera insisted." John shook his head, "Look, after Vera tried to broadside us with her article I got to thinking that this wasn't the only thing we'd have to face together. And I realized that I didn't want to leave this world, should I be doing that in the near future, with anything unresolved. So I went to see Robert and change my will."

Anna tapped on the paper. "And this was your solution?"

"Yes but his was…" John swallowed, "His was better."

Her eyes narrowed, "What was Robert's solution?"

"He suggested that it would be cruel to die and leave you as my girlfriend to handle all the personal and professional bits of death. That I would be leaving a burden on you that wasn't fully compensated."

"You're leaving me your earthly possessions, John," Anna held up the paper. "That seems a bit more than fair compensation for making sure you get a nice pine box and a plot somewhere."

"But you deserve more than that." John held open his hand and waited for Anna to put the paper back on the table so he could hold hers. "Robert suggested that I needed to offer you something a bit more permanent. Something… More personal than a pine box and a bank account number."

"And what was that?"

"Something that drove me to invest in something."

"invest in what?"

John looked around, checking they were alone in their corner, and reached into his other pocket to remove one of the two boxes from the jewelers. "I went and bought two rings."

"John." Anna's hands covered her mouth as John opened the box. "It's…"

"Anna May Smith," John held the box between them, showing her the claddagh so the sapphire caught the light. "Will you marry me?"

She only blinked for a second, slowly nodding her head before she could manage any words. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

John could not stop the face-splitting grin her response evoked as he withdrew the ring to slide it gently onto the appropriate finger. It hung a bit loosely and they both laughed, shrugging as John held it there with his fingers to kiss the spot. "I didn't get them sized."

"Didn't want to give yourself away?"

"I was a little nervous you'd say no."

"No?" Anna frowned, "And what, on God's green earth, could inspire me to say no to the man I love?"

"I don't know," John winked at her, "Maybe you're still dreaming of better men at night."

"I told you," Anna interlaced their fingers, keeping the ring steady on her finger as it pressed between them. "There aren't any."

"All the same…" John bit his lip, "I did worry."

"You seem to worry that one day you'll wake up and all this," Anna nodded her head toward the restaurant around them, "Will've been a dream."

"There was a woman once, who I met in a men's room, who changed my life and then vanished without a trace."

"Fair point." Anna's fingers tightened in his, forcing John to look at her. "Never again John. I'm in it, with you, for the long haul. Whatever it takes, whatever that means, and whatever may lie ahead I'm here to endure it with you."

"That's better than any wedding vow I could ever write."

Anna smiled, "Then, perhaps, we should skip to the next part."

"The other speeches and the horrible moment when we dance in front of all the guests who'll take the mickey as soon as they can?"

"No," Anna's fingers loosened on his, dragging slowly over his skin to leave the hairs on his body standing on end. "The other part of this evening we almost skipped dinner for."

"I guess that would depend on one thing."

"What's that Doctor Bates?"

He nodded at the approaching waiter, "Do you have any dessert instructions for him or do you feel energized enough already?"

Anna held John's eyes as the waiter approached. "Your most decadent chocolate dessert, preferably a cake with liberal frosting, and whatever else you think works as an aphrodisiac fed easily to a partner." She finally turned to the man, To go please, as quickly as you can scrounge them."

Out of the corner of his eye, John watched the man, barely out of his teenage years and still fighting off the last vestiges of spots, practically click his heels and dart away to fill the order. "You've got a way about you Ms. Smith."

"I do, don't I." Anna drew back, her finger immediately going to the ring. "This does beg a question, however."

"About?"

Anna tapped the will, "You said you're not dying and you needed to change it but why now? Vera's dead in the water, and in prison, so what's the worry?"

John nodded, pulling at his fingers before massaging over the callouses on his hand from his cane. "Because I want us to fight whatever this is together, no matter what 'it' is."

"You've obviously got fears as to what it is."

"Specifically?" Anna nodded and John continued, "Whatever Vera may still try to throw at us or Green might try and use as a weapon against us. Like you said, we're in this together and I wanted it to be official. To stand united against it all."

"Says the man worried I'd say no."

"Forgive an old man his anxieties."

"I will when I see one." Anna raised her eyebrows, "The man I know has the libido of a teenager and the will power of a toddler. I'd hardly call you an old man."

"Fair." John could not stop the hint of a smile. "But I… I wanted to do this together. If it's Vera that comes for us or Green or whomever is foolish enough to try, I wanted to fight them on a united front."

"Are you afraid of what people would say?"

"No, I don't care about them." John reached for Anna's hands and she gave them over. His thumbs ran over the smooth skin of her knuckles. "If we have to face what's ahead then we're going to face it as husband and wife. I want you responsible for my welfare and I want to be responsible for yours. I don't want you forced to the sidelines, like you were when Green wrecked my knee, so you watch what happens to be from a distance without the right to be kept informed."

"I'd prefer to sleep in the uncomfortable chair in your hospital room instead of the more uncomfortable ones in the lobby, that's for sure." Anna took a breath. "I want to be your next of kin, John, and I won't deny you the chance to be mine."

"Then you've made me the happiest man on earth all over again."

"Allow me to do you one better," Anna's nails grazed his skin. "Pay the bill, let's get whatever desserts they made for us, and take me home so I can strip you naked and have my way with you."

"Your wish is my command." John signaled for the check. "I wonder what they'll give us."

"Hopefully something I can smear liberally over your skin."

John shivered and almost failed to sign his name on the receipt when he finally got it as Anna's fingers continued to run over the sensitive skin on the back of his hand and her foot stroked his calf under the table. She took the bag of desserts before he could grab it and shook her head when he reached for it. "It's a surprise for later, John, and you wouldn't want to spoil it, would you?"

"Absolutely not."

If driving to the restaurant was a lesson in motivation and focus then trying to get them back to his flat was even worse. The whites of his knuckles caught in the light as he gripped the wheel hard enough to change the callouses on his hands with the way Anna's hand massaged up his leg. Each run of her finger dared dangerously close to the tenting in his trousers and John struggled to keep his breathing even. Not that any of it helped when he parked crookedly inside the lines of his space.

But he got them to the lift, Anna insisting on the distance of the take-away bag between them. And her excruciating insistence that she set out their desserts on the counter after the arduous removal of their coats. John's shoes thudded on the floor and his hands were on Anna's waist the moment she finished opening the last of the clear plastic lids.

"Is it alright if I don't want dessert right now?" His lips moved over Anna's neck, his nose moving the waves of her hair out of his way so he could continue the slow trace of her skin.

"What do you want?"

"You." John's hands spread over her hips, his fingers gripping hard for a moment before releasing to slide over the gentle material of her dress. "May I have you Anna? Will you let me?"

Her little laugh, the edge of a gasp leaving John smiling against her skin, had him pressing her against the counter. "Of course." The metal of her loose engagement ring ran over his hand before John noted the clink of it on the countertop. "Don't want to lose that."

"I'll get it sized tomorrow."

"Only if I can go with you." Anna turned her head slightly and John paused so he could look at her, "You said you bought two rings."

"I did."

"No family heirlooms to hand down?"

John shook his head, "When my mother died I was married to Vera and my mother told me she'd never let her family rings be used for 'that woman'. So I buried her with her rings."

"Then we'll just make new memories with this." Anna fingered the ring on the counter. "And whatever the other ring you already bought looks like."

"What?" John held her close, one of his hands wending its way up the bodice of her dress to try and knead her breasts through the material as the other pressed his palm at the spot between her legs to rub through the layers of material. "You don't want that to be a surprise?"

"How do I get you a matching ring if that's a surprise?" Anna ground her hips forward, pressing into his calloused palm, and put her hands on the counter in front of her. "I'd hate to get the wrong thing."

"Nothing you get me could ever be anything less than perfect."

Anna's hands left the counter and one of them wrapped John's wrist, pulling his hand away from body, and she pivoted in his grip. When he went to speak, Anna put a finger over his lips and used her hold on his wrist to guide them backward toward the sitting room. Her heels clacked on the wood as she took the two stairs into the depressed sitting room to have him sit on the sofa. When John made another attempt to speak, Anna's finger was back over his lips.

"We're not talking now." John's tongue darted out, licking at her finger, but Anna only grinned at him before stepping back. His attempt to stand earned him her hand on his chest, forcing him back to his seat on the sofa. "Remember what I said at the restaurant? About stripping your naked and having my way with you?"

John nodded and put his hands to his jacket but Anna's were on his again, stopping his motions. "I may start with stripping myself naked first, if you don't mind too terribly about being made to wait for a second."

Had he wanted to speak, or risk Anna silencing him again, John's mouth dried too much for him to form words. All he could do was nod as Anna smiled at him, the glow of the low lights from the kitchen catching her features to leave her a stark opposition of hard lines of light and dark. She took one step back, her shoes still clacking on the floor, and put her delicate fingers to the clasps on her shoulders.

The cape-like wrap was the first thing to fall away, floating onto the chair to the side of the sofa the moment Anna discarded it. Then the thin straps at her shoulders moved down her skin and Anna shrugged them loose so her fully bare arms could wrap her torso. The bodice unzipped slowly, each unlatching of the teeth forcing John's hands to dig into the flesh of his thighs through his trousers as he watched Anna separate the top of her dress like a clamshell. One that revealed she only used the bodice to lift her breasts as her skin glowed naked in the light.

Another sensation of dryness took over his mouth and John forced himself to swallow but nothing helped. In fact it only worsened when Anna shimmied out of the skirt to reveal she forsook all underwear that evening. For a moment his mind flashed to them at the counter and John wondered if he felt it through the material of her skirt. But, as Anna closed the distance between them to echo the exaggerated slowness of opening her zipper by opening the one on his trousers, John realized it did not matter.

She was all that mattered.

They continued in silence, excluding the small grunts and whimpers Anna brought out of him with the torturous motions of her hand on his erection. His fingers flexed on his legs before Anna nodded at him. Her free hand helped him maneuver free from his jacket, tossing it to join her dress on the chair, and then settled her hand on his chest for balance as she settled on his legs and leaned forward to whisper against his ear.

"You can touch now John. But no talking. Remember, we're being quiet."

John did not even try to nod as he set his hands to smoothing over her back. The call of her naked skin to his fingers begged him to lose all restraint and simply try to return the favor of torture by driving her to distraction the way her striptease and hand-job had. Instead, he let the rhythm of her hold on him guide his reciprocal approach on her skin.

His fingers traced and followed every dip and crevice of her body, following the lines of bone and muscle until he discovered a ticklish spot. Those he maneuvered over, the mood of the room not appropriate for their giggles and laughter, while his lips kissed her shoulders and neck and toward her collarbones. A small maneuver on her part, a tiny adjustment, and John dipped his head to wrap his mouth around one breast. One he teased with kisses and sucks until Anna's hand stuttered in its hold on him. Then John just switched to the other breast.

Anna's knees tightened against his hips and John rolled his hips to set his right leg straight and shift the weight distribution to his left leg. The move, made for his comfort, brought Anna closer to him and her hand fluttered when his arousal rested at the crux of her thighs. John stopped his adoration of her breasts to meet her eyes as one of his hands left their slow sculpt of her back to glide over her hand and slip between her legs.

Palm pressed at her clit, the angle of his fingers breaching her allowing him to press harder there, John watched Anna's face as she gasped and rolled against him. Their hands tangled, cross purposes interrupting and increasing the friction between them that left their breaths mingling in half-gasps and mumbled moans until John added another finger. Her grip loosened just enough for John to add a third finger and crook them inside her with a determined press at her clit. She came when he sucked hard at her nipple at the same time his other hand squeezed her ass in time to the motions of his fingers inside her.

The clamp of her vaginal walls around his fingers almost strangled them but John eased them free, a slow back-and-forth against her fluttering muscles as Anna's body quivered above him. With her eyes almost rolled back into her head and her breath escaping in puffs, John fancied himself the victor in their little game and tried to taunt her by rubbing his damp fingers against her breasts before sucking the residual shine from her skin. But when Anna seized both of his wrists, forced them to the back of the sofa, and took a single motion to sheath him inside her still-flexing body, John almost came in a second.

Their eyes met again, the challenge in Anna's eyes holding John in thrall until the scratch of her heels ran down his calves. Even through the fabric of his trousers, John struggled to fight the bite of the heels sharpening themselves on his skin. She seemed oblivious to her actions as her fingers tightened around his wrists and continued holding them above his head so John could not use his hands.

John wondered if it was purposeful miscalculation on her part as she gyrated and bobbed on him. The grip forced her to stretch her body over him and left her breasts within easy reach of his mouth. So while he could not touch her, John bent his neck to shower his affection on her breasts as Anna moaned and writhed over him in time to a rhythm she set with her heels as a point of leverage in his calves.

Ignoring the pain in his legs was simple when he could focus on her. Anna's position gave her the control of their motions but given her refusal to release his wrists she could not find the depth she needed. So John slipped his hands free of her grip, surprising Anna enough to bring her back and her breasts out of John's reach. But with his hands free he could finally use his fingers were her swollen and reddening skin begged for his touch. The slick shine of her arousal caught his eyes and John groaned at the sight of them coming together.

Anna's fingers found purchase in his shirt, crunching the starched fabric at his shoulders, and she finally seized his mouth in a kiss as her new position allowed John to reach the end of her. He bucked his hips, one of his hands holding at her ass to keep her close enough to utilize the friction of his pelvis and fingers against her, and swallowed the cries of finish as Anna's finish trembled about him. A finish that only proceeded his own by seconds as he finally gave in to the temptation after what felt like an eternity dangling at the edge.

She slumped against him, the kiss breaking so her forehead could press to his shirt. The heat of her skin and the threat of sweat there bonded the shirt to his skin but John only responded by kissing at the skin of Anna's shoulder and neck until she raised herself up to look at him. Her fingers caressed his face and she smiled slowly through the haze of her half-lidded eyes.

"Is it time you stripped me naked now?"

"Not sure I've the energy." Anna confessed before biting her lip. "If you think your leg could handle it…"

"I can stand on it."

"Then," Anna eased herself off John's lap, extending herself over the sofa to lay like she wanted to be painted. "Mind being my entertainment?"

"Not at all."

John forced himself to focus on the simple task of removing the rest of his clothes as the distraction of Anna's naked body laying on the sofa was almost too much. And once he finally freed his cuffs and buttons of his shirt, Anna let one leg move off the sofa, her heel firmly on the floor to leave her entirely exposed to his gaze. He swallowed hard, counting breaths and heartbeats when her fingers danced between her legs, and found himself losing all finesse as he fought himself free of the confines of his clothes.

By the time he tossed his briefs to the chair, Anna was already shivering with the pleasure she gave herself. It only took a second for John to put himself on the sofa between her legs. "Tease."

"I want you." Anna breathed and John pulled her hand away from her body to suck her damp fingers into his mouth. She groaned and then cried out when John entered her before he finished with her fingers. "Please."

Needing no elaboration, John drove forward. Her legs wrapped over him, her heels digging divots into the backs of his thighs to match those her nails would leave on the flesh of his ass, and John thrust hard. Each bite of pain only had him moving faster, deeper, and harder until whatever kisses he tried to leave over her skin only interrupted his final aim. An aim he reached when her back arched her chest into his and she almost screeched her finish into his skin. He followed shortly after with a shuddering groan matched by a sigh when her fingers and heels finally released him.

They shifted and rolled on the sofa, John putting his back to the open air to keep Anna close to him as they found their position. They slowly untangled themselves and Anna toed off her shoes. As she moved back into position she covered her mouth at the sight of John's raked legs.

"Oh John," Her fingers traced over the scratches. "I'm so sorry."

"Worth it." He soothed her, kissing over her face.

"You're sure?"

"Right now. Maybe once the orgasm euphoria wears off I'll feel differently." John shrugged, laughing as Anna swatted at him. "What?"

"Don't tease."

"I wasn't." John tapped the end of her nose. "Not like you."

"Me?"

"You've got those desserts and we didn't even use them."

"There's time for that later." Anna tugged John closer to her. "For right now, I just want to hold you, if that's alright."

"That's perfectly fine."


	19. Mending, Winding, Wending, Minding

John pushed through the doors to the dance studio and sidestepped to avoid the kids filing out. He waved at a few of them, those from the lot looking delightfully exhausted as they babbled and jabbered with one another about their successes in practice but refusing to tell John more when he pressed. Instead they scampered away and left John to ford the few remaining dancers toward Anna's studio.

When he arrived he saw Jerome and Anna practicing steps in a level of synchronization John only saw on professional stages. She demonstrated a move and he copied her before showing a revision of the move or adding his own until they ran through the steps as if the same puppeteer controlled them both. Leaning on the door, John could only watch, enthralled, by the beauty of the spectacle before him until they finally finished. Then, he could not help but clap.

Jerome jumped slightly but Anna only smiled and waved him in. "Don't stand out there like a stranger."

"I didn't want to interrupt the dance." John nodded at Jerome, "I do hope this means you're leading the troupe in all this."

"He's been the one figuring out all the steps." Anna winked at Jerome, moving over to turn off the music and shut down the system.

"She's done most of the footwork. I just came up with the steps." Jerome shrugged, combing at his tightly braided hair. "It wasn't anything."

"He's learned to read footwork charts and manage pacing." Anna folded her arms over her chest as the toe of Jerome's shoe scraped the floor. "That's not nothing and don't let anyone tell you differently."

"Yes Boss Lady."

"Good." Anna caught John's eye and nodded at Jerome. "Did he tell you?"

"Tell me what?" John looked at Jerome, whose hands already wormed their way deep into his pockets and his focus intently bored into the wooden floor. "What's so great that you wouldn't tell me about it?"

"I got it."

"Got what?"

"I got a scholarship."

John's eyebrows rose. "Where? When did you apply?"

"Ms. Anna here had me apply to some dance schools. There's one in Paris with this teacher, he's from Iran, named Afshin Ghaffarrian. She wants me to train with him and they accepted my application."

"So you're going?"

"I guess so." He shrugged, "My Gran wants me to go but…"

"You're worried about her?"

Jerome nodded, "Without me, who takes care of her? Who makes sure she's alright? If I go then…"

"Jerome," John put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Do you really think I'd let your grandmother waste away in her flat while you're learning how to dance?"

"I don't know." He shrugged again. "My brother's… He's not reliable and I've not got relatives in the area and-"

"Jerome, I'll take care of her."

"Boss…" Jerome wiped a hand at his face and finally looked at John. "You can't do that. You've got other things and-"

"Do you really think that I hired you and everyone else to watch my car that first day just because I wanted to kick you out of that neighborhood?" John waited but Jerome only shook his head. "You think I wouldn't take care of your grandmother so you could learn to dance from a professional with a name I can hardly pronounce and one day be him?"

"I'm not good enough for it."

"They think you are." John pointed at Anna, "She thinks you are."

"What about you?"

"I don't know shit about what is and isn't good with dance but when I see you dance I think that's the closest to beauty you get… Without being Ms. Smith." John winked at Anna while she just waved him away and Jerome snickered. "This is the chance to use what you can do, naturally, and make it better. Then you'll go to Uni and make it even better. And, one day, you'll come back here and you'll do the same thing to someone you reminds you a lot of yourself."

John took his turn to shrug, "It's how it all works."

"How disgustingly sentimental." John immediately pivoted to put himself between the voice and Jerome, holding his hand out for Anna to take before putting her behind him as well. "It's nauseating."

"Surprised to see you in one piece." John nodded at Green as the man approached them. "I would've thought a run-in with Carlisle's men would've ruined you… Or at least left you a little worse for wear."

"I didn't go after Carlisle." Green raised his hand and John froze at the sight of the gun. "He didn't have the balls to do what you did. I knew it was you."

"Did you?" John held steady as Green approached them, "Why?"

"I'm going to get rid of you, and whatever little shit you've got back there, and take what should've been mine from the beginning." He twisted a bit to try and get a glimpse of Anna. "Missed me?"

Anna did not respond, the fingers of her left hand holding onto John's arm. Green blinked and then his eyes narrowed. "Did you… Are you engaged?"

"It's none of your business." John stood straighter. "Just like she's none of your business either."

"She's my whole business." Green brought the gun a little higher and John blinked, images swimming before his eyes. "I was there, at that party, when she helped little Lady Mary hide her secret."

"So what? It's all out now."

Green snorted, "Yeah it is. And suddenly Anna Smith's no longer the golden girl everyone thought she was. She's just as filthy as the rest of us."

"What do you want?"

"I want her and I'm going to take her." Green pulled the slide back on the gun and then hissed in pain.

"Slide bite."

"What?"

John nodded toward Green's hand, "Slide bite. It's when an amateur tries to pull the slide back on a gun and they cut their skin."

"You trying to insult me?"

"I'm just stating a fact." John swallowed as Green got closer. "I knew men in the Army who got that before training."

"Because you're the big, bad former Army Captain and all that." Green pressed the barrel of the gun to John's forehead and Anna gasped behind him. "Here's what I think about that."

But whatever Green thought about that was irrelevant in the next moment. His hand slipped and John caught Green's wrist, bending it back far enough to loosen the man's fingers and let the gun drop into John's hand. Green's hands both went to his crotch, holding tightly there as he fell to his knees and howled in pain.

John quickly ejected the magazine from the gun and cleared the slide, catching the bullet in there before unhooking the slide to leave the gun useless. He held the pieces in his hand, the metal familiar in the way an old classroom is, and finally saw Jerome behind Green. The boy nodded at John before stepping away to hold onto Anna's arm and pull her out of the room. When Green tried to move, his eyes watering and his words garbled as he reached out with one hand, John closed his fist over the slide of the gun and brought his knuckles around to crack against Green's cheek.

He hit the ground and rolled into the fetal position. John waited, to see if Green would move, but when the only sounds he made were moans of pain John stepped back. The pieces of the gun clattered to the floor and his hands shook when he extracted his phone from his pocket. Numbers fumbled and it took him three tries to finally dial the simple combination of nine-nine-nine.

Then it was waiting. Waiting for the constables to arrive. Waiting for whomever would interview them for John to explain. Waiting for them to collect the evidence and the statements they needed. Waiting for another round of questioning. And finally waiting for them to let him leave.

He found Anna in the hall, refusing a blanket as another one of the paramedics, and ran to John when she saw him. They wrapped around one another, not letting go until John realized he could not hear what Anna was trying to say. Backing up slightly, he continued to run his hands over her arms until their fingers intertwined so they could keep close to one another.

"What?"

"I asked if you're alright." Anna's fingers flexed around his, as if wanting to go over every inch of him for the merest hint of a scratch. "He didn't hurt you did he?"

"No, he didn't." John kissed her forehead and then looked over her. "Where's Jerome? Is he…"

"He's just in the bathroom." Anna nodded behind a swarm of constables. "I think he's a little overwrought."

"He just gave them reason to have to offer testicle retrieval surgery to Green." John shivered slightly, "I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't-"

Anna put her finger over John's lips. "Don't say it. If you say then I have to think about all the things running through my head when…" Anna closed her eyes and shook her head, "I can't think about that right now."

"Okay." John kissed her again. "I'm going to check on him and then see if we can all go home."

"His Gran's called him at least once." Anna checked her phone, "It's so late John and he's got school in the morning."

"I'll convince his Gran to give him a sick day." John hugged Anna again and then broke away to get into the bathroom. Jerome sat on the floor at the far end, his knees pulled close to his chest as he pulled at his fingers. John lowered himself gingerly to the floor next to him before nudging him with his shoulder. "You alright?"

"I didn't break my foot busting that prick's dick, if that's what you're asking."

John snorted, "I would never've said it like that."

"I know." Jerome went back to picking at his fingers. "He had a gun."

"He did."

"And you…" Jerome turned to John. "You were all cool about it. Like he could do anything and you wouldn't have flinched at all."

"You didn't feel me flinch?" Jerome shook his head and John sighed, "I flinched. The moment he pulled that gun I flinched bad."

"Why?"

"Same reason I put you and Anna behind me, instinct."

"Instinct?"

John nodded, "I was in the Army. A long time ago now but I was. I was married back then, to a woman who hated me as much as I learned to hate her, and I was in Afghanistan."

"You kill anyone?"

"I did." John bit the inside of his cheek. "The gun Green had, it was like one that I snuck home when I got back."

"You had a gun?" John nodded and Jerome's eyes widened. "Why?"

"Because I was scared and I wanted to defend myself. But my wife stole it and, over time, I realized I needed something more than a gun to make me feel safe."

"That's how you stared it down?"

"No, that's what made me flinch."

"Why?"

John took a second, his teeth worrying the inside of his cheeks. "Because, when he had the gun, I was back in Afghanistan. I was looking down the barrel of guns aimed and fired at me for eighteen months. Actually, it was thirty-six months, since I did two tours. But in that moment all I could hear were the sounds from back then and all I saw were those things that gave me nightmares for months."

"Then what made you stand in front of us?"

'Because you both matter more than my fear did."

"So… It's because you were brave?"

"No, it's because I was more afraid of what he would do to you than what he could do to me." John pointed at his chest. "He could kill me and then I'd be dead. But if he hurt either of you… I'd never get over that."

"Never?"

"Never." John affirmed. "But you're forgetting who the real brave one was tonight. Because it wasn't me."

"Me?"

"Who else kicked Green in the balls?"

Jerome managed a smile, "I did."

"You swallowed whatever fear you had and you distracted him. If you hadn't…" John let another shoulder shrug. "Who knows what would've happened if you hadn't done what you did. You saved us all."

"I did… Didn't I?" Jerome let his shoulders shift as if fluffing up some feathers. "It was pretty brave."

"Hey now," John wagged a finger at him but Jerome just swatted it away. "Don't be getting cocky and thinking you're Batman or something. Bravery is fine in a moment but don't get stupid and go looking for things like this. You've got a dance school to get to and I wouldn't want you laid up in hospital like I was while you wait for something you need to dance to finish healing."

"I won't." Jerome moved his hands back around his knees. "Can I tell you something, if you promise not to tell anyone else?"

"Sure."

Jerome held up a hand and John noted the tremor. "I'm still shaking and I feel like I can't stop."

John held up his hand, "Me too." He grabbed Jerome's hand. "You're going to be alright though. Anna and I'll take you home, I'll convince your grandma to let you take tomorrow off, and then we'll all get right back to it."

"Like it never happened?"

"No, like Green's not going to bother us again." John stood and offered Jerome a hand. "Come on, let's get you in bed. It's late."

Jerome stood and walked with John out of the bathroom. Anna embraced Jerome the second he got out and he allowed her to hug him until he thought it was a touch beyond cool. Then it was a quick discussion about contact numbers and addresses for further questions, should there be any, before the police let them go.

The car was quiet as they wove through the streets to drop Jerome at his building. Anna stood outside the car as John walked Jerome to the stoop where his grandmother swooped down on them in a flurry of worry. She checked over every inch of Jerome before hugging him and then railing at him before hugging him again. Then she turned her ire on John. He took it, waiting for the woman to run out of breath, and explained the situation as calmly as he could.

She relaxed a touch then, keeping a firm grip on Jerome, and then narrowing her eyes at John as he finished. "The bastard's going behind bars?"

"Assault with a deadly weapon on top of the other accusations already leveled in his direction…" John nodded, "You'd have to have a very dumb prosecutor for the CPS not to wrap this up like a Christmas roll."

"And Jerome here won't be involved?"

"Only if they need him as a witness." John winked at Jerome. "He was integral to our survival. His well-aimed kick was what did it. Without him who knows where we'd all be right now."

"I shudder to think." Jerome's grandmother clutched him tighter. "He's got a future ahead of him. That dance school he's looking into might take him."

John stared at Jerome, "You didn't tell her?"

"I only found out this afternoon and I've not been home."

"You didn't call her?"

"Call me to tell me what?"

Jerome shrugged, cowering slightly under the refreshed onslaught of his grandmother, "I got in."

"Jerome Berthold Perkins you did not just tell me good news right now." She swatted after him before almost choking the life from him with the force of her renewed embrace. "I'm so proud of you."

"Berthold?" John mouthed at Jerome over his grandmother's shoulder and the boy responded with the middle finger.

"I'm so proud of you." Jerome's grandmother finally released him, wiping at her eyes. "Your mother would be so proud of you."

"I hope so."

"And you," She turned to John, who froze under the threat of her leveled finger. "I hope you're not in need of Jerome tomorrow because he's staying home. With me, where I know he's safe."

"Yes ma'am." John nodded at them both. "Have a good night."

"Good morning more like." Her huffed and hustled Jerome inside.

John walked down the steps to Anna, grimacing when his leg twinged. "I think I've been on this long enough that it's telling me I'm running on empty."

"Then let's get home." Anna pulled for his hand, holding it tightly. "It's going to be over John. All of it, for good."

He nodded, "Yes it is." He kissed her fingers. "Over for good and proper."

"Good. Then let's go home and not worry about him or anyone else for awhile." Anna tugged him toward the car.

"You know…" John bent forward, leaning Anna onto the car. "We could take a holiday. Just a little one. Like a weekend trip. To get away from this."

"Where?"

"I've got a place in mind." John opened the door. "Come on."

"Now?"

"Why not?"

"It's late, I'm exhausted, and we need to sleep."

"I'm too wired to sleep." John nodded at the car, "I'll drive and I promise, if I get tired, I'll pull over."

"We've got no clothes."

"I'll take care of it." John waited, "If you don't want to go then I'll take us home right now and we'll shower, get into our jim-jams, and sleep until our bodies are recovered. But if you trust me then…"

"I do trust you." Anna bit her lip and then nodded. "Wherever you want to go, we'll go tomorrow. We need to get home, get a shower, and some sleep. Whatever else happens, that can wait for tomorrow."

John went to argue but nodded, "Alright, deal."

"Good." Anna opened the car door, "Now get in. I'll drive us home."

"Yes Ms. Smith."

Anna smiled, "You realize that, one day, you won't be able to say that anymore, right?"

"That's right." John waited for Anna to get into the driver's seat, "Because, one day, I'll call you Mrs. Bates."

"Yes you will." Anna turned the key, "Let's get home."

When John opened his eyes in the morning, Anna was not beside him. He shifted, sitting up and checking the clock, before getting out of bed. His footsteps padded along the corridor to the kitchen to find the flat empty of sounds and life. No note waited on any possible surface and John checked his phone but no messages displayed as missed.

About the moment he considered using his phone to dial Anna, the front door opened and she emerged carrying a bag. They both froze and Anna cringed, "Sorry. I didn't expect you to be up before I got back."

"Where'd you go at…" John checked his phone and then shrugged, "Never mind, it's later than I thought."

"I left my bag at the studio and I needed it."

"For?"

"Wherever you're hoping to drag me to."

John grinned, "That's right. Another surprise for you."

"Should I be as excited for this one as I was the last?"

John shrugged, "Be as excited as you want."

"Then," Anna nodded toward the bedroom, "I'm sure you've got secretive plans you want to make for us."

"I might."

"Good, because I've got a surprise of my own." Anna turned down the corridor, "Don't come into the room until I say."

"What?" John almost laughed but jumped when Anna shut the door. "Yes ma'am then."

His plans materialized rather quickly and he arranged his schedule with Gwen before finally risking the walk back to their room. He knocked on the door and listened for Anna but did not hear her. "Anna? It's all planned."

"When do we leave?"

"This afternoon. We've got a bit of time." John shuffled in place for a minute, "Can I come in yet?"

"Sure."

He blinked, "You're sure?"

"That's what I just said, isn't it?"

"But you made…" John took a breath, "You made it seem like a big deal that you were going in there."

"It is."

"But now you're all blasé about me coming in."

"I'm ready for you."

John swallowed, "Ready for me how?"

"You'd better open the door and find out." His hand almost slipped on the handle but the moment he opened the door his jaw dropped at the sight of Anna in the black lingerie she used when he was still recovering. "Worth the wait?"

"Worth whatever it takes to slowly get you out of that."

"What a tease." Anna pointed to the bed, "You'd best get on that before you fall over and hurt your leg."

John hurried to the bed, scooting back on it as Anna came forward and yanked his pajama trousers down. He wiggled free of them and hauled his shirt over his head with all the finesse he could manage… which even he admitted was not very much. But between the two of them they managed to strip John bare and he lay back on the bed as Anna crawled forward on her knees toward him.

"I'm getting a divine sense of déjà vu about all this." John tried to quip but Anna's hands smoothing over his thighs distracted him.

"So am I." Anna tipped forward, "But I'm thinking more about the night you proposed to me."

"Oh?" John blinked at her, "You were wearing a very different outfit then."

"Yes," Anna grinned, kissing at the dip between his collarbones as her hands continued to massage toward his hips. "One I planned specifically so I could wear nothing under it and surprise you later."

"I was pleasantly surprised."

"Good." Anna continued kissing down John's chest, "But that wasn't what I was thinking about… specifically."

"Then what?"

"More the offer you made in the car, before you drove us to that delicious dinner that almost had me bursting out of that dress."

"What a sight you would've made."

Anna hummed against his skin, her hands and mouth now dancing equally close to where his arousal already twitched and thickened for her. "Do you remember what your offer was?"

"I barely remember my name right now."

"Then I'll remind you," Anna dragged her tongue down his abdomen and paused just short of his erection. "You offered to let me try and torture the information, about the surprise, out of you."

"I did." John agreed, his hands clinching in the sheets to stop himself running them into the hair Anna had draping and bouncing on her shoulders. "Is that what this is? You're torturing me now?"

"You've got another surprise." Anna let her tongue flick out and catch him so John groaned under her. "Are you going to make me torture this one out of you?"

"I told you, we're taking a holiday." John relinquished his hold with one hand, moving it to Anna's back to tug at the barely-there dressing gown of black satin.

"Where?"

"Yorkshire."

Anna paused, "Yorkshire's a big place." Her mouth barely closed over him, sucking softly for a second before releasing as one of her hands gripped him hard. "Where in Yorkshire are you taking us?"

"Little place Robert owns up there."

Anna frowned, "The Abbey? Downton Abbey?"

John nodded into the pillow and then groaned deeper when Anna took him fully into her mouth to suck hard before breaking off so her hands could take over. "Is that all you wanted to know?"

"I'm curious about something else," Her fingers traced and trailed over him as John finally managed to get the dressing gown off her.

"What?"

"Why are we going to the Abbey?"

"For a holiday."

"No…" Anna paused her motions, "That's not why."

"It's a holiday."

"But why, John?" Anna leaned down, running her tongue over him again. "Why are we going on a holiday to the Abbey?"

"Anna…" He almost begged, "Please let… Please just…"

"Please answer the question John." Anna let her tongue swirl over him. "Then it's all done."

"To marry you." Anna paused and John finally breathed deeply. "I arranged the holiday so I could take you North and we could get married."

"John Bates," Anna lifted up on her knees and untied the knots that kept her knickers on before tossing them to the side. "You are the most romantic person I know and I think you deserve a prize."

She moved forward and John cried out the second she took him inside her. They sighed and Anna rolled her hips to seat John deeper. His hands gripped her hips and held her still as he thrust forcefully into her. Anna leaned forward, altering the angle, and her fingers raked down John's chest as she sought for a hold. Each shift and roll had them exchanging sighs and moans until John put his fingers between their bodies to stroke over Anna until she tightened around him. It only took a few more strokes to bring her over the edge before he followed.

Anna draped herself over John and kissed over his skin. After a moment she folded her hands over his heart and perched herself to look at him. "So we're getting married today?"

"Tomorrow." John let his fingers draw up and down her back, frowning. "Can I get this thing off you?"

"Have you got further plans for me, Doctor?"

"Maybe." John leaned up enough to pull the zipper of Anna's bodice down, leaving her in just the garter belt and garters. "I could get these off too… If you want."

"Leave them for now." Anna tossed the bodice aside and then shrieked as John flipped them. "You do have plans."

"I do." John paused, "But it's because I think you've got a secret."

"Secret?"

"Surprise, then?" John set to kissing down the length of Anna's body. "I'm sure you'd have one or you'd not have pulled this getup out."

"I can't thank you with something nice?"

"I think," John paused, his shoulders pushing Anna's lazy legs apart. "You've got something you want to surprise me with."

"Why would I keep anything from you?"

"Because you wouldn't let me drive you up to Yorkshire last night." John paused, his tongue dragging over Anna's folds. "Why was that?"

"I wanted to pack."

"Or…" John pulled himself further down, "You had something you wanted to tell me now instead of later."

"Maybe."

"So Anna," John ran his fingers over her, slipping inside until Anna's back arched. "What is it?"

"I…"

"What did you want to tell me?" John swirled his tongue over her clit and crooked his fingers inside her.

"I'm pregnant."

John paused, lifting himself up enough that Anna could see him. "What?"

"I've suspected for a bit now but… Now I know."

"That you're… That we're…" John settled back, a grin taking over his face. "That's the best news you could've given me."

"Really?"

"Yes." John moved his fingers and Anna gasped. "The best."

"Then please…"

"Of course." John removed his fingers and spread Anna's legs. "Your wish is my command."

"Thank goodness." Anna's fingers held onto John's shoulders as he moved.

"And you'll get more of this when we get on our holiday."

Anna only groaned.


	20. Music in the Heart

He grinned over at her as Anna gawked at the room. "What will you say when I tell you this isn't the end of the surprise?"

"That you'd better have bought a defibrillator before you invested in this weekend because you may need to restart my heart."

"I was going to settle for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation."

Anna winked at him, "Maybe later."

"Definitely later."

"I guess it's up to your say-so," Anna waved her hand at him before peeking into their en suite bathroom. "Being the master of ceremonies on this little holiday."

"I am that." John sat on the edge of the bed, "So, when were you planning on telling me that we were pregnant?"

"Soon."

"This soon?"

Anna held up her hand, with the engagement ring, "It wasn't until after this so please don't think I've been holding onto this little surprise for a long time."

"Okay." John bit at his lip, "When were you going to tell me you weren't on birth control anymore?"

"What?"

"I've seen you take it and you're religious about it so…" John shrugged, "When did you stop taking it?"

Anna shrugged, "Shortly after you proposed."

"But you didn't tell me?"

She pulled at her fingers, focusing on those as she paced in front of the end of the bed. "I wasn't sure it would work."

"What would work?"

"Getting pregnant."

John snorted, "All evidence to the contrary apparently."

"But I didn't know that when I talked to my doctor about getting off my regime." Anna rolled her shoulders, leaning on the wall by the bathroom, "Besides, it took time for my body to restore the hormones and I didn't think there'd be a huge chance of successful pregnancy so…"

"You wanted to play the odds?"

"A bit, yes." Anna looked up, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"It's alright." John reached out to take her hand. "I'm just excited we're having a baby."

"You are?"

"Beyond ecstatic." John's fingers ran over her hand, "Why all the secret testing though? Why not tell me?"

"About the birth control?" John nodded and Anna sighed, "It was just… I had some health problems when I was younger. Endometriosis and anorexia don't play well with reproduction so I didn't want to get you excited if my grand experiment failed miserably and disappointed us both."

"You could never disappoint me." John kissed the back of her hand, "But you never told me about those."

"The endometriosis and… The other thing?"

"Yes to both." John met her eyes, "Did you think I'd think less of you?"

"Not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

Anna swallowed hard and struggled to respond "I've been… 'cured' for a bit. I mean, it's never fully cured but I've not had problems with it in years but the effects take a long time to heal so… I worried that you might think…"

"Less of you?"

"Differently of me, and I couldn't have that." Anna sat next to him. "I didn't want pity or your sorrow about it. It's in the past and… Well, it was my secret for a long time and I just let it fade away."

"But you never told me."

"I didn't think it mattered anymore since it wasn't a concern."

"I want to know everything about you." John put his hand to her face. "I want to know every detail about you and I want you to know the same about me. I want… I want us to trust one another with the nittiest-grittiest details of our lives."

"I guess I just felt ashamed of it." Anna looked down and then gave a little shrug. "But I guess there's nowhere for my shame to hide now."

"Why are you talking about shame?" John waited until Anna looked at him. "There's no shame in any of this."

"But I could've-"

"No," John put his fingers over her lips. "Whatever you think might have happened isn't an issue now."

He lowered his hand, letting it rest on her abdomen. "We're going to have a baby. We're getting married. Those are miracles. Those are where we are now. And it doesn't matter who we were or what we did in the past."

"Even if it could make this a difficult pregnancy?"

"Don't you think my former alcoholism isn't an issue always worrying the back of my mind?" John waited for Anna to respond and she shook her head. "Whatever it is, whatever we've been, we're not those people anymore. We've healed, we've recovered, and we'll continue to grow together. That's my promise to you. Forever and always."

"For good and proper." Anna leaned forward to kiss him, "Maybe you should've saved that for the vows."

"I've got something saved up for then." John grinned at her, using their angle to move them back onto the bed cover and rolled her under him. "Don't worry about my preparation. I'm perfectly capable of keeping up my stamina."

"It wasn't your stamina that was in question." Anna giggled, maneuvering them back so the bed as they kicked their shoes onto the carpet. "It was more to do with the words you've got prepared."

"I'll more than satisfy you."

"I've no doubt." Anna looped her arms around John's shoulders and snuggled into the duvet to bring John with her. "And I'm sure I'll be pleasantly pleased by what you'll do tomorrow."

"I'll just take you to the Registry Office, we'll have a lovely time exchanging vows in front of whatever bored, overworked government employee is there to take our signatures, and then we put our rings on each other's fingers before we are officially man and wife." John held himself above Anna on his forearms as he started tracing kisses down her cheeks and neck. "Then I'll take you to a lovely little restaurant where we enjoy food, dessert, and then take a leisurely stroll until we decide what we'll do next."

"You don't know?" Anna tipped forward to pull John's shirt over his head as he pried hers loose to drop them both over the side of the bed. "I thought you had this whole thing planned."

"Only as far as the room and the Registry Office." John shrugged, "All the rest is up to us, together."

"Together," Anna sighed, holding tightly to John as he continued to kiss over her torso and finally reached under Anna to unlatch her bra. "I like the sound of that."

"Me too." John grinned against her skin before leaving her bra on the floor as he adjusted to put his lips on her breasts. He paused and then shifted lower to run his lips over her abdomen. "All of us together."

Anna's hands ran through John's hair and brought him up from her abdomen, bending forward to kiss him. "All of us."

John shifted over her and kissed her again before moving back down. "May I continue to lavish you with attention?"

"Because I didn't wear you out this morning?"

"Never." John scoffed, his fingers opening the button on her jeans. "Your pleasure is paramount and all else pales in comparison."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely," John smiled at her, dragging her trousers and knickers down her legs to leave them on the floor with his. "May I continue?"

"Please do."

John repositioned himself, his hands shifting to spread her legs wider, and bent over to kiss at her breasts again. Anna's fingers dug into John's hair and spread her fingers to flex against his scalp as his lips moved over her breasts. He followed her guidance with his mouth while running his hands over her body. She shifted under him, contorting in time with John's motions and sighing when John's fingers slowly traced between her legs to leave her quivering.

It only took another moment for Anna to dig her fingers into John's hair as he moved his lips down to her abdomen. He paused there, his free hand stroking over where he imagined he could feel the beginning of life, before holding her hip. John's mouth continued down but he only teased for a second before moving back up Anna's body to put himself between her legs.

Anna's fingers slid from his hair to his face as John bent to kiss her. She pressed her hands along his jaw to pause him and John frowned. "What?"

"I just wanted to look at you."

John smiled and moved his hand back between her legs. Anna gasped when his fingers pressed inside her and dragged along her nerves. "I love looking at you."

"Charmer."

"I try." John dragged his fingers free before running his hand along Anna's leg to bring it around his hip. "Are you ready?"

"Always."

John brought their lips together and thrust forward. She moaned into their kiss and John maneuvered slightly to Anna wrapped her legs tighter around his hips. Their kiss broke and John started to move.

Each shift or slide had Anna's legs flexing around him, digging her heels into the backs of his thighs or the flesh of his ass. Every twist or angle adjustment made John smile against Anna's skin at the scrape of her nails over his back or the gasping moans from her throat. And when his hand moved between them, his lips renewed their adoration of her breasts, and he drove as deeply into her as he could, Anna's body tightened around him and her vaginal walls squeezed him until he came with her in her climax.

He turned them, so the collapse of his weight would not give him anxiety about their growing child between them, and Anna snuggled immediately to his side. One of John's hands stroked over her back while the other trailed his fingers over her abdomen. "You've made me so happy Anna."

"Before or after I told you that you?"

"Since the moment you came out of the stall in that men's room." John grinned at her. "And every moment since."

Her fingers interlaced with his, "Me too."

They fell asleep like that, something John only regretted when they woke up shivering halfway through the night and he struggled to turn off the aricon in the dark. It earned him a stubbed toe and a failure to understand the knobs and switches but Anna hissed him back to bed and they snuggled under the covers together. Nestled in the cocoon they made together.

A cocoon that almost trapped them the next morning when their respective phone alarms sounded. Anna let John take first crack at the bathroom and then shooed him from the room. He jumbled his things in his arms as Anna put her hand on the door to shut it before he could stop it.

"Wait, why?"

"Because it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."

"You do realize that tradition started because people hadn't met before their weddings and the worry about women being virgins was still a thing right?"

Anna rolled her eyes, "I know what it's about but it's a lovely dress and I'll surprise you with it at the Registrar's Office."

"What am I supposed to do for another two hours?"

Anna only shrugged, smiled, and shut the door on him.

So John wandered the length and breadth of their hotel before walking the distance to a bus stop promising to take him to Ripon and the Registrar's Office. There were some odd looks, his tuxedo looking a little out of place amongst the everyday wear of those just getting from one place to the next, but John ignored them and tried to imagine the kind of dress Anna thought too lovely to share before their wedding. But that only turned his thoughts blue with the reality that if the dress was as beautiful as she claimed- something he had no trouble believing- then they might have missed their appointment at the Registrar's.

But as John checked them in at the front desk, he finally saw Anna. All of his suspicions were affirmed as she walked up to him in dress that boasted a bodice, skirt, and a kind of diaphanous sheath to go over the whole thing. Her veil, by comparison, was understated and her train nonexistent. She winked at him as he took her hand and kissed the back of it.

"Like it?"

"It's gorgeous." John fingered the see-through material and leaned down to whisper in Anna's ear. "You were right to make me leave."

"I know." Anna kissed his cheek, "But you'll get your chance later."

They followed the cues from the worker behind the desk and recited their vows to one another and a room of others waiting for their services to be performed in like manner. But John still managed to blink out a few tears as he slid the ring over Anna's finger and heard the satisfying clink as it joined the first, the heart pointed toward herself. She carefully wiped at her eyes before sliding the dark metal claddagh she insisted on getting for him all the way to the third knuckle with the heart pointed toward him.

"For good and proper." She whispered before they took their cue to kiss.

Just as he promised, John took them to a small corner restaurant where they enjoyed three courses and managed dessert before paying the bill. As they left, the afternoon sun allowing them to bask in its glow, John turned to Anna. "So, are we for the leisurely stroll?"

"I don't think so." John blinked and Anna nodded toward their car. "I think I'd rather burn our calories in a slightly different fashion… If you agree, Doctor."

"I'd never say no to you Mrs. Bates."

John drove them back to the hotel and might have regretted the decision since it left him vulnerable to Anna's intentional grazing touches but if her dress had not already left him fully committed to their chosen activity for the afternoon then her teasing made it almost impossible for him to leave the car half-way decent. But they managed to get back to their room before falling all over one another like anxious teenagers.

Removing Anna from her dress struck John as akin to unwrapping a present. Their hands wove between one another as they carefully separated clasps, buttons, zippers, and finally pins to leave it all on the floor like victims of a crime. A crime of passion, John grinned to himself as he stretched Anna over the bed and set to kissing every inch of her exposed skin.

She surprised him however, when he distracted himself with her abdomen, and flipped them. Ignoring the unromantic 'oomf' John made when his back hit the mattress but giggling when they bounced slightly together, Anna's hands held John's wrists down to the bed to seize his mouth. He submitted cheerfully to her, gazing in awe at his wife when she rose back to sit on his chest.

"Well, Mrs. Bates, you seem determined to have your way with me."

"Oh I am." Anna maneuvered closer, "Do you remember, when your leg was less than able, and I had you on the bed?"

"There were a few times." John let his fingers run along hers. "Any particular plans you're hoping we can relive in this lovely room?"

"Just two." Anna slipped forward and John immediately put his hands on her thighs as she positioned herself over his mouth. "I'm sure you know what to do."

John did, his tongue, teeth, and fingers working and teasing until Anna ground against his mouth for more. Then he pressed and dipped, licked and nipped, sucked and lapped until Anna's legs tightened around his head and her fingers clawed into his scalp. His tongue and fingers did not stop until the clench of her vaginal walls loosened for a moment and her gasping breaths seemed to even. But then John just went again until another climax rolled free from her body.

If he thought he could use that moment to take control, Anna proved him wrong. Her hands removed his, her body sliding a slick stripe down his chest as she put herself in position, and then it was John's turn to moan and gasp when Anna took him inside her in a single motion. Their eyes met as her ran her nails over his chest for points of leverage and Anna did not break contact as her knees dug into his sides and the bed to ride him.

The squeak of the bed meant nothing. The volume of their noise was nothing. Even the tingle at the base of John's spine was nothing compared to the sight of Anna above him. His hands shifted indiscriminately between her hips and her breasts, as if once he touched one place it was not enough and he needed the other. So John sat up and took her breasts in his mouth and held tightly to her hips so she could meet each of his thrusts. Meet them until they came together.

Her fingers ruffled in his hair as they settled, the light of the afternoon still washing over them through the window but dappling through the curtains. John's hands smoothed over Anna's back and he finally kissed her again. They moved slowly into the kiss as their bodies reclined back and they lay together on the bed.

"Any other plans for our afternoon Doctor?" Anna poked at him and John flinched, laughing with her as she slid from his chest to the side.

"I wanted to take you to dinner."

"Why not just order it up here?" Anna waved her hand toward the bed, "We've got this as our table."

"It's a bed."

"Fine." Anna patted her hand on his chest, "Then you'll be my table and I'll be yours, if you'd prefer."

"If I was going to eat something off you, it would've been those desserts we had at Patmore's Daisy."

"Yes." Anna smiled, "I remember how I used the frosting."

"Too bad we ate the lava cake before I could drizzle it over you."

"Be careful how you speak," Anna leveled a finger at him, "You might make me come over all insensible."

"Maybe that's the point." John shifted onto his side, propping his head up. "I want to take you to dinner. Give us an excuse to get all fancy."

"As if getting married wasn't excuse enough."

"That's a different kind of fancy." John shrugged, "But it'll be like the night we met and we'll take a night on the town."

"You mean before I blow up like a balloon?"

"Before you're glowing and beautiful and lovelier than you already are." John kissed the tip of her nose. "If you want."

"I do want." Anna let her finger trace the lines of John's face. "Good think I packed a fancy dress then."

The fancy dress she packed was the midnight one she wore the night John proposed, which only made it more difficult for him to focus. Throughout dinner he wondered if she was wearing her knickers. When they found a place to go dancing he tried to feel for the clasp of her bra. And finally, when they were walking back to the hotel, Anna went on her tiptoes to confess something to him.

"If you've been wondering then it's the same situation as the last time I wore this dress."

"You're not…" John swallowed, checked their surroundings, and finished his sentence. "You're not wearing any knickers?"

"You seem to like it when I conveniently forget them."

"Yes, it makes things very convenient."

And it did.

The second they were back inside their hotel room John had Anna against the wall. In another he risked the thud to his knees to get her leg over his shoulder as he attempted to drink her dry. Not that he succeeded but when Anna came once on his tongue he hauled her skirt up and lifted her in the same motion.

Her hands made short work of his trousers and even shorter work of him. In the half-light of the room and with all the clothing between them, John heard rather than saw them come together. But the sounds they made together, from bodies and mouths, was the music he needed. Even the residual thudding of the club Anna found for their dance of the evening was nothing compared to the noises she made as she approached climax again and then urged him to orgasm with her.

The rumpled heaps of clothing around the bed made them laugh but as they cuddled close together, their short honeymoon already coming to a close, John could not wish for anything better. Anna fell asleep before he did and the steady breathing matched the consistent thump of her heart until John finally followed her. Dreaming about their future together until whatever his subconscious had in mind overrode his thoughts and he forgot everything.

But all those dreams came into focus when John finally saw the performance. Despite the legal battles and the interviews and Jerome's impending departure for his dance school in Paris, the kids put on a fantastic show. John took the front row as he watched them give a combination of hip hop, contemporary dance, ballroom steps, and the tribal dances that Jerome and Anna hammered out to the last second. The gathered audience clapped but no one as loudly as John as they all bowed and took the applause.

Each one chattered endlessly to John about it afterward and their parents or guardians exchanged their own congratulations. A feat that made it almost impossible for John to get Anna alone for a moment to pose a question. "What if we bought the studio and did this with it?"

Anna blinked at him, "You want to do this?"

"I'd like to do anything with you but this…" John waved at the excited kids showing off their moves to their parents again. "This makes me happy Anna."

"What about your practice?"

"Gwen's going to be qualified shortly and then she'll take it over." John took Anna's hands. "What do you say?"

"That we never do anything by halves." Anna smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "And yes, let's do it."

"Perfect." John smiled. "It's all perfect."

"And to think, at one point you thought you should off yourself in the Grantham Men's Room."

John shrugged, "We all make mistakes."

"But not anymore." Anna's fingers tightened around his. "Not now."

"Because I've got you." John kissed her fingers. "For good and proper."

"For good and proper."


End file.
